[Changing Channels]
EXT. SUN 'N SANDS MOTEL
"Supernatural is filmed before a live studio audience," Dean voiced.
INT. BRIGHT MOTEL ROOM
Dean put some things n a refrigerator, closed the fridge, and turned. There was applause. There was a sandwich on the table, about a foot tall.
"I'm gonna need a bigger mouth," Dean commented.
A laugh track sounded.
Natalia looked up from her book. "Holy - You're gonna need a bigger mouth."
The laugh track sounded again.
Sam entered the room and applause sounded.
"Hey there, Sam," Dean greeted. "What's happening?"
"Oh, nothing," Sam replied. "Um. Just the end of the world." The laugh track sounded again. "You're gonna need a bigger mouth." Laugh track. "Hey, uh, have you done your research yet? Nat, how about you?"
A 'busted' expression crossed Dean's face, causing the laugh track. Natalia's eyes darted from side to side.
"Oh, yeah," Dean said. "All kinds of research. All night."
"Totally," Natalia added, hiding her book.
"Yeah?" Sam questioned. "Hm."
The bathroom door opened. A woman in a bikini came out and the crowd wolf-whistled.
"Oh, Dean..." the woman called, causing Sam and Natalia to look at her and Dean to turn, realizing he'd been caught. "We have some more research to do."
Sam folded his arms and Natalia rolled her eyes as they said, "Dean..."
A laugh track sounded.
"Son of a bitch!" Dean cried.
The laugh track sounded again.
INT. HOUSE
Dean, Sam and Natalia looked around an empty house.
"Town to town, two lane roads, family biz, hunting bros and sis."
Dean, Sam and Natalia backed into each other, startled, turned around, and burst out laughing.
"Living a lie just to get by."
Sam opened a cabinet. A white-sheeted 'ghost' waggled at him. HE shut the cabinet and stood against the door.
"As long as we're movin' forward."
Dean was working on the Impala with assistance from Natalia. They wiped their foreheads, smearing grease there. Sam pointed and laughed. Dean and Natalia looked at their hands and laughed.
"There's nothing we can't do, together we'll face the day."
EXT. PARK
Dean and Sam rode a tandem bicycle while Natalia rode on the handlebars.
"You two and I won't run away."
Dean, Sam and Natalia raced on absurdly small motorcycles.
Sam threw a football to Dean, who caught it and bounced it off the ground. Dean threw it to Natalia and she jumped in the air and caught it.
"When the demons come out to play."
Dean, Sam and Natalia each flopped backwards onto the ground.
INT. BRIGHT MOTEL ROOM
Dean, Sam and Natalia each held half-eaten burgers. The clinked together beer bottles and grinned.
"Together we'll face the day!"
WELLINGTON, OHIO - TWO DAYS EARLIER
INT. HOSPITAL
Several medical personnel exited an elevator.
A voice over the intercom said, "All on-duty interns please report to station five south. All on-duty interns please report to station five south."
A man in a white lab coat, Dr. Palmer, and a woman in blue scrubs, Dr. Piccolo, entered the elevator.
The moment the doors closed, they began making out.
INT. DARK MOTEL
Dean and Natalia were sitting watching the hospital scene, rapt.
"What are you two watching?" Sam asked.
"Hospital show," Dean replied. "Dr. Sexy, MD. I think it's based on a book."
"When did you hit menopause?"
"Somewhere in his mid-20s," Natalia said. "Anyway, it's called channel surfing."
Dean got up and turned off the TV. Sam grabbed his suit jacket off the other bed and put it on.
"You two ready?" Dean asked.
"Are you?" Sam and Natalia replied.
Dean grabbed his keys and walked out.
INT. POLICE STATION
"One more them the FBI is here why, exactly?" An officer questioned.
"Might have something to do with one of your locals getting his head ripped off, Dean answered.
"Bill Randolph died from a bear attack."
"How sure are you that is was a bear?" Sam asked.
"What else would it be?"
"Well, whatever it was, it chased Mr. Randolph through the woods, smashed through his front door, and followed him up the stairs, and killed him in his bedroom," Natalia said. "Is that common, a bear doing all that?"
"Depends how pissed off it it, I guess. Look, the Randolphs live way up in high county. You got trout runs to make a grown man weep. And bears."
"Right," Sam noted. "Now, what about Mrs. Randolph? The file says she saw the whole thing."
"Yes, she did. My heart goes out to that poor woman."
"She said bear," Dean remembered.
"Kathy Randolph went through a hell of a trauma. She's confused."
"What did she say?" Sam pressed.
INT. INTERVIEW ROOM
Sam, Dean and Natalia were sitting at a table with Kathy Randolph.
"No, it must have been a bear," Kathy said. "I mean, what else could it have been?"
"Mrs. Randolph, what do you think it was?" Sam questioned.
"No, I, I remember clearly now. It was definitely a bear."
"We're sure it was," Dean replied. "But see, it helps us to hear every angle. So just tell us what you thought you saw."
"It's impossible, but... I could have sworn I saw... the Incredible Hulk."
"The Incredible Hulk," Sam repeated.
"I told you it was crazy."
"Bana or Norton?" Dean and Natalia asked.
"Oh, no, those movies were terrible. The TV Hulk."
"Lou Ferrigno."
"Yes."
"Spiky-hair Lou Ferrigno," Dean said.
"Yes."
"Huh."
Dean, Sam and Natalia looked at each other.
"You think I'm crazy," Kathy commented.
"No," Dean told her. "Uh, no, it's just... is there, uh, would there be any reason that Lou Ferrigno, the Incredible Hulk, would have a grudge against your husband?"
"No."
"No."
INT. DARK MOTEL ROOM
Dean was at his laptop, looking at an article in the Wellington Guardian about a 'Local man killed in bear attack'. He looked up when Sam and Natalia entered.
"Hey," Sam and Natalia greeted.
"Find anything?" Dean asked.
"Well, uh, we saw the house," Sam replied.
"And?"
"And there is a giant eight-foot-wide hole where the front door used to be," Natalia answered. "Almost like, uh-"
"A Hulk-sized hole."
"Perhaps. What do you got?"
Well, it turns out that Bill Randolph had quite the temper. He's got two counts of spousal battery, bar brawls, and court-ordered anger management sessions. You might say you wouldn't like him when he's angry."
"So a hothead getting killed by TV's greatest hothead," Sam sad. "Kinda sounds like just desserts, doesn't it?" Dean snorted. "It's all starting to make sense."
"How is it starting to make sense?"
"Well, we found something else at the crime scene," Natalia told him as she and Sam pulled candy wrappers from their pockets. "Candy wrappers." They dropped them. "Lots of them."
"Just desserts, sweet tooth, screwing with people before you kill 'em - we're dealing with the Trickster."
"Sure looks like it," Sam noted.
"Good. I've wanted to gank that mother since Mystery Spot. Nat too, I think."
"You sure?"
"Yeah I'm sure."
"No, I mean are you sure you wanna kill him?"
Natalia crossed her arms. "Son of a bitch didn't think twice about icing me and Dean a thousand times."
"No, I know, I mean, I'm just saying-"
Dean cut him off. "What are you saying? If you don't want to kill him, then what?"
"Talk to him?"
"What?" Dean and Natalia asked.
"Think about it, Dean, Nat. He's one of the most powerful creatures we've ever met. Maybe we can use him."
"For what?"
"Okay, Trickster's like a Hugh Hefner type, right? Wine, women, song - maybe he doesn't want the party to end. Maybe he hates this angels and demons stuff as much as we do. Maybe he'll help us."
"You're serious," Dean said.
"Yeah."
"Ally with the Trickster."
"Yeah."
"A bloody, violent monster, and you wanna be Facebook friends with him? Nice, Sammy."
"The world is gonna end, Dean, Natalia. We don't have the luxury of a moral stand. Look, I'm just saying it's worth a shot. That's all. If it doesn't work, we kill him."
Dean sighed. "How are we gonna find the guy, anyway?"
"Well, he never takes just one victim, right? He'll show."
Dean and Natalia were sharpening wooden stakes and Sam was staring at the police scanner.
"Um, Dispatch?" A voice over the scanner said. "I, I got a possible 187 out here at the old paper mill on Route 6?"
"Hey," Sam called, causing his siblings to stop working and focus on the scanner.
"Roger that," Dispatch answered. "What are you looking at there, son?"
"Honestly, Walt, I, I wouldn't even know how to describe what I'm seeing. Just - send everybody."
"All right, stay calm, stay by your car. Help's on the way."
Sam turned off the scanner.
"That sounds weird," Natalia noted.
"Weird enough to be our guy," Sam said.
EXT. WAREHOUSE
Dean, Sam and Natalia got out of the Impala. No one else was in sight.
"There was a murder here, and there's no police cars," Dean commented. "There's nobody. How's that look to you two?"
"Crappy," Sam and Natalia replied.
Dean pulled three stakes and two flashlights from the trunk and handed one of each to Sam and Natalia. He closed the trunk and they entered the building.
INT. HOSPITAL
Sam, Dean and Natalia were each wearing white lab coats. They looked around, at each other, and themselves.
"What the hell?" Dean and Natalia asked.
A blonde doctor and an Asian doctor, Dr. Wang, passed by.
"Doctor," the blonde doctor greeted.
"Doctor," Dr. Wang repeated.
"Doctor?" Sam wondered.
Dean opened the door they'd just entered through. It led to a janitor's closet where a man and a woman were making out. Dean closed the door, looking freaked.
A brunette doctor, who looked like Dr. Piccolo from Dr. Sexy, MD, turned away from the receptionist's desk and approached Sam, Dean and Natalia.
"Doctor," the brunette doctor greeted, slapping Sam.
"Ow!" Sam cried, holding his cheek.
"Seriously."
"What?"
"Seriously? You're brilliant, you know that? And a coward. You're a brilliant coward."
"Um. What are you talking about?"
She slapped him again. "As if you don't know!"
The brunette doctor stalked off and Dean and Natalia gawked after her.
"I don't believe this," Dean said.
"What?" Sam questioned.
"That's Dr. Piccolo."
"Who?"
"Dr. Ellen Piccolo. The sexy yet earnest doctor at-" he looked at the sign behind the receptionist's desk and gestured at it angrily, reading it aloud. "Seattle Mercy Hospital."
"Dean. What the hell are you talking about?"
Natalia looked up at him. "The doctor getups. The, the pretty interns. The 'seriously's'. It all makes sense."
"What makes sense? what's going on?"
"We're in Dr. Sexy, MD," Dean and Natalia told him.
The siblings walked through the hospital corridors.
"Dude, sis, what the hell," Dean said.
"I don't know," Sam and Natalia replied.
"No, seriously, what the hell."
"I don't know."
"One theory. Any theory."
"Uh, the Trickster trapped us in TV Land," Sam guessed.
Natalia frowned. "That's your theory?That's stupid."
"You and Dean are the ones who said we're on Dr. Sexy, MD."
"Yeah, but TV land isn't TV Land," Dean said. "I mean, there's actors and, and lights and crew members, you know. This looks real."
"I can't be. Dean, Nat, how can this possible be real?"
"I don't know," Dean and Natalia admitted.
Dr. Wang walked past. "Doctors."
"There goes Dr. Wang," Dean informed. "The sexy but arrogant heart surgeon." Dean watched her go down the corridor and saw her pass a man sitting on a gurney. "And there's Johnny Drake. Oh, he's not even alive, he's a ghost in the mind of-" another brunette doctor entered and sat next to Johnny. "Of her. The sexy yet neurotic doctor over there."
"So... this show has ghosts?" Sam asked. "Why?"
"I don't know. It is compelling."
"I thought you said you wren't a fan."
"I'm not. I'm not."
Natalia tapped Dean's shoulder and stared as they mumbled, "Oh boy."
"What?" Sam questioned.
"It's him," Dean said.
"Who?"
Dr. Palmer came down the corridor.
"It's him, it's Dr. Sexy."
Dr. Palmer stopped next to Sam, Dean and Natalia. He looked at Dean. "Doctor."
Dean looked down and hid his smile. "Doctor."
Dr. Palmer turned to Natalia. "Doctor."
Natalia grinned. "Doctor."
Dr. Palmer addressed Sam. "Doctor."
Sam nodded and Dean and Natalia whacked him. "Doctor."
"You want to give me one good reason why you defied my direct order to do the experimental face transplant on Mrs. Biehl?"
Dean's expression went from awed to confused. He glanced at Sam and Natalia, then back. "One reason?" Dr. Palmer nodded. "Sure."
Natalia looked down to see white tennis shoes. She and Dean slammed him against the wall as Natalia said, "You're not Dr. Sexy."
"You two are crazy," Dr. Palmer replied.
"Really?" Dean shot back. "Because she and I swore part of what makes Dr. Sexy sexy is the fact that he wears cowboy boots."
"Yeah. You're not a fan," Sam said.
"It's a guilty pleasure."
"Call security," Dr. Palmer ordered.
"Yeah, go ahead pal," Natalia challenged. "See, we know who you are."
Dr. Wang, the blonde doctor, and a security guard were approaching. They and the other extras freeze-framed. Dean and Natalia glanced around; only they, Sam and Dr. Palmer were still moving.
Dr. Palmer grinned and morphed into the Trickster before saying, "You guys are getting better!"
"Get us the hell out of here," Dean demanded.
"Or what?" The Trickster asked as he grabbed Dean and Natalia's arms and twisted, hurting them. "Don't say you have wooden stakes, big guy, little girl."
"That was you on the police scanner, right? This is a trick," Sam realized.
"Hello? Trickster. Come on! I heard you three yahoos were in town. How could I resist?"
"Where the hell are we?" Dean asked.
"Like it? It's all homemade. My own sets-" he rapped on the window in a nearby door, then indicated the frozen extras. "My own actors... call it my own little idiot box."
Natalia crossed her arms. "How do we get out?"
"That, my friend, is the $64 question."
"Whatever," Sam said. "We just, we need to talk to you. We need your help."
"Hm, let me guess. You three muttonheads broke the world, and you want me to sweep up your mess."
"Please. Just five minutes. Hear us out."
"Sure. Tell you what. Survive the next 24-hours, we'll talk."
"Survive what?" Dean and Natalia questioned.
"The game!"
"What game?"
"You're in it."
"How do we play?" Dean asked.
"You're playing it."
"What are the rules?"
The Trickster raised his eyebrows, grinned, and vanished in a burst of static. The extras unpaused.
"Oh, son of a bitch," Dean and Natalia stated.
"Dr. Sexy? Dr. Sexy?" A blonde doctor called, walking past.
Dean, Sam and Natalia continued down the corridor after her.
"Paging Dr. Sexy, Report to the ER."
Dean frowned at Sam. "Oh, by the way. Talking with monsters? Hell of a plan."
"Just, what do we do now?" Sam wondered.
Natalia pursed her lips. "You know what Dean and I are doing? Leaving."
Dr. Piccolo appeared and took another swing at Sam, who ducked.
"Lady, what the hell?" Sam asked.
"You are a brilliant, brilliant-" Dr. Piccolo was cut off.
"Yeah. A coward. You already said that. But I got news for you. I am not a doctor."
"Don't say that. You are the finest cerebrovascular neurosurgeon I have ever met, and I have met plenty. So that girl died on your table. It wasn't your fault. It wasn't anybody's fault. Sometimes people just die."
"I have no idea what you're saying to me."
"You're afraid. You're afraid to operate again. And you're afraid to love." She left, sobbing.
"Yeah, we're getting out of here," Sam agreed.
"Hey, doctors," a man called.
Dean and Natalia stopped and turned to him. "Yeah."
"My wife needs that face transplant."
"Okay," Dean said. "You know what, pal? None of this is real, and your wife doesn't need jack squat. Okay?"
Dean, Sam and Natalia kept going.
"Hey, doctor," Mr. Biehl called as he raised a gun.
In a split second, Natalia rushed Dean, knocked him out of the way, and was shot in the back.
Dean stared at her as she fell to her knees and steadied her fall.
"Dee? I think it's real-"
"No no no, no no no no no - hey!" Sam yelled as Dean applied pressure to Natalia's wound. "We need a doctor!" He looked around frantically as Dean kept applying pressure.
INT. OPERATING ROOM
Natalia was facedown on an operating table, staring through the headrest at several pairs of white tennis shoes.
Dr. Wang passed an operating instrument to another doctor.
Sam and Dean were dressed in operating scrubs, as was everyone else in the room. Dr. Piccolo was watching through the glass. Sam held something absorbent against Natalia's injury with a pair of tweezers. He handed the tweezers to another doctor and pressed an already bloodstained cloth to the injury.
"BP is 80 over 50 and dropping," the blonde doctor said.
"Doctor," Dr. Wang called, holding out a scalpel.
Sam didn't take it. "What?"
Dr. Wang and the blonde doctor exchanged glances.
"Sam. Do something," Natalia told him. "Come on."
Sam leaned over and spoke in an undertone. "I don't know how to use any of this crap."
"Well, figure it out. You don't want me to die on you, do you?"
Sam grinned awkwardly at the other doctors, earning a shrug from Dean, but didn't do anything.
"Sam. Come on. I'm waiting," Natalia said.
"Okay. Um. I need a penknife, some dental floss, a sewing needle, and a fifth of whiskey." The other doctors, excluding Dean, looked at him and each other. "Stat!"
Everyone started moving.
Sam sewed her up and snipped off the extra floss from Natalia's stitches.
"We okay?" Natalia asked. "How's it looking?"
"Yep. You'll be fine," Sam reassured.
"Good. God, I hate needles."
Sam looked up and caught sight of Dr. Piccolo, who mouthed 'I love you' and sighed as she smiled.
The shoes left Natalia's vision. The lighting and texture shifted, the music faded, and the light started flashing in time with clapping. There were shouts. The floor had become two doors, which slid apart.
INT. JAPANESE GAME SHOW
Behind the doors was blue-lit smoke. A Japanese man came out of the doors and forward between two Japanese women and Dean and Sam, both of whom were wearing normal outfits, and in front of Natalia in the audience, who was wearing her normal outfit.
The Japanese host said something in Japanese then said in English, "Let's play Nutcracker!"
The crowd cheered and applauded as Natalia looked around, confused. A caption appeared. Dean looked around. He was standing in shoes glued to a platform that had a slot for a pole with a large ball at the end. Sam was similarly situated. Natalia was dead center in the audience. To one side was an LED screen that said 20.
The host said something in Japanese and pulled cards from his jacket. Silence fell. "Sam Winchester."
The host asked in Japanese, "What was the demon you chose over your own brother and sister?" He switched to English. "Countdown."
"What?" Sam asked as the clock ticked down the seconds. "Uh, what am I supposed to say?"
"You think I know?" Dean retorted.
He looked to Natalia who shrugged.
Sam addressed the host. "Uh, I, I don't, I don't understand Japanese."
The host repeated the question in Japanese. "What was the name of the demon you chose over your own brother and sister?"
"Is he screwing with me? I, I, I can't speak Japanese."
The screen hit zero and there was a buzz.
The host said in Japanese, "The answer is..." he switched to English, "Ruby! I'm sorry, Sam Winchester."
Sam frowned. "Sorry? Sir? For what?" The host mimed hiding laughter. "Dean? Nat?"
The pole on Sam's platform came up so that the ball whacked Sam in the crotch. Dean was horrified, Natalia was wincing, and the crowd cheered.
"Nutcracker!" The host cried.
"Sam?" Dean called.
"Sam!" Natalia yelled from the audience.
Sam made an inarticulate noise. A Japanese woman held up a bag of shrimp chips and advertised them.
"You okay?" Dean asked as Natalia ran up to check on him.
Sam looked at his siblings. Dean and Natalia looked at Sam's platform, then at the other, and he cringed.
The Japanese woman asked the audience to buy the chips.
The light on the doors started flashing again.
"Oh now what?" Dean and Natalia questioned.
The doors opened to reveal Castiel and Azrael. The crowd cheered.
"Cas? Rae?"
"Is this another trick?" Sam asked.
"It's us," Castiel replied. "Uh, what are you doing here?"
"Us?" Dean wondered. "What are you two doing here?"
"Looking for you," Azrael explained. "You've been missing for days."
"So get us the hell out of here, then!" Sam cried.
"Let's go," Castiel and Azrael said as they raised their arms to touch Dean, Sam and Natalia on the foreheads and both vanished in a burst of static.
"Cas? Rae?" Dean and Natalia called.
The host came back to center stage. "No, no, no, no. Mr. Trickster does not like pretty-boy or pretty-girl angels."
Natalia made her way back to her spot, hoping they'd get out of the game show soon.
The host pulled out another card and spoke in Japanese. "Dean Winchester. Would your mother and father still be alive... if your brother and sister were never born?" He spoke in English. "Countdown."
The countdown started.
"What do I do, what do I do?" Dean asked in a panicked tone.
"What?" Sam wondered
"I don't wanna get hit in the nuts."
"I don't know, I, I, uh, just, uh - wait."
"What?"
"I played a doctor."
"What?"
"In, uh, in Dr. Sexy, I played a doctor. I operated."
"So?"
"So I played the role the Trickster wanted me to play. Maybe we should just go along with it."
"Go along with what?"
"With the game! You know, we're on a game show, right? So just answer the question!"
"In Japanese?"
"Yeah!"
"I don't know any Japanese!"
"Try!"
"Dammit!" He hit the button and the countdown froze just before the buzz.
Dean answered in Japanese, "The answer is... yes?"
The host spoke the last few syllables, as did Dean. The host shouted something in Japanese and Dean braced himself.
"Dean Winchester, Nutcracker champion!" The host cried.
The crowd cheered and Natalia let out a relieved sigh.
"How did you do that?" Sam wondered.
"I have no idea," Dean replied.
"So that's it. We play our roles, we survive."
"Yeah, but play our roles for how long?"
"Good question."
Dean forced a grin and waved.
COMMERCIAL
EXT. LAKE
A woman did a yoga pose. "I've got genital herpes."
INT. HOUSE
An old man sat on a couch. "I've got genital herpes."
EXT. BASKETBALL COURT
Four men and a woman were playing basketball. One made a basket. He turned around; it was Sam, looking incredibly uncomfortable.
"Seriously?" Sam asked.
Dean came up behind him. "Hey, you're the one who said play our roles."
"Yeah. Right."
Dean clapped him on the shoulder and went back to the game.
"I've got genital herpes," Sam said.
EXT. LAKE
The woman sat in another yoga pose. "I try to be responsible."
INT. HOUSE
The old man looked at another woman. "Did I try."
EXT. BASKETBALL COURT
"But now I take twice-daily Herpexia to reduce my chances of passing it on."
EXT. LAKE
"Ask your doctor about using Herpexia."
INT. HOUSE / EXT. LAKE
The old man and the other woman were slow-dancing. The woman did other yoga poses.
Dean voiced, "Patients should always consult with a physician before using Herpexia. Possible side effects include headaches, diarrhea, permanent erectile dysfunction, thoughts of suicide, and nausea."
EXT. BASKETBALL COURT
"I am doing all I can to slightly lessen the spread of - of genital herpes," Sam said. "And that's a good thing."
Sam went back to the game and the Herpexia logo appeared.
EXT. SUN 'N SANDS MOTEL
"We now return to Supernatural," Dean informed.
INT. BRIGHT MOTEL
"Son of a bitch!" Dean cried.
A laugh track sounded and there was applause.
Sam went towards the bikini woman and glared over his shoulder at Dean as he said, "Uh, I am really, really, very sorry, but, uh, we've got some work to do."
He escorted the woman to the door.
"But we did do work!" The woman exclaimed. "In depth."
The laugh track sounded again. Dean waved at her as she left. Sam shut the door and shook his head while Natalia rolled her eyes.
Dean spoke through a forced smile. "How long do we have to keep doing this?"
"I don't know," Sam admitted as applause sounded. "Maybe forever?" The laugh track sounded. "We might die in here." Laugh track.
"How was that funny?" Dean asked. "Vultures."
"Heathens," Natalia spat.
There was yet another laugh track. The door opened to reveal Castiel and Azrael with minor injuries. There was applause.
"You two okay?" Dean and Natalia questioned.
"We don't have much time," Castiel replied.
"What happened?" Sam wondered.
"We got out."
"From where?" Dean pressed.
"Listen to us," Azrael said. "Something... something is not right. This thing is much more powerful than it should be."
Natalia frowned. "What thing - the Trickster?"
"If it is a trickster," Castiel answered.
Sam frowned. "What do you mean?"
Castiel and Azrael were flung backwards into the wall, their faces hidden. The Trickster appeared at the door.
"Hello!" The Trickster greeted.
Applause and cheers sounded. Castiel and Azrael got up; their mouths had been duct-taped shut.
"Thank you," the Trickster said. "Thank you, ladies." Castiel and Azrael glared at the Trickster. "Hi, Castiel! Hi, Azrael!"
The Trickster gestured to Castiel and Azrael, who vanished in a burst of static.
"You know them?" Sam asked.
"Where did you just send them?" Dean and Natalia demanded.
"Relax, they'll live... Maybe," the Trickster said.
Dean narrowed his eyes. "All right, you know what? I am done with the monkey dance, okay? We get it."
"Yeah? Get what, hotshot?"
"Playing our roles, right? That's your game?"
"That's half the game."
"What's the other half?" Sam questioned.
"Play your roles out there."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Natalia questioned.
"Oh, you know. Sam starring as Lucifer. Dean starring as Michael. Natalia starring as the sacrificial lamb. Your celebrity death match. Play your roles."
"You want us to say yes to those sons of bitches and let our sister die?" Sam asked.
"Hells yeah! Let's light this candle."
"We do that, the world will end."
"Yeah? And whose fault is that? Who popped Lucifer out of the box? Hm? Look, it's started. You started it. It can't be stopped. So let's get it over with!"
Sam glared at the Trickster.
"Heaven or Hell, which side you on?" Dean wondered.
"I'm not on either side," the Trickster replied.
"Yeah, right. You're grabbing ankle for Michael or Lucifer. Which one is it?"
"You listen to me, you arrogant dick. I don't work for either of those S.O.B.s. Believe me."
"Oh, you're somebody's bitch."
The Trickster's smile vanished. He grabbed Dean by the collar and slammed him into the wall. "Don't you ever, ever presume to know what I am. Now listen very closely. Here's what's gonna happen. You're gonna suck it up, accept your responsibilities, and play the roles that destiny has chosen for you."
"And if we don't?" Natalia retorted.
The Trickster grinned. "Then you'll stay here in TV Land. Forever. 300 channels and, uh, nothing's on." He snapped his fingers.
CSI MIAMI
EXT. PARK
A man laid on the ground with a stomach wound. Crime-Scene markers surrounded him and cameras flashed. Dean, Sam and Natalia were standing outside the crime-scene tape, watching the various extras work. They turned; the boys were wearing suits with matching blue shirts and sunglasses while Natalia was wearing black slacks, a matching blue shirt and sunglasses.
"Oh, come on," Dean and Natalia muttered.
A police officer ducked under the crime scene tape and asked, "So, what do you think?"
"What do I think?" Dean said. "I think go screw yourself, that's what I think."
"Uh, could you give us a sec, please? Thanks," Sam replied.
The officer nodded and turned away.
Sam looked at his siblings. "You gotta calm down. And you gotta stop giving dirty looks."
"Calm down?" Dean repeated. "I am wearing sunglasses at night." He yanked them off. "You know who does that? No-talent douchebags." Sam and Natalia nodded in agreement. "I hate this game. I hate that we're in a procedural cop show and you wanna know why? Because Nat and I hate procedural cop shows. There's like 300 of them on television and they're all the freaking same. It's ooh, plane crashed here - oh shut up."
Sam noticed something at the crime scene and took off his sunglasses. "Hey."
"What?" Dean and Natalia asked.
"Check out sweet tooth over there."
The officer was sucking a lollipop.
"Think that's him?" Natalia wondered.
"Just, um, follow my lead."
Sam went over to the body and Dean and Natalia followed. They each put on their sunglasses as the crime-scene tape was raised to let them under.
"You, uh, you okay?" The officer asked.
"Yeah," Dean said. "What do we got?"
The officer knelt next to the body. "Well, aside from the ligature marks around his neck, he has what appears to be a roll of quarters jammed down his throat."
Dean took off his sunglasses, got out a flashlight, and took a closer look, as did Natalia.
Sam also took off his sunglasses before saying, "Well I say, jackpot."
The officer looked up and snorted in amusement as Sam put his glasses back on.
"Also, there is a stab wound to the lower abdomen." The officer indicated the bloodstain with his lollipop.
Dean grabbed a stick and poked at the hole in the shirt with it, getting blood on the stick, then put his sunglasses back on. "Well I say, no guts, no glory."
"Bye-bye, bucko," Natalia said.
The officer laughed.
Sam put his sunglasses back on. "Get that guy Tums."
"Gutter ball," Dean stated.
"Foul ball," Natalia added.
"Good one, guys," the officer told them.
Dean came around behind him with the stick. The officer turned towards Dean, who stabbed him with it. The stake pierced his heart. The officer collapsed and struggled to breathe. None of the extras noticed or cared except another officer, who started laughing and morphed into the Trickster.
"You've got the wrong guy, idiots," the Trickster said.
"Did we?" Dean questioned.
Sam staked the Trickster from behind and he fell over, causing a burst of static.
INT. WAREHOUSE
The Trickster was still down with a stake through him. Dean, Sam and Natalia were back in the clothes they were wearing when they entered the warehouse.
EXT. DAY-Z MOTEL
INT. DARK MOTEL
Dean finished brushing his teeth and spit. "Nat and I are worried, man. What that SOB did to Cas and Rae. You know, where are they?"
There was no response.
"Sam?" Dean and Natalia called into the empty room. "Where are you?"
EXT. DAY-Z MOTEL
Dean and Natalia headed for the Impala, his phone to his ear.
Sam voicemail sounded. "It's Sam. Leave a message."
Dean and Natalia got in the car as he said, "Sam. It's me. Where the hell did you go?" He snapped the phone shut.
"Dean? Natalia?" Sam called in an odd voice.
Dean and Natalia looked around, but Sam wasn't in the car.
"Sam? Where are you?" Natalia asked.
"I don't know."
Dean noticed a red light on the dashboard that flashed in time as Sam said, "Oh crap. I don't think we killed the Trickster."
Natalia peeked at the red light. "Knight Rider. Oh, yeah, real original!"
"Okay, stake didn't work," Dean noted. "So, what, this another trick?"
"I don't know," Sam admitted. "Maybe the stake didn't work because it's not a trickster?"
"What do you mean?"
"You heard Rae. She said this thing was too powerful to be a trickster."
"And did you notice the way he looked at Cas and Rae?" Natalia added. "Almost like he knew them."
"And how pissed he got when you brought up Michael and Lucifer."
"Son of a bitch," Dean and Natalia muttered.
"What?"
"I think Nat and I know what we're dealing with," Dean said.
EXT. CENTENNIAL POINT WILDERNESS AREA
Dean and Natalia rummaged in the trunk of the car.
"Dean? Nat?" Sam called.
"What?" Dean and Natalia asked.
"That, uh, feels really uncomfortable." Dean shut the trunk. "Ow. You two sure this gonna work?"
"No, but we have other ideas," Dean replied as he went to the front of the car and shouted at the sky. "All right, you son of a bitch! Uncle! We'll do it!"
"Should I honk?" Sam asked.
The Trickster appeared from nowhere. "Wow. Sam. Get a load of the rims on you."
"Eat me.
"Okay, boys, girl. Ready to go quietly?"
"Whoa whoa whoa, not so fast," Dean protested. "Nobody's going anywhere until Sam has opposable thumbs."
"What's the difference? Satan's going to ride his ass one way or another."
Dean and Natalia looked at him. The Trickster rolled his eyes and snapped his fingers. The KITT lights on the car went out and Sam got out of the car.
"Happy?" The Trickster questioned.
"Tell me one thing," Dean said. "Why didn't the stake kill you?"
"I am the Trickster."
"Or maybe you're not."
Sam held up a flaming cigarette lighter and tossed it dow. A ring of fire sprung up around the Trickster.
Natalia's brow furrowed. "Maybe you've always been an angel."
The Trickster looked incredulous and laughed. "A what? Somebody slip a mickey in your shake, kid?"
Natalia tilted her head and smirked. "I'll tell you what? You just jump out of the holy fire and we'll call it our mistake."
The Trickster left, then stopped. He was caught. There was another burst of static.
REALITY
INT. WAREHOUSE
"Well played, boys, girl," the Trickster complimented. "Well played. Where'd you get the holy oil?"
"Well, you might say we pulled it out of Sam's ass," Dean replied.
"Where'd I screw up?"
"You didn't," Sam said. "Nobody gets the jump on Cas and Rae like you did."
"Mostly it was the way you talked about Armageddon," Dean stated.
"Meaning?" The Trickster questioned.
"Well, call it personal experience, but no one gets that angry unless they're talking about their own family," Natalia answered.
"So which one are you?" Sam asked. "Grumpy, Sneezy, or Douchey?"
"Gabriel, okay? They call me Gabriel," the Trickster said.
"Gabriel? The archangel?"
"Guilty."
"Okay, Gabriel. How does an archangel become a trickster?" Dean questioned.
"My own private witness protection. I skipped out of heaven, had a face transplant, carved out my own little corner of the world. Till you three screwed it all up."
"What did Daddy say when you ran off and joined the pagans?"
"Daddy doesn't say anything about anything."
"Then when happened?" Sam wondered. "Why'd you ditch?"
Dean glanced at him. "Do you blame him? I mean, his brothers are heavyweight douchenozzles."
"Shut your cakehole," Gabriel retorted. "You don't know anything about my family. I love my father, my brothers, my sister. Love them. But watching them turn on each other? Tear at each other's throats? Watching her try to stop them? I couldn't bear it! Okay. So I left. And now it's happening all over again."
"Then help us stop it," Sam said.
"It can't be stopped."
Natalia frowned. "You wanna see the end of the world?"
"I want it to be over! I have to sit back and watch my own brothers kill each other thanks to you three! Heaven, Hell, I don't care who wins, I just want it to be over."
"It doesn't have to be like that," Sam told him. "There has to be some way to, to pull the plug."
Gabriel laughed. "You do not know my family. What you guys call the apocalypse, I used to call Sunday dinner. That's why there's no stopping this, because this isn't about a war. It's about two brothers that loved each other and betrayed each other and the sister who sacrificed herself. You think you'd be able to relate."
"What are you talking about?"
"You sorry sons of bitches. Why do you think you two are the vessels? Why do you think she's the sacrificial lamb? Think about it. Michael, the big brother, loyal to an absent father, Lucifer, the little brother, rebellious of Daddy's plan, and the sister, willing to lay down her life for her family. You were born to this, boys, girl. It's your destiny! It was always you! As it is in Heaven, so it must be on earth. One brother has to kill the other and the sister must willingly sacrifice herself."
"What the hell are you saying?" Dean asked.
"Why do you think I've always taken such an interest in you? Because from the moment Dad flipped on the lights around here, we knew it was all gonna end with you. Always."
There was a long pause. Sam, Dean and Natalia looked down, then at each other.
"No," Natalia said. "That's not gonna happen."
"I'm sorry. But it is." Gabriel sighed. "Guys, miss, I wish this were a TV show. Easy answers, endings wrapped up in a bow... but this is real, and it's gonna end bloody for all of us. That's just how it's gotta be."
After a moment, Gabriel continued. "So. Boys. Girl. Now what? We stare at each other for the rest of eternity?"
"Well, first of all, you're gonna bring Cas and Rae back from wherever you stashed them," Dean told him.
"Oh am I."
"Yeah. Or we're going to dunk you in some holy oil and deep-fry ourselves an archangel."
Gabriel snapped his fingers and Castiel and Azrael appeared.
"Cas, Rae, you two okay?" Dean asked.
"We're fine," Castiel replied. "Hello, Gabriel."
Azrael smiled. "Hello, brother."
"Hey, bro. Hey, sis," Gabriel greeted. "How's the search for Daddy going? Let me guess. Awful. How's helping the dead? Not too fun, is it?" Castiel and Azrael glared.
"Okay, we're out of here," Dean stated. "Come on, Sam. Come on, Natalia." He turned and walked away.
"Uh. Okay. Guys?" Sam and Natalia followed Dean. "So, so what? Huh?" Castiel and Azrael followed Dean. "You're just gonna, you're gonna leave me here forever?"
Dean stopped at the door and turned back. "No. We're not, 'cause we don't screw with people the way you do. And for the record? This isn't about some prize fight between your brothers and a sacrificial sister or some destiny that can't be stopped. This is about you being too afraid to stand up to your family."
Dean pulled the fire alarm. Gabriel looked up and the sprinklers went off before Dean said, "Don't say I never did anything for you."
Gabriel glared. Dean left, Sam and Natalia right behind. Castiel and Azrael looked back a moment and followed. The fire went out.
EXT. WAREHOUSE
The Impala was exactly where the siblings had left it and they went up to it. Castiel and Azrael hung back.
"All that stuff he was spouting in there, you think it was the truth?" Dean wondered.
"I think he believes it," Sam replied.
"So what do we do?" Natalia asked.
"I don't know."
"Well, I'll tell you two one thing," Dean said. "Right about now I wish I was back in a TV show."
"Yeah, me too."
"I'll second that," Natalia agreed. "Or, third that, I guess."
Sam, Dean and Natalia got in the car.