Marcus' POV:
When she let go of the words,
I feel myself breaking down,
I feel myself also broken
She was like lost, and I don't want her to be like that.
Yes, as you all can say, I like Emma but I pretend not to.
Hindi ako naniniwala sa love at first sight pero iba sa kanya
I like her the first time I saw her
But I somehow hate that I like her, I don't want to like someone because...
I'm afraid
May sakit ako, and if ever, I don't want one of us to risk our lives at the end para lang sa aming dalawa
Hindi ko gustong mawalan kami ng pake sa sarili dahil maybe we'll choose us being "together" than choosing what's good for the both of us
Ano na? Patayan?
It's dangerous and pathetic at the same time
Pero kahit mag cringe pa ako sa thought na ma inlove, kung inlove kana, wala kanang pake kung ikaw yung pinaka jeje na tao pag nag eexpress ka sa pagmamahal mo, ma rerealize mo lang yun pag break na kayo HAHAHAH
Eh gawin mo lahat para mapastay yung tao eh
Hindi ko yun gusto kaya kahit minsan, hindi ko na mapigilan, pipilitin ko parin ang sarili ko na hindi magkakagusto sa kanya
And it hurts
May freedom ako para mag mahal pero ba't parang nawala yun dahil sa sakit kong 'to?
Emma is a brave girl, she chose to break up with her boyfriend dahil hindi niya gustong mag suffer si Rhedd, pero tingnan mo, hindi pa nga nakaka move on
Hindi paba?
Kumakain na kami ngayon, sunod-sunod na yung paghahang-out namin, and it's actually feels good.
"So in conclusion, hindi kapa nakaka move on?" , tanong ko
She froze, "I'm.. I'm getting into it, e ikaw? May ex ka na ba?"
"Emma, you need to let him go, ba't mo pa yun ginawa kung hindi mo naman pala kayang pakawalan?", sabi ko na naman
"Hindi yan nakapag bigay ng sagot sa tanong ko", naiirita niyang sabi
There was this weird silence for a few seconds
"Yep", I paused, "We're still great friends though", I took one bite of my sandwhich
"Well, that's great", I can hear the hesitation in her voice, it's as if she doesn't know how to respond,
"Anyways, pumunta si Clent dito kahapon, I told him about you", she changed the topic
"And then?"
"His face was unreadable", she replied, "I don't know, baka nasanay na siyang kami lang dalawa", she continued
"Not guilty tho, I'm thankful kaya we met", she smiled
She's so pretty, "Bagay sayo ang ngumiti",
I paused and focused on the sandwhich, she looked at me , I looked at her, "Maganda ka"
She laughed at what I said, "Ano yun? Anong show yun Marcus? HAHAHHAHAHA"
Tumawa nalang din ako para hindi awkward, "Wala!"
Natapos rin namin yung kinakain namin, I did it on purpose na makipagsabay mag dinner sa kanya para ma make sure ko kung kumakain ba talaga siya
Babalik na kami sa rooms namin
"How's your mom, by the way?", she asked
"Okay lang naman, pero hindi nga lang palaging nandyan", I replied
"Does that mean ikaw lang mag-isa sa room mo ngayon?", she asked again and I just nodded
"Will you be okay though?"
"Yes I will be fine Ems, wag kang mag-alala"
Tumahimik siya, tahimik kami the rest of the walk, kaya noong nakarating na kami sa floor namin, nakita namin sa counter si Rosa, "Did you guys eat your dinner?" , she asked
"Yep", sagot ko, "tapos na po", sabi naman ni Emma
"Okay", she paused, and looked at Emma, "Emma darling, ihahatid ko lang yung meds mo sa room mo, okay?", Emma just gave her a nod
Hinatid ko nalang rin si Emma sa tapat ng kwarto niya.
"Thank you Marcus... thank you for today", she said with a smile
"Yeah, sabi ko naman sayo, I'm just here, kaya wag kanang mag dadalawang isip 'pag may problema ka okay?", she gave me a smile,
"Okay Ems?", I asked again
"Opo, boyfriend ko", she responded
Again with the 'boyfriend ko', will you stop it? HAHAHAHAHAH
Yinakap niya ako, yinakap ko rin siya.
Pumasok na siya sa room niya
I observed her hanggang sa pagsara niya, at tumalikod na ako
Pero before ako tuluyang lumayas at maglakad, narinig ko si Rosa
"Nakita ko yun", speechless as I turned to face her
"May gusto kaba sa Emma ko?", she asked
"No, we're just friends Rosa", pagsisinungaling ko
"O edi friends, pero baka hindi niyo lang alam na may nagkakagusto sa inyo", she sounded so sure
I don't know pero pumasok agad sa isip ko na may gusto rin si Emma sa'kin
I just laughed, "I really don't know Rosa", she gave me a smile, "Okay, papasok na ako, mag ingat ka"
I gave her a smile, at tumalikod na ako
Before she opened the door, she spoke words na hinding hindi ko mawala sa isip ko
"If you want her, take risks honey, hindi natin alam kung kelan matatapos ang buhay ng isang tao", at tuluyan na siyang pumasok
I didn't turn to face her at nagpatuloy nalang ako sa paglalakad
---------------
Nandito na ako sa room ko, isip-isip parin ang mga sinasabi ni Rosa
Tama siya, tama talaga siya
Pero hindi ko parin gusto, kailangan ko maging careful sa mga decisions ko
Hindi ako pwede maging selfish
Making decisions based on feelings?
No, I shouldn't
Binuksan ko yung phone ko at nag message kay Emma
Convo: Emma Charish Dela Cruz
Marcus: I hope you'll get a good night sleep, but if you don't I'll be here, my door is always open
Habang naghihintay ng reply, binuksan ko yung groupchat naming magbarkada, ang ingay nga eh
Convo: Suweegggs🤙
Chad: oy pare, gusto rawng pumunta ni Margarette dyan @Marcus Valenzona
Margarette: Luhhh? Sinabi ko ba 'yon?
Ghenel: Oo nga, rinig na rinig ko yun kanina
Nag seen lang ako, Margarette is the only girl sa circle of friends ko
Pero hindi siya pa-cute and all, pa-cool yun, kaya nga na part siya sa'min
Pero hindi natural sa kanya ang cool, nag change siya dahil gusto niyang ma part sa squad na'to
If you're thinking about it, yes you're right, siya ang ex ko
David: Eh pwede nga ba pare?
Chad: Oo, pwede ba?
Naka receive na ako ng reply galing kay Emma, pero hindi ko pa pinansin yun
Marcus: Ba't kayo pupunta? Hindi kayo masisiyahan dito
David: Miss ka na namin pare
Chad: Bakla ka pala David
Ghenel: eh ano namang meron? Pupunta kami dyan para gulohin ka
Margarette: mga gago
David: Shut Up Chad, wala kang naitulong dito
Ghenel: Totoo pare, miss ka na namin, lalong lalo na si Margarette
Chad: She won't shut up about you pare
Margarette: Mga bastos!
Marcus: ang gulo niyong kausap, bahala na kayo
Felix: Nagalit ang gago
Priness ko yung back button para mag reply sana kay Emma
Pero nag offline na siya kaya sineen ko nalang yung message niya
Convo: Emma Charish Dela Cruz
Emma: Sana puso mo rin hihi
Napangiti ako sa message niya
Bumalik ako sa GC namin
Convo: Suweegggs🤙
Chad: Hala nag chat ang tahimik
Ghenel: Shocking, sa'n kaba galing Felix? HAHAHA
Felix: Namatay
David: Gago
Margarette: Salamat at nabuhay uli ang patay HAHAHAHA
I can't with these people
Marcus: Kayo bahala guys, kelan kayo pupunta dito?
Margarette: Yey!
Felix: Sayang saya ni past
Nag angry react si Margarette sa message ni Felix
David: HAHAHAHAHA Felix Gago
Marcus: Felix weirdo
Ghenel: Awit!!!
Chad: Arat!!! Kelan tayo pupunta guyses?
Priness ko nalang yung back button, bahala na kayo jan
I turned off my phone and stared at the ceiling
Thinking of what Rosa said actually made me a little sleepy
Risks
What if..?
What if at the end..
...the risk is to not take the risk?
The thought of me falling inlove again is never easy
There are so many reasons for me to be scared at falling inlove but should I be afraid?
It's okay if people go, that's life
But...
Trusting another person again, giving my all is never again easy
Bigay ako ng bigay hanggang sa wala ng matitira para sa'kin
Margarette left me and I really begged her to stay
Tears. Sleepless Nights. Dark thoughts. It's scary actually
Minsan, nakakatawa na nga lang yung thought na iniyakan ko pa siya para mapastay siya
And I was so angry, so angry at myself, the fact that I'm sick
Gave people the advantage of leaving me easily
Using it as an excuse when all I really wanted was a honest reason
But I learned to forgive, forgive me, forgive them
But I never learned to forget
Kaya siguro, noong naging part na namin si Margarette, hindi ko kayang makipag usap sa kanya ng matino.
Dahil ang sakit, ang sakit
May kulang ba sa'kin? May mali ba sa'kin? May ginagawa ba akong mali?
Thoughts that were not given answers.
But I was there, I waited for them, I clinged for an answer, and it left me hanging.
And then she wanted me back,
My friends accepted her again just like that
As if they never saw the tears, as if they never witnessed my grieve
"Tsk"
At tuluyan na akong nakatulog