Chapter 19
Benji's POV
Ajax and I had a fun easy day, we drove all over Malibu so he could show me his favourite spots, we did some shopping and took a walk on Zuma Beach. We never once talked about that morning and whenever I felt like Ajax was moving in that direction, I changed the subject or brought up something that entailed a lengthy discussion. Anything to avoid talking about the feelings I may or may not be having for him.
I wasn't even going to begin to think what any of his actions this morning meant. There was no way I was going to let myself think that he had more than friendly affection for me as his sub. If I did, then there would be no holding back my own feelings and I wasn't emotionally prepared for that fall and the inevitable wreckage when I crashed into a brick wall. Been there, done that, wrote the book, got the t-shirt, burned the t-shirt.
Instead I kept things light for the rest of the weekend. That night after a late supper out I excused myself as soon as we got home, asking Ajax if it was okay if I went to bed because I was tired and my throat was hurting a bit. He was very sweet, getting me some pain reliever and a glass of water. I left him in the kitchen and climbed the stairs to 'my' room and tucked myself into bed after a warm shower. I felt like a bit of a party pooper, but I really was tired after spending the day keeping up the happy go lucky façade. I needed to recharge and figure out how to get out of this mood I found myself in.
Sometime after midnight, after laying there thinking about everything, I heard Ajax come up the stairs. He stepped into my room and I closed my eyes and relaxed my breathing. The silence told me he was watching me for a few minutes before I felt his hand on my forehead and then a single kiss just above my brow before soft footsteps made their way out of the room and down the hall to his.
A single tear found its way down my cheek and I felt lower than I have in a long time. I reached over for my phone and texted Jamie. I needed her words of wisdom more than I have in a long time. I let out a deep sigh after 10 minutes when there was no reply.
Nobody else would understand. I thought about texting Peter. He and I had begun texting back and forth occasionally since we met, but it was late and I didn't think Rob would appreciate if I woke him up. None of my friends at school would understand, they weren't subs. Then I thought of Quentin, he might know what I'm feeling and we had gotten to know each other pretty well during my training with his Master. It was late, but he was often at the club very late with Master Phillip on weekend nights.
BJ: Q? U around? It's Benji
Quentin: Hey BJ! I'm here, sittin in Master's office waitin 4 club 2 close. What's up?
BJ: I don't know, really confused
Quentin: ?? Is everything ok w/Ajax
BJ: Ya, gr8, almost too gr8
Quentin: That's bad why???
BJ: Sometimes he treats me like a sub & sometimes like a boyfriend, I'm scared...I don't want 2 fall 2 hard 4 him
Quentin: Why not?
BJ: I'm just his sub, after 3 mos it's goodbye
Quentin: U don't know that, Ajax is like MP, he's a good man, not like other Doms, he wouldn't hurt U, maybe he feels the same...I've been with MP a loooong time, U know, true love :) <3 xxoo
BJ: Been hurt b4, they always leave me
Quentin: Talk to Ajax
BJ: No! Can't do that
Quentin: Then just relax, go w/the flow, let what happens happens...no risk no gain
Could I do that? Could I just go along and see what happens? If he broke up with me...well, when the contract ends and we go our separate ways, could I handle that if I let myself love him.
Quentin: Don't overthink things, everything will be ok
BJ: ok, thanks Q
Maybe I was overthinking things. If I kept this up, I would be ruining the rest of my time with Ajax worrying and then he definitely wouldn't want to sign a new contract. Was I subconsciously sabotaging our relationship because I was afraid of being hurt? Creating a self-fulfilling prophecy? Oh God Benji! Quentin is right, I'm way overthinking this!
I rolled over on my side. I was going to get out of my funk, get to sleep and start out fresh tomorrow. "Tomorrow is a fresh day," I whispered to myself.
When I woke up it was just before 9:00 am. I went into my bathroom, peed, washed my hands and face and then brushed my teeth. I grabbed a pill and swallowed it down with some water from the sink. Changed out of my boxers into a bathing suit. The weather was cooler now, and of course would be even cooler this time of the morning, but it was still considered warm compared to where I grew up and I felt excited to jump in the water even if it was only for a minute.
I scurried down to Ajax's room. The door was left open several inches so I peeked in. He was still sleeping. Hmmm....what to do. Ajax let me sleep in yesterday, but I'm not Ajax, I'm Benji! I ran in and dive bombed onto the bed as I let out a war cry, then climbed on top straddling his waist as he rolled over and his eyes popped open.
"We should go swimming!" I burst out.
"Benji? What the hell!" He looked over at the clock, but even at just after 9 it was way later than he usually got up.
"Seriously! It's a great way to start the day. Very exhilarating and....cleansing!"
"Is this the 'H' part of your ADHD?"
"Maybe, but it doesn't make it a bad idea." I grinned down at his scowling face. I knew my smile and my dimples were a weak spot for anyone with a pulse. "Please! Please Sir!!! I promise, you'll love it! And it's not that cold. I've swam in much colder water. I once went swimming in a gorge in Vermont in November when I was visiting my cousin. My lips turned blue and I couldn't feel my toes, but it was worth it!"
"I thought your throat was hurting and you were coming down with something?"
"I feel fine now! Good as new." I started bouncing on top of him and giggled as his head bounced from side to side.
"I should spank you for this," he grumbled.
"You can, later, but now let's go swimming!"
He let out a long sigh, "Okay Benji. Go find me a bathing suit." I jumped up and trotted over to his closet. "In one of the drawers on the left side," he called as he got up. I heard him lumber over to his bathroom, so, knowing he liked to sleep naked, I quickly peeked out to watch his bare ass until he was through the door. Schwing!
In the closet I found several swim trunks like the ones I was wearing, but towards the bottom I found a few speedo type suits. "Yes!" I almost fist pumped. I picked out an aquamarine pair that would look great against his dark tan.
"No!" he objected when I held them up.
"Why do you have them if you won't wear them?"
"Most of them were gifts. I only wear them in Europe or under regular trunks that don't have enough support."
"Please!" I whined, "I really, really want you to wear these and no one is around anyway. I'll do anything you say if you wear these."
"You'll do anything I say even if I don't," he replied cockily. But yeah, he pretty much had me dead to rights. I frowned, not knowing how to win this fight.
"Okay." My sad face always works! "I'll wear them," he grabbed them from my hand, holding them down so he could step into them and pull them up. "But," he paused and walked past me into the closet, "you're wearing these!"
Ajax came out with an orange pair that looked to utilize half the amount of fabric as the ones he was now wearing. He had a smirk on his face as he dangled them in front of me. "Come on Benji, no one is around and I reallllly, realllly want to see them on you."
"You're so not fair," I pouted as I grabbed them. I turned around and whipped my trunks off then quickly stepped into the small scrap of bright orange fabric. I didn't even know how they ever fit him when they barely covered my ass and barely contained my boy parts.
I turned around and watched as his face lit up, his eyes glued to the shimmering banana hammock. He stepped forward and began meticulously adjusting them in the front and back, but I think he was just trying to feel me up.
"Okay, they're perfect! Let's go!" His face finally, and can I stress finally, lifted from staring at the suit as he looked me in the eyes with a bright smile. Of course, his smile is both hypnotic and contagious so I gave him a quick nod, grabbed his hand and pulled him out the door.
"Did you have your pill?"
"Yep!" I mean, "Yes, Sir."
"Eat a banana before we go out, I don't want you drowning on me."
"I thought you weren't supposed to swim after eating?" I asked.
"It's worse swimming on an empty stomach." When we entered the kitchen he threw me a banana and then opened a drawer and took out two protein bars and two bottles of water.
Five minutes later we were at the water's edge and I was dipping my toe in the waves, suddenly losing my nerve. It really was kind of chilly!
"Oh no, you got me out here, you're going in," Ajax shouted as he threw me over his shoulder and bounded into the water. I screamed like a girl and when we were in waist deep he tossed me up and my arms and legs flailed around like Wile E Coyote falling off a cliff.
I was plunged into the cold water, but after a few seconds it wasn't bad at all. The air was actually cooler than the water.
"This isn't so bad," I gasped as I popped up and then jumped onto Ajax to push him down in retaliation.
The rest of the day was perfect; after swimming for a while we put on sneakers and shorts and went for a jog down the beach. Later that morning we prepared an amazing brunch with fresh ingredients we had purchased at a farmer's market the day before.
After the long run and a large meal, we were tired so we pulled up Netflix and watched Divergent so I could show Ajax who Theo James was, of course, after assuring him that he was much better looking and way sexier than the actor.
I got my promised spanks that night which turned into a mind blowing scene of Ajax teasing me mercilessly, bringing me to the edge over and over until I thought I was going to combust, followed by my begging him to take me in the hardest way possible – to which he heartily obliged.
When we headed back Monday morning we both had big sated smiles on our faces and were somewhat ready to go back to reality.
Halfway back my phone sneezed letting me know I had a text. I giggled, loving the app I had downloaded the day before with weird and unique notifications.
Jamie: Benjjjjj So sorry I missed ur texts, D took me 2 Santa Monica 4 the wknd n I forgot my charger. When r u back, want 2 tell u all about my trip and hear all about urs 2!
I smiled down at my phone with relief.
"Everything okay?" Ajax asked, squeezing my leg and leaving his hand there.
"Yes Sir, everything's fine."