“ You have gained so much weight, you need to work out or else you are knocking on the door to obesity. ”
“ Look at your cousins, they look prettier when they are slim and have tiny waists. They could be mistaken for Victoria Secret angels. ”
Countless times, Clarisa had heard these stories. She hated attending family weddings because everyone would point out how fat she is or how her cousins look good. She had listened to such words since she was 13 years old and she didn't let them affect her as much as they did back then. But she often wondered how it would feel to be small.
She had tried everything. The diet pills and the workouts, she starved herself occasionally and lied to people she was saving for the latest iPhone that was to be released later that year but nothing ever worked.
She tried to forget the awful comments her family said or the nasty comments her school mates said but they still came to haunt her every time she entered a boutique or went lingerie shopping. One time, she wanted to buy some jeans and the shop attendant looked at her in a disgusting manner saying they didn't have her size in the shop. She had extra large hips and the rolls on her stomach and back were a constant reminder she didn't look like Kim Kardashian or Kylie Jenner.
“ Hey honey, why are you sitting here alone? ” Mum asked me while pouring herself a drink.
She was much more slender and taller than me. In fact, one would have mistaken her for Kate Moss if they saw her from afar. She always told me I was beautifully and wonderfully created by God but I don't think she understood what I went through. She had appeared on countless magazines and married one of the owners of the magazine who also happens to be my father.
“ Clarisa, are you alright? ” Mum asked again looking at me with worry.
“ Oh yes mother, sorry, ummh yah, I am fine” I responded slightly embarrassed that I was thinking so much and had forgotten mum was waiting for a reply.
“ Why aren't you mingling with everyone else? This is a wedding. Get up and meet some people. Get to know some of your cousins. Have you seen Jade yet? She told me she got into acting school. ” Mum asked.
Of course I had seen Jade. The first thing she had said was “ I am becoming obese and look like vomit in the dress. ”
Of course, she didn't say it too loud because she needs to keep her good reputation. Deep down, I knew she was a bully who made my life miserable in high school with her best friend.
“ Yes mum, I did and yah, she kept talking on and on about how she was finally going to travel to California and work with Universal Studios. ” I said while getting up to drink another bottle of water. I never drank alcohol because it tasted horrible. I don't even know how everyone was able to drink a the beer and wine.
“ Honey, is there something wrong? You don't seem excited to be here at the wedding. Are people treating you poorly and saying nasty comments? ” Mum said while placing her drink down to hold my hand.
I felt the tears in my eyes but I didn't want to cry.
Clarisa, don't cry. You are strong. You are loved. You are beautiful.
“ Mum, can I please leave? I will order an uber and get home. I don't want to be here. All people have told me is how I am fat and need to get on a diet. I don't like being at family functions. ” I said with a hoarse voice trying to control my tears.
Mum realised I was on the point of breaking down and pulled me out of the tent. She hugged me so tight and I felt all the tears rolling down. I was trying to be strong but it was hard enough for me.
“ Look, let me go look for your father and we leave. I don't want you sad or listening to negative people. You are special and always remember that ” Mum told me. She kissed me on the forehead and left.
I tried to be strong. I always remembered that I am beautifully and wonderfully created.
“ What is going on here? ” Dad looked at me with concern.
“ Nothing dad. I told mum I don't feel well and she made a big deal out of it. I just wanted to get an uber and go home but she insisted we leave together. ” I explained looking at my acrylic nails. I had painted them a lavender color to match my skin tone hoping someone would complement them but all they did was talk about my weight.
“ Okay. Let me tell Jeff we are leaving so that he doesn't feel bad. Here are the car keys. You can go and stay in the car as I look for your mum. ” Dad said handing me the keys to his ranger rover rogue.
My father is a rich man. He drives expensive cars, goes on vacations to the Maldives and works with celebrities such as Tom Brady and Jamie Foxx. He always tells me to be well behaved because he has a reputation to keep.
As I approached the car, I looked at the clean tinted windows. My eyes were puffy and my cheeks had become fatter. Seems those stupid diet pills weren't working after all.
I opened the car and sat in for awhile waiting for my parents to come. They were taking so long but I realised they did not want to leave. It was because of me that they were forced to leave.
If only I was small enough to fit into the party, all this wouldn't have happened. I didn't even get to talk to Jeff.
Jeff was my cousin and he was the groom. He was the only one who seemed to treat me different and never talked about my weight.
As I waited, I opened my Instagram and the first photos I saw were of Kylie and her best friend Stasia sitting by the pool.
Maybe I can get plastic surgery. It is much more easier than exercise and diet pills.
I kept scrolling through the feed until I saw the door open. My parents got in the car and we drove off, away from those mean people. I could hear the music fade away as we hit the main road.
“ Did you see Jade at the party. Heard she is in acting school. ” Dad asked me while looking in the rearview mirror.
Argh. Why was everyone asking me about her.
“ Yes, dad I did. ” I replied with a short answer.
Silence filled the car.
“ Clarisa, you know we love you and care for you. Even your aunties and uncles do and whatever they tell you is for your own good. ” Dad said now branching off a familiar road that lead to our 12 acre home.
Yes, we lived in a big home since my dad could afford it.
“ Clarisa, have you thought of applying for maybe a gym membership or that thing I see you watching on E! a lot. The one with the tall Kardashian. ” my father said while nervously looking at me.
“ David! ” my mum shouted as she looked at him with horror.
He knew how this topic made me feel but he still brought it up. I felt the tears welling up in my eyes but I didn't want to think about it.
Am i really that ugly?
“ What, Violet. We need to tell her the truth. Everyone was talking about how overweight she has become. Even I noticed it and it is not healthy. She needs to cut down on that junk food she eats. ” My father said while looking at me mother.
Junk Food. I hadn't even eaten that in a while coz I was trying to lose weight. I am so sick and tired of my weight being the main topic in my life.
“ David, stop talking right now. Don't you see you are upsetting her. Do you want what happened last time to happen again? ” Mum looked at him.
What she meant by last time was, she found me lying on the floor unconscious because I had overdosed on the diet pills and rushed me to the hospital. My heart had stopped beating for two seconds and the doctor had to jam start it again with those electric doctor things. I honestly wish I had died that day. All this wouldn't be happening.
Dad secretly took me to rehab and made sure the press didn't find out about this. He didn't want his good reputation going down with a headline saying David Williams' daughter attempts suicide. Most of my family members did not know where I went. My parents lied about a trip to France and whatever else they could come up with.
Silence filled the car as we finally approached the large mansion.
We got out of the car and entered the house.
I went to the kitchen and picked my water bottle before I went to bed.
“ You need to apologize to her. ” I heard mum tell my father before I entered my room. I shut the doors and entered my large king size bed and cried myself to sleep that night.
I hated my life.