Kabanata 14
If I Have Nothing
No one knew about my engagement to Rhett except my family. I talked with the Vasilievs too, them apologizing for locking me up in this kind of set up. The engagement doesn't really change anything, it's just that knowing Rhett's my fiance, just changes something between us.
I know he wasn't comfortable too. Kahit pa man noon hindi na kami komportable sa isa't isa, and now with this engagement, we have to be civil with each other. At least for the preparation of our wedding.
"Syd, ikaw na lang mamaya ang magreport sa Chem!" my classmate approached me carrying his laptop. Nakita ko doon ang ginawa nilang presentation para sa group report namin sa Chemistry.
"Yeah, sure." I drawled lazily. I kept browsing on my phone about premed courses in college. Nawala na sa aking isipan na kumuha ng nursing considering that a lot of students had been taking it.
I ended up with two choices, either taking Medical Technology or Forensic Science, pero walang inooffer ang UDM na ganoong mga course, but they seem interesting.
Nang matapos ako sa ginagawa ay hiniram ko ang laptop ng kaklase ko para matingnan ang ginawa nilang presentation. I made some points for my report and then went back to reviewing it.
Walang masyadong ginawa sa school, it may seem weird but I find it boring now. Parang paulit-ulit na lang ang routine at wala akong makitang bago. I liked the experiments in Chemistry but I want to experience more from that field. Ang sabi ay mas maraming kaganapan kapag nasa Grade 12 na kaya hindi ako makapaghintay.
Nang lumabas ako sa aming classroom matapos magpaalam kay Marriam ay nakita ko si Rhett at nakatambay malapit sa railing. Dala niya ang kaniyang guitar case at drawing tube para sa mga blueprint at written plates.
Natigilan ako saglit at kumunot ang noo. Hindi naman siya palaging nagagawi dito, unless he's with my brother.
Lumapit ako sa kaniya. When he noticed my approaching figure, he straightened up. Mas lalo niyang inayos ang strap ng case sa kaniyang balikat.
"What are you doing here?" I asked. Nakita ko ang iilang pagsulyap sa amin ng ibang estudyante sa kabilang room. He's popular, alright. Dagdagan pa na hindi naman normal na makakita ng katulad niya sa aming department. College guys always steer clear away from the senior high school areas. They always meet up with their lovers outside of school. Doon sila nagkalat.
"You didn't read my messages?" aniya at sinulyapan ang aking bulsa. I immediately got my phone from my pocket and checked for it. Nakita kong may unknown number doon na ilang text ang nagawang iimbak sa aking inbox.
"I was in class," I explained, "Hindi rin ako nagbabasa ng text kapag nasa klase. Is this your number?" Ipinakita ko sa kaniya ang number na nakuha ko.
Lumapit siya nang bahagya at tiningnan iyon. His brow then arched before nodding. My lips protruded a bit before I clicked on the add to contact button. I typed his name before I saved his number.
"Mom told me to fetch you. We'll have dinner at the house." Napatingin agad ako sa kaniyang nang sabihin niya iyon.
"Really?" I asked. Kung ganoon naman pala ay pwede naman akong icontact ni Tita Aleah.
"Is this about our set up?" bulong ko dahil may biglang dumaan sa gilid namin.
"Yes." Inilahad niya sa akin ang itim na drawing tube. Tiningnan ko lamang iyon bago ibinalik sa kaniya ang tingin. "What am I gonna do with that?"
"Hold it for me, or do you want to carry my guitar?"
I shrugged. Kinuha ko ang drawing tube. Nauna na siyang maglakad pababa ng hagdan. May iilang napapatingin sa kaniya habang nasa likuran niya ako at nakasunod.
"Where's Kuya Bo?" Tumabi ako sa kaniya sa paglalakad.
"He still have classes until 8 pm."
I looked ahead. Ngayon ay nasa parking na kami ng school. He got his key fob out of his pocket and went to a black pick up.
"This is my car. It's already unlocked so just open the door."
Sumunod ako sa kaniyang sinabi. I went to the other side of his car and opened it for myself. I know he could never be a gentleman to me. We don't definitely get along.
Inilapag ko ang aking bag sa aking kandungan habang ang kaniyang drawing tube ay inilagay ko sa back seat. The lemon fragrance of his car invaded my nostrils. Nang pumasok siya ay agad akong nagsuot ng seat belt.
Tahimik ang biyahe patungo sa kanilang bahay. I texted our driver that he need not to pick me up. Sinabihan ko rin si Mommy para hindi na siya mag-alala.
I didn't want to start a conversation with him, mukhang ayaw niya rin. I mean, ano bang sasabihin ko? Kahit ako ay nahihiyang ibuka ang bibig para magsalita.
"What time do you usually go home?" He asked all of a sudden as he stopped his car in the middle of the road. Naka-red ang stop light at may tumatawid sa pedestrian.
"Four-thirty, sometimes five, it depends if I have pending works to do."
"Wala ka ng pinupuntahang iba?"
Umiling ako. "I don't have a lot of friends so I don't really go out often after school. Diretso bahay ako."
"Boyfriend, then?" he pried. Nasulyapan ko ang pagtapon niya ng tingin sa akin.
"I don't have a boyfriend, if that's what you want to hear. I don't have time for those kind of things. Ikaw? I am sure you have a lot of them." Balik ko sa kaniya ng kaniyang tanong.
He looked at me sideways. Napalingon naman ako sa kaniya dahil mukhang matatagalan pa ang paghinto ng kaniyang kotse.
His grayish silver eyes bore into mine. Sumandal ang kaniyang braso sa ibabaw ng manibela habang ang isang kamay ay nanatili sa gear stick.
"No, I don't have a girlfriend." Agap niya at umayos ng upo.
"I doubt that." Umiling-iling ako at humalukipkip. I looked ahead to stare at the traffic light. Limang segundo na lang at pwede ng umusad ulit ang kaniyang kotse.
"You've had many relationships way back kaya alam kong hindi ka naman nauubusan ng babae. Come on, you don't have to deny it. It's only natural for you to have a girlfriend."
"But it's not natural to have girlfriend while I have a fiancee."
"Fiancee muna ako sa simula pa lang but it didn't stop you from having girls. What difference does it make now?" I pointed out. Pinagtaasan ko siya ng kilay nang nilingon niya ako sandali. He then started driving.
"You're aware now. That's the difference."
"Hindi naman kita pagbabawalan kung may nagugustuhan kang babae." Narinig ko ang mahina niyang pagtawa sa aking sinabi. Kumunot ang aking noo.
"I don't cheat, Syden. If you want me to have a girlfriend while I am bound to you, I won't do it. I am not an asshole."
"You said it before that you are an asshole. Nagsinungaling ka sa akin?"
Umiling lang siya at nagtiim bagang. Hindi niya na ako pinansin hanggang sa makarating kami sa kanilang bahay. He parked his car outside of their house. Naisip kong baka hindi niya ipinasok dahil may pupuntahan pa siyang iba pagkatapos ng dinner na ito.
Sabay kaming pumasok sa kanilang bahay. At the receiving room, Dimitri's toys were all over the couch and the floor. May iilang piraso ng lego ang nagkalat sa daanan pa lang ng bisita.
"Ate Syd!" Malawak ang naging ngiti ko nang makita ang batang si Dimitri. For a seven year old boy, he was small. Tanda kong hindi naman ako ganito kaliit noong seven na ako. I was taller than other girls, even now.
Siguro ganito talaga ang mga tulad niya ngayon? He'll grow up for sure. Matangkad si Rhett pati si Tito Vladd kaya naman wala akong duda na masusunod niya ang tangkad nila.
Dimitri ran towards me ignoring his mess. Agad na yumakap sa aking baywang kaya naman nalaglag ang strap ng drawing tube ni Rhett papunta sa aking siko. Natatawa akong lumayo at aayusin na sana iyon nang hawakan ni Rhett ang aking palapulsuhan. Nagkatinginan kaming dalawa.
"Akin na. I'll tell Mom you're here." Malamig niyang sambit at kinuha na iyon mula sa akin. The pad of his fingers brushed a bit of my skin, napatingin tuloy ako doon.
Naglapat ang aking labi bago ko hinarap si Dimitri na mukhang gusto ng kunin ang aking atensyon mula sa kaniyang kuya.
I ruffled the boy's hair when Rhett walked away carrying his drawing tube. Nang umakyat siya sa hagdan, narealize kong baka dito siya lalagi ngayong gabi. Bumukod na rin naman siya sa kaniyang pamilya simula nang mag-college. He was also living in a condo just like my brother, nga lang ay iibang building.
Inaya ako ni Dimitri sa kanilang couch. I somehow manage to clean all his mess by putting his toys back on its box. May iilan pang story book na nakakalat kaya pinagpatong-patong ko muna iyon. Ilang minuto lang ay namataan ko si Tita Aleah na pababa ng hagdan, kasunod na si Rhett na kakabihis lang. He was wearing a warm blue round neck shirt and a white jersey shorts.
Nahiya tuloy ako na hanggang ngayon ay suot pa rin ang aking uniform.
Lumapit sa akin si Tita Aleah at humalik sa aking pisngi. "Good evening po, Tita." Bumati ako.
"I'm glad you're here! Samahan mo ako sa kitchen at magluluto. Hinintay kita at gusto kong malaman kung ano ang gusto mong kainin!" she said excitedly.
"Mommy, magp-play kami ni Ate Syd!" Dimitri interjected and pulled the hem of my blouse.
Tumawa si Tita at kinurot sa pisngi ang anak. "You play with your Kuya while I cook. I need your Ate Syden at the kitchen. Mamaya pagkatapos kumain ay pwede na kayong maglaro. For now, doon ka muna kay Kuya Rhett mo."
Umiling-iling ang bata. Si Tita ay bahagyang sumimangot at akmang hihilahin na ang anak palayo sa akin pero napigilan ko.
Ako na mismo ang nag-alis sa kaniyang kamay sa aking blouse. It wrinkled a bit because of his tight grip. Mukhang ayaw nga akong paalisin.
"It's okay. Babalik ako. We'll play later, Dimi. For now, kay Kuya Rhett ka muna. I'll help your Mommy cook our dinner. Gusto mo bang matikman ang luto ko?"
The little boy's eyes widened and then he clapped excitedly. "I want! I want! Can I just stay in the kitchen, Mommy? I wanna watch my girlfriend cook!"
Humalakhak si Tita. Ginulo ko naman ang buhok ng bata at nangingisi. Nang sulyapan ko ang Kuya niyang naroon sa couch ay nakamasid lamang sa amin. Agad akong nag-iwas ng tingin nang lumipat ang malamig nitong tingin sa akin.
Tita Aleah agreed to have Dimitri around the kitchen. Pinagsuot ako nito ng itim na apron para hindi madumihan ang aking uniform. We prepared the ingredients for the dishes that we will make. Si Dimitri ay prenteng nakaupo lamang sa counter at nakapangalumbaba pa.
"What do you want to cook, Syd? I know a lot of recipes."
"Kayo na lang po ang bahala. I'll help in preparing na lang po."
Tumango-tango si Tita. In the end she chose to cook a foreign meal. It was one of Rhett's favorite Russian dish and she wanted me to try it too.
"Kapag naging mag-asawa na kayo ng anak ko, you should learn how to cook it too. It took me weeks to actually learn some of their dishes considering Vladd is really picky with food." Tita Aleah introduced me to a Russian dish called Beef Stroganoff. Pinapanuod ko lang ang paglalabas niya ng iilang kakailanganin katulad ng lang ng mushroom at sour cream.
It was awkward to actually talk about marriage right now pero hindi naman iyon maiiwasan lalo pa't wala naman iyong atrasan. Both Rhett and I knew that we can't get away from this arrangement, kaya baka nga dapat ko ng matutunan kung paano maging mabuting asawa sa kaniya habang maaga pa.
Say, starting from cooking this Beef Stroganoff.
"It's actually a creamy dish, hija. Parang may pagkakatulad sa bistek dito sa Pinas, onky that they put white wine over the dish." ngumiti siya sa akin.
I watched as she poured stir the contents in the pan. Dahan-dahan niyang inilaglag ang kapiraso ng karne habang naghahalo.
Nasa kalagitnaan na si Tita ng pagluluto ng isa pang putahe nang pumasok si Rhett sa kitchen. Dumiretso ito sa ref kung saan ako malapit dahil may kukunin sana ako malapit doon.
Nagkatinginan kaming dalawa nang buksan niya ang pinto ng ref.
"Anak, guess what we're cooking? Tinuturuan ko si Syden na magluto ng Stroganoff para naman sa huli ay malutuan ka niya." There was always an excitement to Tita Aleah's voice. Si Rhett naman ay tumaas ang kilay at napatingin sa akin.
I shrugged.
"Is it good then?" He asked, his eyes were trained to me. Sumimangot ako nang bahagya.
Tita Aleah laughed. "Ako muna ang nagluto anak at hindi pa maalam si Syden. Next time, she'll try it. For sure alam na niya iyon."
To my surprised, Rhett chuckled and held the door closed. Napansin konang malamig na bottled water sa kaniyang kamay.
"I can't wait to taste it." Rinig kong aniya at tumalikod na. He came over to his brother who was busy watching us. May kunot sa noo nito at pilit na iniintindi ang nangyayari.
He ruffled his brother's hair. Tinampal naman iyon ng huli. The cold demeanor that Atticus Rhett was wearing suddenly vanished as he played with his brother. Saglit akong natulala doon. Kung hindi pa tinawag ni Tita Aleah ang aking atensyon ay baka pinanuod ko na iyon.
All in all, Tita Aleah cooked three Russian recipes. Isang pang-dessert na tinatawag na Medovik at ang isa ay ulam na tinawag na Kotleti. Those were good meals, actually. Mas lalo ko iyong nagustuhan lalo pa't maganang maganang kumain sina Alexei at Dimitri.
When the dinner was over, Tita Aleah instructed Rhett to take me home. Hinatid lang kami ni Tita Aleah sa gate ng kanilang bahay at si Rhett na daw ang bahala sa akin.
"May pupuntahan ka pa ba?" I asked, my eyes were trained to his parked car outside their house.
"Or perhaps, you'll go to your girlfriend, after mo akong ihatid?" pagbabaka-sakali ko. Nang lingunin ko siya ay masama na ang tingin niya sa akin.
"I don't have any girls, I already told you." malamig na aniya at pinindot na ang key fob. He pushed me slightly to walk. Sumimangot ako.
"Ihahatid mo ako gamit ang kotse? Kaya kong maglakad pauwi." Angal ko.
"I'm tired. Just enter the damn car, flower." I rolled my eyes at his demanding tone. Malamig pa rin at mukhang hindi matutunaw ng kahit anong init.
I entered his car again carrying my bag. Humarap ako sa kaniya nang bahagya matapos kong ikabit ang seat belt.
"You know, you don't have to hesitate on telling me that you'll go to your girlfriend's house after this. I'd understand."
"Tss," sinimangutan niya ako, "Pagod na ako. I don't have time for your blabber, flower."
"Come on!" inis na sumandal ako sa upuan, "Umamin ka kasi. Hindi naman ako magagalit."
"You're my fiancee. You're the only girl I have right now so shut up."
Kung nagulat man ako sa sinabi niya, hindi ko masyadong ipinahalata iyon. He's probably pissed so I didn't say a word. Heck, I was flabbergasted! How could he say such things to me! At nakakagulat na sa kaniya pa manggagaling ang mga salitang iyon.
"Peace at last." I heard him said as he parked his car in front of our gate. Nang marinig ko ang kaniyang sinabi ay sinamaan ko siya ng tingin. He opened his car and went out. Umikot siya at ang nakakagulat ay pinagbuksan niya ako ng pinto.
Mas lalo kong ipinakita ang pagsimangot sa kaniya. His grayish silver eyes danced with amusement. Bumaba ako ng kaniyang kotse, masama pa rin ang tingin.
So he only said that to make me shut up? Bakit parang nadisappoint ako doon? I shouldn't feel that way. At mas laling hindi ako aasang magugustuhan niya ako. It was never in my wildest dreams to even wished that Rhett would like me romantically.
"Good night, flower." Patuya niyang bati.
"Good night," labas sa ilong ko sabi, "Ingat. You might want to use protection if you're going to get laid." I remined him with a smirk.
Nawala ang paglalaro sa kaniyang mga mata. His eyes darkened as he took a step forward. "Sure." His voice dripped with sarcasm. Mas pinag-igihan ko ang pagngisi bago ko siya tinalikuran.