Ree had rehearsed every possible scenario in her head, every word she was going to say and what Kylo would respond. Yet, as she stood there, in front of him, at a loss of words. He didn't speak either, he had no idea what her intention was, though he hoped it would all end in a long embrace. Keelor paced back and forth in the living room while he just watched her, she came to a halt, knowing what to say, the only question she had never been able to think up an answer to, "why?"
"W-what?" Ren was caught off guard, he was expecting a huge scolding, not a one-word question.
"Why were you talking to her?" Tears were already forming in her blue eyes.
"I-I didn't choose to. The Force just connects us." Kylo shrugged.
"Did the Force tell you to have conversations with her? To feel sorry for her? To hold her hand?" Her nostrils were already flaring.
"No." His shoulders were already becoming hunched.
"Then why?"
"Because," he sighed, "I was curious. I didn't understand why the Force was connecting us. I still don't."
"So we should all cave into our curiosity? I have always wondered what Snoke's boudoir looks like! Maybe I should go take a look?!" Her cheeks had a rosy colour and her breaths had become quick and shallow.
"No." The scarred man pinched the skin between his eyebrows, every explanation he came up with she could easily turn into nothing, because that what it was, meaningless words as he tried to gloss over the situation.
"What did you even talk about?" In her mind, they had talked about how gorgeous the Scavenger girl thought Kylo's eyes were or how strong he looked like wielding that lightsaber.
"At first, she mostly yelled at me. Called me things. Then, she started asking questions-"
"About what?" Ree hissed, but Kylo remained calm.
"My past, the Jedi temple." His eyes closed as flashes of that fateful night appeared.
"You told her? How Skywalker tried to kill you?" Keelor immediately calmed down as he nodded in response. She knew how much those memories pained him, the thought of your own uncle trying to kill you brought Ree chills, "did she believe you?"
"Yes."
"And yet, she's there, training with him," the Commander made a point, "she's not on our side."
"I know that!" He exclaimed, he wanted Rey to be on their side, to train with them, she would be a great asset to the First Order, that was the only reason he wanted her to join them, at least that was what he told himself.
"It's treason, Ky," Ree's blue eyes were filled with seriousness, "if Snoke were to find out-"
"I know what he would do!" Now Kylo lost his temper, not out of anger but out of fear, "he'd kill me." then his voice got low again, "and I'd never get to see you again."
"And yet, you continued talking to her," the blonde was hurt, he would rather risk his life and the possibility of never seeing her again than to subdue his curiosity. He saw the pain on Ree's face and it shattered his heart into a million pieces. Maybe before, he hadn't realized how she could have reacted so strongly, now he knew what his action had meant. That the scavenger was more important to him than the love of his life. In defeat, Kylo plummeted down into the couch. His body was too heavy to carry. His face, buried in his hands. Ree continued standing, watching him sit there, she didn't feel victorious or as if she was in there right, she was just hurt.
When Ky finally looked up from his hands, tears decorated his cheeks and his mahogany eyes were as reflective as the surface of a pond, "I'm sorry. Okay? I'm sorry! I don't know what else to say!" He expected a burst of anger to come from his love, that he was at a loss of words would probably infuriate her.
"That's all I wanted to hear," Ree's words were as calm as the sea just after a turbulent storm. The look of confusion on the young man's face told Ree that she needed to explain it further, "not a single time after I saw you, have you tried to say that you're sorry or that you regret it. I wanted to hear you say it and mean it." Tears were still present on his cheeks.
"I mean it so fucking bad, Ree." He stood up from his seat and neared her, "I never want to lose you again." Before he could fully embrace the platinum blonde woman, she put a hand on his chest, stopping him from completing the action. The look on her face told him that he probably wasn't going to get that hug.
"You probably want to take that back," Ree took a breath of courage as she readied herself for being the bad guy, "because something happened on Canto Bight."
---
"...And I slept with Hux." Ree expected Kylo to lash out, destroy the entirety of the room and then kill both her and Hux. But after telling him of everything, from the moment she walked out on him to her returning from Canto Bight, he just sat there. If she would have read his thoughts, she would have heard nothing. So shocked by the fact that he couldn't think of anything to ask back but a simple, "why?"
"I thought revenge would make me feel better." Now it was Ree, who could feel tears rolling down her cheeks, "it clearly didn't."
"Why with him? Out of everyone on this base?" Anger built up inside of the Master of the Knights of Ren.
"Just the person who I thought would piss you off the most." It was partly true, from the start it was that but when she had gotten closer to Hux, she wasn't as confident in that it was the only reason.
"Well, you certainly succeeded with that," Kylo spat and rose from his seat. he paced around the room, not knowing what to do with himself and all the emotions he was feeling at the same time.
"There's more-" Ree was cut off by a pissed of Ky.
"Oh, you're gonna tell me that you slept with Phasma too? And Snoke? And the whole fucking Supremacy?!" The thought of Hux holding, kissing, making love to the same person Kylo loved doing all those things with disgusted him. Imagining Hux on Ree's lips, would he even be able to kiss her lips after that?
"Oh, that's low!" she snapped and now she rose up, "well two can play this game! Maybe you and Poe Dameron could go flying together? Or you could train with the scavenger? Perhaps you could hang out with your mom?"
"Don't talk about her!" He roared as he quickly closed the space between them. His hand was so close to her face, trembling with anger, he wanted to do unspeakable things with it.
"Maybe you could take some Force-lessons from your uncle?" She took a step even closer to him, his breaths were making her bangs move.
"Shut up!" He yelled into the blonde's face, she didn't budge an inch.
"Or how's your dad doing? Oh, right, he's dead." A quick response came from Kylo, in the form of the back of his hand making contact with Ree's cheek.
The force of the slap and sent Ree flying to the floor. Hot blood trickled down from a cut on her cheekbone, she winced in pain as she brought her hand up to try to stop the bleeding. It only caused the blood to stain her fingers. Kylo was again pacing back and forth, he regretted the slap, though he still thought she deserved it.
Slowly, Ree rose from the floor, wiping away the blood. Once again, Kylo predicted her actions wrongly, he thought she was once again was going to storm off, that he had fucked it all up once again, but she remained. "This is why I didn't stay with Hux that morning," Ree's words confused Kylo even more as he came to a halt, where was the yelling? "you going behind my back, me sleeping with Hux, this slap." Ree walked up to Kylo, you would think that she would feel fear, but if you thought that a little slap was enough to scare Ree Keelor away, you clearly didn't know everything she had been through. "We're both assholes." Kylo was dumbstruck, "two people who are hated by everyone. Your parents sent you away, mine abandoned me. Your uncle tried to kill you, I didn't even have one. Rey hates you, Poe Dameron hates me. Hux can't even stand being in the same room as us. No one can ever love us. So we have to love each other. And if we don't even have each other, then we are truly alone." Tears were now coming down both their faces, they both knew it was true. The blonde closed the small space between them, cupping her love's cheeks, awaiting his response.
Kylo thought back to what the scavenger had called him, murderous snake, monster, he was all of that, and so was Ree. Two monsters alone in a world that hated them. They were nothing without each other "I need you." His words weren't louder than a whisper, his hands trembling as he brought them up to the back of her neck.
"And I need you," and with that, they closed the last distance between each other. Their lips connected as they had done thousands of times, but no time had ever felt like this, so desperate, honest and raw. Two individuals who would never be understood by anyone but each other.