Months passed and Alyssa and Dennise's relationship has been going so well. Except for the fact that Alyssa's really gone weird and everyone notices it now. There are days that she'd be late for school just because she doesn't wanna get up from bed. When you ask her why, she says it might not be safe outside her room. There are days that she'd ask her band mates to start from the top of practice because the one they previously did didn't felt right. Some days, she'd take so long walking home because she avoids the cracks on the sidewalk. Whenever she and Den would go out, it takes them almost an hour to leave because Ly's always going back to check if the house is locked. Sometimes in the middle of driving, she'd stop because she thinks that the door at the backseat wasn't closed. On most days, she'd wash her hands 5 to 10 times just to make sure they're clean and there's no germs in it. Her family and friends started to get worried about it, so one free day of her dad, he made her skip school to get her checked in the hospital. And then there, she was diagnosed with Obesessive Compulsive Disorder. The doctor said that Alyssa might be living with it already, but no one just notices it. OCD isn't always obvious and maybe, she sees it to herself but she just didn't care 'cause she doesn't know anything about OCD. Its been 2 months since she was diagnosed and things have changed. She's not playing with the band anymore because she takes so much of their time during practice. She's not as famous and known as before because other people thinks that she's crazy after hearing the news of her, having OCD. But one thing remains, one thing, one person remained her constant. Den. Den never left her side and promised her that she never will, no matter what happens.
"Can we go, now? Den's waiting for you." Kief said and smiled at her after she's repeatedly put on and taken off her clothes for more than 30 minutes because it wasn't perfect.
"Lets go." She answered and smiled. "What time is it?" Its Den and Ella's moving up ceremony.
"4:30." Kief answered.
"Oh my God, Kief! We have to be there in 15 minutes, we'll be late! C'mon, hurry!" Alyssa said and ran down the stairs.
"Chill out, Alyssa. The ceremony's gonna start at 5:30. School is just 10 minutes away from here and we're gonna use my car." Kief said, but none of it mattered to Alyssa. She just ran out of the house and Kief saw her already sitting inside his car. "You sure you're sitting there?"
"Yeah. Its safer here." Ly answered. She's sitting at the back seat kasi kahit sila lang dalawa ni Kief yung magkasama sa kotse.
"Okay, if you said so." Kief said and started driving. "Can I play music?"
"Yeah, sure. I won't hate you for that." Ly said and chuckled.
"Sorry. Akala ko lang, ayaw mo." Kief said and turned on the music in his car.
On their way to NHS, Alyssa was just silent. Kiefer wants to ask her what's going on but he just let her. It might be the intrusive thoughts again.
"Are we there yet, Kief?" Ly asked for the fourth time since they left the house.
"Malapit na. In 5, 4, 3, 2--"
"Stop there. 2 is fine. I love even numbers." Ly said and smiled at him. Kief just smiled back at her. He feels a bit sad because of what happened to Alyssa. She's completely fine 2 months ago. Or so they thought. Pero, di talaga nila alam kung san nanggaling or what triggered her OCD.
"Okay. Lets go. They're in the quad." Kief said and inakbayan si Alyssa. He noticed Alyssa flinched. "Don't worry. Naligo naman ako. I'm clean." He chuckled. Ly just smiled at him.
Along the way to the quad, some students are greeting them. Ofcourse, they're still the famous members of Remnants. They still perform but its never the same, especially that its only Kief who sings now.
"Ayun sila. Tara." Kief said and dragged Alyssa to where their friends are. "Hi, guys!"
"U-uhm, do you have alcohol, Miks?" Ly asked even before greeting their friends. Hinawakan kasi ni Kiefer yung kamay niya and she has to 'clean' it.
"Ah, yeah. Here." Mika answered and handed Ly the alcohol.
"Thanks." Ly said and smiled as she gave the alcohol back to Mika. "San sila Den?" Just when Kim's about to answer, Den called Alyssa.
"Babe!" She said and ran to Alyssa and hugged her. Her hugs are the only thing Ly doesn't resist to. Kisses and holding hands are very limited, but hugs are limitless. "I'm so happy you came!"
"Ofcourse, babe. I wouldn't miss this for the world." Ly said and smiled. "Congrats!"
"Thanks, babe!" Den said. "Tara, picture tayo!" She said and they posed for a photo.
"Congrats also, Ella!" Ly said after they took a photo.
"Thanks, Ly!" Ella said. "Uhm, can I?" She asked if she can hug Alyssa.
"Just for today, yes. I think I can take it." Ly answered and Ella happily hugged her friend.
After some more time, the ceremony started. Alyssa and her friends are sitting at the far back.
"Lazaro, Dennise Michelle G. With honors." Sabi nung adviser nila Den and she went up on stage with her mom. People clapped their hands, siyempre, Ly has the proudest clap of all.
"Next year, tayo naman ang ganyan, no? Parang ang lungkot." Kim suddenly said.
"Eh? Dito pa rin naman tayo mag-aaral ng senior highs school ah. Ganun din yun." Ara said.
"Oo nga. Ang drama mo." Kief said and chuckled.
"Eh iba-iba na tayo ng strand nun." Kim said.
"Malay mo naman, diba? Baka same lang naman tayong lima ng kukunin." Mika said. "Tsaka, don't think of that muna. Lets enjoy the summer vacation first, Kim!"
Alyssa didn't join their conversation. She's just focused on clapping and tapping her feet on the floor. After the ceremony's done. Den's mom invited all of them for a dinner. Sumama naman sila since pati yung parents ni Ella nagyaya rin.
"Babe, are you okay?" Den asked when they arrived at the restaurant they're going to eat at.
"U-uh, yeah. I j-just, uhm, I need to wash my hands. I'll be back." Ly said and went to the comfort room.
"Where's Ate Ly going, ate?" Mosh asked kasi he saw what happened.
"She's just gonna wash her hands. Go, sit down na." Den answered.
"She always wash her hands even if its not dirty." Mosh said.
"Yeah. She wants it really clean eh." Den just said and binuhat si Mosh para iupo na sa tabi ni Jus.
Alyssa went back and this is probably meant to be a good day 'cause they didn't have to transfer seats. They're able to eat normally without Ly worrying about anything. Or probably not yet.
"Si Ella, andami ng nakain, kukuha na naman!" Alyssa said and laughed.
"So what? I just finished highschool! I deserve this!" Ella said.
"No, you didn't. Still have two more years to go." Ly said.
"Whatever, I'll eat pa din." Ella said and continued getting food.
"Babe, you wanna eat pa?" Alyssa asked Dennise. Not right.
"Babe, you wanna eat pa?" Again.
"Babe, you wanna eat pa?" Again.
"No, I'm good, babe." Den answered.
"Babe, you wanna eat pa?" There on the 4th time, Ly felt it was right.
"No na po. I'm full na." Den said and pinched Ly's nose.
"Uh, you washed your hands, right?" Ly asked.
Den chuckled at that, "I did. Kanina when I went to the CR. I'm clean. Look oh!" She said and nilapit yung mga kamay niya sa mukha ni Alyssa but she just kept on moving away. "Hahaha. You're really cute."
"But, you're not. Babe, that's not cute. What you did wasn't cute. Not at all." Ly said. Instead of getting mad or annoyed, Den just chuckled and hugged Alyssa.
"I know. I'm sorry." Den said while hugging her girlfriend tightly.
She really understands Alyssa. Its actually kinda surprising that she and all their friends understands what Alyssa is going through. The doctor said na it would be understandable if classmates and friends would choose to walk away from Alyssa because of her case. Teenagers like them would likely see Alyssa's case scary and so, they'd just choose to leave her. Family should always be there to make her feel that she's not alone. But, Alyssa's lucky, none of her friends left. Mas lalo pa nga silang napalapit sa kanya.
"Ay sus! May free trial na naman sa PDA zone!" Gretch said and playfully rolled her eyes on the couple infront of her.
"Kelan ba wala?" Thirdy also said. "Halika nga dito, Bea. Tayo din!"
"Subukan mo!" Bea said, balled her fist and pretended to punch Thirdy in the face. "Susumbong kita kay Maddie!"
"Joke lang, 'to naman!" Thirdy said. "Bat di na lang kasi sakyan yung joke?"
"Di daw kasi nakakatawa, Thirds." Kief said.
"Oo, manong. Magkapatid tayo, diba?" Thirdy said and creased his forehead.
"Oo, pero takot din ako kay Maddie eh. Haha." Kief said.
"Eh dun sa isang M? Takot ka din, Kief?" Ara asked and smiled sheepishly at him.
"Oo nga. Dun sa Mi--ano nga yun, boi? Ano nga ulit yun?" Kim said, obviously playing around.
"Mika!" Ly said like a kid. "Mika--Mika--Mika." She repeated. Everyone laughed, except Mika and Kiefer who are blushing right now. "Sorry, guys." She apologized.
"Its okay, babe. Haha. They look cute oh." Den said and smiled at her. Kief and Mika understands it. Den has to say that, just so Alyssa won't feel bad about herself.
"Oh, wait. I need to wash my hands. I'll be back." Alyssa said and smiled at them. She knows its not normal 'cause her friends don't do it the way she does, not even her family. But, she also knows that she can't do another thing like getting in the car and going home if she don't wash her hands first.
5 minutes passed and she's still in the CR so Den decided to follow her there. She saw Alyssa standing infront of the sink, abruptly washing her hands. She went to her and back hugged her.
"Pang-ilan mo na yan?" Den asked.
"Third." Ly answered as she rinse her hand from the water that continuously flows from the faucet.
Den sighed, "Can we go after the fourth? Its an even number." She tried to sound excited so she can convince Alyssa.
"Uhm, the sixth one, please? 6 is also an even number." Ly said, not even looking at her as she focus in 'cleaning' her hands.
"Okay. After the sixth." Den said and smiled then she stood beside Alyssa and watch her do her thing. A couple of girls entered the comfort room but they didn't notice anything wrong with them. Finally, Alyssa's done. "All done?"
"Yes. Lets go." Ly said and walked out, leaving Den trailing behind her.
They went home after a few minutes, Den asked Alyssa to ride with them in their car but she couldn't convince her.
"Ly, come on. Mom's gonna drive us home. We'll be safe." Den said.
"No. No. No. Kiefer's car is safer." Alyssa said. Kiefer looked at Den with pity. "I'll ride his car."
Den sighed then went to their car and told her mom if she can just ride with Kiefer and Alyssa. Pinayagan naman siya. Their other friends went home on their own already.
"Okay. Can I atleast, ride with you guys?" Den asked. Alyssa nodded and the two of them smiled at her. "I'll see you at the house! Bye, guys!" She told her family and they went off.
Den let Alyssa sit first. Again, she sat in the back seat. Den went infront to sit in the shotgun so that Kiefer won't look like their driver but Ly stopped her.
"Babe, no! Sit here beside me. Its not safe infront." Alyssa said.
"Babe, it is. I'm gonna be fine here. Don't worry." Den said.
"But, babe. No." Alyssa said and she started bouncing her feet. "I-its n-not safe there."
"Sige na, Den. Gwapong driver naman ako." Kief said and winked.
For the nth time today, Den sighed but she went inside and sat beside Alyssa. Kiefer then, drove them home. While in the car, Alyssa keeps on tapping her fingers on the window.
"--13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18." She silently counts. Then back to 1 again then tap until 18 then 1 again until 18 and repeat until they got home.
"We're here!" Kiefer said and smiled at them through the rear view mirror.
"Baba na, babe. Andito na tayo." Den said. Ly got down quickly but she didn't close the door. "Thanks, Kief! Close the door na, babe. Kief has to go home na."
"Wait lang." Ly said then attempted to close the door but stopped, midway. "Yes." She said and completely closed the door. "T-thanks, Kief."
"Sure." Kief said and smiled. "I gotta go. Den, congrats ulit!"
"Thank you!" Den said and Kief went off. "Tara na, hatid kita." She said. Kiefer stopped the car sa malapit kila Den kasi so that means that they have to walk a few steps so Alyssa can go back home. But, how few is few when you're walking as slow as a snail to avoid the cracks and to make sure she won't step over the lines of the road? You can only imagine. She heaved a sigh of relief when they're finally infront of the Valdez household. "Tara na sa loob."
They went in and closed the gate but Ly went back to check it.
"Wait, di pa ata sarado." Ly said and went back again to check the gate.
"Babe, its closed. Locked even. Lets go inside na. They're waiting for you." Den said. "Nothing's gonna happen, c'mon."
"Are you sure?" Ly asked.
"Very sure. Lets go." Den said and they went in. She let Ly go in first, thinking that she won't remember checking if the door's locked, but who is she kidding.
"Babe, I gotta check it." Ly said so Den stepped out of the way to let Alyssa do her routine. "Was it locked?" She said and walked away from the door. "No." She said and went back to check it. "Was it locked? No. Was it locked? No. Was it locked. Yes."
"Babe, its locked. We locked it." Den said and smiled at her.
"Oh, you're here." Ruel said as he makes his way down the stairs. "Congrats, Den!" He said and bineso si Den.
"Thanks, tito." Den said and smiled at him.
"Alyssa, can you give daddy a hug?" He asked and opened his arms but as usual, its a no. She's never really hugged anyone but Den. And Ella, just for today, 'cause she achieved something.
"Dad, no. Wash your hands first." She said and moved a little bit away from her dad.
"If I do, would you let me hug you?" Her dad asked.
"If you promise me that your hands are clean, maybe, yes." Ly answered. Her dad went to wash his hands and came back with a huge smile.
"Okay, I already washed my hands. Come and give daddy a hug!" He excitedly said. Alyssa slowly walked to him and hugged him.
"1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. Its enough, dad. Even number." Ly said and pushed her dad away. 8 short seconds but that was more than enough for him. 2-month worth of hug only lasted for 8 seconds, but that is something that he'll remember for until Alyssa still can't do longer.
"Thank you, baby. That's the best hug I've ever had for the last two months." He said. Almost crying, 'cause he's really sad because of what's happening to his daughter.
"Uhm, dad, we'll go upstairs na po. I need to change my clothes before 8." She said and smiled. "Good night, daddy!"
"Good night, Ly! Daddy loves you so much!" He said.
"I love you too, dad!" Ly said and she went up in her room, with Den.
She sat on her bed and waited for Den to close the door.
"Come, lets change your clothes na." Den said and opened Ly's closet. "What do you wanna wear?" She asked even if she knows that Alyssa only wears white shirts when she sleeps. Her black shirts are out of the closet 'cause it fears her that wearing something black would make something bad happen or would make her hurt herself.
"Babe, you know I only wear white shirts when I sleep." Ly said.
"Oh yeah. Sorry, I forgot." Den said. "I think this one would do?" She said and showed her a white shirt with a small flower embroidery on the upper left part of it.
"Nooo. That's not the shirt, babe. Its not even white." Ly said and profusely shakes her head.
"What? It is. Look its all white." Den said. She hasn't noticed the embroidery yet. "C'mon, babe. Its just the same as the others."
"No, its not! Hindi yan yun, babe! I'm not gonna wear that!" Alyssa exclaimed which made her whole family rush to her room.
"What's happening?" Nicko barged in and asked.
"Babe, you left the door unlocked! Ugh, no! No! Ugh." She said and closed her eyes then covered her ears.
"Shhh. Calm down, babe. I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry. Shhh. Calm down. Its just your family. Sila lang yung pumasok. Nothing bad's going to happen. Shhh." Den said as she hug Alyssa. She felt her stop shaking and calm herself down. "Shhh, shhh. You'll be fine."
"Are we safe?" Ly asked.
"Yes, we are. We are all safe here." Den said. "You okay, now?" Ly nodded. Den gestured Alyssa's family to go out and gave them a thumbs up, telling them that she can handle it. They slowly went out and silently closed the door. "Can we change now?"
"Yes." Ly answered. Den handed her the shirt but Ly shook her head again. "Babe, no. This isn't white. There. See? Its not white." She pointed the flower embroidery and Den can't help but smile and chuckle at that.
"Oh God! I didn't see this. Sorry, my bad." Den said. "Lemme change it." She said and stood up again to get a plain white shirt for Alyssa. "Here. Is this fine?"
"Definitely fine." Ly answered and smiled then stood up to change her shirt. Its up to her if she'll wear PJ's, boxers or shorts when she goes to sleep. "Babe, I'm done! Are you still there?"
"Yes, babe. Come out here, I'm waiting!" Den answered. "Wow!" She said kasi Alyssa's wearing boxers tonight. She wears PJ's kasi most of the time kasi she's afraid that something dangerous might creep into her legs. "You look...hot, Miss Alyssa Valdez."
"Well, maybe that's a given, Miss Dennise Lazaro." Alyssa said. This is why she knows she can't lose Den. Eversince she was diagnosed, she can only be herself when she's alone with Den. For some reasons, Den's presence calms her and makes her remove the intrusive thoughts in her mind for a while. "Oh, shit. The door's not locked again." And that's what 'a while' exactly means. She went to the door and locked it 18 times, even number. "Are you going home now?"
"I don't want to, but I definitely have to." Den answered and stood up.
"I'm bringing you hanggang sa may gate." Ly said and smiled. They went down and straight out.
"Can the graduate get one last hug from the girlfriend, before going home?" Den asked.
"Sure. Hugs are limitless, remember?" Ly answered and they shared a tight hug.
"Are you counting even numbers again?" Den asked.
"Nope. You count." Ly answered.
"But, I don't want to." Den said.
"Why not?" Alyssa asked.
"'Cause if I do, that means the hug would have to end. I don't want this to end." Den answered and tightened her hug to Alyssa.
Alyssa chuckled at her girlfriend's remark, "I thought I'm the one who can't control her mind? Bat parang ikaw ata yung makulit?"
"I am not. I just really love the warmth of your hugs kaya I don't want it to end. Your hugs make me feel safe. Its as if no one can really hurt me when I'm wrapped in your arms and in your tight embrace." Den said.
"Awwe. My girlfriend's being clingy. I love your hugs too. You know, I feel safe with your hugs, more than you are with mine." Alyssa said. "But, we really need to let go. We can hug each other again tomorrow if you come here by 8am."
"Really? 8am? On a Saturday?" Den asked.
"Yeah. Why not? 8's an ev--"
"Even number. Right." Den finished Alyssa's sentence.
"Right! And I love even numbers!" Alyssa said. She's the first to let go of their hug. "Okay. I'll see you tomorrow, 8am for the hugs."
"Di ba pedeng 10am na lang?" Den asked like a kid and Alyssa find it really cute. "8am's really early for a Saturday."
"Hmmm.." Ly said. "Okay! Its still an even number naman. And I know how much you love your sleep and your bed. 10am it is!"
"Yey! I'd go here at 10am for the hugs and for more like kisses, holding hands and uhm, uh, no?" Den said kasi she saw Alyssa shaking her head. She chuckled. "Okay okay. Hugs only. Sige na, I need to go home. I'm sure, they're waiting for me na. Bye, babe! I love you."
"Bye! I love you too, babe!" Ly said. "And probably, some movies would do also." Pahabol niya before Den could open the gate.
"Yeah, movies. Prepare our favorites!" Den said.
"Will do! Good night, babe." Ly said.
"Good night!" Den said as she went inside their house.
Alyssa turned to go back inside the house. And guess what? She got stuck at the door again. This time, 18 times wasn't enough, so she locked it 10 more times, still an even number.
"You really love even numbers, no?" Paulo asked and smiled at her.
"Very much, kuya." Ly answered. "Wait, you counted with me?"
"I always do, every chance that I get." He answered and smiled again. "Ly, I miss you."
Ly sighed and looked down, "I miss me too, kuya."
Paulo sighed as well, wanting to hug his sister so bad but he knows he can't, "Basta, we're all here for you ah? Don't you ever forget that. Kuya is here for you, no matter what."
"Thanks, kuya." Alyssa said and smiled at him. Eversince OCD came into her life, her smiles have been her love language to everyone. Its equivalent to a hug and to a kiss that she can't give to them, no matter how badly she wanted to.
"Sige na. Tulog ka na. Lock na 'to, naka 28 na sarado ka na eh." He said and chuckled.
"Sure?" Ly asked.
"Very sure." Paulo answered. She won't take it unless you say very sure. There's something in those two words that makes her believe that things are really fine.
Alyssa just smiled at him again and went up to her room. She took a deep breath when she lied on her bed, knowing that its gonna be a long night, battling with her thoughts again.
~
Yo. I don't know anything about OCD so I had to search and watch videos. I was inspired by a story I read here in Wattpad also and Neil Hilborn's poem entitled OCD. Bear with the OCD scenes or parts, I try to make it sound as real as possible but I think I don't really have to naman since this is a fanfic, but yun. I'll still research about it. I felt kasi na a case of OCD would be perfect for the title. Ayun lang. Thank you!