"I think you travel to search and you come back home to find yourself there." —Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
Samantha's POV
I was awake, basking in the first morning light and enjoying the peace and quiet when my mom burst into my room with so much verve. I knew she was up to something.
"Get up and go brush your teeth. I'd suggest you put on comfy clothes. Breakfast is ready by the way," She left before I could even get a 'good morning' past my mouth.
I freshened up, brushed my teeth and washed my face. I did as she had instructed me and put on clothes from my teen years. A baggy emo style T-shirt and gray old sweatpants. I went down the stairs to the kitchen where a plate of pancakes, eggs and sausages was waiting for me. I made myself a cup of coffee before joining her at the table.
"Why did you ask me to get ready?" I asked.
"We're doing something today."
"What are we doing?" I raised a brow at her. I could just tell she was up to something and I had a feeling I wasn't going to like it.
"Gardening..."
Called it. I disliked gardening.
"....we wouldn't be out for long though. Just until our fingers hurt."
"Mom!"
"Just kidding." she chuckled.
The day started off good. Simply good. Not bad and not the best. The sun wasn't the nicest and the only sound that filled the air was the serenade from the whistling birds that were nesting on the tree branch close to my room window. It was hot enough to not wear a sweater but chilly to put on a shirt at least. Overall, it was a good day for any outdoor activity but my body wasn't willing. I wanted nothing more than to bury my head under a blanket fort and sleep for a whole week. When it came to anything that involved the use of hands, I was invested in it. But gardening wasn't a trait that I shared in common with my mom. As much as I admired nature and its beauty, I hated digging my hands in dirt.
"Be serious, mom, how long are we going to be out there?" I asked after we finished our breakfast, washed the dishes and were set to go outside.
"I already told you. Till our fingers hurt," she turned without waiting for my reply.
I caught her low mischievous laugh. "Mom!" I groaned, marching after her.
She crossed the yard to where her little garden was. Gray had built it for her a few years before I left and she was obsessed with it still almost a decade after. She had a variety of flowers in different pots and what was even more amazing was that she had taken the time to sort them according to colour.
"What are we doing first?" I rested my hands on my hips as I stared cluelessly at the flowers as if they could give me a hint on how to help them.
"I'll teach you to plant. That's basically all you'd be doing. I'll do the major work."
"Do I really have to do this?
"Yes, baby. It's just a fun outdoor activity. You've been cooped up in your room since you got back. It's been three days."
"I just need more sleep. My head feels like mush," I groaned.
"That is because you wouldn't move around. There's no way blood would get to your brain if you don't exercise."
"How is this exercise?"
"I don't know. Consider it arm exercise."
I wished the plants would just shrivel and go back into the earth. I just wasn't interested and she knew this.
"I missed almost a decade of your life, Sam. All the mom and daughter things we could've done. Please indulge me a little, huh?" She did the puppy eyes thing. I just couldn't refuse.
"Okay," I sighed.
"Great!" She clapped, expressing her enthusiasm.
"So choose your planting space."
I went to a section of the yard where I felt my flower would look really cute and it was directly facing my room window so I could stare at my creation whenever I wanted.
"There's no sun there, honey. Choose another space," she said.
I moved to another space and she said the same thing. Three different spots and I still didn't get the right one. My patience was already as thin as a georgette piece of clothing.
"Why don't you just pick a space for me?"
"Where's the fun in that?" She chuckled.
"Mom!"
"What?"
"Stop playing, please."
"Sweetie, you could've just picked a space where I have my beds."
True.
I walked back to her side and knelt beside her. I already had knee pads and gloves on but I knew I was going to be covered in dirt after we were done. She explained what I had to do and I set to work. She already dug up flower beds and we were using nursery plants so it wasn't as tasking as planting seeds from scratch. I dug the hole the same height as that of the soil of the plant and placed the young flower in the hole.
"Water deeply, sweetie, so your roots can grow the right way. You don't want shallow roots," she pointed at the sides I needed to water from and instructed me on how much water I was to add until it was enough.
"All done!" I beamed at my work.
"Not bad for a first time," my mom smiled.
"Or you mean really good for the first time," I huffed. "By the way, what do you do with these plants?"
There were lots of pots around the yard. Filled with different types of flowers. I was only familiar with flowers used in decorating but my knowledge wasn't as broad.
"I sell them."
"Whoa! Are you serious?"
"Yeah," she laughed at my shocked reaction. "Just on a small scale though. Sheriff bought some last month. I got Miss Geneva's order ready that'll go out next week after I do the last trimming. Took some to Gray's."
"That's really good!"
"I know. I started it as a pastime. I didn't expect people to love it. It warms my heart to see people interested in what I create."
Her smile was what warmed my heart. She really was happy and content doing what she loved.
"So when are you meeting up with the Callaghan's?"
"Next week. Rachel said to take a week to settle in and that she'd hate to burden me with work on my first week."
"Okay. That's okay," She sighed.
"What's on your mind?"
"Nothing."
"There's something, mom. Tell me."
"Uhm... I was... was just wondering if you were back for good. You know, we all missed you and I'd hate to see you leave again," a cloud of sadness settled over her.
"Gray asked me the same question when he picked me up from the airport."
"So what did you say to him? Are you still leaving?"
"How is dad?" I countered.
I didn't want to answer her question just yet. It wasn't that I hadn't already made up my mind to stay. I knew I was going to live and build a new life in shadow creek. I didn't have anywhere else in mind. Shadow creek was it for me. I knew that. Saying it just felt like I was signing a lifelong contract. I was scared. There was this indescribable fear that gripped my heart whenever I had to make a decision that impacted my future. It felt like the right step in the right direction but nothing was ever a hundred percent certain. My mind had a habit of dwelling on the percentage of uncertainty. A couple of wrong choices in the past had programmed my mind into focusing on what could go wrong other than accept the good that could come out of taking certain actions. I didn't want to hurt my mom because of my indecision but I did. A forlorn look flashed across her face as a result of me dodging her question.
"He's okay... I guess. Still in rehab. The nurse called last month to give me an update on how he was doing and it wasn't good," her shoulders dropped.
"They found bottles of rum in his drawers. You know those spirits in tiny bottles? He had stashed them under his clothes. He also displayed violent behavior when they tried to take them away so they sedated him to put him to sleep. The nurse told me he had relapsed. I don't think he's getting out anytime soon," she sighed.
I couldn't think of anything to say in reply. It was a hard pill to swallow and I never got it to go past my throat. It was difficult having to live with the fact that my father was addicted to alcohol. We had thought we could control it and live with it until he started to show signs of agitation and violence. The first time he hit my mother was the last time I saw him. He was sent to rehab. Over a decade later and he still hadn't improved. I loved him still. My mom did too. I could see that talking about him hurt her.
"Do you want to see him? Is that why you asked?" I looked up to find my mom staring at my face closely. "I wouldn't stop you if you do want to visit him."
"That wasn't why I asked. But really? You'd let me go see him?"
"You're a grown woman, Sam. You can do whatever you want. Besides he's your father."
"Thanks, mom." I smiled. "And I'm not leaving."
The light returned back to her face and I saw the tears gather in her eyes. I went to her side and hugged her. Then she burst out crying.
"Don't cry, mom."
"I know. I know. I just need to get this one out and then I'll be okay," she laughed, wiping the moisture from her face.
"Take your time." I patted her back, watching her work through breathing exercises to help her calm down. "Gary's still coming over tonight?"
"Yeah. With Denise and Brady. Brady's favorite is Mac and cheese just like Gray when he was little. He adores the dish. I'm guessing Denise ate that a lot when she was pregnant with him," she chuckled. "I'll get started on dinner once I'm done trimming these. Help me with the pruners please," she pointed to an object in the tools box. I handed it over to her and she immediately got to work. I changed the conversation, telling her all the fun things that happened in my college and about my friends. She laughed when I repeated some of the corny adult jokes made by my professors. There was no way I could leave her again. I knew it would crush her.
****
"So... so... I got the ball from Daddy! I ran to go score with the ball and Daddy dived to get the ball but the grass was wet and pippery. Daddy fell down on his butt!" he burst into laughter once again and it was such a lovely sight to behold.
"Brady calm down or you'll choke on your food, honey. And it's slippery not pippery." Denise corrected him, wiping the sauce from the side of his mouth.
"Okay, mommy," he stopped talking and began to gobble up his food without pause.
"He's so excited to see you that he wants to tell you every little detail of his life. You're in for a ride, Sam," Gray laughed, as he stared at his toddler with love brimming in his eyes.
"Is he always like this?" I asked.
"No. He is always bubbly with Drew's kids but they hardly ever get to see because he stays with Denise after school. They go to the same preschool though but they're in different classes and there's a sitter who watches him after school while Denise works. He only sees the twins on days I take him to work with me. He's thrilled to finally meet another family member that isn't Daddy, mommy or grandma."
"Well then, lucky me!" I was already obsessed with the little ranger. He was adorable in every way and what was even more adorable was his soft baby hair and cute cheeks. In the short time since they arrived, I got to learn about his obsession with Spider-Man and monkeys. His best fruit was banana because monkeys loved to eat bananas. He thought pineapple pizza was yucky and loved to eat Mac and cheese. He told me pops always gave him extra chips because he was cute. He loved his preschool teacher and he loved to play hide and seek with the twins. He told me about the time he dislocated his finger and got his whole hand bandaged not like he knew the full story only what his parents had told him. His best work at school was the vocabulary building. He thought it was cool that they got to learn new words and Denise told me how he would practice the use of those words on her and Gray. He was learning how to swim and he had a dinosaur pattern kid's floaties. Denise backed his unending tales with pictures.
"Mama, I'm done! See! I'm done!" He pointed at his plate and it was as clean.
"That was fast, honey. You care for more?" My mom asked him,
He shook his head in denial. "I'm okay. Can I go play now? Pleaseeee," he joined his hands together.
"Yes, you can, baby. But only when your Aunty is done with her food, okay?"
"Okay, mommy," he nodded and then turned to face me with a pout.
"Aunty, hurry!"
"Okay, little ranger, I'm coming," I laughed.
His enthusiasm was like a breath of fresh air. I wished I could be that carefree and excited over my life. I finished my dinner as with every other person at the table and we all moved to the den to relax and have our dessert. Denise had brought a red velvet cake that she baked. We played the what-animal-am-I game where I acted out different animals by the sounds they made, their stance or what they ate and he had to guess what animal I was trying to mimic. He did pretty good for a four year old.
"You've got a smart one on your hands."
Gray laughed and ruffled his boy's head who was now cuddled up beside him on the family couch, tired and spent from all the activities of the day. He yawned occasionally and his eyes dropped shut as his dad petted him to sleep.
"He's always hyperactive but he's not the talking type so I guess that wore him out. I'd say thank you because it's not easy getting him to sleep at night. But look at him. He's so tired that he can't even move from my side."
We all laughed as we watched him sleep. It took about five minutes before he was out like a light. My mom and Denise offered to do the dishes when we were done eating everything and it was no use joining in because I will just get shooed off to go rest or something.
"When do you start?" Gray asked.
"Work?"
"Yeah."
"Miss Rachel said next week. We scheduled a meeting for Monday. I guess you gave her my number. She called me a few days ago and we talked for a while. She sounded warm."
"I gave Drew actually. He asked me at work. I guess he gave it to her. And yeah, she's a beauty both in and out."
"Mr Gray Wolfe, who do you think is a beauty?" Denise asked and we both turned to find her staring deathly at her husband with her arms folded in front of her.
"Um... we were just talking... about Rachel. You know. Sam said she sounded warm when they spoke on the phone so I was like uhm, she's a beauty."
"Oh... that's true, Sam. She's an amazing person," Denise smiled. "We have to leave now, Gray. Brady still has to take a bath before bed. I hope he doesn't wake up."
I had thought they were going to have a fight over it. No woman wanted to hear her man compliment another woman that was not her. It meant Rachel really was an angel and it made me eager to want to meet her.
Gray carried Brady gently while Denise gathered all what they had brought with them and we all walked outside. He strapped the sleeping toddler in his car seat. We said our goodbyes with hugs and kisses before got into their car and drove off into the night. It was a tiring day full of activity but it was a fun one. I was happy, It felt good to be surrounded by family who could make me laugh and fill me with so much joy. Even though things didn't work out in the end, I knew I had a system to fall back on that would support me whenever and that was enough motivation.