It was Christmas Eve. The Scouts had returned from a surprisingly casualty-free expedition that morning, and then most of the soldiers had promptly gone home to their families, taking advantage of the two-week holiday leave. In fact, Levi was pretty sure he was the only soldier left in his entire wing, if not all of Headquarters.
Although he was exhausted from the expedition, he couldn't sleep. Instead, he wandered down to the common room and sat on the floor in front of the Christmas tree, leaning his back against the couch. This was his first Christmas on the surface, although it may as well have been his first Christmas ever, since no one had much reason to celebrate in the Underground City. (Tomorrow also happened to be his birthday, but he never celebrated that, either.)
Levi gazed up at the tree, admiring the carefully arranged lights and bulbs. One of the other soldiers had spent an entire day painstakingly cutting down the tree and then decorating it. At first, Levi thought it was a colossal waste of time, but now, he understood why she did it. The tree was beautiful in a soft, quiet sense – much like the snow that was now falling silently outside. Somehow, being in its warm glow was soothing.
As he stared at the tree, Levi couldn't help but think of the woman who had so skillfully adorned it, (f/n) (l/n).
Most of the soldiers here tended to avoid him – which was fine. Levi wasn't keen to get close to anyone, given what had happened to Farlan and Isabel. However, after their deaths, (f/n) was one of the few people who reached out to him. She wasn't annoying about it, like that crazy Hanji woman. She had given him his space. Over time, Levi found that he, surprisingly, didn't mind her. She was a smart woman, and straightforward. Although she was technically a rank above him, she always treated him as an equal, unlike the other officers who liked to throw their weight around. Levi felt at ease around her, and despite his intentions after his first expedition, he couldn't help but think of her as his friend.
He supposed she had gone home now, to spend Christmas with her family like everyone else. Although he hated to admit it, Levi envied them all – not because he didn't have a family, but because there were two people who should have been here with him. They would have been here with him, if not for his damn pride...
No. Like Erwin had said, he couldn't regret it. He couldn't let that dull his future decisions. But still, he couldn't help but picture Isabel's wide eyes as she stared at the Christmas lights in wonder. Farlan would've enjoyed them, too. They would be sitting around the tree with him right now, telling stories and bickering like siblings.
A single tear rolled down his cheek.
Levi knew he shouldn't show his emotions, but he didn't move to wipe the stain away. There was no one around to see.
"Levi? What are you still doing up?"
A string of curses flew through his mind as Levi hastily rubbed his cheek with his sleeve. Thankfully, he was facing away from the owner of that gentle voice, so she wouldn't have seen his weakness. Expressionless once again, he turned to look at her.
"I thought you left," he said flatly.
(F/n) stood in the doorway, leaning against the frame in her casual clothes. "I was just helping my friend get home. She broke her leg on the expedition, so I figured she could use some support."
Levi rolled his eyes, though inwardly he had always respected (f/n)'s devotion to her comrades. "So you're not going home?"
"No. I thought I'd stay here," she said lightly. "What about you? Don't you have any family?"
He did, once. Levi turned his face back to the tree, away from (f/n). "No," he growled. "I don't."
Levi heard her soft footsteps crossing the room, and then she sat down next to him. He tensed at how close she was, but she didn't seem to notice. "That's okay," she murmured. "I'll be your family."
She said it so casually, but at the same time...she sounded sincere.
Shocked, Levi's gaze shot to her. She was staring at the tree with a calm expression, as if she hadn't said anything out of the ordinary.
On instinct, he wanted to throw the offer in her face. His whole life, he had been taught to keep people at a distance – first by Kenny, and then by the cruelty of the Underground City. Trusting anyone but yourself would only get you killed. Not only that, but to accept (f/n)'s offer would be a sign of weakness. He didn't need a family. He didn't need anyone.
However...he had made an exception with Farlan and Isabel. They had never betrayed him, and caring for them hadn't made him feel weak. And though his chest still ached with the pain of their loss, perhaps having just one person he could count on wouldn't be so bad.
Levi didn't know what to do, what to say. He had never been good at things like this, even with Farlan and Isabel. However, as he stared at (f/n), it didn't seem like she was expecting a response.
Levi knew that she had grown to understand him over the past few months. She knew how guarded he was, how slow to form bonds. So she extended the offer, but she wouldn't pressure him. She would give him time and space to figure out not only if he wanted to accept, but also how he would deal with it afterward. She would be patient as he learned to trust someone other than himself.
Levi loosed a breath and returned his gaze to the tree.
For several minutes, he and (f/n) sat side by side in comfortable silence.
"So," (f/n) murmured, still looking at the tree, "are you going to tell me why you aren't asleep right now, even though you didn't sleep once during the expedition?"
Levi whipped his head around to face her. "How did you –"
"Hanji," (f/n) stated, anticipating his question. "She knows everything about this regiment and loves to talk about it."
"Don't I know it," Levi mumbled, glaring at the ground. He was both angry and a little embarrassed that Hanji had been blabbing about his business to other soldiers. "Nosy Four-eyes."
(F/n) waited silently for a moment. When Levi didn't say anything, she tried again. "So..."
"Tch. Are you going to be nosy now, too?" Levi growled, flicking his narrowed eyes to her.
"Just making conversation," (f/n) said, trying to sound like it wasn't a big deal. Levi got the sense that she was doing so for his sake. When she spoke again, she maintained a casual demeanor, but her voice had softened. "You know I'm here if you need anything, right?"
Levi scoffed and rolled his eyes. But inwardly, he was grateful for her. So much.
Once again, they lapsed into silence. Levi returned his gaze to the ground, lost in thought. His whole life, he had been conditioned to play things close to the vest, to not give up information about himself unless he had to. But some small part of him wanted to tell (f/n), to trust her. Before he could think better of it, he mumbled, "I can't sleep. Not anymore."
For the first time since she sat down, (f/n) looked at him. "Ah," she said softly.
Levi met her eyes. They were full of understanding, and a little sadness. It was their harsh reality as Scouts – death was a part of life. Even though (f/n) had only been here a few months longer than Levi, she had already lost more than her fair share of comrades.
Levi had lost Farlan and Isabel. And their deaths replayed over and over in his mind every time he closed his eyes.
He wondered if (f/n) had the same nightmares he did.
"Is there anything I can do to help?" she asked gently.
Levi shook his head.
(F/n) nodded. Then, after a moment, she reached out and took his hand.
Levi almost smacked her away on instinct. Yet, for some reason, he refrained. And he realized that her touch actually felt comforting. He loosed a breath, relaxing a little.
"Actually," he said, his voice barely above a whisper, "there is something..."
During the last expedition, while the Scouts were camped in an abandoned castle for the night, Levi happened to pass by (f/n) while she was singing one of her squadmates to sleep. Her voice was gorgeous, and soothing, and Levi thought that maybe...
He felt his cheeks flush with embarrassment. He couldn't look at (f/n) as he asked, "Would you sing for me?"
(F/n) smiled softly, and Levi got a funny feeling in his chest. "Of course," she replied.
Then she was turning toward him, and her delicate hands were on his back, his head. "Come here," she murmured, guiding his head to rest on her shoulder before wrapping her arms around him.
Levi tensed, but he didn't pull away. After all, he had already thrown his pride out the window by asking her to sing for him. He figured he may as well try to relax, and (f/n) seemed to know what she was doing.
Levi shifted a little to get comfortable.
Once he had stopped moving, he realized that he could feel (f/n) breathing. He could hear her heartbeat. That alone was enough to put him at ease, somehow.
Then (f/n) took a deep breath, and she started to sing.
Her voice was just as beautiful as he remembered. Gazing at the soft lights on her Christmas tree, Levi slowly relaxed into her embrace. But it wasn't just the sound of her voice that soothed him. It was also the words she sang.
"But the greatest present of all
Was given to me long ago.
It's something I would never trade,
It's the family that we've made."
Sure, the song was campy – something he would normally hate. However, as (f/n)'s melodic voice formed those words, Levi couldn't help but think of what she had said earlier, about them being family. And he couldn't help wishing it was true.
"All around the Christmas tree,
There'll be dreams coming true.
But when we're together,
Then my favorite gift is you."
After losing Farlan and Isabel, he had been determined not to get close to anyone else. He thought he would be better off alone, and he had been...until he got to know (f/n). It wasn't that he wanted just anyone around – he wanted her.
"'Cause when we're together,
I'll forever feel at home.
And when we're together,
We'll be safe and warm."
And she had put the offer out there. She wanted him, too. Despite knowing that he was an Underground thug, despite the fact that he was cold, and demanding, and terrible at relationships...she wanted him anyway.
"'Cause when we're together,
I could stay forever.
And when we're together,
It's my favorite time of year."
(F/n)'s voice faded into silence. Levi was surprised to find that he had completely relaxed in her arms. He actually felt soothed enough to sleep now, but there was something he needed to ask first.
"(F/n)," he whispered, "did you mean it? About...about us being family?"
She delicately ran her fingers through his hair, again, and again, and again. Levi couldn't remember the last time anyone had treated him so gently. "Of course," she murmured. "That is...if you want..."
He loosed a breath, snuggling into her. "I do," he admitted softly.
(F/n)'s contented sigh was the last thing Levi heard before he finally let sleep take him.
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Levi was eased into consciousness by the steady rhythm of (f/n)'s breathing.
When he opened his eyes, it was already morning. It wasn't the time that shocked him, but the fact that he had slept for so long without a nightmare. That he had slept in (f/n)'s arms.
The thought caused blood to rush to his cheeks. As gingerly as possible, he began to untangle himself from the still-sleeping woman.
Despite his efforts, (f/n)'s eyelids fluttered. "Hi," she mumbled, her voice raspy from sleep.
For a split second, Levi couldn't help but be attracted to the sound. Then he mentally slapped himself, wondering where such an outlandish thought had come from.
(F/n) stretched, then rubbed the sleep from her eyes. "Merry Christmas, Levi," she murmured once she was fully conscious, her tone returning to normal.
"Merry Christmas," he replied, the words foreign on his lips.
"And happy birthday!" she chimed with a smile.
Levi started. "How did you know –"
"Hanji read your records," (f/n) said unabashedly.
Levi was starting to think that he would have to have a talk with Hanji. The way that woman snooped around, you would think she was being paid for it. "Tch," he scoffed. "Four-eyes should mind her own damn business."
(F/n) laughed. "I'm sorry," she said, still smiling. "By the way, have you looked under the Christmas tree?"
"Why?" Levi asked, suspicious.
Her grin grew. "Go look."
At first glance, Levi didn't see anything. However, as he looked closer, he found a small box hidden behind the tree trunk, topped with a bow. He picked it up, opening his mouth to ask (f/n) what it was...but then he saw his name on it.
He glanced to (f/n) with a question in his eyes.
"Open it," she encouraged.
Carefully, Levi unwrapped the package. It was a box of tea leaves so rare that he had only seen them once in his entire life.
He gaped at (f/n). "Thank you...but I..." he turned his face away in embarrassment, "I didn't get you anything."
"Actually, you did," she said quietly.
At his quizzical look, she averted her gaze. "My family died when I was a child," she explained. "This is the first time in years that I haven't been alone on Christmas."
Upon seeing the slight sadness in her eyes, Levi's chest tightened. It was a strange feeling for him – caring about someone else's pain.
"Yeah, well, you won't be alone anymore," he said roughly, and (f/n)'s gaze shot to his. Levi watched as her expression morphed from sadness to disbelief, and then to hope. He continued, "I mean, I'm your family now, right?"
Tears formed in the corners of her eyes, and Levi froze. Had he said something wrong? And worse, he had no idea how to handle things if she stared crying.
But thankfully, (f/n) smiled instead. Levi didn't know why, but the sight stopped his heart.
"Yes, Levi," she breathed, "you are my family."