• Luca •
"Turns out you were an actual faggot the whole time, eh?" Jordan hissed, causing my stomach to lurch uneasily as I turned to face them. Puta mierda.
I should have known this would happen soon. After all, I was avoiding Tyler and his friends every time we crossed paths.
But it was better this way, he wouldn't get dragged along into my mess anymore. Maybe this was good. This was good for him. He deserved better than, me; someone who was too ashamed of themselves to stick up to their own mother. Jordan and his friends cornered me at the back of the parking lot. He placed his hand on my shoulder, causing me to flinch.
With pleading eyes I looked up at him. I couldn't handle this as well. I couldn't take this anymore. "P-please, J-Jordan," I mumbled, and a sick grin took over his face.
"This is on your sister being a little bitch," he hissed, his fist colliding with my face abruptly. I coughed, as I reached out to touch my face, wincing when my hand moved across my broken skin.
"Don't call m-my sister a bitch," I said, grinding my teeth together. Jordan and the rest of his little cult broke out into collective laughter before he shoved me causing me to stumble backward, hitting my head against the concrete wall.
"What are you going to do about it, L-L-Luca," he said, mocking my stutter. I bit my lip trying to back away but there was nowhere I could go. I pressed my back up again the wall and seemingly out of nowhere I saw Jordan stumble over. I realized that Anirudh had punched him in the face.
I turned to look at him and my gaze immediately dropped when I noticed that Iris was behind him as well. But she wasn't looking at me, she was busy glaring at Mark.
"You want to know something Mark? I'm so happy I broke up with you cause you are a heartless prick who deserves nothing," She yelled, her eyes narrowing dangerously at him.
Anirudh smirked slightly at me before he threw his arm around my shoulders. Jordan was glaring at us in absolute rage. "What the fuck, Rudh?" He asked, shoving Anirudh slightly causing me to stagger with him.
"Don't touch me, Jordan," Anirudh warned, now slowly removing his hand from around my shoulders and stepping in between Jordan and I. "You know who would win if we ever fought,"
I saw Jordan clench his jaw. "Watch your back," Jordan hissed, before walking away, his little group following closely behind him. Iris immediately rushed up towards me her bright blue eyes worriedly scanning my face.
She reached up, touching my cheek softly, and flinched at the contact.
"Sorry," She said, with a frown placed on her lips. "You going to be alright?"
I nodded. "Don't worry, I'm used to it,"
Anirudh frowned, his forehead creasing as he looked at me. "Have they done this again after that day?" He asked, and I turned my gaze to the floor, staring at my beaten up shoes.
"Yeah," I mumbled, awkwardly.
"How long had this been happening?" Iris asked, her eyebrows shooting up slightly in surprise.
"A couple of years,"
"Couple of years?!" Iris asked, taken aback. "How did I not know?"
"Nobody really pays attention to me, don't worry it's not your fault," I said, now looking at the pair with a small smile.
"Well, now you have us, okay?" Anirudh said, patting my shoulder with a broad smile. I shot him grateful smile.
I already had someone but I couldn't have them, not anymore.
Not ever.
"How is he?" I asked, now directing my gaze to Iris whose expression turned into one of pity.
"He's-He's okay," she said, with a sad smile.
"That's good," I said, biting my lip as I tried my best not to break down. The amount I missed him was overwhelming. I missed his smile, I missed his gorgeous eyes, I missed his hair, I missed kissing him, I missed talking to him, I missed being with him. I wanted to forget everything for him, but at the end of the day, something always stopped me. Maybe it was the love for my mother, maybe it was the fear of not having anyone to love me again.
Anirudh looked confused as his gaze flicked from Stacy to me. "Come on we'll drop you to your car," Iris said, grabbing my hand.
"No, it's okay, I'll go by myself," I said, forcing a smile on my face. "Thank you,"
Iris reluctantly nodded, before they walked away, and I noticed Iris' hands entwined with Anirudh. They worked.
Everything I had—everything I lost—with Tyler seemed to me making me slowly fall back into the same place I had tried to stay away from for past year or so.
The same place I promised I would stay away from.
Mami pretended I didn't exist and I was really hoping mami hadn't told Angela. Today morning Angela seemed fine but that didn't stop me from panicking over the possibility of losing her too. I couldn't lose her. Not after everything.
I slowly walked towards the car and it seemed that Angela was already sitting inside. I got in, falling back on the seat fluttering my eyes shut with a small sigh. "Luca?" Angela asked, and I hummed not bothering to look at her. "Mami told me a-about...that,"
I immediately turned to face Angela terrified out my fucking mind. "I-Angela-I don't,"
"Are you?" She asked, a look of disgust and sadness written over her face.
I looked at my fingers, tears burning my eyes. I didn't know what to say. How could I make this better? "I-I don't. I'm sorry," I said, having started to cry. Angela didn't comfort me.
"You're a...gay?"
"Angela I didn't-I didn't want to be," I tried, my voice cracking miserably. "I didn't want to be gay. I swear I don't,"
"You are not gay, Luca, you are just confused," she said, and I looked up at her with desperate eyes. "It's abnormal, Luca. You're just, you're just confused,"
I cried harder, how I wished she were right. I covered my face in my hands, I couldn't look at her. I couldn't look at her disgust towards me and I who I was.
"You can't be gay, hermano,"
"I'm sorry," I sobbed.
"Tyler, he's a gay too?"
I didn't reply.
"This was your choice, Luca," she said, and I looked back at her again with pleading eyes. She couldn't leave me too.
"Angela, I never chose this, I didn't want to-"
"You shouldn't have acted on these feelings Luca," she interrupted, I scanned her face hoping that this wasn't real. "You know this is a sin,"
"Angela, please,"
"I'm sorry, Luca. I can't help you. Mami's right you have to stay away from that boy, you shouldn't act on such feelings,"
I had lost her too. She was disgusted by me. Just like mami. I lost both of them and it was all my fault. Angela was right, I should have never acted on my feelings.
But if it was so wrong, why the fuck did it feel so right?
I lost Tyler as well. I had no one. I was alone again. I had no one to love me. Dickson and Fatima didn't care. They couldn't handle me when I was like this, when I felt like wanting to give up. I knew they wouldn't be able to handle it.
I was alone again.
So when I got home, I took the box from under my bed again after a year.
I started again.
I fell back again.
And this time, there was no one stopping me.
• • •
-Anya