Beomgyu can’t really concentrate. He probably combed his hair a few more times than what’s acceptable and kept looking at his reflections in the mirror. He is wearing what he thinks is decent enough- grey turtleneck under a black lapel wool trench coat, black jeans that emphasized his long legs and casual black leather boots.
Yeonjun and his staff actually complimented him when they saw him before they left. Telling him good luck on his date even if this is not a date. He is just meeting a friend for the first time.
Its already past eleven and based on their last conversation, Taehyun’s plane landed half an hour ago so he’d be arriving anytime soon. Since the reservation at the restaurant they previously chose had to be cancelled, they agreed to just look for a place that is open 24/7, this is quite easy anyway, considering Seoul doesn’t technically sleep.
To better pass the time that fiddling with his fingers, Beomgyu begins looking for places to eat on his phone when he hears a motorcycle engine running and coming to a stop right outside the studio. He wonders if there’s a late-night delivery Yeonjun hasn’t told him about.
He hears the doorbell and almost jumps in his seat. It can’t be Taehyun. The guy never mentioned a motorcycle or….
But when he opens the door, it reveals the man who has constantly occupied his waking days and thoughts for almost a month now. He doesn’t look that different from when Beomgyu saw him (in a selfie prior to his flight, with Taehyun saying ‘prepare to see my handsome face’). A simple black undershirt with a black bomber jacket, ripped blue jeans, his dark hair a bit messy from wearing the helmet he is now carrying.
Beomgyu feels extremely overdressed even if he’s sure any article of clothing on Taehyun is double the price of his entire look.
It doesn’t matter because Taehyun is looking at him with the same intensity he has from those selfies he sent…. Okay, maybe not really. This is definitely ten times better because this is live. Taehyun is not looking at the lens of the camera but at him.
He can actually melt under that piercing gaze.
Then he smiles, “Beomgyu-hyung.” And Beomgyu feels the urge to close his eyes from the brightness of the single smile. In a split second he looks like his age- boyish charm from that playful, toothy grin. He has the kind of smile which makes you think of a little squirrel, cute and adorable and makes you want to say aww.
It makes him feel warm inside. At least until a cold winter breeze blew and he sees Taehyun visibly shiver. “Come in quick.” He says opening the door leading the younger man inside the studio.
Taehyun combs his hair back with his fingers, the action sends butterflies to the other’s stomach, before he places his helmet on one of the tidier tables free of clutter.
“Why are you not wearing a thicker coat? Its cold outside.” Beomgyu asks, not looking at him. Without even asking, he moves to prepare some tea for the guy, thankful that there’s something to do to distract him. Or else, he’d be standing there, staring stupidly at this irritatingly good-looking kid.
“I wanted to get here faster so I didn’t have time to change,” Taehyun says. Beomgyu can feel the guy looking at him, watching his every move. He feels a bit self-conscious, but what can he do? He makes a resolution not to be intimidated by the man (and his good looks) and decides to just get over his nerves. But then Taehyun is already a few steps from him, grabbing him by the wrist.
“Hyung.” Taehyun says softly, “Can you stop moving for a while?”
They are now face to face and Beomgyu feels his resolve melt away under Taehyun’s scrutiny. The heat that has started at the pits of his stomach begins crawling to his body from where Taehyun is touching him and he wants to see and understand what could the other guy be thinking.
“You got thinner.” Taehyun notes, not with judgement but more of an observation.
“Ah, I got a bit busy from the last time you saw me.” Which is really just the photo Yeonjun took of him.
He manages to look at Taehyun who is now worrying his lower lip and Beomgyu wants to kick himself for staring too long at those berry lips. Hmmmm…. “You’re still wearing makeup.”
He notices the brown eyeliner that frames those cold eyes and a hint of some red tint on those lips he had been biting on which Beomgyu figures is really just out of habit.
Taehyun lets him go and rubs his eyes. “Yeah, I told you. I was in a hurry.”
“Hey, don’t rub your eyes like that,” its his turn to grab Taehyun’s wrist and pull his hands away, “I think I have something we can use to remove that.” Taehyun gives him a pout but concedes.
“You want some tea first?”
“Can’t say no to hyung who already troubled himself just to make it.”
“Ha ha. Very funny.” Beomgyu rolls his eyes as he pours down the tea into two identical mugs. He gives one to Taehyun who accepts it and warms his hand against the ceramic.
They drink the tea in silence and before it becomes awkward, again, Beomgyu asks, “Have you had dinner?”
Taehyun shakes his head. “Why would you ask that? We’re supposed to have dinner.” Then in a suspicious voice, he asks, “Did you already have dinner?”
Beomgyu winces in guilt, “Yeah I did. I’m sorry but I got hungry and besides, you mentioned we can just eat some snacks together….”
Its too late to see Taehyun grinning at him, “It’s a trick question. I’m actually happy you ate beforehand. I don’t want you starve yourself just to fulfil a promise to me.”
Beomgyu manages to look affronted, “Who says I’ll starve myself for you?”
“I’m already saying I’d rather you not.”
“Where do you really get that confidence? I mean, seriously? Are you even human?”
Said man is just snickering at him and Beomgyu finds himself returning the smile.
“You look great, by the way.”
“Huh?” Beomgyu wants to tell him, have you looked at yourself in the mirror? But he lets the compliment sit in their silence. He doesn’t know what they’re doing or why Taehyun is even here in his studio, drinking his tea. Its all surreal, honestly and his nerves are slowly getting the best of him.
Beomgyu tries to avoid Taehyun’s eyes and it somehow falls on the helmet by the table. “You didn’t tell me you’re into motorcycles.”
Taehyun cocks his head to the side. “Huh, I guess I didn’t.”
“You don’t tell me a lot of things.” He didn’t mean the accusatory tone in his voice and he immediately regret this when he say Taehyun’s eye widen, “Hyun, I didn’t mean to…”
“Its okay, really.” He counters, “Its part of your charm I guess?”
The other guy blinks at him in equal surprise. Beomgyu hates the way Taehyun’s mouth twists in a triumphant smile, “You think I’m charming?”
Beomgyu will never let him win this. “Yes, like a puppy.”
Taehyun slaps his arm in retaliation and he yelps in surprise, “Ow! Ow! Wow! We just met and you’re already like this!” He says but he’s laughing while rubbing the offended arm.
“Stop bullying me then!”
“Be kinder, Kang Taehyun. I always tell you to be kinder every day.” Beomgyu says, still smiling.
“I rarely ride my motorcycle nowadays.” Taehyun says sadly.
“Too busy?”
He nods, “But I do race sometimes. If my schedule allows it.”
“Oh wow. You also race? So, you dance and sing and act and race? Such a cool guy, Taehyun-sshi!”
A blush tints Taehyun’s face and it’s a beautiful sight.
“Seriously, what can you not do?”
“My talents do not compare to your artistic prowess, hyung.”
“Don’t patronize me. I’m nothing compared to you.”
“Hyung has the most beautiful smile ever so I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Beomgyu blanks out and the gleeful smile on Taehyun’s face says he already won. “You!” This time, its him who hits the youngster in the arm. It does nothing- just made Taehyun chuckle. And damn it he’s also smiling himself.
When the two of them calmed down, Taehyun is the first one to bring up the topic of food, “I’m hungry hyung. Let’s go eat somewhere.”
He hums in response, “There are lots of restaurants open at this hour nearby. Do you want to- “
“That’s boring. Let’s go somewhere else. I know a place.”
Beomgyu eyes him curiously, “And how do you propose to go there?”
“I have my motorcycle.” He says proudly.
“Uh, no. I don’t think so.”
“Why not?”
“I have never ridden one simply because…”, he trails off, definitely not going to admit because he’s scared. “Besides, I don’t have an extra helmet lying around here.”
“I bought an extra.” Taehyun supplies, “And you don’t have to be afraid. I’m a pro. You’d be safe with me.”
Beomgyu wants to say no. but the glint in Taehyun’s eyes has long convinced him. Damn this kid will be the death of me. He can basically ask me to do anything with just those eyes.
You’d be safe with me. Those words hold so much promise. And Beomgyu knows he’s already agreed even before he says yes.
____
His legs feel like jelly when they touch solid ground again and he has to hold on to the parked motorcycle for balance.
He feels like throwing up. The thirty minutes they rode Taehyun’s motorcycle, his entire world became a combination of blurred lights, cold wind battering their bodies, distant sound of cars and the loud rubble of the engine. At the beginning of the ride, Taehyun told him exactly what to do- wrap your legs securely on the body of the motorcycle and grab on to my waist. The rules are simple and he did everything he said…still doesn’t make the entire ride easier.
“Hyung, are you okay?”
He is thinking of a nicer way to admit I’m about to vomit out my entire existence but can’t find his words. So, he settles for “Yeah, I’m just….”, he doesn’t finish the sentence as he looks at where they are.
It’s a quaint, lonely ramen shop in the middle of nowhere and Beomgyu almost resents Taehyun for making him endure thirty minutes of danger just for a ramen shop- hundreds of which are littering the streets of Seoul.
Until Taehyun says, “It’s my favourite ramen house.” He takes the helmet from Beomgyu and straps both to his motorcycle before leading the way inside.
The two-storey establishment looks like a typical ramen shop with Japanese paper lanterns lighting up the wooden slats that build up the wall, illuminating the place in a warm glow. Its really not an outstanding design, but it does give the place a feeling of home.
Inside the shop, the heavy smell of pork fills the air. The walls are designed with posters and chalk signages of special ramen promos and new specials. It’s a bit chaotic, but it only makes the place more charming.
There’s a staircase at the far end of the room, near the kitchen leading the second floor which he assumes is the residence of the owner of the shop. Right beside that is a wall filled with polaroid photos of people with their signatures and well wishes for the owner. There are probably a hundred photos posted on that which is impressive, to be honest.
There are at least three tables inside and a bar with four stools right at the corner- all unoccupied, probably because of the late hour. Beomgyu is actually surprised the place is actually open considering its nowhere near any business district.
“Ah, Taehyun-ah! Long time no see!” the man behind the bar calls them at the moment the door opens. He is an old Japanese man with soft eyes and a warm smile. His face brightens up when he sees Taehyun.
“Ikeda-san.” Taehyun says bowing his head low, “Thank you for accommodating my request at such a late hour.”
“Its no problem,” Ikeda says who instead ruffles Taehyun’s hair which surprises Beomgyu at the very familiar action. “I rarely see you nowadays, I was afraid you already forgot us.”
Taehyun looks alarmed, “Never!” he turns to Beomgyu, who is just watching them fondly. He gestures at him, “Ikeda-san, this is my hyung, Beomgyu- hyung. Hyung, this is Ikeda Saito, he is the owner of this ramen shop. And they have the best Shoyu ramen in Seoul.”
Ikeda beams at Taehyun’s words, obviously proud at Taehyun’s recommendation. Beomgyu bows his head as well, mimicking Taehyun earlier. The man nods at him politely before he gives Taehyun a meaningful look.
“You’ll order the usual, yeah?” he asks.
“Yup.”
“And for your friend?”
Taehyun turns to Beomgyu and the latter shrugs, “Whatever he’s having.”
The man nods and excuses himself to prepare their order. Taehyun leads them to the table farthest away from the entrance for a bit of privacy.
“So, is this shop typically open at this hour?” He asks, sliding into the surprisingly comfortable seat. He has a suspicion of the answer but he wants to confirm it anyway.
“No.” Taehyun responds, grinning at him. He has somehow procured a few glasses of Cass beer and offers one to him. Beomgyu takes it and drinks straight from the bottle, enjoying the crisp, sweet flavour of the liquid. “You must be one of its loyal customers to have them open at this hour.”
Taehyun shrugs, “Been eating here since a kid.”
Beomgyu almost chokes on his beer- that answer surely is not what he expected. For Taehyun to bring him to a place he has known since he was a child….he isn’t sure what inspired Taehyun to do such and does he even realize how much this means to Beomgyu?
Or maybe he doesn’t. maybe he does this to all his friends.
The cloud of doubt is heavy in his heart as he takes another swig of his beer. Taehyun is frowning at him, “Don’t you like it here?”
“Oh, no.” He says, shaking his head. “I just…”
“It’s the only private place I know that is open.”
“Why do you need somewhere private?”
Just then footsteps can be heard going downstairs followed by a female voice, “Is he here yet? Ojisan is he here yet?”
Beomgyu looks back at the stairs which is right across the table. He sees a girl probably around high school age, wearing cute bunny pyjamas rushing down the stairs. She stops when she sees them- or Taehyun in particular and squeals in delight before rushing back up to hide upstairs.
Taehyun looks amused, Ikeda san looks embarrassed and Beomgyu is just looking at the two of them with confusion. “Forgive my granddaughter, Kairi.” Ikeda san says, serving their orders.
Beomgyu grins mischievously at Taehyun, “She seems to like you a lot.” Said guy frowns. Ikeda san pats him playfully on the shoulder before he says, “Don’t they all?”
Beomgyu wonders what he means but Taehyun just gives a nonchalant shrug so he lets it go.
Why is this kid so damn cool?
The smell emanating from the ramen bowl is just amazing and no matter how handsome Taehyun looks, nothing will compare to a bowl of really good ramen. He picks up his chopsticks and spoon and begins eating.
“Wow, this is amazing.”
“Right? Right?”
Ikeda-san is by the bar, already cleaning up and he smiled at them when he heard their praises.
“Your ramen is still the best, Ikeda-san. I wish I could drop by here as often as I want.”
Ikeda-san shakes his head, “You know you can’t do that. You’re far too busy to remember this old man of yours.”
“So sentimental.”
“I’m not, you kid.” He shakes his head. “Anyway, call me if you need anything else.”
They make small talk over ramen and beer and he thinks Taehyun is right- he is a great company. The more beer they drink, the more at ease they feel. They talk about how their week went- Beomgyu saying something about the mural he made if only he took a photo to show it to him ( Yeonjun did take a photo to send to the client but he was in such a rush he forgot to do so) but Taehyun said he doesn’t need the photo, he’s sure its awesome- the best mural there ever was because hyung painted it.
Taehyun talks about his time in the mountain for his shoot, complains about the cold and how they had to stay in a freezing lake a couple of times because he and the rest of the actors just can’t get the words right. Of course, we’re too distracted by the cold hyung! We were turning into human popsicles!
He’s too livid to ask what they were shooting for and what his role is- Taehyun is just being vague by saying he is a part of a group of boys and his character is not that important. So, he just lets it go and laughs at his rants.
The usual banter returns somewhere between his fifth and sixth bottle of beer. The beer is making him giddy and he can’t help but laugh at every single thing that Taehyun is saying. Its been a while since he felt this way and he has to admit, he missed this. Being carefree and drinking alcohol to his heart’s content.
He is usually careful around himself but Taehyun is such a strong, protective presence that he feels he can be carefree around him. He does however have that deep, unimpressed scowl the more Beomgyu drinks until finally, he grabs the bottle he is about to drink from and takes it instead.
Beomgyu pouts, “Hey! That’s mine!”
“Hyung, I think you’ve had enough.”
Beomgyu tries to say something but it comes out garbled, and he laughs at the ridiculousness of it.
“You should probably take him home.”
Beomgyu hears a muddled voice. He’s not sure where it came from or who’s the owner of the voice but he’s too tired to turn around and check its origin. He sees Taehyun nod, “Hyung, let’s go?”
Beomgyu nods, or he thinks he does, his head swimming. “I just….” He tries to stand but his knees buckle and he loses his balance. Before he falls down, Taehyun is already there, pulling him by the arm.
“What is it?”
“I need to pee.” He says softly.
“You sure you can handle yourself?”
Beomgyu laughs, “Don’t be silly Hyun. You can go out now and I’ll follow you after.”
He manages to find his way to the comfort room and relieve himself. He’s already washing his hands when Kairi comes down from the stairs again. She sees him and proceeds anyway.
Taehyun has already gone out and Ikeda-san is already in the kitchen so only two of them is sharing the small space. Kairi is staring at him- for a teenager she’s quite a looker, Beomgyu is sure she has a lot of suitors at school- but then again, he can’t blame her for pining her on Taehyun. The guy is dreamy, so to say.
“What are you to him?” She asks and it sounds like an accusation. Like Beomgyu has offended her at some point just by coming here with Taehyun.
Maybe he’s too drunk to process the question and answer correctly. Or maybe he just doesn’t know what to say. Taehyun introduced him as his hyung. But even that seems improper. Or is he hoping for something else?
In the end, he doesn’t give an answer. He doesn’t think he can say something that is true that would satisfy Kairi.
The girl looks at him with distaste, “Don’t try to take him from us. So many people are admiring him and would never wish to see him be embroiled in a scandal.”
Beomgyu snickers, “What are you even talking about? Too many people? Scandal? What? Is he popular or something?”
Kairi just gapes at him in shock, “Are you…kidding me?”
Beomgyu frowns at her and the girl does the same, “Do you not know who he is?”
“Kang Taehyun.” He answers stupidly earning him an incredulous sigh from the teenager. “Do you not watch TV?”
What does that have to do with Taehyun? He won’t tell this high schooler that he, in fact have any television because he hates it. “Do you even search him in Naver?”
“…..”
His lack of answers is enough for the girl to grab him by the shoulders and drag him to face the collab of photographs on the wall. Its really just photos of Ikeda-san posing with different people in different generations and its quite interesting how Ikeda-san is growing old in the photos. Some of the yellowing photos feature him as a young vibrant man posing with glammed up people. “There are my oji-san’s treasured photographs of celebrities who ate here.” Kairi says but he still doesn’t understand why the girl is showing this to him.
Already at a loss for patience, Kairi points in the middle of it.
In his alcohol infused brain, he tries to focus on where she’s pointing and frowns. There in the middle of the era where Ikeda-san is an old man posing with a group of young idols is Taehyun. Looking a bit younger that he is now, hair lower and surprisingly with a brownish hue. His smile is still blinding and he finds his breath caught at the typical beauty of this kid…but what really piqued his interest is why Taehyun’s photo is there, right in the middle of the famous idols and movie stars.
“What is he doing here?” he asks the girl whose eyes widen in disbelief before she just sighs in exasperation. “Please, just do yourself a favour and try searching up who he is.”
Before he can respond, Taehyun had already called him outside, shouting he’s too slow and to hurry up.
___
The ride back from the restaurant is not any better than the first one. But at least the liquid courage has done its part and Beomgyu is not queasy as before. Somewhere, along the ride he has been coherent enough to actually direct Taehyun to his apartment.
Its already around 2:30 when they reach his place. He is still drunk, but he is steadier on his feet and only the giddy feeling remains. He is giggling at himself and Taehyun is just watching him fondly as he traces the steps towards his apartment. Slowly and carefully.
“This is fun.” Beomgyu says grinning at the man who somehow looks ten times hotter, sitting sideways on the parked motorcycle, helmet on one hand. “Thank you for inviting me to dinner.”
“Considering the time now, I think this can be considered a very early breakfast.”
Beomgyu pauses then laughs, “Then thank you for taking me to whatever this is.”
Taehyun pauses then says, “A date.”
He stops on his tracks and stares at Taehyun. For sure he is hearing things because he definitely did not say this is a date. The other man walks towards him and damn! He is just so cool.
Taehyun chuckles, “Again, have you looked at yourself, hyung?” Too late to realize he has spoken out the compliment loud again for Taehyun to hear.
He stares wordlessly at the man even when Taehyun stops right in front of him and touches his jaw with the back of his hand, edging his fingers at the corners of his mouth. The gesture is a little too intimate and in his drunken mind, Beomgyu just wants to melt in a puddle. How can this kid affect him so much?
“Let’s do this again, yeah?”
He just nods, looking at Taehyun’s eyes intently when he notices the eye makeup he promised and forgot to remove earlier that night. It’s a bit smudged now, giving the illusion of a deeper set of eyes now looking at him with the level of intensity that could cut through glass. Yet, he finds it too beautiful, too out of this world.
He smiles softly, hesitantly, “Taehyun, I forgot to remove your eye makeup.” He reaches to touch the guy’s face but Taehyun holds on to his hand, yanks him close, tips his head back and kisses him fully on the lips.
And the moment just freezes at that-all the distant city noise goes quiet. The world is nothing but a gigantic blur of irrelevance except for Taehyun and the lips moving against his, the hand holding up his chin. There is electricity in those fingertips but…
Beomgyu finds himself drowning. All the pent-up nameless emotions bursting open and flooding his carefully built up wall and he wants to get lost, anyway. Because its Kang Taehyun.
Because he makes my heart skip a beat when he smiles. Because his messages and selfies no matter how obnoxious they are, really make up a huge chunk of my day. Because he took me to the place he loved ever since he was a kid. Because the small amount of time they’ve known each other, Beomgyu already feels at ease with him. And it’s been so long…. too long since the last time it happened.
So, he starts kissing him back, anchoring himself to the guy by putting his hands on his shoulders, curling his knuckles as if he’s afraid that if he lets go, he’ll be lost in the sea forever. He feels an arm snake around his waist pulling him closer and closer until the distance between them becomes non-existent and finally, finally…. Beomgyu doesn’t feel alone.
God, what made him this courageous to actually kiss in the middle of the streets? That single thought makes him pull away like he’s been burned. He looks around and even though there’s no one on the road, the panic is still evident in his eyes.
Taehyun is looking at him, brows furrowed in confusion, hands still reaching out to him. Beomgyu doesn’t say anything and a realization hits the other man and he tentatively gives him space.
“I’m sorry…”, Taehyun apologizes and Beomgyu wants to tell him its not his fault. That he pulled away not because he didn’t want this, but because they’re in public and he’s just afraid.
But the reasons die on his lips before he can even let them out. Taehyun is standing there looking lost and it hurts to see. But Beomgyu is not ready to explain himself. He’s not ready to tell Taehyun how he’s not sure what to do with these emotions inside him, or if he is even ready to accept him. I self-destruct and I don’t want you to be part of the collateral damage. I push people away. I hurt them and they hurt me back and then at the end, I am nothing.
So, he only gives him a small smile, “Message me when you get home, okay?”
Taehyun gives him a doubtful look but he doesn’t say anything about the obvious turmoil seen on his face and just mutters an “Okay.”
“You should go ahead now.”
Taehyun nods and goes back to retrieve his helmet. He doesn’t say anything more and Beomgyu watches him turn on the engine of his motorcycle and speed away.
Just like that, the night is over. Beomgyu takes a deep breath to steady himself before he heads back to his apartment. Something heavy sits on his chest and he wants do bad to let that feeling go. He remembers the way Taehyun looked at him…and he wants to kick himself. Why is he always making things complicated like this? If he didn’t want it, then why did he lead him on? Did he? Or was it just the alcohol?
But he stops these self-incriminating thoughts just before they go any further. He prepares to go to sleep even though its four in the morning. He silently thanks Yeonjun for offering to give him the day off today because his body is too tired.
When he lays down to rest, his mind keeps racing. He sighs and opens his phone to find a KakaoTalk message from Taehyun but its clipped and very formal.
~Hyung, I just got home.
He closes the chat and browses his Naver account. He rarely opens this microblogging site and only uses if he wants to check the works of the fellow artists he’s been following. He sees an update from Yeonjun, an album of him with their staffs having BBQ in a restaurant near KTH Studio. He shakes his head, knowing their staffs probably just bribed blackmailed Yeonjun to treating them.
He’s about to put a comment to the album when he remembers something. Kairi told him back in the restaurant to search for Taehyun.
He begins typing his name on the search bar and a couple of suggested keywords come up. Huh. Is he being searched regularly for these keywords to pop out?
He gets his answers almost immediately.