Kabanata 19
If I Have Nothing
"Syden," my mother called, "Your Tita Aleah's looking for you. Ang sabi niya'y tuturuan ka niyang magluto ngayon."
Nilingon ko si Mommy na nasa hamba ng aking kwarto. I was busy folding my clothes, lalo na't in-arrange ko ulit dahil nagulo na naman. I was done with some of them. Ang mga madalas kong naisusuot ay inihiwalay ko na.
"Sige, 'my. I'll go downstairs, later. Tatapusin ko lang po ito."
Tumango si Mommy at ngumiti sa akin. At this month, they weren't that busy with business. Si Daddy madalas ang pag-uwi ng late pero si Mommy naman ay sinusubukang maagang umuwi para maasikaso naman ako. It's not necessary to take care of me now. Malaki na ako at kaya ko naman ang sarili ko. I told my parents that but Mommy said that she wanted to take care of me before I get married to Rhett. Naalala ko pa ang pag-uusap namin noon.
"You're not our baby anymore, kaya habang may mga oras pang mananatili ka rito sa bahay ay susulitin ko na."
At first, I didn't get what she's saying. Mukhang napansin niya ang pagkalitong nakapaskil sa aking mukha. She smiled gently.
"Syden, when you're married to Rhett, you'll be living together. Mag-asawa na kayo kaya marapat lang iyon para mas makilala niyo ang isa't-isa. I know you're still young for this change of environment but it's not good to see newlyweds away from each other."
"Also, you need to learn hoise chores. Oo nga't hindi ka namin masyadong pinagt-trabaho sa bahay pero kailangan mong matutunan ulit iyon ngayon."
That's why they planned on giving me time to learn those chores. Kahapon ay tinuruan ako sa paglalaba ni Yaya Ising, she even told me that not all the time a washing machine is useful so I need to use my hands to wash my clothes, especially undergarments if ever laundryshops aren't available. Ang paglilinis ng bahay naman ay gamay ko na rin dahil natutunan ko naman iyon sa orphanage. In fact, it was the first lesson I had there. Una sa kwarto pagkagising tapos ay sa sarili. Then after that, it's time to clean everything in the house especially the kitchen because it is where the food is prepared.
After I was done folding my clothes, I put it inside the lower drawer of my closet. Kumuha ako ng panibagong damit, naghilamos at nagbihis.
Nagpaalam ako kay Mommy nang bumaba ng hagdan. It was already ten in the morning. Si Kuya ay nasa receiving room na at nanunuod ng tv. Arms slumped at both sides of the one-seater couch. Nagpaalam din ako kay Kuya bago ako lumabas ng bahay.
I walked towards the house of the Vasilievs. Apat na bahay pa ang pagitan ng mga bahay namin at malalawak ang lawn ng bahay pagitan kaya medyo malayo ang lalakarin. I had my umbrella with me so it's fine to walk. Hindi naman ako masyadong nakakagala kaya a few walks would be a good exercise.
I rang the doorbell of their house. Tiningala ko ang malaki nilang bahay. It was bigger than ours considering they are a bigger family than us. Mas marami ang kwarto sa kanilang bahay at maganda ang pagkakagawa, the perks if one of the owners is an architect. Si Tita Aleah naman ay magaling sa pagdidisenyo kaya maganda ang kinalabasan ng kanilang bahay.
The small gate at the side of the big one opened. It revealed Rhett in his white tank shirt and khaki shorts.
"H-hi," I greeted with a stutter. I was a but distracted of his arms flexing in front of me. Lalo na't hubad iyon dahil sa kaniyang suot.
He widened the opening of the gate to let me in. Nagkukumahog naman na pumasok ako.
"Mom called you?" sa malamig na boses ay itinanong niya iyon sa akin. I curtly nodded before walking behind him. Mas nauna na siyang pumasok sa kanilang bahay.
Sa receiving room ay nandoon si Tita Aleah at Alexei. Nang makita ako ni Tita ay agad itong tumayo para salubungin ako. Nakita kong naupo si Rhett sa tabi ng kapatid at kinuha ang remote.
"Good morning po, Tita!"
She held my wrist. "Come on, I am excited. I prepared the ingredients na."
I giggled softly. "Ako din po. Are we going to cook the Stroganoff?" I asked while we're walking towards their kitchen leaving her sons in the receiving room.
"At marami pa!" She laughed and pulled me towards the center isle of the dirty kitchen. Nandoon na nga ang mga kadalasang ginagamit na putahe.
She started telling me what to do if I cooked a Beef Stroganoff. Kailangang marunong akong pumili ng parte ng karneng gagamitin para sa putahe. Then we proceeded on the other garments for the dish such as the mushroom and onion.
"Iwan muna kita dito. I have to attend to something. Make sure not to move the beef around too much." Tita Aleah winked at me before sauntering away from the kitchen. Hinarap ko ang aking niluluto. I actually watched videos on how to cook it so I was a bit knowledgeable.
Sinunod ko ang mushroom na hiniwa ko kanina sa pan kung saan nanlalambot na ang malalaking sibuyas na hiniwa kanina. After a few minutes that the mushroom had soften and turned brown, I turned off the induction and transferred it to another plate.
Nasa kalagitnaan ako ng paglalagay ng oil sa ribeye steak nang pumasok sa kitchen si Rhett. Kumunot ang noo niya nang makitang ako lamang ang nandoon. Tumigil siya sa tapat ng center isle, kaharap akong naghahanda sa karne.
"Where's mom?" he asked eyeing what I am doing. I sprinkled both salt and pepper to the meat.
"Lumabas. She said she had to do something." I turned my back on him and put the pan back on the induction. I chose a high heat and when the pan is heated, I added the meat in one layer.
I felt movements in the kitchen. Next thing I knew, Rhett was already beside me putting another casserole pot at the other induction. My brows furrowed like a thread pulled it together. Nakita kong naglagay siya ng tubig, mantika at asin doon.
"What are you doing?" I asked.
"I am going to cook pasta. It's a good pair with the Stroganoff."
Well, don't I know that? I was actually about to pair it with rice since Tita Aleah did not tell me about pairing the dish with a pasta.
Ibinalik ko ang tingin sa karne at nakitang medyo naluto iyong side na iyon. I turned it over gently, careful not to toppled it over. Naramdaman kong mas lumapit pa sa akin si Rhett. Napatingin ako sa kaniya.
His eyes softened to me a bit. May nagbabadyang multo ng ngiti sa labi pero agad ding nawala nang mahuli niya akong nakatingin.
"You enrolled already?" he asked silently.
"Hmm," sinamahan ko iyon ng tango. I followed what Tita Aleah said not to move the meat around too much. Umalis sa tabi ko si Rhett at pagbalik ay may kasama ng bote ng white wine.
He poured a right amount over the meat. Sumimangot ako sa kaniya. "Hey, I was the one cooking."
He smirked. "I really prefer if the meat has wine, flower." He put back the cap of the bottle and returned it at the center isle. Napansin ko naman iyon kanina pero hindi ako nagbalak na gamitin iyon. I wanted to try it without wine but Rhett just had to ruin the mood.
When the meat was cooked, I went back to the mushroom and onion and poured it over the meat. I stirred the ingredients before coming back for the heavy milk.
Nakita kong kumulo na ang tubig sa casserole pot. Si Rhett ay inilagay ang Fusillini sa kumukulong tubig. He must have felt that I was watching him so he took a glance.
"Marunong kang magluto?" I asked and went back to stirring the Stroganoff.
"Had to learn it." Maikli niyang sagot. Naalala kong hindi naman pala siya palagi sa bahay nila dahil may condo siya kaya napatango ako.
"Pour the sour cream already, flower." Napapitlag ako sa kaniyang boses lalo na at parang naistorbo ako sa sobrang lapit niyon. I didn't move at first so he was the one to come over to the isle and get the container of the sour cream.
Namumula ang aking mukha nang tanawin kung paano niya inilagay iyon doon. When he was done, he went back to stirring the pasta.
"Always give attention to what you're cooking, flower," aniya habang naghahalo. As if on cue, I went back to the Stroganoff. Nakita kong may mga bubbles na sa gilid ng pan kaya pinatagal ko muna nang kaunti bago ko iyon pinatay.
I got a pot holder and put the pan on the counter. Mainit-init pa iyon. The smoke looked like a soul ascending towards the heavens.
Nilingon ko si Rhett. He was already straining the pasta and he put it over a bowl. He stride towards me carrying it.
Hindi ko pa rin alam kung bakit nga ba ako sinamahan sa kitchen. Kung nandyan ba si Tita Aleah ay hindi siya mananatili at iistorbohin ako? And speaking of Tita, nasaan na kaya iyon?
Naglapag siya ng isa pang plato sa aking harapan. With the food clip, he got a few pasta and put it on the plate.
Nakatingin lang ako habang ginagawa niya iyon. I stared at his serious face while he was doing that.
"K-kaya ko naman iyan." I interjected but he ignored me. Sunod ay naglagay siya ng Stroganoff sa ibabaw ng pasta. He arranged it like a professional chef. Kung ako siguro ang gagawa ay mukhang walang panama ang aking plating sa ginawa niya. I really don't have any art spirit in my body.
Nang matapos siya ay kumuha siya ng kutsara at tinidor. He put it at the side of the plate. He pushed the plate in front of me.
Seryoso ang kaniyang mukha habang dinudungaw ako. I pouted a bit. "You're supposed to taste what I cooked, not the other way around."
"The chefs taste their food first before they serve it," he said proving his point. Kinagat ko ang aking labi at ibinalik ang tingin sa aking niluto. I salivated at the mixed aroma.
Bahagya pang nanginig ang aking kamay nang makuha na ang kutsara doon. Sumandok ako nang kaunti at iniumang iyon sa aking bibig. Hinipan ko muna sandali bago kinain.
Habang nanguya ay naramdaman kong mas lalong lumapit sa akin si Rhett. I didn't mind though. He must probably want to know my reaction.
"It's..." natigil ang aking pagbanggit sa sasabihin sana nang maramdaman ko ang braso niya sa aking ibabang likuran. I know because it felt heavy and I can feel the warmth.
Nalingunan ko siyang nakadungaw pa rin sa akin. He arched a brow. "It's...?" he asked.
Nahirapan akong lumunok lalo na nang dumantay ang init sa aking likod. I felt warm all of a sudden because of his subtle touch.
I pursed my lips and tasted the cream on it. I cleared my throat. Parang bumara sa aking lalamunan iyong nakain.
"Tangy b-but good." napangiwi ako. It didn't sound convincing enough to say that the dish was indeed good and pleasant to the tongue.
Nangingisi si Rhett at ang malamig na pagkakatingin ay nagiging mapaglaro na. Mas lalo niya akong nilapitan kaya mas lalo kong naramdaman ang bigat ng braso at init niya sa aking likuran. I felt that his palm was already on my waist and it just stayed there. Nahigit ko ang aking hininga. Even the hairs in my nape awakened.
Kinuha niya ang kutsarang binitawan ko at sumandok din doon. Napanganga ako nang basta-basta niya na lang ipinasok iyon sa bibig.
I mean, that was my spoon! Dumaan na sa dila ko! It probably had my saliva on it but he just simply put it in his mouth, not minding if I left a trace on it.
Ngayon sa kaniyang paggalaw ay nasa gilid na ng kaniyang dibdib ang kalahati ng aking likuran. I was thin, alright that's why Rhett looks massive behind me. Kahit matangkad ako, nanliliit pa rin dahil sa kaniya. Even when he held my waist, I felt so small on his hold. Lalo na nang maramdaman ko ang paghigpit ng daliri niya doon.
"R-rhett?" I called him with a nervous tone.
Tumingin naman siya sa akin habang ngumunguya. His jaw moved in an aggressive way, grinding the food in between his teeth. He looked back at me with heavy lidded eyes such unwavering attention like that of a predator's.
Ayaw kong magtanong. Umuurong ang mga salita lalo na nang maramdaman ko kung gaano ako nao-overwhelm sa init na hatid niya. Parang may kuryenteng dumaloy at rumagasa sa aking sistema.
My heart thumped as he continuously eyed me with his silvery eyes. "What is it flower?" in his husky tone, he asked me carefully.
There was sensuality in his voice or am I just imagining it? Hindi na ako makatingin sa kaniya habang nilulukob ako ng hiya at kaba dahil sa itatanong.
I was going to ask why he was cradling me this way. Is it necessary? Or did he purposely did it? Pero bakit?
Natigil ang aking imahinasyon nang marinig ang mabigat na yabag. The warmth that Rhett was emitting suddenly vanished as Tita Aleah came into view. Nagulat pa ito nang makita ang anak na nasa aking tabi.
"Atticus Rhett, what are you doing in the kitchen?"
"Nothing," I felt him behind me. Nilagpasan niya ang pwesto ko at naglakad na. Tita Aleah was still confused but she didn't stop Rhett from leaving the kitchen.
Naiiling si Tita na lumapit sa akin. She gasped when she saw the dish that I made.
"This looks great, Syden!" iyon ang sabi niya pero nakatingin ako sa entradang nilabasan ni Rhett.
He confused me, actually.
Why did he hold me like that? B-bakit kailangang punuin niya ako ng kaba sa tuwing lumalapit siya?
Naramdaman ko ang pag-iinit sa pisngi. Ipinilig ko ang ulo at ngumiti kay Tita. She tasted the food with a different spoon. Tumango-tango siya sa lasa.
"This tastes good! Highly recommended!" she gave me a thumbs up. Lumawak naman ang aking ngiti at tinitigan ang pagkain.
It wasn't just me, he also took part in preparing that dish, made me confuse as hell. Ang kaniyang paghawak sa akin ay nararamdaman ko pa rin. It sent tingles as I remember how his eyes pierced me and how his hold sent an electric impulse to my raging heart.
Gusto kong balewalain ang sensasyon na dala ng kaniyang hawak but my mind seems too eager to remember every second of it. Kahit na sa hapag, habang kinakain namin ang aking niluto, hindi ko maiwasang balikan iyon. Lalo pa at katapat ko lang si Rhett habang kumakain.
I actually made three dishes and even when cooking those, I could still remember how he reminded me of putting all my attention to what I am cooking. Pero hindi ko naman maiwasahang hindi mawala sa atensyon lalo pa't pabigla-bigla ay pumapasok siya sa kitchen.
At the end of that day, I was filled with confusion. Lalo na at hinatid niya ako sa bahay. We were inches apart from each other while walking side by side. Parehong tahimik pero iyong puso ko naman hindi mapakali.
Nakikiramdam ako pero mukhang normal naman siya. His actions keep on lingering into my mind and even Marriam's words. Gustong-gusto kong magtanong pero umuurong naman ang aking dila.
In the end, I couldn't ask him because the moment we reached the front of our house, he immediately turned his back.
And I just watched him walk away.