Chapter 10
The night life in Indonesia is very promising. Kararating lang namin dito noong isang araw. Ako, si Ate, si Karl at si Papa. We're in it for a summer vacation, habang si Ate ay may business such things. I don't know what to do in Jakarta except to stroll. Bukas, didiretso kami sa Bali.
"Ang ganda ng painting mo, Karl." I commented nang bumalik ako sa loob ng hotel room after some fine sight-seeing on the terrace.
Ngumiti lamang si Karl si akin. She is already decided in pursuing architecture, pero hindi sa Pilipinas. Dahil hindi papayag si Papa na walang Engr. sa harap ng pangalan namin. I think she's getting an Architectural Engineering degree sa ibang bansa.
It's pretty hard. Ate JC wated to pursue psychology pero wala siyang ibang choice dahil utos ni Papa ang pagiging engineer. Habang ako, gusto kong magsundalo pero mukhang malabo.
I feel like it's an unspoken rule to us; be an engineer first so you could live your life the way you want it. I'm not regretful tho.
You just can't have everything in life.
Nagngising aso ako at mas lalong lumapit sa kanyang painting. It's a girl, with a red hair. Maayos ang hulma ng labi, ilong at korte ng mukha nito. Ngunit may sumisibol na bulaklak sa kanyang mata.
"What will you name it?"
"Blossom." Sagot niya at tinulak ang mukha ko palayo sa painting.
"Wow. Gawan mo ng series; si Blossom, Bubbles tsaka si Buttercup."
Umiling lamang siya sa akin. What? It's good! Si Blossom ito dahil pink and mga flowers na nilagay niya. Tapos kay Bubbles naman ay blue tapos kay Buttercup green. It's a great idea! Pero hindi ko siya pipilitin.
Lahat na lang ata ng sinasabi ko biro sa kanila. 'Tampo na ako.
Suddenly, my phone beeped and I run into it.
Crushie:
Good evening. I miss you.
It's been months noong umamin ako and I know something's changed. Noong mismong gabing hinain ko sa kanya ang aking nararamdaman, he didn't answer. He just hugged me.
Someone filmed it and uploaded the video on the internet at nagviral pa iyon. Kalauna'y humupa na rin, maliban na lamang sa 5 malakas mang-asar sa akin. May iilan siyempreng negatibo ang pananaw; that I am a girl and I should respect myself, hindi iyong binibigay ko nang buo ang aking sarili.
Girl my ass. I don't need such gender to pursue someone. If I like him, I like him. End of the story. Double standards lang kayo e.
But in a way, Sir was more attentive to me. Madalas niya rin akong hinahatid sundo mula LSU at condo. We would dine out sometimes and I am happier than ever. First sem noong unang beses kaming nagkita sa classroom, at second sem noong umamin ako. Hindi naman mabilis.
Masaya nga talaga siguro kapag walang label.
I smiled at the text and replied. Mabilis ding lumipas ang mga oras at kalauna'y nasa Bali na kami.
I waved at Karl na nakaupo mag-isa sa isang sun lounger sa ilalim ng na maliit hut. She's pretty much enjoying the view, pakiramdam ko'y next week may painting na kami nito.
I clicked the camera at my bared feet. Ang pinong buhangin ng Bali ay hindi kasing pino ng sa Boracay. But it's still fascinating as ever. The blistering morning sun is very warm but the cool air can still be felt.
Hindi lamang beach and naroon, sa mga susunod na araw pupunta kami sa iba pang sights.
I am wearing a brown high waisted bikini and its pair of top in a crochet material. My dark complexion paired it so much. Kakaonti lang din ang tao kaya mataas pa ang aking confidence.
I waved at Karl nang nakitang papalapit ito. Her paper white skin reflected the sunlight that she looks glowing. I took a photo of her in her black bikini at lumapit sa kanya.
I handed her the camera at mabilis na nagpose. Nagselfie rin kami sa kanyang phone, with props of hats and such.
Nagstory ako ng selfie namin with a caption: "For sale: Kapatid na masungit. Bagsak presyo, sarado. Pm is da susi."
Malawak ang ngiti ko roon sa ritrato while Karl's small smile seems like she's enjoying, but not too much.
At as usual, nagreply na naman ang mga asungot.
@HughAngeles
Pasalubong.
@JaceSanAgustin
Get na sa sister mo. ;)
@RenzPantaleoné
Kilala pa kaya ako neto?
@CervantesBrain_
Pa-reserve doon sa nakabrown.
Umiling ako at nireplyan isa isa. Naview lamang ito ni Arn na as usual kahit sa GC ay hindi nagrereply.
I posted our pics and with a caption of a hut emoji. Sunod sunod ang likes nito kaya binaliwala ko na lamang muna.
We ate our lunch in the hotel's restaurant at umakyat na kami ni Karl. Ate is busy doing some work kahit dito habang si Dad naman ay nasa shore.
Nagbihis ako into maong shorts and another crochet top pero pa wala akong balak lumabas. Nagbihis na rin si Karl ng dress. I opened my phone only to see Sir Nico's message.
Crushie:
You look good on your bikini.
Nagsalubong ang aking kilay. He doesn't have any social media account! Nagpop ang isang notif galing sa telegram at binuksan ko iyon. It's a group conversation of us, 6. Pero mukhang 7 na.
@JaceSanAgustin added Nico in the conversation.
Muntikan ko nang maibato ang cellphone! Sunod sunod ang chats at mention nila kay Sir at ini-screenshot din nila ang aking posts sa IG at sin-send iyon sa groupchat. Hindi na nahiya! Parang wala ako roon kung mag-usap.
@HughAngeles: Sir, ang ganda naman ni AC. Kung ako 'yan babakuran ko na.
@RenzPantaleoné: Sir!! Pagalitan mo nga si AC, hubadera.
@JaceSanAgustin: Hi, Sir!
Sunod sunod ang pagpop ng chats at napafacepalm ako. Pinagkakaisahan ako ng 3. Tatlo lang kasi hindi nagrereply si Brain at Arn sa GC.
@Nico: Haha, it's okay. She looks pretty good on it.
@HughAngeles: Uyy, @Eycee pretty good raw! 'Wag kiligin.
@Nico: She can wear whatever she wants, I don't mind.
Umirap ako pero nangingiti sa sinabi ni Sir. The 5 guys had always been protective of me, pero si Sir pa ang nag-eencourage sa akin magdress, magskirt, magheels kapag lalabas kami. He also won't mind if ayaw ko, madalas lamang ay sinu-suggest niya iyon.
Kaya't hinayaan ko lamang sila sa kanilang diskuro sa group convo pagkatapos kong magsend ng ':P' emoji.
The sun is almost setting noong sabay sabay kaming lumabas nina Ate at Karl. Nawala na rin ang stress sa mukha ni ate after series of her phone calls and pagbababad sa laptop. Camera lamang ang aming dala.
With the orange horizon turning into different darker hues, I clicked the camera and stared at it longer. No matter how much we love the view of a setting sun, it will always remind us that everything has its own ending; but not all that ends are a downcast, some ending can be very much appealing and aesthetic.
---
It was one hell of an adventure sa Bali, matapos maghike, magswim sa lake at magsight seeing ng volcano and such ang pagod kong katawan ay sumalubong sa capital.
Nasa Jakarta na kami para magshop. Nagkukumahog na naman si Ate dahil ito lang 'ata ang kanyang kaligayahan: gumastos.
And as I have told you, the night life in Jakarta is very much promising. Halos mukha lamang itong Pilipinas, ang kaibahan ay walang nagtatagalog doon maliban sa amin.
We soon reached the night market. In this very part, it looks like a tiangge well I gues it really is. Samu't saring damit ang nakadisplay roon, although we know the brand isn't very legit, it still looks og. Who cares about og when you can rock any clothes you wear, but still clothes hit different if they are legit.
In the end, tumingin lamang kami. Bumili si Karl ng Rattan Bag sa Bali at dito naman ay isang Tote bag na tingin ko'y collection niya sa rami ng ganoon niya. Required 'ata iyon sa mga architecture students, joke.
"Ace, may bibilhin lang kami sa kabila." Karl broke the silence deafening within us in the midst of chaotic night market.
Kumunot ang aking noo, bakit pa kailangang magpaalam sa akin gayong puwede naman akong sumama?
"I'm coming with you." I uttered but as soon as they heard me mabilis silang tumakbo palayo. Lumingon sa akin si Ate para sumigaw na babalik din sila rito mismo.
I roamed around and scanned more stores.
The market is filled with different races of people combined by the blinding lights of each stalls, tied by the different brands and clothes on the rack that even coming from different parts of the world, we are all in the middle of indifference and as a whole; no one seems to notice our physique uniqueness and dissimilarity.
Instead, we are all just one crowd, admiring things altogether under the same gleam. I guess diversity is just a made up word. We are all equal, living an unfair life below the vast sky.
My phone beeped after the 3rd stall I am scanning. Pagkalito ang aking unang naramdaman.
Crushie:
I'm starting 2 hate the fact that I'm da 1 who taught u how to wear skirts. U look, godlike.
Umirap ako sa ere. Probably, pinagtripan na naman ako ng 5. Before I am about to reply, he again texted.
Crushie:
Ur dashing rn.
My face heated with his remark. Sa gitna man ng kalituhan ay namayani pa rin sa akin ang kanyang mga papuri. But then, I realized that maybe, what's in my head is just my imagination. This will surely fade after being disappointed of the outcome of what I am thinking.
Pero nang nag-angat ako ng tingin, sumalubong sa akin ang kanyang mga mata. Few meters away from me stands the man I very much want to see right now, that even in the middle of chaotic place, blinding lights and loudly crowd I still found peace.
How could looking into someone's face feel like home?
Kumibot ang aking labi patungong ngiti nang matanto kong hindi ako nanaginip. Gising ako sa katotohanang papalapit siya sa akin at naglalakad. Few steps away from me when he stops, and I met his dashing brown eyes, illuminated by whatever luminosity that strikes it, I just know that it's probably the only thing I could look at in my whole life over and over again.
"Why are you here?" pagsisimula ko matapos ang segundong katahimikan.
"Bawal kang sundan dito sa Jakarta?"
"So inaamin mong sinusundan mo ako? Duh stalker."
"If you say so."
Nag-angat ako ng kilay sa sinabi niya. Pakiramdam ko'y hindi na lang ako ang marupok dito.
"E, 'di sumama ka sa akin kung ganoon." I answered pulling his wrist.
"Saan?"
"Sa pagtanda."
And after saying those words, ang ngiti at katahimikang pumalibot sa amin ay iyong tipong katahimikang gugustuhin mo. So without any word, he held my hands and we roamed around the night market.
He doesn't really look out of place with his khaki shorts, white sneakers and plain white shirt. Mukha siyang fresh na fresh sa gitna ng maingay at malinawag na Mercado.
Noong tinanong ko siya kung bakit siya nandito, ang sagot niya'y sinundan niya talaga ako. He was that eager to see me and kasabwat niya si Karl na tumakbo kasama si Ate kanina. Wow too eager for being my friend.
"Saan ka nagstay?" I asked, eating a Sate.
It's actually fascinating to see a Sate here gayong dati sa Bali lang ako nakakakain nito. It is a grilled goat meat on a skewer, one of their popular street foods. Binali ko ang pangatlong stick bago ito tinapon sa malapit na basurahan.
"Sa Pacific. Uuwi rin agad ako mamayang madaling araw." Sagot niya. Kanina'y tinatanong ko siya kung sino ang kanyang kasama pero dinidismiss niya ito sa pagsagot na kasama niya raw iilang kapamilya. Maybe he didn't want to talk about it so I shrugged.
"Uuwi ka na pala, hindi kita mapapakilala kay Papa."
Si papa ay masayang nagpapamasahe, isa sa service ng aming tinutuluyan kaya't hindi na siya sumama rito.
"It's okay. I just wanted to see you."
Inikot namin ang malawak na night market. Sa kabilang banda ay hilera ng mga pagkain and of course, knowing my huge appetite, marami akong sinubukan.
Nang napadaan kami sa isang souvenir shop, we bought a pair of bracelet. Mayroon itong maliliit na bato; black and white ang kulay. He even added a ref magnet.
Lumalim lalo ang gabi at ang nagtext sa akin ang magaling kong kapatid na dumiretso na ako sa hotel. With a few more minutes of roaming around, he asked to accompany me in our unit.
Ngumiti ako sa kanya nang marating namin ang tamang floor. He insisted on bringing me here kahit na ang sabi ko'y ayos na ako kahit sa lobby lang.
"You sure you don't wanna stay even just for a while?" I asked, standing infront of the closed door looking at him.
Ngumiti siya pabalik at umiling. His eyes twinkled with an unknown light pero mabilis din itong nawala.
"Pasok ka na AC. Good night."
Tumango naman ako at kakaway sa kanya, siguro'y aantayin ko muna siyang makapasok sa elevator bago ako tumuloy sa unit.
Maybe, he understood what I was thinking. Without a word, he pulled me closer for a soft forehead kiss. I closed my eyes and silently prayed that this feeling will not be outnumbered by anything uncertain and unfavorable.
Na sana walang masamang kapalit ang kasiyahan kong ito dahil kung susumahin, I would expect the greatest pain after this, for I feel like this overwhelming situation made me very much happy that I feel like I'm in cloud 9.
The solicitude embraced me as I stood in front of our closed unit silently; watching the elevator door close and his glistering brown eyes is staring directly at me.