Chapter 7.
Raven
"Mason also said we don't think he's responsible." I say to AJ.
We're both standing in the kitchen, trying to think of a way to talk to our brothers and make them understand where we're coming from with our decisions that impact the family. We both know first-hand that saying, "you can't do this, but I'm not going to tell you why or give you any other options, so deal with it," causes you to be extremely fucked up.
"I never said he isn't responsible," AJ says. "In fact, I did the complete opposite."
I glare and him and he raises his hands in defence. It's way too soon for him to be making jokes about leaving our brothers alone.
"Okay," he sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. "We just ... we go up there, and we explain that they can't see dad just yet, and to prove to us that they're responsible and mature, they should accept it and not fight with us about it."
That is literally what I just thought we shouldn't do.
"And that's how not to parent," I roll my eyes. "We're not dad, AJ, and they're not us."
He sighs and throws his arms up in a defeated manner, "then what do you suggest?"
I shrug slowly, "we ... talk to them? Try and understand their point of view, and then explain ours."
AJ looks down at the floor, thinking it through before he eventually nods. "All right, but I lead, Mason might still be upset with you."
"Hey, you're the one who picked them up from school in a mood," I say defensively. "It's the first thing he said to me when I got home."
AJ doesn't reply to me and leads the way out of the kitchen, up the stairs and to the door of Mason and Will's shared bedroom.
"Maybe we should move one of them into dad's room?" I suggest quietly with a shrug. "It's not being used and maybe they could use their own space."
AJ gives me a look, "you really think moving one of them into his room is gonna help this situation at all?"
When he says it like that, I grimace. Yeah, maybe that isn't such a good idea, it'll just make them miss him that much more.
AJ brings his knuckles up to the door that has 'Mason & Will' written with foam stick-on letters of different colours, various other stickers of cartoon characters decorating the wood. After a moment of silence, AJ knocks again, but no one answers. He turns the handle of the door and pushes it open for us to peer inside.
"Boys?" His deep voice asks curiously.
Will sits at his desk in the corner of the room, his lamp on as he hunches over it and Mason is lying on his bed playing on his phone. Both boys have earphones in and music blaring. No wonder they didn't hear us knocking, they probably put them in to drown out our yelling.
AJ and I share a guilty look at our joint realisation before walking into their room, Mason is the first to notice us and pulls out his earphones.
"Have you finished yelling at each other?"
AJ sits in the end of his bed as I go over to Will and gently place my hand on his shoulder, gaining his attention. He swivels around in his chair and pulls out his earphones, I smile down at the current drawing he's doing of one of his favourite comic book characters and sit down on his bed that's next to his desk.
"We weren't ... yeah, we've finished yelling." AJ cuts himself off and sighs. "Look you guys, I'm sorry that I left you alone today. It was stupid and irresponsible of me, and I never should've done it, and I won't ever do it again."
He looks at both Mason and Will in turn, holding their gazes until they both nod, forgiving him despite the fact they weren't even mad in the first place.
"Are you still mad at AJ?" Will asks me.
I smile at him softly, "I'm always made at him."
"Yeah," Will laughs softly and looks away.
"But, I know that he loves you guys as much as I do. And everyone has bad days and makes bad decisions. It's what we do to make up for it that counts."
Both boys nod and Mason suddenly looks guilty as he stares at his hands. "I'm sorry, Remy," he whispers, finally looking up at me, "for what I said in the car."
I cross the room and lay beside him in his bed, wrapping my arms around him. "I know, Mason. I'm sorry too."
Mason wraps his arms around me and rests his head on my shoulder, and I watch AJ gesture for Will to come over and join us on Mason's bed. AJ lies back onto the cover, his feet still firmly planted onto the floor as he lets Will rest his head on his stomach and lay down.
The music from Mason's phone is still playing through his earphones, and I lean back slightly to frown down at him.
"Since when did you start listening to Machine Gun Kelly?"
At least now I know why he thinks he can get away with swearing.
Mason shrugs and goes back to hugging me, "he's a good rapper."
AJ grimaces. "We gotta get you listening to better stuff." I glare at him as he stares up at the glowing stars and moons stuck to the ceiling. Though, I can't help but sing along in my head as Golden God faintly plays.
"Just don't listen to it at school, okay, Mase?"
"Yeah, I know."
"Are we ever gonna see dad again?" Will asks after a few moments of silence, his voice quivering.
AJ sighs, and taps Will so that they both can sit up on the bed. "Listen you guys," Mason sits up straight from me and leans against the wall on his other side and I let my arms fall onto my lap. "We get that you want to go see dad, we do ... but you can't."
They're both silent and exchange looks with each other.
"It's not because of anything you've done, or even because you're too young." I admit to them. "I'm sorry. I lied to you in the car earlier."
"Then I don't get it," Mason shakes his head. "Why can't we go?"
"Because dad doesn't want you going there."
"AJ!" I scold, shocked that he said it so plainly.
"He doesn't want to see us?" Will asks, pain evident on his face.
"It's not that he doesn't want to see you," AJ continues. "He loves you boys, so much more than you'll ever know." I nod silently. "It's because of that, that he doesn't want you two visiting him. Prisons aren't nice places to be in, you guys. Seeing him in there will only upset you, and he doesn't want that."
"I cried the first time we went to see him," I admit to them both, smiling softly at their shocked faces.
"You cried?" Mason asks, stunned at the revelation.
"Yeah, I did." I say to him. "Then I told AJ that I never wanted to go back."
"But ... you did," Will frowns.
I nod at him, "because I realised that not seeing him won't help him at all. The only thing that helps him get though it in there, is knowing that the four of us are staying together and staying strong out here."
I watch Mason look down, making sense of what we're saying.
"Is he ever coming home?"
AJ comforts Will as he answers, "yeah, bud, of course he is. It's just gonna take a little while."
Will nods and leans back into AJ. I look over at Mason to see him leaning against his wall solemnly and playing with the wire of his earphones.
I look around at my three boys, the most important people in my life, and I cherish this moment. It's rare, the four of us showing so much emotion and weakness, but we all know that being together is what gives us the strength to carry on.