Emma's POV
I've been in the hospital for approximately 3 weeks now, and I can say, hindi ako nagsisisi sa desisyon ko.
My mom's been okay lately, not just emotionally but also physically, and I do hope mentally too but you can actually see na hindi na siya na stess.
Now, I feel bad realizing that, feel ko ako lang rason kung bakit siya na stress
It's only 5:45 in the morning and nandito ako sa bed ko, kakagising lang, nagdadalawang isip kung magwawatch ng sunrise o hindi?
Nakita ko si mom, tulog pa nga e.
Tumingin ako sa labas, through my window. Ang fresh ng morning, just leaves falling and cars passing by with pale blue colored surrounding as the sun rises.
Now, I just want to witness this outside my room, kaya nakapag desisyon ako na mag watch ng sunrise.
I know na gigising rin si mama any minute now kaya I grabbed my sticky note and wrote that I went out to watch the sunset.
Nilagay ko sa lugar kung san niya makikita agad.
Im still on my pajamas so kinuha ko nalang yung oversized jacket ko sa kabinet at lumabas, nagulat si Rosa sa paglabas ko, ngayon lang ata niya ako nakitang lumabas nang maaga, usually kasi si Ella yung sumalobong sakin.
"At san ka naman pupunta miss?" tanong niya, "oh goodmorning Rosa, i'll just get some fresh air",
"Uh-huh, we'll see if you'll get some fresh air", she joked.
I just gave her a soft chuckle at kumilos na papunta sa favorite spot ko dito sa hospital.
"May nahanap ka na bang favorite spot mo dito sa hospital??"
Na alala ko tuloy si Clent, wala na yun nagparamdam sakin, kala ko ba crush lang gagawa ng pag goghost?, eh marunong pala tong bestfriend ko eh.
Charot, joke lang, may exams yun, I think last day na nila ngayon, feel ko nga nagsastudy parin siya hanggang ngayun, he only takes 15-30minutes to sleep kapag may exam.
Kung katabi ko siya ngayon, baka inaaway ko na yun, pasaway e, sabi ngang hindi yun maayos para sa kalusugan niya, inaadvice ko pang mag change siya ng study schedule niya, puro nalang siya "oo, i-change ko na", pero hindi parin nagawa
Kaya nuon, hindi na ako magtataka kung ba't siya magkakasakit sa exams, tingnan mo nga yung style niya sa pag-aaral, kaka inis
I've known Clent for over 4 years now, he's smart and handsome too, he can play badminton, he's so good at that. He also likes to play mind games, we both do.
Pero grabe siya when it comes to acads.
Ginusto niya ba yun? O sadyang pressure lang?
Nandito na ako sa roof top. Knowing my room number, hindi na ganyan kalayo yung roof top.
Tama, may elevator naman pero may lalakarin parin akong stairs para maka abot sa roof top.
Ang ganda ng simoy ng hangin. The noise of the cars makes me happy and the rising of the sun? Its magneficent, it's really beautiful.
Si Clent, siya lang pumapasok si isip ko ngayon thinking na may exams.
Pressured, I'll feel bad kapag prinessure niya lang sarili niya para lang makapag bigay ng good grades kay tita.
He wouldn't talk to me about it. Kasi nga ginagawa ko rin yun sa sarili ko noon, pero chinange ko yung style ko sa pag-aaral.
Yes, I know, ganyan tayo lahat, we do our best para sa mga magulang natin. Oo, we take risks para hindi tayo mapapagalitan.
Pero 15-30 mins lang matulog tapos mag take nang exams for hours?, tapos hindi pa kakain para lang mag study?, hindi yun maganda.
Health natin ang pinag uusapan, maintindihan ka naman ng parents mo kapag hindi mo na kaya ah.
Yung grades mo, pwede mo pang ma bago, pwede mo pang ma improve sa ibang quarter or hindi kaya kapag nasa ibang grade kana. If not lucky enough, you can, we can, can always retake.
We don't have to really take risk, especially sa health natin, kailangan din nating magpahinga. Marami tayong chance na makukuha, e yung health natin?
You see, we just live in a judgemental society, kung saan, lahat ng kinikilos mo, ginagawa mo, lahat ng pagkakamali mo, pagkukulang mo, napapansin nila.
Rason kung bakit tayo afraid of failing.
Pero so what kung hindi natin matapos ang school natin?
So what kung nag retake ka?
So what kung hindi mo kinaya?
Normal lang satin ang mapagod,
For me, ang importante, masaya ka, kapag hindi ka masaya sa mga ganyan, subukan mo ulit, don't give up cause it's not about being the fastest one to finish the work, its just about finishing it, it doesn't matter if mahina ka o mabilis, basta matapos mo lang.
We don't have to let the society decide who we are or who we have to be, cause buhay mo 'yan, your own decisions bring you to where you want to be.
So much thoughts in the morning huh? Eh si Clent lang naman yun, ang dami ko nang naisip.
Naka receive ako ng text galing kay mama, aalis na raw siya para mag ready sa trabaho niya. Hindi ko nalang ni replayan.
I saw birds flying, they look so free. Sometimes, I just wanna be like them, fly and you know, know what is freedom.
Again with the thoughts Ems.
I stayed there for awhile and went back to my room after.
----
When I arrived at my room, hinanap ko yung sketch book ko, eh drawing notebook lang nandito sa drawer.
I heared the door open, its Rosa bringing me the food and meds.
"Today's breakfast is special, chicken breast, with grapes as your dessert and water for your drinks" she said.
That's a yum, for sure.
"Anong hinahanap mo darling?" tanong niya.
"Nothing, just my sketch book" I replied
She moved to check the other drawers.
Tumingin naman ako sa pagkain ko, "gee, thanks for this Rosa, really appreciated it, but isn't it too much for breakfast?"
Nakita niya yung sketch book ko at binigay niya sakin, "anong 'too much', kailangan mo rin yan no, kung gusto mo, kumain nang 5 times a day, okay lang yun, as long as healthy naman", I just smiled.
"Still feeling the tiredness?", she asked in a curious manner. "Yep, just taking afternoon rests here and now", I opened my sketch book at ni ready ko nalang rin materials ko.
"Those are beautiful," she commented as I flip the pages, "You have social media accounts, why not share them?"
I chuckled, "yeah, nice idea, but Im not confident so no thanks". She didn't reply.
Pineprepare niya meds ko at nilapag tabi sa pagkain ko, bago siya lumabas, she reminded me to make sure to take the meds.
Nag enjoy naman ako sa breakfast. I opened my messenger and saw a message from Clent. Kanina lang yun, baka nasa school na siya ngayon.
"Pray for me" , yun ang nakalagay, I smiled, "sure bud", I replied
Nakita ko yung story sa isang kaibigan ko, 19 hours ago, it was a painting, she used coffee for painting, that's a great idea,
I've always wanted to try art coffee, kaya yun, I decided na yun gagawin ko ngayun.
I left my room and went to see Rosa, she told me she'll get it for me kaya bumalik na rin ako sa kwarto ko pero before ako pumasok, may nakita akong lalake sa hindi kalayoan.
Ang gwapo niya, his hair was fixed on the left side, black lahat sinusuot niya, fair skin, and those eyes, they were beautiful.
Halatang bago siya rito, napansin niyang nakatingin ako sa kanya, kaya umiwas agad ako ng tingin.
"Here you go honey", it was Rosa, lending me the coffee, "Thanks Rosa", I smiled back.
Bumalik siya sa kanyang pwesto, "You like that guy?", she asked, she sounded funny.
"Him?", I laughed, "No hahaha", a nervous laugh, seriously Ems?
Nakita kong lumayas ang lalaki, he'll go to his room na ata
"Not sure about that hon, ngayon ko lang nakita mga mata mo makatingin nang ganon sa isang tao", she argued. "C'mon Rosa, alam mo naman ako, hindi ako interesado sa mga ganyan" I replied,
"Yes, I do know you, to the point kung saan alam ko kung may gusto ka sa tao o wala", she responded
Ang galing ni Rosa, okay I give up,
"Okay, you're right, na attract lang naman ako",
"Crush nga, parehas lang yun", hindi, Im certain na magka iba yun, "okay fine, let's just assume na may crush ako sa kanya, e anong meron?"
"Wala lang, he's Marcus, Marcus Valenzona by the way, room 317, same age as you", got lucky huh?
"Well haha thank you for that Rosa, but I think I should get going", I said.
"Okay baby", she responded, but before I could even enter my room, she said something that somehow disturbed me.
"He has pneumonia, Fungal Pneumonia to be specific"
I didn't know Pneumonia has types.
Pneumonia? Does he have it bad?
Bumalik ako sa kwarto ko. As soon as I closed the door, I thought for a minute, I thought about him, his appearance, he, Marcus, himself.
Kaya sinearch ko yung about sa sakit niya, he didn't look so sick to me, he looked so fine, or does he?
I don't know anything about him, I cannot jump into conclusions.