"She wasn't exactly sure when it happened."
-unknown
The next morning I stayed in bed an extra two hours after I had already woken up, mostly from embarrassment over the whole ordeal that had taken place the night before. It felt like a fever dream, the way everything went down.
I rubbed my eyes and rolled over on my side, desperately trying to think of anything other than last night.
Since my first night staying with Brahms, I had been offered a new room more compatible with my age instead of Brahms' nursery themed bedroom that I had stayed in the first night. I had taken it in a heartbeat, and had been enjoying the fact that I wouldn't have to worry about porcelain clowns and stuffed bears staring at me while I slept.
The door opened, pulling me back to reality. I popped my head up to see Brahms standing awkwardly in the doorway. Already feeling my face heat up, I turned away "Good Morning Brahms." I mustered, trying my hardest to keep my voice steady.
Brahms shifted on his feet, "I just wanted to check on you." He said.
I smiled, "thank you. I'm fine." The embarrassment of my nightmare of a night was laced in my voice. I felt weak.
Brahms nodded at my response and stalked away.
I flopped back onto my pillow and sighed, that was weird. I had never before felt so uncomfortable talking to someone like I felt talking to Brahms.
I buried my head in my pillow to get the redness in my face to go away but it was not working. Deciding that I needed a shower, I lowered my body off of the bed and onto the floor where I scooted to the bathroom. I only had one outfit, and that was the one I was wearing. I had an anorak, a long sleeve grey button down, wool trousers, and leather boots. I used to have a bag of extra tops and bottoms and some underwear but I sold them for food. I studied my clothes as I made my way to the bathroom, they were caked in old dirt and grass. It disgusted me that I didn't notice how filthy I was until now.
I normally would pick out a new outfit every few weeks if I came across a homeless shelter donation box but in the late winter months, they were scarce so I'd have to keep my clothes as clean as I could until I could get new ones.
Once I was inside the bathroom I didn't make haste undressing, and I quickly turned the water on. I crawled inside and sat on the shower floor drawing my knees to my chest. Old dirt and mud stained the water brown as it ran down the drain. I closed my eyes to avoid how disgusting I looked. It made me shiver to think that Brahms had seen me looking so filthy.
Brahms. Who was he to me?
Everything inside of me was screaming something different. It gave me a headache trying to decipher what I truly wanted. Was I beginning to like Brahms? What else could it be?
I tried to argue with myself, tell myself that I was just overly excited that he saved me, and was treating me so kindly but every time I saw him, I felt tingly and warm inside. I didn't like it by any means, but I couldn't control it. I tried to think of what was making me so attracted to Brahms, but in all honesty I couldn't tell. I had every reason to not be attracted to him, like the fact he has never shown his face to me or went in to detail about who he was.
Honestly, his mask didn't bother me at all anymore. I laid my head on my knees. What was I going to do? I occupied myself with scrubbing my arms, legs, body, and scalp with soap.
The warm water ran down my body and pooled underneath me in a soapy foam.
As I rested, I slightly dosed off, not able to win my fight against the drowsiness trying to take me. I enjoyed the feeling for a little while until even that couldn't suffice any longer and the water turned cold.
I turned the knob, and began to strain the stray water out of my hair.
I waited a few moments for most of the water to drop off of my body before I crawled out of the shower and onto the tile floor. I took a towel out of the wall cabinet, and finished drying myself.
I turned to grab the clothes I had left on the floor but they were no longer there. I immediately began to panic, frantically crawling around on the slick tile hoping to find my clothes. If I hadn't of been so distressed in that moment, I would have found myself crawling all over the bathroom floor naked a hilarious sight.
After a considerable amount of time scouring the bathroom for my clothes, I sat against the cabinet to rest. I hadn't exerted this much energy since I had broken my ankle. My eyes drifted across the sink in which something caught my eye.
I crawled closer to the sink which revealed a bundle of clothing sitting on the counter. I reached up and brought it to me. A jumper and some joggers were folded neatly in a small stack.
Brahms must've put them in here while I was showering. He also must've taken my clothes. A weird feeling erupted in my stomach thinking about Brahms coming into the bathroom, possibly seeing me naked, taking my worn clothes, and replacing them with ones that looked to be his.
I dressed as quickly as I could, feeling vulnerable and exposed. The clothing were oversized on my body but still comfortable. My cheeks warmed at the thought of Brahms giving me his clothes.
Once I exited the bathroom, I was too tired to crawl downstairs. I instead used the rest of my energy to crawl back in bed. I closed my eyes briefly listening to the wind hit the window beside me, and the birds chirp and sing outside. A large part of me couldn't wait to leave and be on my way, but the rest of me, the tiny part left, wanted a home. I was tired of traveling, begging, squatting. I wanted to settle down, start my life over, finally be happy again.
My past however would forever keep me from being happy. I could get away with being content, but never happy. Never again.
"Kátalin?"
My eyes flew open, and I quickly sat up.
Brahms once again stood in the doorway, "You're clothes are in the wash. I gave you some spares until they're ready." He said.
I looked down at the jumper and joggers I was wearing, "thank you. They're very comfortable."
My stomach felt light and airy, I wanted to curl up in a ball.
"Are you hungry?" Brahms asked.
I shook my head, "I'm just a bit tired."
He slumped a bit, I almost felt that it was because of me.
I laid back down into the pillow not allowing Brahms to respond. I found myself doing everything possible to avoid conversation. The more I spoke to him, the more embarrassed and self conscious I became.
Brahms disappeared leaving me alone once again. I closed my eyes again and tried to fall asleep. Nothing was working. I felt myself wanting to be around Brahms, wanting to see him. It angered me that I was so hung up on him. What bothered me the most was the fact that I had no idea why. I had no reason to act like this, no one ever in my entire life confused me and made me question myself before; it was all new.
Without thinking I slipped out of bed and began to crawl awkwardly to the doorway. I continued down the hall and to the stair case.
"Brahms!" I called down the steps. I needed help that was all right?
Within a few seconds, the creaking of footsteps could be heard and Brahms met my eyes. He stood still on the staircase, as did I sitting stiffly on the floor next to the banister. We stayed like that for a few more seconds before I couldn't handle the intense eye contact anymore. Why did I call for him?
"Brahms, could you help me down the stairs? I changed my mind. I'm not tired anymore."
Brahms nodded and slowly stepped towards me. My mouth went dry and my palms began to sweat as he held out his hand to me.
I took it shakily as he helped me to my feet. Without a word, he pulled me into his side, and grasped both my arms gently. My breath hitched as I felt his fingers wrapped around my arms, and his heartbeat on my side. His chest was warm and I felt myself wanting to stand there longer. Brahms insinuated our steps, I hopped leaving my other leg floating in the air, and together we descended the staircase slowly. Any normal person would be appalled to be so close to a stranger as "strange" as Brahms but I didn't mind. I knew he wasn't a threat to me.
Once we made it to the bottom of the stair case, I loosened my grip on his arm however, Brahms didn't let go.
Blushing, I hid my face from him waiting patiently to let go but he did not move. I looked up at him, questioning why I even decided to get out of bed.
His eyes were set on me intently. I couldn't tell what his facial expression was due to his mask tightly gripping his face. I broke eye contact, utterly confused. Brahms loosened his grip and lowered his head, "did you need something?" His voice was low in my ear, causing me to shudder at his closeness.
He expected me to answer but no words would come out. I stood there dumbly staring at him. Brahms smirked, almost making fun of my reaction.
"I- I just wanted to t-talk." I stammered.
Brahms straightened his posture, "about?"
I licked my lips, "you saved my life last night, yet I don't know anything about you."
Brahms shifted and shrugged, "what is there to know?"
I looked down, "things you like, your hobbies, what you do for a living..." I trailed off running out of topics. I suddenly felt like a girlfriend.
Brahms chuckled lowly, "you wouldn't like me if you knew who I was."
My stomach dropped. He said it so smoothly, I almost dismissed it as a joke, but something didn't seem right.
"I don't think I'd care much. After all, I owe you anyway." I added, hoping to get rid of my odd feeling.
Brahms thought a moment, and grabbed my arm again. "Come with me."
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And that's a wrap for chapter eight! Another shorter chapter, sorry guys :/ I haven't been in the writing mood lately but I know it isn't fair to you guys when I put off updates.
I have a pretty good idea on where I want the book to go, so I think I'm in the stage now where I can predict how many chapters I'd like the book to be. I want it longer than my previous fan fiction, so no more than thirty chapters and no less than twenty seems good for me. I don't want to stay on this book forever as I have a few rough drafts of new stories I'm writing so twenty sounds like the winner! I might take a little longer to update than normal since I have a few things going on this week. Don't worry, though I'll have an update ready as soon as I can! If you have any questions feel free to PM me, I respond! Thank you for reading!
-Ri