this is 5.5k words of dialogue brought to you by jimin's tears
tw for mentioned/referenced suicide attempt/suicidality
~
It's a Saturday, and for once, Jeongguk doesn't have to work. Taehyung lets him sleep for as long as he wants to, and once Jeongguk wakes up he makes coffee and breakfast for him.
"Got any plans for today?" Jeongguk asks. He looks so cute; his hair is disheveled and his cheeks still red from sleep.
"Not yet. We could go out if you want to."
It's the weekend after all, and they haven't gone out in a long while. Perhaps too long, as Jeongguk shrugs, not looking convinced.
"I don't know, don't really feel like it."
To be fair, they have never been the couple to go out clubbing a lot. Sometimes, they went out to a pub or a bar with friends, but even then they were always the first ones to leave.
During his time at university, Taehyung went out to parties a lot more, but mostly because everyone was going. Now, he has the confidence to admit that he isn't particularly fond of it.
"Me neither," he says with a smile, "Maybe we could go down to the river for a walk, though?"
Jeongguk thinks for a few moments, solely focusing on his food in front of him.
"I think we need to go grocery shopping again," he says, then sighs and stretches. "I'm still too tired to make any plans for today."
Taehyung chuckles. "It's fine. We got time. It's not even noon yet."
He goes to take a shower after Jeongguk has finished his breakfast; a quick one, just to feel a bit more refreshed. By the time he returns to the living room, Jeongguk has settled on the couch, a variety show running on TV. Taehyung steps next to him and Jeongguk immediately puts one hand on his lower back, slipping underneath the loose shirt Taehyung is wearing. His hand is cold but Taehyung doesn't complain, rather enjoys the goosebumps on his skin as Jeongguk caresses his skin.
"What are you watching?"
"Just a stupid variety show." Jeongguk sighs. "I need mindless entertainment. Life is too stressful."
Taehyung grins, carding his fingers through Jeongguk's locks, then he walks over to the kitchen table where he left his phone. He doesn't expect to have any new messages — from who, really? — so he is even more surprised to find two from an unknown number.
Hey, the first one says, This is Jimin. I got your number from Yoongi.
Taehyung raises his eyebrows in surprise. Oh.
He quickly reads through the second message.
I wanted to apologize for how things went last time. I can imagine that it was quite scary for the both of you. So I thought that perhaps we could meet for lunch today and I'm going to make it up to you? It's on me, of course. Just you and me, and Jeongguk if he wants to.
Taehyung stares at his display for a few moments too long. He reads through the message, over and over again, and as the guilt starts to build up all he can think of is that Jimin has absolutely nothing to apologize for. He did nothing wrong and neither did Yoongi.
What happened at their apartment was their reality. They allowed Taehyung and Jeongguk a glimpse of it, even though involuntarily so, and now that things are beginning to get real, Taehyung chickens out. That's it, isn't it?
He throws a glance at Jeongguk. And Jeongguk if he wants to.
He doubts that he does. He doubts that Jeongguk would endorse any of this at all. But Jimin... he just wants to apologize. It's nothing bad. Taehyung can tell him then that this book might not be written for another while. He just wants to talk to him, listen to what he has to say.
Jeongguk wouldn't understand that, though.
"Hey," Taehyung says and sits down next to Jeongguk, "Look, uhm... what we talked about last night..."
Jeongguk forces his gaze away from the TV. "Hm?"
"I, uhm..." How is Taehyung going to do this? His eyes flicker across Jeongguk's face. He isn't sure why it comes so easily to him when he says, "I saw a job offer down at the supermarket the other day. I think I'll... go there and ask about it and... I can do the grocery shopping then, too." He swallows heavily. "So you can relax today."
It's his day off after all. Jeongguk's eyes light up.
"Oh, that's so sweet of you," he says and kisses Taehyung, "I got the best boyfriend." He grins and Taehyung smiles through the sickening guilt. "You sure about this?"
He obviously isn't talking about the grocery shopping. Taehyung blinks.
He was sure last night. Now, it feels different. He knows he owes Jeongguk this. Everything is so fucking confusing right now. He has no clue what he really wants except for hearing Jimin out.
It feels like an addiction — he has to know more.
"Yes," he says with all the confidence he can master, "I'm sure."
Jeongguk nods slowly as his eyes scan Taehyung's face. He has known him for three years — what if he sees right through him? What if he knows what Taehyung is truly feeling? What if—
"Alright," Jeongguk says and kisses Taehyung again, "Then that's what we're doing now, I guess."
Taehyung swallows around the tightness in his throat. "Okay," he says, then gets up before he can change his mind and give in to the guilt, "I'll go now, then."
Jeongguk nods and looks back at the TV. Taehyung turns away and hurries to put on his shoes and a coat. When he grabs his bag, he doesn't only pack his wallet and keys but his notebook and a pen, too.
"Bye," he calls from the door. Jeongguk waves his hand once, glancing at him.
"Drive safely."
"Will do."
Then, he is out the door. He leans against it and closes his eyes, breathes through. Shit. He is really doing this, huh? Lying to Jeongguk. Shit, goddamnit it—
When he opens his eyes again, they fall onto something standing one flight of stairs lower than him. Big, white eyes; gape at him. A long-fingered hand holds onto the railing, nails as long as knives and undoubtedly just as sharp. The limps are long, too long, knees bent and head ducked so it can stand in the staircase. Blood and another black liquid runs down its exposed muscles. It's heaving, staring at Taehyung with its piercing eyes as if he was a prey and it was getting ready to jump on him at any second.
Taehyung's mouth falls open to a silent scream, eyes wide and body pressing back against the door. He doesn't breathe for a solid five seconds, then his lungs fill with too much oxygen at once and he feels dizzy. His throat runs dry and a cold shiver makes him tremble.
The... thing just continues to stare at him, not moving, just breathing and gaping.
Taehyung lifts his trembling hands and squeezes his eyes shut, then rubs them. This is a dream, this has to be a nightmare, he is still asleep, he never woke up this morning, it's just his mind playing tricks on him, this is—
When he opens his eyes again, a strained noise coming from the back of his throat leaves his mouth. His lips tremble, his face contorting in horror and disgust. He doesn't dare to move an inch of his body.
It's gone.
The thing is not there anymore, it disappeared, leaving no evidence of its presence behind. The floor is clean of any blood and black, thick liquid. Something of that size must be making noises moving around — Taehyung can't hear anything except for his own frantic breathing.
What just happened?
Taehyung doesn't understand — was that real? He doesn't even want to imagine it — no, how absurd, it wasn't real, obviously not, it was just his imagination. He must have been sleeping bad recently. God, now he already starts to hallucinate. Maybe Jeongguk is right and this whole project is getting to him.
Taehyung desperately tries to come up with more explanations. His throat is utterly dry, no matter how often he swallows, and steps closer to the stairs, one step at a time, knees threatening to give up underneath him, eyes never leaving the spot the creature just stood in.
He has an imagination too vivid for his own liking and it shows at times like these. Taehyung is a daydreamer — surely, this had to do with that.
He slowly walks to the elevator, not trusting his trembling knees to carry him down all the stairs. He feels unreal, he feels dazed, like he is floating, he could be falling and wouldn't know. The hallway downstairs is way too quiet; so quiet that he could hear a pin drop. The way to the door is so awfully long, it has never been like this, and Taehyung wants to run and never look back and forget—
Outside, it's loud. Everything comes back to Taehyung within a second, and he feels real, grounded, he is standing here, this is reality, he knows it.
Never before has he been so grateful for the city's white noise.
Only now that the cool breeze caresses his face does he become aware of the tears staining his cheeks. He wipes them away and makes his way to his car, pulling his phone out to let Jimin know that he is on his way to an ordinary Italian restaurant uptown. He waits for his response, takes the time to lean back in the driver's seat, close his eyes and breathe through. He checks his appearance in the rearview mirror; his eyes are still a bit red and his cheeks paler than usual, but nothing that couldn't be explained by allergies and perhaps low blood pressure.
As soon as Jimin's response arrives, a quick Okay see you in twenty, he starts the engine.
Taehyung arrives at the restaurant before Jimin. He texts him that he is sitting at a table in the back, a bit secluded from everyone else, figures this will be the best spot to discuss whatever it is that they will talk about now.
He tries, but he fails to keep his hands still; whenever he does, it's his legs that shift around and bounce. He is on edge, blames it on the guilt from lying to Jeongguk despite knowing better.
Jimin arrives ten minutes later. He looks a lot more refreshed than when Taehyung saw him last time — of course he does. He smiles softly, pulling the sleeves of his long green sweater over his hands. He is wearing jeans shorts, shorter than what guys would usually wear.
"Hey," he breathes, sitting down opposite of Taehyung, "I hope you didn't have to wait too long."
"It's alright." Taehyung smiles. He has ordered himself and Jimin a water already and hands the man the menu. "I already picked something."
Jimin scrolls through the menu. "I haven't had spaghetti carbonara in so long..." He throws Taehyung a quick look.
"Go for it," Taehyung says. They wait for a waiter to pass them, then they order. Afterwards, silence ensues.
Jimin is obviously nervous. It confuses Taehyung; there is nothing to freak out about, after all. It's just him, them, in a restaurant, talking. Okay, perhaps he might tell Jimin that he won't end up writing the book, but still.
"How have you been?" he tries to start the conversation. Maybe some unimportant smalltalk will help calm Jimin down.
"Not too bad," Jimin replies, "Took a few days off work and... y'know. Just... being there." He slows down, lowers his gaze, and for a moment, he seems to zone out. But in a heartbeat, he catches himself again and smiles apologetically.
"I'm sorry about what happened the other day. It... was probably a bit terrifying."
Taehyung doesn't think terrifying is the right word to use, and even if, it's not in the way Jimin meant it. He shrugs it off.
"Don't worry. It was neither your nor Yoongi hyung's fault." He pauses. "There is nothing to apologize for."
Jimin looks pained. "Jeongguk seemed quite uncomfortable."
It's nothing that Taehyung can dispute easily which is the worst part about it. He shakes his head.
"He was, but we... we talked about it. He... didn't mean to be rude, it's just... that he didn't really understand what was going on, you know? And that unsettled him."
It's a weak excuse for Jeongguk's rude behavior, but it's the fairest thing for both sides. Jimin holds Taehyung's gaze for another few moments, then he crumbles with a sigh.
"A lot of people are... I wish it were different. It's quite an unfair fate."
Taehyung figures he is talking about Yoongi, so his next question comes easily.
"How is he?" he asks carefully. Jimin shrugs, not meeting his eyes. Suddenly, he doesn't look as gleeful as usual anymore.
"Could be better. Pretty on edge all the time. I'm just trying to calm him down as good as possible," he says. He tries to look convincing when he smiles. Taehyung's eyes rest on him for a few moments.
"What about you?" he asks, "Not trying to intrude, but... do you ever get to... unwind, too?"
For a moment, Jimin's eyes grow comically wide. Then, he giggles.
"Oh, no, no," he says, shaking his head, "I don't need to. It's fine, really. I don't mind doing what I'm doing."
"But that's not what I asked," says Taehyung, "You certainly must be exhausted, right?"
Jimin freezes. "Exhausted?" He shakes his head. "No. I could never. Not... not because of him."
"Perhaps my wording was a bit clumsy," Taehyung excuses, takes a few mental steps back. "How has your relationship been before the accident?"
Jimin avoids his eyes. It takes a few moments for the smile to find its way back to his lips.
"We met two and a half years ago through a mutual friend," he starts, "Kim Namjoon. They had this really nice group, just four guys being the closest of friends. Seokjin hyung was one of them, and a guy named Jung Hoseok. And, well, I had just recently suffered a nasty breakup that at the same time ended pretty much all the friendships I had built during college and so when Namjoon asked me if I wanted to hang out with him and the others, I was beyond happy. And from then on, they invited me all the time. I got along with all of them, and especially Yoongi hyung and me had this special... connection. We shared some interests and experiences and I think that because he is older than me he worried about me which was nice. It's nice to have that."
Taehyung nods once. It really is. A healthy amount of mutual worry is part of the foundation of a good relationship.
"We never talked about dating, but I knew that if I ever got with someone, it would probably be hyung. He had a couple of relationships, nothing too serious because he lost interest quite fast and eventually got tired of hurting people all the time which hurt him in return, and I made some unpleasant experiences that made me want to take a step away from dating and have some non-committal fun instead. I had tried that before but my partners either realized that they couldn't have a friends with benefits type of relationship and broke it off quite fast or pressured me into dating them officially—" He halts, frowns. "Which... sometimes worked. When I met Yoongi, however... I think it would have had been ridiculous if nothing had eventually happened between us. Even our friends picked up on it. Although, for the first few months we never really hung out without them. Then, on Hoseok hyung's birthday party in February two years ago, we got drunk and made out for the first time." He smiles at the memory, the first, genuinely happy smile Taehyung has seen on his face today. It warms his heart.
"At first, we were really shy about it, but suddenly there was a tension between us whenever we hung out and then it happened again, we made out on his birthday just a month later, and this time we were just tipsy. Another month goes by and we hook up, sober. And from then on, it just kept happening. We grew closer, enjoyed each other's company and the physical affection. Eventually, even our friends joked about us behaving like a couple. We just worked together. Started going on dates, spent more time than necessary at each other's apartments... it was kind of domestic, but it was exactly what we needed and had always hoped for. It really was... it was..."
"Perfect," Taehyung finishes for him when Jimin struggles to find the right word. He can guess exactly what he is trying to say.
Jimin chuckles sadly.
"Too perfect," he says, "I should have known something awful was bound to happen considering how incredibly smoothly it all went."
"Don't say that. Good times don't have to be compensated by bad ones."
"It sure as hell feels like it, though," Jimin says a bit more resentful than probably intended. He sighs. "The accident happened in late August last year. And while at first, Yoongi only suffered mild panic attacks every now and then and had nightmares, by the time November came around he had to hospitalized because he was about to kill himself. Then, right after he left the clinic in December, his boss fired him, and in January I basically moved in with him. Everything happened so fast and... we were just powerless. Now, Yoongi has dissociative episode and panic attacks several times a week, he barely sleeps at night, he doesn't eat properly and he can't leave the house without company. And it hurts so much to see him like that because he wants to do so much, he had plans for his life, he loved going out and have a picknick in the middle of nowhere and get drunk or go to a club and stay up all night or spend money to watch a bad movie and laugh about it afterwards. He had his dreams, he wanted to have a successful career and start a family and now he is just... he is just stuck."
Jimin's eyes glisten with tears. He sniffs, presses his lips together to stop them from trembling.
"The worst thing is that there is no end in sight. It's just getting worse and worse and quite honestly, I..." He stops, his voice laced with held back pain. Two lonely tears roll down his flushed cheeks. "I don't know what to do anymore. I want to help him so bad, I want to make him happy and see him heal. Right now, he is nothing more than a wreck of his former self."
"But you can't repair him, Jimin," Taehyung states and finally, tears uncontrollably stream down Jimin's face. He turns his head away, ashamed.
"You are already doing so much, you are there for him every day, you listen to him, you take care of him... you are doing everything in your power to make life easier for him. It's not your job to cure him. You can't. He needs your support, yes, but you can't make yourself stronger than you are or else you'll break."
The smile that appears on Jimin's face terrifies Taehyung.
"It's worth it, though," Jimin says, "For him, it'll always be worth it. He is the best person I've ever met and I can't give up on him. I couldn't not try to help him and take care of him even if I wanted to. Is that weird? Does that make me crazy?"
Perhaps, Taehyung thinks when Jimin looks at him with huge, glassy eyes that beg for confirmation. He thinks of Jeongguk's face after a long, hard day of work, his content sighs when Taehyung massages his back for him. Remembers the feeling of his skin underneath Taehyung's fingertips, his warmth and his comforting smell.
"No," he replies and he means it, "No, it doesn't."
Jimin looks relieved.
"You know," he says, his voice sounding a bit more secure now as he wipes away his tears, "Yoongi is really counting on you."
Taehyung's stomach drops ten feet into the ground.
"He really hopes that the book will make people understand and believe him, and that maybe, someone will stumble across it who will be able to help him. He doesn't know what else to do. I haven't seen him so open about his struggles in a while. It's quite refreshing."
The look on Jimin's face is more than just gratefulness. Pride, perhaps, that his loved one is finally sharing his story, relief of having someone to talk to, hope that this will work out. That Taehyung will be their savior, the one to shed light on their story and drag them out of the hole they had fallen into when the accident happened.
But Taehyung isn't a savior and he told Jeongguk the book could wait.
He opens his mouth, his throat dry as the desert, and he is anything but prepared for this, but he has to tell Jimin the truth.
That the book won't be written.
Before he can, however, a waiter appears next to them, bringing their food. Jimin's eyes light up.
"Ah, thankfully," he says, smiling at the waiter, "I'm starving."
And then, Taehyung's opportunity to come clean is gone and he can't help but helplessly stare at Jimin who has suddenly regained his usual energy.
So, Taehyung stays quiet. He can try again later.
For a while, they eat in silence; Taehyung has to force the food down his throat as all appetite has left him. It's only when they are both halfway done that Jimin sets down his fork and speaks up again.
"You know, when the accident happened and we waited for hyung to get out of surgery... we didn't even know if he would make it. We didn't know if he would carry away lifelong impairments. But I just couldn't help but think that I never got to tell Yoongi that I loved him. And up until that moment I never even thought about that. Just... the thought of losing him made me realize that he is the most important person in my life. I couldn't bear being away from him. It's so selfish, too. I should have worried about his well-being instead. Maybe I'm just egoistic."
"You're not," Taehyung disagrees. Jimin might be the least egoistic person he has ever met. "It was an exceptional situation and your thoughts went wild. It doesn't make you a bad person."
Jimin shrugs as if it wasn't a big deal, but the look in his eyes tells Taehyung otherwise.
"I never thought I would be so close to losing someone I love," he says, "So, I try to be there for him. I help him, I take care of him. It's the least I can do. I would feel guilty otherwise. I know he would do the same for me. If you love someone, you will go to crazy lengths to ensure that they're okay. Maybe you know that feeling."
Taehyung does. He swallows around the lump in his throat. Jimin's words have rendered him speechless.
He pushes a piece of his filet through the sauce.
"But Yoongi... he is mentally ill," he says without looking at Jimin, "There is only so much you can do for him."
He remembers Yoongi telling him about his diagnosis. He also remembers the creature standing in the staircase today, staring at him. Now, it almost feels like a dream, far away and blurry.
Jimin sighs. "They diagnosed him with schizophrenia. He is on meds, has been for a while, but nothing is working." He pokes his food, then sets down the fork.
"I know that I can't save him, but I want to try. The least I can do is be there for him. He is all I have, after all."
That surprises Taehyung. He glances at Jimin.
"What about your other friends?" he asks, "You said you were close."
He can't help the curiosity that flares up inside of him. Maybe he shouldn't ask so many questions, but seeing the way Jimin sacrifices his everything for Yoongi... it strikes a nerve.
"Yeah, we were..." Jimin blinks, lost in thought. "It's... a bit complicated. Seokjin, Namjoon, Hoseok, Yoongi and me were... really good friends. It was like the dreamlike university experience no one ever has. We were inseparable." The ghost of a smile flashes across his face.
"But after the accident... it was different. I still talk to them at times but mostly, it's just Yoongi and me. They haven't come to visit in months. Maybe Seokjin hyung was the piece that held us all together and now that he is gone..." He swallows thickly and looks away.
"What are they like?" Taehyung asks before he can stop himself, "You know... I need to know... for the book."
Taehyung presses his lips together. Why did he say that? He won't write the book — right? He made up his mind about this.
But when he sees the hope in Jimin's eyes, he isn't so sure anymore.
"I can give you their contacts so you can reach them. Maybe they are willing to talk to you," Jimin offers and Taehyung nods, gives him his notebook so Jimin has something to write on.
Jung Hoseok and Kim Namjoon, it says. Phone numbers, email addresses. Taehyung thanks Jimin.
Jeongguk will be furious if he finds out.
It makes Taehyung a bit uneasy to know that he is betraying his partner like this. Jeongguk doesn't deserve this.
With a pained smile directed at Jimin, he finishes his food. He insists on paying for himself when they're both done, making Jimin blush furiously, then they say their goodbyes.
As he walks to his car he feels like something is watching him, a dark shadow following close behind, but once he turns around nothing's there.
Then again, the city is crowded, so perhaps Taehyung is just a bit paranoid. He drives home.
When Taehyung enters his apartment and sees Jeongguk lying on their couch, scrolling through his phone and his headphones on, all he wants is to drop into his embrace and cuddle until they fall asleep. He feels mentally drained, needs Jeongguk's soothing touch now more than ever.
Jeongguk smiles at him and takes his headphones off. "Hey, baby."
Taehyung hums, drags himself over to the couch where Jeongguk immediately circles one arm around his waist. "How did it go? Did you get the job?"
And, well, fuck.
Perhaps, Taehyung did not think this through. Jeongguk stares at him with hopeful, gentle eyes. His hand lies warm and heavy on Taehyung's lower back.
"They are not searching anymore," he lies, "They said they already have enough applicants."
Jeongguk's face falls. "Oh," he says, "I'm sorry, baby."
Taehyung just nods, sitting down next to Jeongguk. His heart beats up to his throat.
"I'm sure you'll find something else. This was just the first try."
Taehyung is certain that if he looked properly, he would indeed find a job.
"And... uh... what about the groceries? Did you leave them in the car?"
Taehyung's heart drops to his stomach. He turns his head, looks at Jeongguk with wide eyes.
"Groceries?"
"You wanted to buy some. You said you would. Hyung." Jeongguk frowns when Taehyung doesn't reply, clenches his jaw instead. "Taehyung-ah. What's wrong?"
Taehyung's mind short-circuits. "I forgot?"
Jeongguk's eyebrows draw together. "You... forgot?" he deadpans, "To buy our groceries?"
Taehyung nods even though he can tell that Jeongguk doesn't buy it. His boyfriend sits up so they're at eye level.
"Taehyung," he warns, "What is going on?"
I betrayed your trust, Taehyung thinks, I lied to you.
He feels sick.
The spot where Jeongguk's hand has just been is now cold and empty.
"I'm sorry," he whispers, not missing the hurt in Jeongguk's eyes, "I... I met with Jimin."
Realization flickers across Jeongguk's face before his expression turns cold and unreadable.
"Ah," he says, then he gets up and walks away. Where to, Taehyung has no idea, but driven by panic he jumps up and follows Jeongguk.
"Jeonggukie," he begs, not even sure what for, "Baby, please, I can explain—"
"I just don't get," Jeongguk says, a hint of condescendence in his voice, "Why you would feel the need to lie to me about that. Like, just be fucking honest. But no, instead you make up a whole story just to meet with Jimin and, what? What did you even fucking do?"
Taehyung opens his mouth but Jeongguk raises his hand to shut him up.
"Actually, I don't wanna know," he says and Taehyung feels worse than ever.
"Baby, I promise, we just talked," he sobs, tears burning in his eyes, "He texted me this morning to ask if we could meet because he wanted to apologize for last time and talk. That's all. And I wanted to tell him I'm not going to write the book anymore, but he... he talked about Yoongi and being in love with him and that he would do anything for him and... I'm their only hope, Jeongguk. The book... is their only hope."
Jeongguk stares at him, breathing heavily. He clenches his hands, juts his chin forward.
"Good thing that their love is more important to you than ours, Taehyung," he says, voice husky and low. He turns away but Taehyung grabs his wrist to stop him; what he doesn't expect, however, is for Jeongguk to pull his arm away harshly and glare at him.
"Don't! I swear to God, Taehyung, don't fucking test me."
Taehyung draws his hand away as if he'd burned himself.
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry..." His thoughts go a hundred miles an hour, desperately trying to come up with something to make this right again, but Jeongguk beats him to it.
"I'm amazed that you didn't even try to be convincing. You didn't even try to hide the truth. Do you really care that little? Fuck!"
His hands tangle in his dark locks.
"I don't get why you would feel so comfortable lying to me. And why... why did you even feel the need to? Don't you fucking trust me?"
"I do!" Taehyung exclaims right away, "I do trust you, more than anyone!"
"Then why?"
"He wanted to apologize and I wanted to hear him out. Just... talk. There is nothing wrong with that, right?"
"Well, apparently there is if you feel the need to lie about it!" Jeongguk shouts, then walks over to their garderobe and puts on his shoes. Once he is done he stands up again, sternly looking at Taehyung.
"This is not about the book anymore, Taehyung. I don't care if you say you don't want to write it and then end up doing it anyway. But going around behind my back to meet with people and lying to me about it — I don't know, Taehyung, but that gives me a really awful feeling." He puts on his jacket, then grabs the keys and his wallet. Taehyung watches him as the tears spill over.
"Where are you going?" he asks quietly.
Jeongguk glares at him as he opens the door.
"Grocery shopping."
The door slams shut behind him.
Jeongguk stays away longer than necessary. Nighttime is already approaching when the front door finally unlocks and Taehyung can hear his boyfriend's steps. He is sitting on their bed in the darkness, knees pulled up to his chest, skin and eyes burning from the salty tears.
He knows he fucked up and he wants to make it right but he has no idea how.
After another ten minutes the bedroom door finally opens. Taehyung raises his head, hopeful and ready to talk, but Jeongguk doesn't even spare him a glance as he approaches their wardrobe and takes out a plain white shirt.
"Jeonggukie," Taehyung says, his voice hoarse from crying so much. Jeongguk doesn't react.
"Baby, I'm sorry, please. Can we talk? I know I fucked up, I'm sorry, I love you—"
"Drop it, Taehyung," Jeongguk mutters, "I don't want to talk." He shoots him a glance, closes the wardrobe, then goes back to the door.
"Jeongguk," Taehyung tries one last time, but said man leaves the room without another word and shuts the door behind himself. Suddenly, Taehyung is along again.
Jeongguk wants to sleep on the couch and be away from Taehyung. His heart clenches.
It takes him hours until he finally falls asleep; or, maybe he just passes out from exhaustion.
Shadows dance in front of his window, haunting him and chasing his dreams.
The bed next to him is empty, but he doesn't feel alone.
an.: pls lmk what you think!! i love you all and stay safe.