Chapter 1: heart in the clouds, head in reality
These strange, but gloriously happy, dreams had been going on for about 3 weeks now and I hadn't told a soul. My dreams were not normal, and I knew that, but didn't want to tell anyone encase they stopped me from having them. I knew it wasn't just me that experienced these strange, abnormal mind tricks. The people I met in there were real people. Some told me about their lives, where they live, their jobs, their families, and even though these people knew they were in a dream, they treated it like normal life. Maybe it was real life for them. The thing is I couldn't understand why people in real life didn't know about what we experienced. I mean, there are millions of people that live in the dream as outsiders, so why has nobody told anyone in the real world about it? Do they believe people will think they're crazy, mad, and insane? What about if all of us outsiders told, then they would have to believe us, wouldn't they? But still, people outside my heaven are oblivious, and that's probably how I preferred it.
It was a Saturday so as soon as I got up I logged onto to facebook, knowing that there would be no notifications waiting for me. I didn't care much because Friends weren't my thing. I kept to myself, knowing I would never fit in, and others kids stayed away. It wasn't that people didn't try to be friends with me, they did, but I just wasn't interested. I was far too busy with other stuff. Anyway, I wasn't on facebook for friends. I typed in two words into the search engine, and then looked down a list of names and faces until I found him: Ed Dorlington, with his glowing olive skin and gleaming blue eyes. I added him as my friend and listed him under the title 'Outsiders' on my friend list. A total of 10 people were listed there; the other lists were of people I knew from school, but weren't friends with. Another advantage of not having any friends was that nobody asked you what outsiders meant.
My friend request was accepted within minutes and I was now 'officially' friends with the boy I had spent watching the sunset with in my fantasy world last night. This was a strange world.
I got dressed after that, scraped my long hair back into a pony tail and ventured downstairs for breakfast. My mum was already on it, and It looked like we were having pancakes today... Yep, definitely pancakes. Even though we didn't have much money, she still fed me like a princess.
"Hey Darling, how many?"
"Four, and don't hold up on the syrup!" I said as I gave her a hug from behind. She smiled in my direction and then retrieved the syrup from the top cupboard.
"No problem" My mum was great. She was the only thing that was keeping me here. If it wasn't for her I'd have left already, embarking on some big adventure that would take me to all kinds of places. But, as long as she was here, it was me and her against the world, and I wouldn't prefer it any other way. Ever since I started having my dreams I wanted to tell mum everything, but I knew she would get worried and want to take me to a specialist or something, so I kept it secret. It was my only secret from her. She sat down and handed me my pancakes. I grinned at them and then at her.
"Syrup" she said, remembering. She leant back on her chair and grabbed it just before her chair toppled over backwards. Now that would have been funny. "Now don't say I never do anything for you"
"I never do" I said, spewing thick, sticky syrup all over my sweet smelling breakfast.
Ever since my dreams started people have been acting weird towards me, like I'm not really there. They do talk, but through me, not at me, but not mum. She's the same loving, caring, beautiful lady I've always known. I had a panic attack about 2 weeks ago though because the hospital called me telling me mum had been in a car accident, but that I shouldn't worry because she was going to be fine. She was, obviously, but I kept asking myself what if? What if she had died and I had to live by myself, with no parents, no friends, and no one that cared for me? What if I had been in the car with her and I died instead? Mum wouldn't be able to get over it. Thankfully, none of those things happened and we were still together.
Me and mum had been out shopping for the afternoon, and even though we had no money to shop with, it was a day out and I enjoyed it. I left mum to lock up the car while I unlocked the house and put the heating on. 'Only twice a day' mum would say to me 'a warm house costs money'. Today we hadn't had it on at all, and I was freezing, so I assumed it would be ok. I flew up the stairs and banged on the computer until it turned on - it was very old and sometimes it took a good beating to get it to work. I was on Facebook within seconds and saw something that was very rare - a notification. I had a new message from Ed Dorlington.
Hi Lori
It's weird seeing people on the outside of the dream, but I'm happy to keep in touch. I guess I'll see you tonight, hopefully. I blushed at the hopefully part. I have something to show you.
He would definitely see me tonight. A facebook messaging box popped up on my screen, and I glanced at it for a moment before realising who it was.
Elizabeth Allen: hey lori, I saw you with that boy yesterday!!! Tell me everything ;)
Lizzy was an outsider, like me, and although she lived very far away from me (Long island, America) we still kept in touch over the internet. And I saw her most nights anyway.
Lori Dawkins: Nosey shit ;) You'll never guess what!!
Elizabeth Allen: WHATTT???!?!?
Lori Dawkins: he's an outsider, just like us!!
Elizabeth Dawkins: Wow, another one? Cool! I thought: you wouldn't be able to get a resident to talk to you? lol
Lori Dawkins: nah, residents don't talk to no one, except other residents :p
I know it seems impossible that me and Lizzy meet up in the dream world because we live in completely different time zones, but crazy shit happens.
Elizabeth Allen: I have to go, but I'll see you tonight yea?
Lori Dawkins: Sure, Bye :)
Elizabeth Allen: Bi hun x
The rest of the day was a bore. Usually I would read a book or go for a walk, but I couldn't seem to concentrate on anything, even walking, which was unusual. I sat on my bed and stared at my wall until a knock on my door made me nearly jump up out of my skin.
"Lori, hunny?" mum said through the door "You okay?"
"Yes, mum"
"Are you doing anything important? Can I talk to you for a second?" If you count staring at your wall important then yeah, I was doing something important.
"No. Yes"
"What's that mean?" she said and I puffed to myself.
"No I'm not doing anything important, and yes you can talk to me, for a second"
"Okay, well I don't want a conversation with your door, I want a conversation with you so could you please unlock it so I can come in?"
"Kay" I said. As the door clicked open I retreated back to my bed to let her come in on her own accord. She entered. Her eyes were puffed up like she had been crying and her breaths were raspy and uneven. "Mum, what's wrong?" I said, leaping off my bed to stand with her.
"It's your uncle Bailey" she stopped and breathed in a couple of times. I stroked her arm to try and calm her down, dreading the words she was about to say. "He's..." I saw that feared word form at her mouth. I had to stop her.
"Don't mum" I interrupted "You don't have to say it"
"Lori, I need to..."
"Ok, I know what you're going to say so you don't..."
"He's dead, Lori. He passed away last night in his sleep. You know he had trouble with his heart so don't get yourself worked up, yeah?" She left me to myself, closing the door behind me. I stared at my door to try to get my mind to work again. I loved Uncle Bailey, and even though we didn't see him often, when we did we had some good times. I sat back on my bed, waiting for the waterworks to turn on, not being able to get Baileys face out of my mind. My heart lurched, triggering my eyes to well up. I could feel them now - hot and steamy tears rolling down my face. I lay my head face down into one of my pillows to try and muffle the sobs that were escaping from me. I closed my eyes and concentrated on sleep. There wasn't anywhere I wanted to be more than my own imagination, if you could even call it that.
It was about 10:30 at night, in reality, but here it was sunny, as always, and I sat at the end of the peer, hanging down slightly so my toes could touch the water. The air was warm, but occasionally it whipped itself up into a pleasant breeze that cooled me down nicely. It was hard not to think about Bailey, but I told myself to leave his mourning until the morning. There was no point in me ruining my night, when all day had been building up to this moment. This was my time, and even though I hated the idea of leaving it all to morning, I didn't feel like I could deal with it now. I looked at the beach. Many residents were setting out towels and sun beds on the beach's scorching hot sand, and creaming themselves up for the hot day ahead of them. I looked at one couple in particular. They were quite old, maybe around 70's or 80's, and it made me wonder - do people die in this world, like they do in reality? Or do they just carry on living forever? Because forever seems an awfully long time, even with this exquisite scenery and gorgeous summer days. I couldn't ask any of them, because all outsiders know that residents do not talk to them. Why, I did not know.
"Hiya" I whipped round at the sound of his voice, nearly breaking my neck in the process. His eyes flashed as they met mine and I stood up.
"Hey" I said.
"How long have you been waiting?"
"Not long"
"I know we agreed 10:00 on facebook but my mum kept forcing coffee down my throat so it took a bit longer to get to sleep than usual" He flashed me one of his cute smiles and I felt my heart drum hard on my chest.
"It's ok" I said, in a sort of daze.
"I have something to show you" he touched my wrist and gently pulled me down the peer, across the burning sand, which did burn my feet, but I managed to live with the pain while he was holding onto me, and up onto a road.
"A road?" I said, hoping it didn't come out sounding unimpressed just in case the road was what he wanted to show me, but I relaxed when he laughed and shook his head.
The place Ed had taken me to was the possibly the most amazing place I'd even been to, reality and dream. He had taken me to a beautiful waterfall which was so incredible I wanted to live here for life. The trees came down low at the edges of the banks, which framed the waterfall well and the dark blue water that came down from the rocks swirled together into a beautiful little pool underneath. Me and Ed sat on a ledge that jutted out of the rocks and stopped just above the lagoon. It was so near I could almost touch it. Any minute now and I would jump in, not being able to control my urge to do so.
"I only found this place the other day" Ed said, sitting back on the ledge "I didn't want to tell anybody about it. I wanted it all for myself"
"You told me" I said, feeling pretty honoured that he decided to show me it. I didn't blame him for not wanting to show anyone. This place was dazzling and could definitely see myself growing old living here.
"Yeah, I did tell you" he suddenly pushed himself up and off the ledge, plunging into the blue heaven that swirled beneath. I crawled to the edge and looked over to where he had entered the pool. Soon enough he surfaced and took a deep breath in. I laughed.
"Whoa" he said, getting his breath back "It's cold. Why don't you come..." but before he could finish I was up and over the ledge. As I entered the water, the shock of the coldness sent shivers all over my body and I nearly gasped air under the water. The water felt smooth on my skin and I floated to the surface, not really caring if I got there or not. I finally emerged and took in a large mouthful of air.
"I was beginning to think you weren't coming back up" Ed said, grinning.
"Neither did I" I felt my t-shirt stick to my skin, and my jean shorts were weighing me down considerably, but yet I felt as light as a feather.
We didn't stay at the waterfall all day. We walked places and talked, a lot, and then went back to the beach for sunset. I found Lizzy sitting on a towel with someone else, waiting for the day to end. I waved to her and she grinned at me and raised her eyebrows when she noticed Ed. She gave me a thumbs up and went back to chatting with the girl she was with.
Me and Ed took a spare towel on the left side of the beach, while other people poured onto the sands to watch the evening show. I looked out across the sea to where the sun was starting to come down and smiled to myself.
"What you smiling at?" Ed said.
"I want to stay here forever"
"hmm, don't we all" it was statement rather than a question, but I nodded anyway. There was a man sitting on a towel in front of me who's head was slightly in the way of my view. Just because he was a resident and wouldn't talk to me doesn't mean he would ignore me, right?
"Excuse me" I said and the man started to turn towards me "Your head is slightly..." I stopped suddenly as the man's face came into view. I gagged on my own oxygen for a second and then shuffled back slightly.
"Lori?" he said. It was uncle bailey "Lori!!!" he gasped and turned himself right round to face me. His loudness drew attention to himself and other residents were looking baffled "Lori, sweetheart. Be strong, be brave. Fight to get out" He grabbed hold of my shoulder and shook me.
"Hey!" Ed said next to me.
"You are strong Lori, you know that right?" he said. Suddenly four residents in some sort of weird uniform came out of nowhere and started to drag Uncle Bailey away from the beach. I just sat there, stunned.
"BE STRONG LORI, I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT!" Bailey shouted back at me, and then he was gone. The residents around us were whispering and giving me concerned looks.
"What the...?" Ed said, which was exactly what I was thinking.
Fight to get out? Why would I ever want to get out of here?