Roseanne's POV.
2:04AM
Lisa or Taejoon?
Taejoon or Lisa?
Lisa or Taejoon?
Taejoon or Lisa?
Both names were on constant rotation in my mind along with Lisa's decision to put me on a clock.
Lisa was an arrogant son of a bitch but that was one of the things I admired about her. Not many women would come up to a married woman and ask to spend a night with her. Swinger club or not.
I was outside of my apartment pacing back and forth in my fabulous shoes. My feet ached but I couldn't face Taejoon until my thoughts were unscrambled.
How was I supposed to choose between two such different people? They were like night and day. Choosing only one would be like choosing between the sun and the moon.
Taejoon was simple, sweet, romantic, conventional, passive, and ambitious. He was a provider. He valued wealth and stability and family. He supported my career. We knew each other well. He'd been the only man in my life for a long time. I chose to spend my life with him. But I couldn't ignore the fact that we had both changed over the course of eight years. Or, was it just me who changed?
Even if Taejoon was capable of forgiving me for my infidelity, for lying to him, would he eventually resent me? Would we truly be able to move on? Or would this affair be the thing left unsaid that would ultimately cause a rift in our relationship one that we couldn't overcome? Could our relationship ever be rebuilt after such a betrayal? And if I loved Taejoon as much as I claimed to, why was it so easy for me to lie to him?
The only answer I could come up with was my mother? She did the exact same thing to my dad when I was younger. Was there a gene embedded in my DNA that was the root of this affair? Was my subconscious the reason lying to Taejoon came so easy?
Lisa, on the other hand, was thrilling, spontaneous, mysterious, sexy, dominating, and gruff. She was the type of girl that I had always been secretly attracted to. She was the drug I was too weak to deny. She satisfied me in every way. She never neglected my needs.
She was attentive. She was my something to look forward to. She was my adventure, my dirty little secret, and in many ways my flaw. From the very beginning we were unavoidable. But not knowing where our relationship would lead was terrifying.
If I chose Lisa what would that mean? Would we be in a relationship? Would we be fuck buddies? If I weren't involved with Taejoon would Lisa have found me as appealing?
I believed she became so smitten with me was because she couldn't be with me all the time. But if we ended up together would she get bored with me? Would the excitement and the illicit feelings cause our chemistry to wane? Would Lisa break my heart? Would I end up with her and discover she was not the woman I thought she was? Was she even capable of giving me the future I wanted?
In the off chance that Taejoon could forgive me, and Lisa decided that her feelings for me were in fact genuine who did I want? Which one of them brought out the best in me? Which one of them would be a good parent and provider? Which one of them could love me in spite of my flaws? Which one of them was capable of loving me for a lifetime? Which one of them would give me the love and affection and attention that I desired? Which one of them was the person I was meant to be with?
I couldn't understand why the decision was mine anyway. I was the antagonist. Villains shouldn't get to choose anyone. Villains end up alone wallowing in their misery. Dwelling on their mistakes. The villain should beg for forgiveness and still not be forgiven. Somehow I knew that both Taejoon and Lisa would hurt much more than me.
The time on my phone read 2:04 a.m. and I was still strolling up and down the street just outside of my apartment. It was too late to be traipsing around but I wasn't ready to face Taejoon.
I called Taejoon back on the ride home and explained that Taehyung and Jungkook weren't ready to leave the club. He didn't even bother to sound angry but I recognized the disappointment in his tone.
He would be more than disappointed when he discovered how disgusting I been behaving in the short time I've been with Lisa.
Just when I decided to put on my big girl panties and face Taejoon, my phone rang. I assumed it was Taejoon but the name on the screen surprised me.
"I changed my mind," Lisa remarked on the other end of the phone. "You don't get a week. I have some business in California. I'll be gone until Monday. I want an answer by the time I get back."
"You're giving me four days to make a life-altering decision?"
"Yes," she responded definitely
I was silent trying my best to remain calm. "When are you leaving?" I asked her pausing mid-stride.
"Saturday night."
"What's in California?"
"I have another club in L.A."
Another reason why I didn't know if I should choose her. She had too many skeletons in her closet. She had another club in California that she never not once mentioned to me.
"Since when do you have another club?"
"Three years," she said simply. "Come with me. We can take my Jet. You can join the mile high club. Put your toes in the Pacific Ocean. We can fuck on the beach."
Skeleton #2: Private jet
My face hardened. "Stop talking with your dick. We have more pressing issues to discuss like whether I should be with you in spite of your secrets."
"There's an easy solution to that issue. Just tell him that you're still fucking me. He'll want a divorce and then you can come to California with me."
Even though I knew she meant for her statement to be a joke the only humorous part was that Lisa was actually more serious than she was leading on.
"It must be a breeze being you. You don't have to worry about anyone or anything. You can do whatever and there aren't any consequences because you don't care about anything."
"A.) I've worked hard to get where I am. B.) Stressing over inconsequential details and everyone else's feelings more than your own is a choice. C.) I care about you."
"All we do is fuck Lisa. How can I choose you? How can I give up on my marriage for my fuck buddy?"
"Do you honestly believe that?" She asked disgusted.
"It's the truth."
"You come to me for more than just an orgasm Roseanne. I give you everything he doesn't. You said you were needy which is why I spend every second we're together catering to you. I cook for you. I study you. I fuck you both hard and slow because I know that you enjoy them equally. I fulfill your every need. Being married to him gives you stability. I can give you that too. Right now I'm your liberation but I can be the good guy."
"You shouldn't have to change who you are."
"What if I want to change for you?"
"There are plenty of women out there who can keep up with you, who can handle your lifestyle. You wouldn't have to change for them."
She exhaled roughly. "Once in a lifetime ."
"What?" I asked perplexed.
"There's one woman that comes into every person's life once in a lifetime. This woman is remarkable. She challenges her. Earning her heart isn't simple but it's well worth it. Without even trying, she digs her nails so deep in her that she can't see anyone but her. I know you're that woman for me. You can deny it but I can't."
"How can you be so sure?" I asked her.
"One of the good things about living steadfastly single for such a long time is that I've gotten to know women. I've experienced every kind. And now I know without a shadow of doubt that I want you. It's time for you to make a choice."
"I can't."
"I'm not going to make it easy for you to choose him. I know that you would choose him simply because he's the easiest choice."
"None of this is easy. No matter who I choose, someone will get hurt."
"You should've thought of that before you fucked me," Lisa barked shocking the hell out of me. "Despite popular opinion, I didn't do this to you, Roseanne. You did this to me when you let me bury my dick inside you. When you let me taste you. When you let me feel what it's like to make love not fuck but make love. I've tasted you and I can't go back baby. I'm hooked."
I nearly choked on a breath and fell on my ass simultaneously.
The blood was coursing rapidly through my veins, my chest was stuttering, and I felt my core fluttering just from the force of her declaration. She knew me all too well. She knew what made me tick. She knew exactly what to say and do to get me in the mood. And god was I in the mood.
I knew it would be next to impossible but I had to stay away from Lisa for a while.