Kabanata 27
"Malapit ka na maging legal."
"Illegal ba ako dati?" mataray kong tanong kay Gio.
"Grabe ka naman, sinabi ko lang kasi alam kong tatanungin mo kung pwede ba ako maging kasama sa 18 roses mo. Syempre ang sagot ko ay oo kung may shanghai."
He winked which gathered laughter from my classmates. Inaasar kasi nila ako dahil nga malapit na ang birthday ko.
I puffed my cheeks as I remember my birthday. Ang araw na inaabangan ng halos lahat ng kakilala ko. They were looking forward for it. I, on the other hand, cannot really see what's the hype is about.
My birthday is on September 8. Which is a week from now, kaya naman kahapon pa ako tinatawagan nila Mama kung ano ang balak ko. Of course, there's a freaking party. I'm their only daughter.
I'm really grateful that they are planning for it. Pero hindi ko kasi talaga gusto magkaroon ng party - rather I really don't want to do the planning for it. Hassle lang ito para sa akin.
"18 blue bills lang talaga inaabangan ko sa birthday ko." I said, honestly.
Tumawa sila sa akin. Kumunot naman ang noo ko. Akala ba nila nagbibiro ako? I really like the idea of eighteen thousand for your eighteen birthday. Easy money.
I had to set the invitations. I decided to just invite those I know and I had interactions with. Pero kahit pala ito na lang ang mga imbitado ay kulang pa rin. I really need to extend my social life, huh?
Of course, some of my classmates were also invited. Some declined since it was past their curfew and others had things to do that day.
"Ano pa bang mahihiling mo sa buhay? You have Sath." Melay asked, probably asking me what I want for a gift.
"Pera." I said while doing the money sign using my hand.
"May Church ako sa araw na 'yon pero pipilitin kong makahabol," sabi naman ni Bea.
I also decided to invite those who I think I'm close with.
"Pwede ka na mag-nomi! Ako magpapakilala sa'yo sa mga alak!" Arrisea clapped her hands, she was obviously amused.
"Arri, don't scare her like that." Adren chuckled and I notice his right hand was on her waist.
I never really saw Adren looked at someone like that- he was looking at her like she was his world. She got him whipped for her. I know Arrisea's really pretty but she's really good at her game because I know how hard it is to get into Adren's circle.
Kaibiganin nga lang si Adren parang suntok na sa buwan. Jowain pa kaya?
Even those who are not from my strand are invited. Including Sath's friends and even Philomena Gracia who I met a few times.
"Titingnan ko kung papayagan po ako. Pero reregaluhan kita, promise." Philomena said while fidgeting her fingers. She was really shy, I got to know her because of Iscalade. Medyo close kasi sila.
She's honestly so cute and if someone dates her, I hope it will be someone who really dotes on her.
I opted to invite Sath's friends since I had to complete the eighteen roses. Adren and Gio were the only ones that I consider to be my guy friends.
"Sure! Sasama ako! Gusto mo ako pa maging mascot e!" Iscalade agreed to go.
"Can I bring someone along? I have a date that day but I think she'll like go to a party too," Cae asked for my permission.
Tumango naman ako. I don't really have a lot of friends so I don't mind if someone is tagging along.
Lumingon ako kay Sath. He looked troubled, agad naman akong lumapit sa kanya para tanungin kung bakit.
"Last dance talaga ako?" Sath asked. I nodded, si Papa kasi nauto ni Mama na pumayag na si Sath ang last dance.
"Hindi ba mas maganda kung Papa mo?" his lips curled into a smile.
"Si Mama na lang tanungin mo, ikaw kasi masyado mong kinaibigan no'ng pumunta kami sa bahay niyo. Masyado tuloy boto sa 'yo." I teased.
Ang tagal kasi nila sa CR no'n. Kinausap pala siya ni Mama nang masinsinan. Mama's really protective of me.
The thing about my parents, I know they have sacrificed a lot for me. Sa pamamagitan ng pag-aaral nang mabuti na lang ako nakababawi sa kanila. That's why I'm easily tense whenever I cannot achieve what I set as my standard. I feel like I'm failing them and also I failed the expectations of others for me.
A week passed and I can't believe that I'm finally freaking legal.
I feel so old. My lips quirked, nang makita ang sarili sa salamin. I was at the middle of being a teen and an adult now. I don't even know what to feel.
My birthday's theme was blue because I always liked the color of royal blue. Ito ang main motif kaya naman kahit ang gown na susuotin ko ay kulay royal blue na rin. It was A line tulle dress that is floor length.
I had photoshoots before my birthday. I had to sacrifice days of me reviewing for my subjects just for this. Iba pala talaga ang dala ng ganitong klaseng handaan. It makes you feel special somehow.
We rented a venue for my birthday. Umaga pa lang ay inaayos na kaagad ang mga gagamitin ko. We also have photographs of me before the main event since it will be like a preview of my debut.
It was mesmerizing to see how everything about the venue screams elegance and class. A huge eighteen standee was on displayed and every little detail was colored in royal blue. The flowers used were even in the same shade as my gown.
The event made me really appreciate my parents the most. I know this isn't cheap but they still did their best to welcome me to the adult world. I love them for that, really.
My hair was curled and I was wearing make up that enhances my look. I really looked like a woman today. It made me feel beautiful.
Namumula ako dahil iniisip ko pa lang ang mga matatanggap na puri. I'm not really narcissistic but sometimes there's nothing wrong with wanting to feel beautiful.
I heard the announcement from the venue so I inhaled some air before going inside when I was called.
There was an Emcee, of course. Nagsipalakpakan naman sila nang tawagin na ako. There was a seat for me. All this attention is really making me feel so loved and appreciated.
After introducing me, the event proceeded with the greetings, messages and gifts for me. Some made me teary eyed because I was a sucker for these people. I'm glad I'm surrounded by the right people, though.
Of course, the 18 roses came.
Natatawa ako nang si Gio ang bumungad sa akin. He was laughing too. Mukhang pareho ka ng iniisip habang inaabot niya kamay niya sa akin.
"Giorgion San Pedro."
Gio playfully offered his hand, people laughed because of that. Tumawa rin ako at inabot ito, we danced while he was asking if he can take out some shanghai. Gagio talaga kahit kailan.
"Iscalade Altreano."
Iscalade offered his hand while smiling. He was telling me about things that could calm my nerves since I think he knew I was nervous. What a thoughtful guy.
"Adonis Reverio."
Adren, the gentleman that he was - the only one who offered his hand correctly. Wala naman masyadong usap na nangyari saamin, he just greeted me. A man of few words talaga.
Papa was second to the last.
"Hi Pa," I smiled at him. He also smiled at me, causing the wrinkles on the side of his eyes to show.
"Happy Birthday, anak."
"May birthday wish ka ba para saakin?"
Papa sighed as he looked at me. Sa kanyang mga mata ay nakita ko ang pinagsamang pagod at galak.
"Sana anak, kahit gaano ka maging successful sa buhay- huwag mo kami kakalimutan. At saka, sana huwag puro aral anak. Sana may oras ka rin para saamin at sa mga kaibigan mo. Sa mga taong mahal mo. Ang pagaaral, nandiyan lang 'yan. Pero kaming mga nagmamahal sa'yo..." Papa smiled with sadness.
"Di mo sure." Papa tried copying what young people usually say.
Niyakap ko siya. He's a busy man since he's the one who puts food on our table. Pero nandito siya ngayon para sa akin. I hugged him tightly and people were reacting in awe.
That's why I want to repay all of their efforts. Alam ko kung gaano nila ako kamahal. The tuition of my school isn't a joke, kaya dapat lang na matumbasan ko ito. Humilaway na sa akin si Papa at sumunod naman na ang last dance ko.
My lips curled into a smile upon seeing my boyfriend being cute as he nervously strides towards me. He even let out a breath.
"Sarathiel Aracosa."
Sath looked so nervous, I was laughing. Everyone even laughed at him because the rose on his hands fell.
"Zafirah, can you stop being so beautiful? It makes me stop functioning." He joked while gently putting his hands on my waist.
"Can't help but be beautiful. It's not my fault." I said, shrugging.
I could feel his trembling hands so I quickly squeeze his shoulders to ease his worries. Napalingon naman siya sa akin, namumungay ang mga mata habang tumatama sa amin ang sari-saring ilaw na ngayon ay binibigyan kami ng kakaibigang pakiramdam. It is as if, we're the only ones here in this room.
"Thank you for coming into my life. You are the highlight of my entire Senior Highschool. I would always be indebted to Him that he let someone like me meet someone who's as beautiful as you, Zafirah." I could see his ears reddening.
I rested my forehead on his shoulders.
"I'm more thankful for meeting you, Sath. I never knew being in a wrong room would let me meet someone who would be a huge part of life."
Sarathiel made me feel like I was a gem among the rocks. Habang sumasayaw kami ay hindi ko maiwasan ang tingnan siya. The lights were almost half lit but his face is as vivid as it can be. My heart was wildly beating for this man infront of me.
"I love you more than 3000. I have a gift for you aside from the gift on that table." He said glancing at the section where the gifts are.
"Ano 'yon?"
His hot breath caressed my ear as he whisper. Kahit malakas ang bawat kabog ng aking dibdib ay narinig ko ang kanyang pahayag para sa akin.
"You have my heart now, Zafirah. You'll always do. Please don't break it. I'll love you more than 3000 in this life."
I was lost for words. Sarathiel was giving me his heart- the embodiment of someone's whole life.
I didn't mind the stares and the whispering when I did what I have to do - I kissed Sath on his lips because I'm also in love with him. I love this guy more than 3000 - more than any number this world can offer. It's crazy, I know.
Hiyawan ang lahat nang gawin ko 'yan. Sath immediately widened his eyes. Agad siyang namula nang lumayo na ang mga labi namin.
"Ang tapang mo naman, Zafirah. Sa harap talaga ng lahat ng tao?" Clary nudged me after the whole 18 roses.
"Sorry, legal na ako." I said, smugly. I could flaunt that I have a boyfriend since I'm already eighteen.
"Happy Birthday po!" A girl who was smaller than me approached with a bright smile on her face.
She wasn't familiar so I just smiled. She was jumping and giggling.
"I'm Ashanti — teka, teka wait lang. Aisha na lang! Aisha po pangalan ko." She beamed at me.
"Hi Aisha, thank you." I greeted back.
"Pwede ba kita i-hug? Mas maganda ka pala sa personal! Grabe alam mo ini-stalk pa kita sa FB kasi akala ko kaagaw kita. Jusko, di ko kakayanin kung kasing ganda mo 'yung kaagaw ko kay Cae! Sabi ko talaga kay Cae, swap na lang sila ni Sarathiel kung pipiliin ka ni Cae. Sabi ko akin na lang 'yung palaging nasa pictures mo kasi pogi na rin naman, hindi na ako lugi. Tapos alam mo ba-" she was cut off by Cae who hugged her from behind.
Nanglalaki ang mga mata ko. Ako ang naubusan ng laway sa kanya.
Grabe, ang daldal!
"Sorry about her, Zafi. She's just really talkative." Nahihiyang sabi ni Cae.
"Grabe ka, Cae. Sinasabi ko lang naman kasi baka akalain niya hater niya ako. Hindi 'no! Ang sinasabi ko lang kung pipiliin mo siya, akin na lang si Sarathiel para fair lang!" She explained further. I was laughing because Cae looks so annoyed.
"That won't happen because you're my only noob. Silang dalawa mahilig sa matatalino, okay?" Cae tried calming his girl down.
The girl furrowed her eyebrows. "Matalino rin naman ako! Sige, tignan mo magtanong ka tapos sasagutin ko nang mabilis!"
"Who created-"
"Di ko alam!" sagot nung babae. Cae's jaw dropped.
"Akala ko ba sasagutin mo nang mabilis?"
"Sinagot ko naman! Sobrang bilis nga, di mo pa tapos 'yung tanong sinagot ko na!" Aisha has a smug look on her face.
Tumatawa lang kami ni Clary sa kanilang dalawa. What the hell is wrong with these two? Ito ba jowa ni Cae? For someone who's as calm as him, his girlfriend is really hyper!
Cae chuckled. "Your answer wasn't even correct."
"Ang sabi ko sasagutin ko nang mabilis, hindi naman sasagutin ko nang tama." Aisha lectured Cae.
Tumingin ako kay Sath na ngayon ay kausap si Mama at Papa.
I smiled to myself.
My birthday wished was for Sath and I to always be happy. Actually, I wished that Sath should always be happy with me...
Or even without me.
I just wished for his happiness because it's what he deserves. To be happy despite of everything.
That was my initial thought. Masaya naman ako. I have my family and friends. I have Sarathiel.
Yet deep down in my heart, I wasn't happy. Pakiramdam ko ay may mali sa akin. I should be happy because I have almost everything. Kumpara sa iba, my life is much better. It wasn't the case.
Umiiyak na naman ako. I crumpled the paper and throw it in the trashcan. In just a week, binawi na agad ang kasiyahan na naramdaman ko sa kaarawan ko. Parang pinatikim lang sa akin ito. In the end, I'm still stuck in this hellhole of a feeling. This empty feeling. This...
"Zafi, tara na! Meron pa tayong gagawin sa..." Melay peeked over my face. Agad akong umiwas ng tingin sa kanya.
"Hala, Zaf. Okay ka lang ba?"
I abruptly nodded and force the corner of my lips to form a smile.
"Oo naman," sagot ko. My heart reacting rapidly to what I feel.
Parang ang hirap naman huminga.
Pilit kong pinapakinggan ang usapan nila para sa isang groupings pero walang pumapasok sa isip ko kung hindi ang mga marka na nakuha ko. Hindi nga ako makapagbigay ng opinyon.
Those grades are not ideal - hindi man lang ito umaabot ng pasang awa. Kaya ko naman siguro bawiin sa periodical pero kailangan halos perfect ang periodical kung nagkataon para mabawi. I'll probably just review and put an all nighter for it.
I wanted to eliminate those thoughts. Ilang beses kong pinikit ang aking mga mata sa mga ito pero lalo lamang nila akong ginugulo.
It makes me question if I was really smart in the first place? Baka nga totoo na pinagbibigyan lang naman ako noon sa mga academic award na nakukuha ko. Maybe I was just really hardworking and I'm not that intelligent enough to attain the titles I was hoping for.
I couldn't take away the feeling, kahit kay Sath ay hindi ko magawang masabi ito. I wonder why I find it hard to tell him...that I wasn't okay.
Maybe because sometimes we just involuntarily say 'okay' to make them feel better instead of making ourselves feel better. Mas mahalaga pa minsan ang nararamdaman ng ibang tao kumpara sa mismong nararamdaman ko. That's how I felt during the days I can't even lift myself out of the bed without feeling down.
"You'll have poem recitations din?" Sath asked upon noticing me holding the poem that I will present for our class next week.
Tumango naman ako. We're at the usual study hub while he's studying for his favorite subject, hindi nawala ang pagiging masipag ni Sath sa subject na ito kahit mukhang pagod na rin siya. I can't help but feel envy because I cannot say the same when it comes to accounting. Gusto ko naman ito pero hindi ganyan ang reaksyon ko.
Binalik ko ang tingin ko sa tulang pilit kong kinakabisado. Sath looked over me with his forehead creased.
"Do you want to sleep? Gisingin na lang kita mamaya. You look tired..." malambing niyang usal. I shook my head.
"May binabasa pa ako," I replied curtly.
Sath snatched the paper from me with a teasing smile plastered on his face. Binasa niya ang tula na kinakabisado ko.
"The woman is perfected. Her dead body wears the smile of accomplishment..." Sath's tone went low. Nakita ko ang bahagyang pagbaba ng kanyang mga mata, he was silently reading the poem.
Unti-unting nagbago ang kanyang ekspresyon. His lips parted while he blink a few times. I feel so cold as I rubbed my hands on my legs.
Kumakabog ang puso ko sa kaba. I don't know why I feel like this. I feel so bad letting him read the poem that I pick. My pulse was racing as I averted my gaze away from him.
"Zafirah," he called me in an almost breathless manner. "Why did you pick this poem?"
❛ ━━━━━━･❪✎❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜