[The French Mistake]
(Note: Ciara is pronounced Kee-ra.)
INT. BOBBY'S HOUSE
"Where's Bobby and Dylan?" Sam asked.
"In town, supply run," Dean and Natalia replied.
"In this?"
"Yeah, both men are heroes," Dean said. "We were officially out of hunter's helper." He gestured at his and Natalia's empty liquor bottles.
"Hello, boys, girl," Balthazar greeted. "You've seen "the Godfather," right?"
"Balthazar..." Dean and Natalia began.
"You know, the end, where Michael Corleone sends his men to kill his enemies in one big, bloody swoop?" Balthazar found a container of salt and poured it into a bowl on Bobby's desk.
"Hey!"
""Dead sea brine," Good, good, good. You know, Moe Greene gets it in the eye, and Don Cuneo gets it in the revolving door?"
"We said "hey.""
"You two did. Twice. Good for you. Blood of lamb. Blood of lamb." He looked through Bobby's fridge contents. "Beer, cold pizza. Blood of lamb. Yes! Blood of lamb!"
"Why are you talking about "the Godfather"?" Sam questioned.
"Because we're in it -- right now, tonight. And in the role of Michael Corleone -- The archangel Raphael."
"You mind telling us what you mean?" Dean asked.
"No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no." He emptied the contents of Bobby's desk drawer. "Yes. Bone of a lesser saint. This vertebra will do very nicely. Your Mr. Singer and Mr. Scott do keep a beautiful pantry."
Natalia frowned. "Wait, Raphael is after you?"
"Raphael is after us all. You see, he's consolidated his strength. And now he's on the move."
"And where's Cas and Rae?" Sam wondered.
"Oh, Cassie, Rae-Rae? They are deep, deep underground. So, good old Raffy put out a hit list on every last Samaritan who helped our dear Cas and Rae -- Including you three, as well as Dylan. And so much more importantly, me. See, he wants us to draw Cas and Rae out in the open."
"And you expect us to believe you?"
"Oh, don't. You'll go where I throw you either way."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Dean asked as lightning flashed.
"That's all the time we have, gentlemen, lady." He opened his jacket to reveal a bloodstain on his side. "Where is it?"
"Whoa," Natalia commented. "What happened there?"
"Oh. Garish, I know. You see, Uncle Raffy sent one of his nastiest to handle me. I'm flattered, actually. And down a lung at the moment, but that's all right." He handed Sam a set of keys. "Oh, here's for you."
Sam looked at the keys. "What am I supposed to do with this?"
"Run with it." He was thrown across the room as an angel, Virgil, appeared. "Virgil." He looked to the siblings. "I said, run!" He pushed them through the window which was marked with a blood sigil.
Sam, Dean and Natalia crashed through Bobby's window and landed on a mattress on a TV show set.
"Cut!" Bob Singer yelled.
A crew member patted Dean on the rear. "Real good solid fall. Way to go."
"Jared, Jensen, Lucy! Outstanding! That was just great."
Another crew member spoke. ""Supernatural," scene one echo, take one. Tail slate. Marker!"
INT. SUPERNATURAL SET
"So... No angels?" Sam asked.
Dean and Natalia looked around. "No angels, I think."
"But that was great!" Bob Singer said.
"... it's not a problem with the stunt," Serge told him. "It's a problem with the... signal."
"Should we be killing anybody?" Sam wondered.
"Interference."
"I don't think so," Dean and Natalia replied.
"Well, how much did we get?" Bob questioned.
"Running?" Sam asked.
"About half," Kevin answered.
"Where?" Dean and Natalia inquired.
"Gets us right up to where they -- Just before they hit the window."
"You know, the part where they hit the window is the good part," Bob commented.
"Well, we can clean up, reset the window, takes about 95 minutes, basically. So, we'd have to blow off the scene where they sit on the Impala and talk about their feelings."
Sam picked up a piece of the 'window', which wobbled back and forth, obviously made of some kind of gel.
"Ha," Bob said. "Right. You answer the hate mail."
"Or we could have them fly at the window, then freeze frame. Then cut to black, act out."
"Freeze frame."
"Um... Yeah. Freeze frame."
"Serviceable," Serge added.
"Fine," Bob decided. "Whatever. Season six. Moving on."
"Moving on!" Kevin yelled. "That's a wrap on Jared, Jensen and Lucy!"
"W-who the hell are-" Sam was cut off.
"Jared!" an interviewer called. "Three minutes, okay? Great." She took Sam by the hand and led him away.
"Where are we going?" Dean asked.
"Jensen, Lucy, there you are!" a makeup artist said. "Let's just get you two in the chair. Lucy, you need to get to your other set, so we have to be quick."
""Chair"?" Dean and Natalia repeated.
""Other set"?" Natalia added.
The makeup artist grabbed a cloth. "Okay, hon, we're just gonna get this makeup off your faces. Just the lips for you, Lucy."
Dean frowned. "Wha -- we're not wearing any ma-" he looked at the cloth the makeup artist had wiped over his face to find it covered in foundation. He touched his cheek. "Oh, crap! I'm a painted whore!"
Natalia stared at herself in the mirror. "Oh, God."
The interviewer spoke into a microphone. "Trish Evian here with Jared Padalecki from TV's "Supernatural". So, Jared, season six."
Sam looked over his shoulder into the set of the panic room and turned back in confusion. "What?"
"You beat the devil, lost your soul, and got it back again. So tell us, what's next for Sam Winchester?"
"Look, I-I-I really don't-"
"Oh, and if you could include the question in your answer? Thanks."
Sam laughed nervously.
Dean and Natalia met up with Sam.
"Hey," Sam greeted.
"Dude, they put freakin' makeup on us!" Dean exclaimed. "Those bastards!"
"Look, I think I know what this is."
"Okay," Dean and Natalia replied. "What?"
"It's a TV show."
"You think?"
"Yeah. I mean, here -- wherever "here" is, this -- this Twilight Zone Balthazar zapped us into. For whatever reason, our life is a TV show."
"Why?"
"I don't know."
"No, seriously," Dean said. "Why? Why would anybody want to watch our lives?"
"Well, I mean, according to that interviewer, not very many people do. Look, I'm not saying to makes sense. I'm just saying, we -- we landed in some dimension where you're Jensen Ackles, Lucy Hale, and I'm something called a "Jared Padalecki.""
"So what, now you're Polish? Is any of this making any sense to you two?"
They exited the studio and saw the Impala.
EXT. BACKLOT
"Oh, hey," Dean stated. "Least my baby made it."
A crew member started flinging mud onto the windshield.
"Hey," Dean called. "Hey! What-" Dean and Natalia saw three more Impalas. "I feel sick. I'm gonna be sick. I want to go home and looks like Nat does too. I feel like this whole place is bad-touching me."
"Yeah, I know. Me too," Sam agreed. "So, what do you two think? Cas? Rae?"
"They're our best shots, if they're still alive. Dear Castiel and Azrael, who art maybe running their asses away from Heaven, we hope that you two have your ears on. So... Breaker breaker..."
Natalia closed her eyes. "Castiel and Azrael, please, I hope you can hear us."
They spotted Castiel and Azrael a short distance away.
"Cas? Rae? Cas! Rae!" Dean yelled. "Hey, Cas! Hey, Rae! Oh, thank God. What is all this, huh? W-w-what did Balthazar do to us?"
"To keep you out of Virgil's reach, he's cast you into an alternate reality, a universe similar to ours in most respects yet dramatically different in others," Misha replied.
"Like -- like Bizarro Earth, right? Except instead of having Bizarro Superman, we get this clown factory."
Ciara frowned. "Uh... Yeah, well... Anyway, no time for explanations. Do you have the key?"
"Yeah." Sam handed Misha the key. "So, uh, what does this thing do, anyway?"
"It opens a room," Misha replied.
"What's in the room?" Dean questioned.
"Every weapon Balthazar stole from Heaven."
"He gave it to us?" Natalia inquired.
"To keep it safe until we could reach you," Ciara answered. "With those weapons, my brother and I have a chance to rally our forces."
"Oh," Sam said. "Okay, good. Yeah. So, now, uh, what's the deal with all this TV crap?"
"Pardon?" Misha and Ciara asked.
"Yeah. Amen, Padaleski," Dean agreed.
"Uh, "lecki,"" Sam corrected.
"What?"
"Lecki. Pretty sure."
"Man," Misha commented as he pulled out his script. "Did they put out new pages?"
"New what?" Dean and Natalia repeated.
Sam frowned. "I mean, is this some kind of cosmic joke?"
"Yeah, 'cause if it is, it's stupid, and we don't get it," Dean said.
"Yeah," Sam and Natalia agreed.
Ciara looked between them. "Are you guys okay?"
Dean and Natalia grabbed the scripts from Misha and Ciara as Dean ordered, "Give us those. What is -- these are words in a script. This isn't Cas or Rae."
"Dude, look at them," Sam told his siblings.
Misha unbuttoned his shirt to reveal a patterned new age T-shirt underneath. "You guys want to run lines, or..."
Ciara unzipped her leather jacket to reveal a Garth Brooks tank top. "I mean, I'm down for that."
"His name's Misha," Dean said. "Misha? And how the hell do you pronounce her name?"
Ciara frowned. "Kee-ra. It's not hard."
"Oh, wow," Sam muttered. "Just... Great."
Dean narrowed his eyes as he and his siblings walked away. "Misha? Jensen? What's up with the names around here?"
"You guys!" Misha exclaimed. "You really punk'd us! I'm totally gonna tweet this one." He pulled out his phone and started typing. ""Hola, mishamigos." "J-squared and LH... Got me good.""
Ciara rolled her eyes. "Twitter-holic."
"I just want to dig my finger in my brain and scratch until we're back in Kansas," Dean said.
Misha was still tweeting. ""Really... Starting to feel... Like one of the guys and girl.""
Dean, Sam and Natalia walked by a giant trailer.
"Hey. "J. Ackles,"" Sam and Natalia noted.
"That's fake me!" Dean cried.
"Yeah."
"This must be fake mine." They entered the trailer. "Dude, sis, I have a helicopter!"
Natalia started playing with the helicopter blades.
INT. TRAILER
"Oh. All right, who puts a 300-gallon aquarium in their trailer?" Sam asked.
"Apparently, Jensen Ackles," Dean replied.
"Huh." He spotted a laptop. "All right, here we go. Let's see who this guy is. Nat, we'll check you out next."
"Well, he's not a hunter, but he plays one on TV." He gestured to the large TV at the back of the trailer that was playing the season four gag reel. "Oh." He picked up a magazine with Jared, Jensen and Lucy on the cover. "Come on. Look at these male-modelin' sons of bitches. Look at this badass-lookin' chick. Nice "blue steel," Sam."
"Hey. Apparently, it's our job. All right, uh, here goes. Um... It says you're from Texas."
"Really?"
"Yeah. And, uh... Oh. Says you were on a soap opera."
"What?"
They watched a clip of Jensen on Days of Our Lives.
"If I didn't have cancer, and I wasn't married, and I had plenty of money... Would you -- would you want to run away with me?"
"Money? What, you think I really care about money, Nicole? I care that you're healthy."
"Well, I'm no quitter, Eric. I-I-"
Dean slammed the laptop shut. "Don't like this universe, Sammy, Nat. We need to get out of this universe."
"Yeah," Sam agreed. "No argument here. But I don't think our -- our prayers are reaching Cas or Rae. Or the real Cas and Rae."
"Well, I agree. I think we are definitely out of, uh, soul-phone range. But..."
"What?"
Natalia met his eyes. "If we can reverse Balthazar's spell... Dee and I watched every move." She sketched out the sigil. "We, just, um, get the ingredients, right, get back to that window, and... There's no place like home. Now look me up."
"Nat..."
"Do it. I wanna know if I'm worse off than Dean."
He sighed. "Fine." He opened the laptop. "Uh, Lucy Hale. She's from Tennessee. Her real name is Karen. And she's in a teen drama called Pretty Little Liars which is based off a book."
They watched the trailer and Natalia smirked. "Ha! Better than a soap opera. Okay, let's figure out how to get back home."
INT. SUPERNATURAL SET
"Backbone of a lesser saint," Sam said, pulling the bone from Bobby's drawer. "Got it. Uh..." he poked at the bone and realized it was fake. "It's rubber."
"Check this out." Dean held up a prop dagger and bent the blade back and forwards. "Hey, look. It's fake." He jabbed the fake dagger at Sam's chest and Natalia's arm. "It's all fake!"
Natalia flipped through the various items. "Fake! Just peachy."
Bob watched through the window of the set. "Well, at least they're talking to each other."
"What are we supposed to do with this crap?" Dean wondered.
EXT. BACKLOT
"'Course everything is fake," Sam commented. "We're on a film set." They approached one of the Impalas. "We got to get back to the real world."
"Yeah, now you're talking," Dean agreed as they got in the Impala and started driving. "All right, we go round up the genuine articles, bring 'em here for the spell."
"Maybe we can call Bobby or Dylan," Natalia suggested. "Though, I don't know if that'll even work."
Dean frowned at the car. "What the hell is going on? What is wrong with this thing?"
A crew member ran alongside the Impala and knocked on the window. "Mr. Ackles! Mr. Ackles, please!"
"Uh, Dean?" Sam and Natalia called.
"God, Mr. Ackles, please!"
"Dean, it's not the Impala," Sam told his brother.
"Please! Stop."
"You think?" Natalia shot back.
"Please!"
"It's a frigging prop!" Dean cried. "Just like everything else."
The siblings stopped and exited the Impala.
"Oh, thank you," the crew member said. "Thank you. Thank you so much for..."
Natalia looked up at her brothers. "How the hell are we supposed to get out of here?"
INT. CAR
"You know whereabouts you want me to drop you two off?" Clif asked. "Jensen? Lucy?"
"Us?" Dean questioned. "Yes. Um... we'll -- we'll just tag along with, uh..."
"Jared," Sam finished.
"Jared... Jared here. Uh, Lucy?"
Natalia nodded. "Yeah. I'll tag along with Jared."
"Huh. Since when are you guys talking?" Clif wondered.
"Yeah, uh, y-you know what, Clint, uh..." Sam was interrupted.
"Uh, uh, Clif."
"Y-yeah. Yeah, of course. Clif. Obviously. Um, so, uh, I think we're gonna go back to my place a-and do some... work."
"Work on our acting," Dean clarified.
"Yeah," Sam and Natalia agreed.
"For our characters. For the show."
"Yeah."
"All right," Clif answered.
"Where the hell are we, anyway?" Dean asked, noticing a Welcome to Vancouver sign. "Dudes, we're not even in America."
EXT. PADALECKI MANSION
Sam, Dean and Natalia entered the mansion.
INT. PADALECKI MANSION
"Nice modest digs, Jay-Z," Dean commented.
"Wow," Sam said. "I must be the star of this thing."
Natalia frowned. "Yeah, right. Check it out." She and Dean nodded towards a tanning bed.
"What am I, Dracula?"
"George Hamilton Dracula," Dean told him, noticing a liquor cabinet. "Oh. Now we're talking." He peered out the glass doors. "Dude, you have a camel in your backyard."
"It's an alpaca, dumbass," Genevieve corrected.
"Ruby?" Dean and Natalia questioned.
""Ruby." Right. That one never gets old." She turned to Sam. "How was work today, hon?" She kissed Sam.
Dean frowned. "Wait. You and Ruby?"
"Ruby and you?" Natalia asked.
Genevieve looked at them. "Do you two honestly think that's funny, Jensen, Lucy?"
"Right," Dean said. "Right. 'Cause you're not Ruby. You... I mean, how could you be? You... Of course! You are the lovely actress who plays Ruby. And you are, uh, in Jared's house, uh, because you two are..." he noticed Natalia pointing to a photo on the mantle of Jared and Genevieve's wedding, "... Married. You married fake Ruby?"
"What are you doing?"
"Work," Sam replied. "Work."
"Yeah, just, uh, thought we'd pop in, say "hey,"" Dean added. "Hey. Uh, and -- and -- and maybe run some lines. It's..."
"You and Lucy have never even been to our house."
A small smile crossed Natalia's face. "Well, now that we know there's an alpaca out back, we're definitely coming back."
"Well, alpacas are the greenest animal."
"Right," Dean said. "Right. That is so important."
"Well, there's that thing I have to get to."
"Oh, yeah," Sam replied. "Of course, yeah. The thing."
"The international otter adoption charity dinner?"
"Oh."
"Okay, well..." she kissed Sam. "Well, I'm glad you three are talking, anyway."
"Yeah."
They watched Genevieve leave the room.
"Well, looks like you did all right," Dean commented.
"Yeah. Yeah. I should figure out her name."
INT. PADALECKI MANSION - LIBRARY
Sam sat at a desk with a computer in front of a giant portrait of Jared as a cowboy with a suit of armor on either side. ""Wrist bone of saint and holy reliquary. Museum-quality, from diocese in Oaxaca." Looks legit."
"All right," Dean said. "Auction house in Mexico City. We could be there day after tomorrow. We, uh, case it, yank it, be back here by the end of the week."
"Or we could just buy it."
"What?! Dude, that thing's over a hundred thou-" Sam held up a black credit card.
Natalia grinned. "Hello, Jared Padalecki."
Sam spoke into the phone. "Cubrir a su amigo en la aduana. No? Bueno."
"Triple rush," Dean said. "No problemo. Because money is no ob -- This baby's maxed."
"Wow. They said it should be at the airport first thing in the morning."
"Money, man, sis. There is nothing like it. All right. Couch. TV star. Beauty rest." He jumped onto the large black couch and laid down. "Ahh."
Natalia pulled out her phone and dialed Dylan's number to get a dial tone before an automated message said, "This number has been disconnected."
Sam looked at her. "Nat? What's wrong?"
She met his eyes. "Dylan. I-I can't call him. The number isn't working."
"We'll get back. You'll see him again."
"Will we? Will I?"
"Yes. You will. Don't you worry, okay?" He hugged her.
INT. PADALECKI MANSION - HALLWAY
Sam walked into the hall and spotted Genevieve. "Hey! Hey. Hi. Hi, uh, Gen -- Genevieve. Gen?"
"Gen," Genevieve replied.
"Gen. Of course. Yeah. Um, so, h--how was the... Otter thing?"
"It was good."
"Yeah?"
"Everybody missed you there."
"Oh. Wow. Wow. I bet. So -- so listen, I-I got to ask you a question. Do you remember, uh, uh, year before last, all those disasters?"
"Disasters?"
"Yeah. Yeah, yeah, the whole earthquake spike. You know, the -- the 9.2 in Rome? I mean, the -- the 8.5 outside Boston? The whole east/west tsunami chain?"
"Yes. I remember all of those from last season on your show."
"No, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I-I know, I know. That -- that's what I mean. That's what I was..." he took a drink from his beer.
"You have been Sam Winchester way too long." She kissed Sam, took him by the hand, and led him upstairs.
EXT. AIRPORT
Sam received a package from an airplane. "Thanks."
INT. CAR
"So I don't mean to pry, but, uh, why are we picking up packages at 8:00 A.M. that haven't cleared customs yet?" Clif asked.
"Just saving time," Dean replied as Sam entered the car with the package. "All right, here we go."
"We're not doing anything illegal, are we?"
"Would it make you feel better if we said no?" Sam answered.
"No." Clif turned and the engine started before they drove off.
INT. SUPERNATURAL SET - BOBBY'S HOUSE
Natalia noticed Dylan and ran up to him. "Hey. Thank God you're okay."
Tom frowned. "Uh, no. Sorry, Lucy. My name is Tom. Tom Webb. Remember?"
She nodded sadly. "Right. Tom. Well, nice to see you, I guess."
Sam, Dean and Natalia opened the package and were surprised when the lights above them turned on.
"Whoa," Dean and Natalia muttered. "What?"
"We finish today in 12 hours if it kills us all," Bob said. "Get "a" and "b" cam for scene 12. What is this?" He looked at Sam, Dean and Natalia. "Here for the first run-through, before anyone else? Dedication."
Dean spoke to Bob. "Uh, can I talk to you for a second? Um, we're gonna need the, uh, set cleared for -- safe side, an hour or so."
"You need it cleared."
"Yeah. Yeah. Me and, um... Jared and Lucy were gonna do some actor stuff."
"Jensen, we're thrilled to see you collaborating so creatively. And your enthusiasm is refreshing. Dean Cain was like that on "Lois," and that man's a real actor. And we will clear this set exactly when we shoot the 2 3/8 pages we are scheduled to shoot on this set. So you do your "actor stuff" and we'll do our "camera stuff" and, uh..." Dean walked away sheepishly.
"Ooh, "priority,"" Misha commented. "What's in it?"
"I bought part of a dead person," Sam replied.
"Oh, cool," Misha and Ciara said.
Dean rejoined his siblings. "Uh, so, bad news. Uh... Looks like we're gonna have to do a little acting."
"What?" Sam and Natalia questioned.
""Supernatural" scene 36, take 1," a crew member said. "Marker!"
"Action!" Bob yelled.
Sam, Dean and Natalia stood behind Misha and Ciara. Sam looked terrified, Dean was staring earnestly, and Natalia had a slightly panicked look on her face.
"Balthazar is no hero," Misha said. "But he knows Raphael will never take him back."
Misha turned around. Sam flinched, Natalia crossed her arms, Dean walked forward and looked down at his mark and moved to his right.
"Cut!" Bob yelled.
""Supernatural" scene 36, take 8," the crew member said. "Marker!"
"Action!"
Sam was unsure of what do do with his arms and kept rearranging them, folding, unfolding.
"Balthazar is no hero," Misha repeated. "But he knows Raphael will never take him back."
Dean looked at the script in his hand and said grimly, "And yet, somehow you got no problem with it."
"Cut!" Bob yelled.
Misha turned to the camera and mouthed 'what the hell'. Ciara's chosen words were a little more colorful.
"Action."
"That's because... That's because we have no other choice," Sam replied.
"Don't look at the camera," Natalia told him.
"What?"
"Look anywhere but the camera."
Sam looked at the ceiling. "That's because we have no other choice!"
"Cut!" Bob yelled a third time. "For the love of... Action. Cut!"
Sam raised his arm stiffly. "If there's a key, then," he raised his other arm, "there must also be a lock."
"Cut. Action."
"If there's a key... then there has to be a lock. And when we find the lock, we can get the weapons, and then we can have the weapons. And the lock. We'll still have the lock, I imagine, because we've opened it, and of course, the initial key."
"We need to get all three of that crap," Dean said.
"What?" Sam and Natalia asked.
"That's how he talks."
"Oh."
Dean glanced out the window at Bob. "Do we really need all these lines? I mean, I-I-I-I think we've covered it. Right?"
"Cut!" Bob yelled once again. "What is happening? What's happening?! What's happening?!"
"An atrocity is happening," Serge replied.
"Seems like they should stop," Kevin suggested.
Bob frowned. "They can't stop. Nobody stops. Did we get anything we can use?"
"Well, uh, technically, we have them saying everything in bits and pieces. Could be sort of experimental?"
"Whatever. Season six."
Sam looked at the script. "Who wrote this? Nobody says "penultimate!""
Natalia looked at him. "You just did."
"Shut up."
"Gun, mouth." Dean made a gun gesture at his mouth. "Wow."
"Moving on!" Kevin said loudly.
"Thank God."
Misha tweeted on his phone. ""I-m-h-o, 'J', 'J' and 'L' had a late one last night.""
Sam, Dean and Natalia rapidly unpacked the package and assembled the spell.
"All right, damn it," Dean said. "We earned this."
"Damn right," Natalia agreed.
""r-o-t-f-l-m-a-o.""
Ciara frowned. "Mish, come on. The constant tweets? Really?"
Sera, via Bob's cell, said, "Spell it out for me, please. What is our terror-alert level here?"
"I don't know, Sera," Bob replied. "Orange, maybe? They started talking to each other."
"What?! But that's a good thing."
"Right. I thought so. But now Jensen and Lucy are living at Jared's house."
Dean completed the blood sigil on the window.
"That's it?" Sam asked.
Natalia nodded. "That's it."
"Plus, Clif says they're smuggling illegal stuff in from Mexico," Bob added.
Dean looked at Sam. "That's it, Toto."
"Misha's celebrity tweet says it's a black-market organ thing. Ciara guessed the same thing," Kevin informed. "I'm betting drugs."
"Anyway, as far as I can see, I think they've lost any shred of talent they ever had," Bob said. "I don't know what ABC's gonna do with Lucy."
Sam, Dean and Natalia came crashing through the window, but landed on the other side of the set.
Tom looked at them weirdly before rolling his eyes and walking away.
"Drugs," Kevin repeated.
INT. JENSEN'S TRAILER
"Maybe we did it wrong," Sam guessed.
Natalia shook her head. "No. No, that -- that spell was perfect. It should've worked."
"What if it can't? Look, I was up all night, looking online. There's no sign that anything like the apocalypse happened here. Ever. And as far as I can tell, monsters, ghosts, demons -- they're all pretend."
"So nobody's hunting them?" Dean asked.
"No hunters. Look, maybe that's why our spell didn't work, Dean, Natalia, you know? M-maybe here, there's no supernatural, no magic."
"No demons, no Hell, no Heaven, no -- no God?"
"Something like. Even better -- No angels."
"And no Dylan," Natalia added sadly.
"Nat, I told you we'll get back, okay?"
"Okay."
INT. SUPERNATURAL SET - MOTEL ROOM
A sigil glowed and Virgil crashed through and landed on the set.
INT. SUPERNATURAL SET - GREEN SCREEN
Sam, Dean and Natalia walked in front of the green screen where three stunt doubles were punching each other next to the Impala.
"Okay, maybe we can't get out of, uh, you know, Earth number two right now, but the least we can do is get the hell out of the Canadian part of it," Dean said.
"Yeah," Sam and Natalia agreed.
"I hear one more conversation about hockey, I'm gonna puke."
"Wait a minute," Sam said. "This way, this way, this way."
"No, no, no, no, no. It's this way. It's this way!"
Natalia frowned slightly. "No, Dean, look, Sam and I really -- we really think that we should-" she spotted Virgil. "Dean! Sam!"
Virgil narrowed his eyes. "You think you can run?" He laid his hand on Dean's forehead, but nothing happened.
"No!" Sam and Natalia cried.
"Sorry, dude. Mojo-free zone," Dean told the angel before punching him.
"No magic in the house," Sam informed.
"Which makes you nothing but a dick."
"A huge dick," Natalia added.
"You know, I oversee all the stunts, coordinate the fights," Lou informed.
"That's exciting," a woman replied, gesturing to where Sam, Dean and Natalia were punching Virgil. "Is that one of yours, then?"
Loud called his stuntmen over. "Guys!"
Kevin ran towards Sam, Dean, Natalia and Virgil. "Not good! Not good!"
Sam, as he was being pulled off of Virgil, yelled, "No, no, no, no! Stop! You don't understand! No, no, no!" Virgil grabbed the key from Sam's pocket.
"You're dead, Virgil!" Dean cried. "Virgil! I'm gonna break your friggin' neck! Hey!"
"You're a dead man!" Natalia screamed. "Dead angel! Whatever you are!"
INT. OFFICE
Sera, via speakerphone, said, "I'm trying to understand, Bob."
"Well, uh, Sera, we don't really understand it ourselves, but, uh, it appears that Jared, Jensen and Lucy were seen beating an extra to death," Bob replied.
"Huh."
"This is Jim here, Sera, and it wasn't all the way to death," Jim told her. "Only partway, so that's a plus."
"He could definitely still run," Kevin added.
"And we'll certainly follow up on that, but I think the real issue here, Sera, is that the boys and girl appear to be on some kind of extended psychedelic acid trip," Bob said.
"Okay. Uhh... Maybe it'd help if I -- I'll fly up and talk to them."
"You know, I'm not sure Jared, Jensen and Lucy... know who she is, strictly speaking," Jim told the others. "She's, you know, new. No offense."
"Right."
"Yeah, I think what we might need at this stage is for Kripke to come up himself," Bob suggested. "He created the show. They'll listen to him."
"How's that make me look? I'm supposed to be running this thing. Besides, Eric is off in some cabin somewhere writing his next pilot."
"He sold "Octocobra"?"
"Yes!"
"Mother of God. They'll buy anything."
INT. SUPERNATURAL SET
"I don't know," Dean said. "I mean, Virgil broke through. Maybe he's got a way to get back."
"Or he has no juice here, and now he's stuck, like us," Sam guessed.
"Yeah, either way, I want to finish kicking his ass," Natalia told her brothers.
EXT. OUTSIDE MISHA'S TRAILER
"Goodnight, Misha. Goodnight, Ciara," a crew member said.
"'Night, little fella." Misha began tweeting once again. ""ever get that feeling... Someone's in the backseat?" Frowny face."
Virgil, who was in the backseat, put a knife to Misha's throat and glared at Ciara.
"Aah! Aaaah! Aah!" Misha and Ciara cried.
"Drive," Virgil ordered.
INT. SUPERNATURAL SET
"There you are, guys!" Bob exclaimed. "You got a minute?"
"Actually, we're -- we're looking for, uh-" Sam was cut off.
"... for that extra you tried to kill? So, is it money? Is this the kind of act that goes away if we can scare up some coverage on a raise?"
Dean frowned. "More money? You already pay these three jokers enough as it is."
"Yeah," Sam and Natalia agreed.
"'Cause I'd like to think that over these years, we've grown closer," Bob said. "That you don't think of me as "director Bob" or "executive producer Bob Singer", but as "Uncle Bob.""
"Wait, you're kidding," Sam replied. "So, the character in the show, Bobby Singer-"
"What kind of douchebag names a character after himself?" Dean asked.
"Oh, that's not right."
Natalia shook her head. "Not right at all."
"Okay, guys, let's begin again," Bob suggested.
"Yeah," Dean said.
"Yeah," Sam and Natalia repeated.
"You know, I don't think Virgil would have shagged out of here without getting his mitts on that key."
"Yeah," Sam answered. "Yeah, I agree."
Natalia nodded. "Me too."
Bob looked between the siblings. "Guys... You can't come to work on poppers and smuggle kidneys in from Mexico and make up your own lines as you go! You cannot make up your own lines! Good God, what about your careers? Lucy, this could ruin your other show."
"You know what? Screw our careers, Bob," Sam said.
Natalia crossed her arms. "Screw both shows."
"What?!" Bob cried.
"You heard my brother and sister," Dean replied. "That's right, I said "brother" and "sister." 'Cause you know what, Bob? We're not actors. We're hunters. We're the Winchesters. Always have been, and always will be. And where we're from, people don't know who we are. But you know what? We mattered in that world. In fact, we even saved a son of a bitch once or twice. And yeah, okay, here, maybe there's some -- some fans who give a crap about this nonsense."
"I wouldn't call it nonsense."
"But, Bob Singer -- If that even is your name -- Tell me this -- What does it all mean?"
"Okay. This is good. I mean, we've all had our psychotic breaks, right? I can work with this."
"Dean, Natalia," Sam called. "Virgil -- I think he has the key."
"We quit," Dean and Natalia said.
EXT. ALLEY
"Okay, okay, okay," Misha and Ciara repeated. "Easy, easy."
"How do you two do it?" Virgil asked.
"Please."
"Live in this grubby, shabby desert? Nothing greater than yourselves."
"Ohh."
"Nothing but dirt when you die."
Misha frowned. "What? Aah! Aah! Aah! Oh, oh."
"No power, no magic."
Ciara's brow furrowed. "We're so -- we're not following you at all."
"There's no magic in your universe!"
A homeless man watched from a distance.
"We're sorry!" Misha cried. "Please!"
"Nothing but a bag of strings and pulleys," Virgil said.
"What?!" Misha and Ciara exclaimed.
"You two should thank me for what I'm about to do."
"Why? What are you about to do?" Misha asked.
"I need to make an important call. I pray to God that it even goes through." Virgil stabbed Misha and Ciara. "This is what I've been reduced to." He looked into his chalice of blood. "Raphael."
INT. PADALECKI MANSION
"Maybe we can get on the police dispatch system," Sam guessed.
"Put out an A.P.B. on Virgil," Dean told his siblings. "Might work, if he stays obvious."
Natalia frowned. "It's not like we have a lot of time."
"Oh, my God! Oh, my God!" Genevieve cried.
"What?" Sam asked.
"Misha and Ciara! They've been stabbed to death!"
"Where?" Sam, Dean and Natalia questioned.
"Where?!"
EXT. ALLEY
"Yeah, yeah, Raphael," the homeless man said. "Like the ninja turtle. He was calling someone named Raphael, up in Heaven. Yeah, yeah. That's right. The -- the scary man killed the attractive crying man and the pretty crying woman, and then he started to pray. And the strange part -- After awhile, I s-swear I heard this voice, answering."
"What did it say?" Sam asked.
"Well, it didn't make any sense."
"Try us," Dean and Natalia replied.
"The voice said, for Virgil "to return tomorrow" at the place where he crossed over, "at the time of the crossing" and Raphael would "reach through the window and take him and the key home.""
"Uh, okay. Hey, thank you." Dean handed the homeless man 50 Canadian dollars.
"Uh... Dean, Nat, if Virgil gets back with that key, Cas and Rae are dead, and our world is toast," Sam warned.
"Well, then we stop him," Natalia reasoned. "I mean, how bad can a wingless angel be?"
INT. GUNSTORE
"I'd like to see that pump-action tactical, 12-gauge," Virgil said.
"You bet," the clerk replied. "Nice choice. You really know your ordinance, mister."
"I am the weapons keeper of Heaven."
"Excuse me?"
Virgil knocked the clerk out with the butt of the rifle. "It's my job."
He started loading the gun.
INT. SUPERNATURAL SET - BOBBY'S HOUSE
"You know that if we drop Virgil, get the key, then this might be it," Dean said. "We might be stuck here."
"No, we'll figure out a way back," Sam told him. "Besides; I promised our sister we would. She misses Dylan. A lot."
"Yeah, you wouldn't be that broken up if we didn't, though."
"What? Don't be stupid."
"Well, I'm just saying. No hell below us, above us only sky."
Natalia frowned. "Dude, don't Lennon us. Our friends are back there. My boyfriend is back there."
Dean glanced at her before turning to Sam. "Yeah, but here, you got a pretty good life. I mean, back home, the hits have been coming since you were five-and-a-half years old. You got to admit, being a-a bazillionaire, married to Ruby, the whole package. It's no contest." He turned to Natalia. "You're the star of two shows. You may not have Dylan, but you're pretty well off. The hits have been coming since you were three months old. It's good here."
"No, you know, you were right," Sam said. "We just don't mean the same thing here. I mean, we're not even brothers and sister here, man, sis."
"All right, then," Dean replied. "Let's get our crazy show back home. And let's get Nat back to the love of her life."
EXT. SUPERNATURAL SET
Bob gestured to a Hummer pulling into the lot. "Oh, this might be him here."
"Bob, dude," Eric greeted. "What the hell, right?"
"Eric. Thanks for coming."
"Of course."
"I know you're busy. It means a lot that we can still, you know, call on you."
"Yeah. Misha and Ciara, right?"
"Oh, I know, I know. It's just awful!"
"It's totally, totally awful. Yeah. It got us the front page of Variety, though. Did you see that?"
"Front page? Really?"
"Yeah, yeah."
"But tragic."
"Yeah, tragic. That's what I was gonna say."
"How's "Octocobra"?"
"Oh, I think I really had a breakthrough. I'll tell you all about it over lunch, though."
"I can't wait."
"Yeah. Okay, so am I just gonna bust in their trailer, guns blazing, and then take care of this whole mess and-" a crew member got Bob's attention.
"What's the matter?"
"What?"
"That guy." Bob nodded towards Virgil who was walking towards them. "I think that's the extra!"
"Oh, fantastic. We can nip this bud right out of the gate. Hey, extra! Over here!"
"Gun!" a crew member yelled. "He's got a gun!"
"Noooooo!"
Eric was shot by Virgil, Desperado style.
INT. SUPERNATURAL SET
"I don't think we have gunfire on the call sheet today, hmm?" Kevin said.
Virgil entered and proceeded to shoot the crew; Serge dodged a bullet.
"Hey!" Sam yelled.
Dean and Natalia lunged at Virgil and punched him. Sam joined the fight and took the key back from Virgil.
"Dean! Natalia!" Sam called. "Got it!" He noticed the glowing sigil on the window. "Raphael. Run!"
Dean, Sam and Natalia flew backwards through the window into a freeze frame.
EXT. OUTSIDE MOTEL
"You three... Have the strangest luck," Raphael said.
"Raphael?" Dean questioned. "Nice meat suit. Dude looks like a lady." Natalia snickered.
Raphael squeezed her fist and caused Dean, Sam and Natalia to bend over in pain. "The key." She picked it up from the ground.
"And that will open you a locker at the Albany bus station," Balthazar told her.
"Really."
"You see, I needed a modest decoy to make it more convincing."
"Give me the weapons."
"Sorry, darling. They're gone."
"What?!"
"I said, too bloody late. You see, they were so well-hidden that I needed time to find them. So, I volunteered these three marmosets for a game of fetch with Virgil. You three were such an adequate stick. Thank you. Thank you, boys. Thank you, girl."
"You've made your last mistake."
"Oh, I've got a few more up my sleeve, honey."
"Step away from him, Raphael," Castiel ordered. "I have the weapons now. Their power is with me."
"Castiel. Azrael," Raphael noted.
Azrael narrowed her eyes. "If you don't want to die tonight, back off."
"Well, Cas, Rae... Now that you have your swords, try not to die by them," Balthazar told them.
Castiel and Azrael brought the siblings back to Bobby's house.
"Cas, Rae, what the hell?" Sam asked. "Wait, wait, you two were in on this, using us as diversion?"
"Azrael wasn't," Castiel replied. "It was Balthazar's plan. I would have done the same thing."
"That's not comforting, Cas," Dean said.
"When will I be able to make you understand. If I lose against Raphael, we all lose. Everything."
Natalia frowned. "Yeah, Cas. We know the stakes. That's about all you've told us! Rae hasn't said much either."
"I'm sorry about all this. Azrael and I'll explain when we can." They disappeared.
"Friggin' angels," Dean and Natalia muttered.
Sam knocked on the wall. "Solid." He breathed out in relief. "It's real. Nice."
"Yeah," Dean agreed. "Yeah, real, moldy, termite-eaten home sweet home. Chock full of crap that want to skin you. Oh, and, uh, we're broke again."
"Yeah," Natalia said. "But, hey... At least we're talking. Gimme a sec." She dialed a number.
"Hey, you've reached Dylan. If you're calling about a job, leave a message and I'll get back to you soon."
She hung up and smiled. "Voicemail works. We really are home."