He closes the door behind us as we step into his apartment. He slips off his shoes. "Want some water?"
"No thanks." I hold my hands in front of me.
"You okay?" he asks.
I shake my head no. "Not right now, but I will be," I answer honestly.
I sit down on his black couch. Looking around I notice his apartment is just as spotless as the last time I was here.
"You can talk to me, you know," Eric says while sitting next to me. "Believe it or not I get that people actually have emotions. You've made it through to being a full member. I can go easy on you now, you've already proved you're Dauntless enough."
I don't know if I should talk to him. I don't know what I can tell him. Eric scoots closer to me so there is no space between us. His hand cradles the side of my head, his long fingers slipping through my hair. I jump back a little, looking at him a little surprised by the sweet action.
"Are you afraid of me?" Eric asks. There is a hint of sadness in his voice.
I shake my head. "No. It's just every time you're nice to me I'm taken aback by it. The way you treat me is different from how you treat everyone else," I say truthfully.
Since transferring here I've wondered why Eric is this way with me. Why he can be kind and sweet with me and then almost rip someone's head off the next. He smiles and holds my head in place as he kisses me. Heat spreads through me slowly. The kiss only lasts a few seconds before he pulls away.
"I treat you differently because you are different. I could tell from the beginning that you would be a leader here. From the second you jumped off that roof I knew you belonged here," Eric tells me.
I can't help but smile at his response. Eric has believed in me from the very beginning. I want to get close to him but I'm scared. The safety I feel with Eric is different from the safety I feel with Four. With Eric I feel safe because he is the badass take no crap from anyone leader of Dauntless. When I'm with Four I feel safe because he is like me, Divergent, and I know he wouldn't let anything happen to me.
I push every thought out of my mind except for one, kissing Eric again. I lean forward, attaching my lips to his once again. The kiss deepens and I can feel the adrenaline rushing through my veins. His lips still on mine, he pushes the jacket from my shoulders. I flinch when I hear it drop, and push him back. I want to know what's in this for him. Why now?
"What? What's wrong?" Eric asks. I shake my head, not knowing how to phrase what I want to ask without pissing him off. He grabs my arm. "Hey. Look at me."
I look him right in the eye before speaking. "Sometimes I wonder what's in it for you. I just want to know where we're going to go from here."
"What's in it for me," he repeats. He shakes his head. "I don't know, Em."
"You don't know?" I ask. "Out of all the girls you could have chosen, you chose me. So if you're just looking for sex tell me."
"What girls?" He scowls at me.
"Literally every girl in Dauntless. I'm not blind I see the way they look at the youngest, most badass leader Dauntless has."
Eric chuckles. "You think I'm bad ass."
I hit him on the shoulder. "That's what you got out of that?"
"How bout you tell me what you want from this," Eric counters. "I know about you and Four."
It feels like I was just hit in the gut. I thought Four and I were being careful. To hear Eric say he knows makes me uncomfortable.
"You know I've only kissed Four. I've never even been in his apartment."
That one statement is enough for Eric to lean forward and kiss me. Not like he has ever kissed me before this one is almost in a hungry way. He pulls my body closer to his.
I push Eric so he is leaning with his back pressed against the back of the couch. I move myself so I'm straddling his lap. Not once do we break the kiss. We spend a few minutes making out before Eric stands up without warning taking me with him. I let out a little giggle at the surprise motion. Eric wastes no time getting to his bedroom. Once inside he throws me on the bed. I guess Eric is only capable of being so careful.
I could get used to having Eric's arms wrapped around me as I lay my head on his bare chest. I trace the patterns of the tattoo on his arm. I look up to see Eric has his eyes closed.
"Why are you staring at me?" Eric asks, not even bothering to open his eyes.
"You look so young when you're relaxed. Like an actual 18 year old," I laugh a little as I say it.
"Yeah an 18 year old that could still beat the shit out of anyone in this compound."
There's the Eric I know, never wanting to show weakness.
"You saw my fear landscapes today right?" I ask.
"Yeah. You only had five fears. Impressive."
"I told Four everyone should start calling me Five." I laugh but Eric doesn't. He tenses up when I say Four's name. "So you and all the other leaders got to see me naked?" I ask, a little disgusted at the idea.
"Yeah, but I'm the only one that gets to sleep with you." Eric laughs and reaches down to kiss me. "Plus I had the same exact fear when I was going through initiation. The only difference was the people who were there and who saw it."
I sometimes forget that Eric has fears too. I get why Eric is so tense all the time, so professional, he's afraid of embarrassing himself in front of the faction he is supposed to be in charge of.
The next thing I say surely takes Eric by surprise. "Was that the first time you've done that?"
I don't know what I want, or expect his answer to be. I imagine girls throwing themselves at the young leader. He may be scary and intimidating but he is also very attractive. I don't know if he has ever done anything about it before.
"What?" Eric asks with a look of anger on his face almost like he doesn't believe I just asked him that. "What difference does that make?"
"I just wanted to know. I didn't think it was that big of a deal," I say, now angry myself. I'm on edge not knowing what Eric is going to say or do next.
Eric sighs. "Em," he says sternly, "I don't know what delusion you're operating under, but this is all new to me, too."
"What?" I laugh a little as I ask. Eric looks at me smiling ever so slightly. "I guess I'm an ass for just assuming."
"Yeah, you assumed wrong." He says smirking at me. "You're about the only person in this whole faction who isn't scared of me."
I laugh a little. Eric can be kind when you get to know him, but I was definitely afraid of him when I first transferred here.
"So does this mean whatever you had with Four is over?" Eric asks, teasing me.
"Maybe, maybe not?" I tease. "Does this mean we have something instead?"
"Maybe, maybe not. I want you to focus on your leadership training," he says as he looks at me with seriousness written all over his face.
"So maybe we don't put a label on this than. I don't want to lose you, but I don't think it would be smart for us to be official right now."
Eric nods his head. "Enough about that. Get some sleep. You get to pick your job tomorrow."
I relax, laying my head on his chest. The last thing I remember before falling asleep is Eric kissing my head and whispering, "Good night Flower Child."
I wake up in Eric's arms, it's becoming somewhat of a habit I guess. I get up and put back on my clothes from the previous day. I turn back to see Eric still sleeping. I nudge his arm while whispering, "Get up you're gonna be late for work."
Eric doesn't open his eyes, but he does swat my hand away. Without a second thought I grab the pillow from beside him and hit him with it. This causes Eric to shoot straight up and glare at me. Without warning he pulls me down on top of him while kissing me. I can't help but smile into the kiss. After a minute I pull away.
"While I would really love to keep doing that all day, I have to pick my job today, and you are about to be late for yours."
Eric just groans in response. I lean down and kiss him one more time before leaving to go back to the dorm.
I feel a sense of relief as I walk back into the dorms for the last time. I made it. I'm no longer an Amity transfer. I'm a full Dauntless member. By the time I get back people are just now starting to wake up. It feels weird to be in the dorms with only happy people. There is no more fear of being made factionless. I walk over to the cot I've been sleeping on for weeks, and sit down. On one side of me is the empty bed that was once Olivia's and on the other side is a sleeping Liam. Unlike the past few weeks he isn't tossing and turning or even crying, he looks peaceful, content.
I lean over to him, shaking his arm slightly. "Liam, you gotta get up, today is the day we pick our jobs and apartments."
Liam mumbles something but starts to get up anyway.
I smile when I see Calum walking towards us. His eyes are slightly puffy and the slightest bit red. I can tell he has been crying all night, I can only assume over Olivia.
"How are you doing, all things considered?" I ask Calum.
He offers me a weak smile in return. "About as good as you would expect. I know I need to stop crying and get over her, but it's just so hard. I loved her and now she's factionless. She is going to have to spend the rest of her life, however long that may be, fighting other people for food and shelter. I feel guilty knowing that I won't have to do any of that."
"I feel guilty to," I confess, "I feel like I should have helped her more. I should have forced her to become stronger faster than she was."
"It's none of our faults," Liam butts in, "She gave it her all and it just wasn't good enough. She knows we all love her and that if we could we would help her. We just have to move on, it's what she would want us to do."
Liam and I nod our heads in agreement. I miss Olivia with my whole heart, but I know she wouldn't want us to dwell on her.
"Let's go before we're late. We don't want to piss anyone off on our first day as full Dauntless members," Liam laughs.
We make our way out of the dorm to pick our new jobs.
"Where are you guys hoping to live?" I ask Calum and Liam.
"We were actually thinking of moving in together so long as we could get a two bedroom," Calum answers.
"Yeah I can't live in the same room as this guy anymore," Liam jokes, pointing at Calum, "We assume you'll be living near all the other leaders."
"Or maybe with Eric or even Four," Calum jokes.
If only he knew what happened last night between Eric and I.
"No I will not be living with either of them, but you are right about me living in style. You better be nice to me from now on, because I'm gonna be one of your leaders."
I can't help but to be proud of how far I have come. No one would have thought that a girl from Amity could transfer to Dauntless and be first in her class, as well as a new leader. I may have lost Olivia along the way, but I still have Calum and Liam, as well as Eric and Four. I finally found my happiness not in Amity but in Dauntless.
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A/N
I'm not gonna write smut so just know Em and Eric get it on. lol