Run.
The darkened city of Trost passed by in a blur. Unforgiving stone dug into your bare feet with every step you took. But you kept going.
Run.
The cold air bit into your skin. Tears turned to icy droplets as they flowed down your cheeks. But you kept going.
Run.
You tripped over the uneven street and fell forward into a large puddle, catching yourself with your hands. As you looked into the water, small ripples slightly distorted your reflection. For just a moment, you looked like the girl you used to be, the girl you still should be.
Then the ripples stopped. And you saw red eyes staring back at you.
This wasn't fair. You weren't supposed to be like this. You were supposed to be human. That was how you were born. That was what you were, until that night eight years ago.
You smacked your reflection out of the water, and then you kept running.
Why? Why did this have to happen tonight – at a military ball, of all things? Why did those two drunk cadets have to get into a fight, their blood dripping on the floor when you were already so hungry?
You skidded to a stop before you could slam into a crowd of people, gathered for some small festival. You clapped a hand over your mouth and nose, trying to block the onslaught of enticing scents as you backed against a wall.
A little girl, no more than five, turned to gaze at you with curious eyes. She wandered toward you, blissfully unaware that she was approaching a predator.
You gasped and pressed further into the wall. Your kagune slipped out, unbidden, from your back.
"Pretty," the child cooed.
You couldn't take it anymore. Without giving yourself time to think, you pushed through the crowd and kept running. You could hear their surprised gasps and shouts in your wake, but you didn't look back.
Run.
"(F/n)!"
No. Not him. Not now. You couldn't bear to face him, not like this...
Run.
You moved faster, your blue dress and red kagune streaming behind you like bloody water. Wall Rose was directly ahead, and you knew what you had to do.
Run.
Your keen ears heard the sounds of several more soldiers joining the pursuit, but none were as fast as him. None were as close.
He called out to you again, and again. Screaming your name. Pleading with you to stop.
You nearly did. You almost wanted him to catch you, in the futile hope that he would somehow make everything alright. That you could forget about this and go back to the way things were before. But those happy days were a lie. You had made them a lie.
You reached the Wall and scaled it, pulling yourself up to the top. You ran to the opposite edge, looked down, and...you hesitated.
That was when Levi finally caught up with you.
"(F/n)!" he heaved as he landed and immediately moved toward you. He was still wearing his formal clothes, with his ODM gear thrown on overtop.
"Stay away!" you screeched, whirling to face him. In your haste, one of your feet nearly slipped off the Wall, and you gasped.
Levi froze, painfully aware of how close you were to the edge. "(F/n)," he said gently, holding his hands out in a placating gesture. "Please come back. Whatever this is, we can figure it out."
You shook your head, your red eyes wide with fear.
"I won't let anyone hurt you, (f/n)," he promised. "Just please, step away from the edge."
At that moment, the wind changed direction, wrapping you in Levi's delicious scent. You bit down on your hunger and hissed, "You don't understand. I could hurt you."
"You won't hurt me, (f/n)," he said calmly. "It'll be alright. Let's just talk about this. Tell me what's going on."
Suddenly, the quiet night was shattered by the shouts of several soldiers as they ascended the Wall, pointing their blades at you. Their scents hit you like a punch to the gut.
You flinched backward, and then you were slipping...falling...
"No!" Levi roared as he rushed after you.
You were too shocked to save yourself as you fell down, and down, and down – right into the mouth of an awaiting titan.
The last thing you saw was Levi hanging off the Wall, reaching for you with horror in his eyes.
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(The next day...)
"So," Premier Dhalis Zachary mused, leaning back in his plush office chair, "the beautiful and talented Captain (f/n) (l/n) was actually a ghoul."
Commander Erwin Smith remained expressionless. "A ghoul, sir? I thought they were just a bedtime story."
The premier cocked an eyebrow. "You saw her, Erwin. You tell me."
The two men stared at each other, unblinking.
Premier Zachary was the first to look away. "Well, I must admit, it is a shame," he said with a rueful smile. "She was a fine captain. I would've pegged her for high command someday. Who would've imagined that she would save so many humans just so she could eat them herself?"
The commander's eyes narrowed. "I don't follow you."
"Oh, come now, Erwin, you know the stories," the premier chided. "Ghouls have to eat humans to survive. They'll die if they don't, unlike our titan friends out there. All this time, (l/n) was just defending her own food supply."
Although Commander Erwin's expression didn't change, the atmosphere around him seemed to intensify. "With all due respect, sir, I don't think that was her aim. I fought beside (f/n) for years. She genuinely valued human life, and wanted to protect it. And I know for a fact that she wasn't pretending in that regard."
"And how do you know that?"
The commander's mouth twitched upward. "Not to toot my own horn, but it would take a very good liar to fool me."
For a moment, the premier said nothing. Then amusement morphed his features, and he broke into a laugh. "Ha! I can't argue with that, Erwin. Not one bit."
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As the sun set on Scout Regiment Headquarters, Captain Levi slipped unnoticed into a bedroom that wasn't his. It didn't matter, though. The owner would never be coming back.
Your room was exactly as you had left it the day before. A library book still rested on your nightstand, next to a portrait of you and your squadmates. Your bed was neatly made. The room was meticulously clean – second only to Levi's own bedroom. Everything was in its proper place.
Everything, except the jacket that was carefully laid out on your mattress.
Levi took a deep breath, steeling himself, only to find that the room still smelled of you. Once, that smell had intoxicated him, made it difficult to breathe, to think. Now, there was none of that. As he inhaled, the only thing he felt was his chest tightening.
Levi forced himself to take a step, then another, and another, until he stood at the edge of your bed. He reached out to lightly run his fingers across your jacket, to the "Wings of Freedom" patch that you had once worn so proudly.
You had a different set of wings now.
Unable to bear being in your space much longer, Levi pulled out his knife. He quickly but carefully cut the patch from the rest of the fabric, then slipped it into his pocket.
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(Several weeks later...)
"You...you came back." Although his tone was even, Commander Erwin's eyes were wide, his eyebrows raised in shock. "How? Every member of Levi's squad watched you get eaten."
You gazed expressionlessly at the commander, your silhouette dark against the night sky. "Ripping apart a titan from the inside isn't all that difficult when you're a ghoul."
"Of course not." Erwin schooled his face into neutrality, though inwardly he was still stunned by the fact that you had just slipped into his third-floor office though the open window. "So why come back? What are you planning to do?"
Your expression faltered for the briefest moment. You averted your gaze as you explained, "I heard there were a few patrols outside the Walls, so I...I just wanted to make sure that Levi was alright."
As understanding flowed through him, Erwin's eyes softened. He was the only person who knew about your feelings for Levi. You hadn't told him, of course; he had guessed. Although he thought you would make a good match, and he encouraged you to confess to Levi, you had kept your feelings a secret. Now, Erwin knew why.
"Physically, Levi is fine," he informed you. "However, he hasn't...been himself...ever since you allegedly died."
You wrapped your arms around yourself, your chin dipping just the slightest bit. "It's for the best."
Erwin shook his head. "I understand where you're coming from, but this goes beyond normal grief, (f/n). I...I'm worried about him. I'm afraid he might try something, or rather, that he might not try to save himself the next time a titan crosses his path." Erwin fixed you with his stare. "You understand what I'm saying, don't you? I could barely bring myself to send him out on patrol."
You met the commander's stare with wide eyes. "But, why would he...?" You trailed off as the pieces clicked together in your mind. Of course. Of course. You should have realized it sooner, but you were so wrapped up in your secret that you had missed the signs. Levi didn't express himself in the same fashion that others did, but he had made it clear, in his own way.
Levi was in love with you.
You almost laughed at the hateful irony. You just found out that the man you had loved for years actually returned your feelings. If you had been a normal, human girl, you would have been thrilled. But you weren't a normal, human girl. And this revelation only made your heart sink with grief, because you knew that it didn't matter. Regardless of how either of you felt, you were still a ghoul. You would always be a danger to him.
"You know I can't come back," you muttered, blinking away your tears.
"And why not? You might be a ghoul, (f/n), but I don't believe the woman I knew would have gone around killing people. Am I wrong?"
"W-well, no, but..." you stammered quietly. "I mean, I didn't kill anyone. I only ate humans that were already dead. But it doesn't matter. Everyone knows what I am now. They'll kill me on sight if I try to come back. And why wouldn't they? It's not safe for me to be around you all. I shouldn't have tempted fate for as long as I did."
"I disagree," Erwin said, his voice calm but resolute. "I don't think that you would harm us, or any human, for that matter. You've proven that you can safely live and work with the Scouts. It might take some time, but I can talk to Premier Zachary. No one outside of the military was made aware of your...condition, so there's no issue with public perception."
Your brow furrowed. "I don't know..."
Erwin held up a hand in a placating gesture. "Think on it. In the meantime, will you please let Levi know that you're alive?" Erwin's eyes fell, and he added quietly, "It's killing him, (f/n). Please."
"I..." You hugged yourself tighter as a knot formed in your chest. "If I write him a letter...would you deliver it?"
Erwin loosed a breath. "Of course."
He gestured to his desk, to the pen and blank paper already laid out, as if they were waiting for you. Slowly, you walked past Erwin, sat in his chair, and began to write.
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Levi,
I don't know what to say to you. I suppose I should start with, "I'm not dead." And then maybe I should tell you that I'm sorry. No, not maybe. I am sorry. I'm sorry for all the times I lied to you. I'm sorry for making you think that I was human, when in reality, I'm a monster.
I tried not to be. I tried to be good. I tried to help people. I did my best not to hurt anyone. Of course, none of that matters. It doesn't change the fact that I'm a ghoul, and even though I haven't killed anyone yet, it doesn't change the fact that some part of me will always want to. I'm sorry for that as well.
Perhaps most of all, I'm sorry that you care about me. You deserve so, so much better. You're brave, and strong, and clever, and selfless. You're human. You're perfect. And I am so unbelievably sorry that I caused you pain. The last thing I wanted was to drag you down into my hell.
All the same, I should thank you. You were the single bright spot in the nightmare that is my life. And even if I never see you again, at least I have those memories of you to hold onto. Because I loved you, Levi. I still love you. I will always love you. Even though I regret everything else, I won't regret that.
And if, by some miracle, you don't hate me after all of this, then I have a bit of a selfish request. Please don't think of me as I am now, as a monster. Please remember me as I was, in those moments when I forgot I was a ghoul – in those moments when I got to be human with you, if only for a little while. Remember me as I should be.
And please, let me go.
(F/n)
A single droplet fell from Levi's cheek, staining the page right next to your name. After all of this...how could he possibly just let you go?
The cool night wind blew through his open window, ruffling his hair. Levi breathed it in, trying to calm himself down enough that he could sort through the chaos in his head, the ache in his chest. But then...
"Brat! Cut the crap and get in here!" Levi barked, his throat tight.
For a moment, nothing happened, and Levi began to think that maybe he had been wrong.
But then he sensed you slipping silently through the window behind him. He whirled, and there you were, silhouetted against the night sky, head bowed to hide your face. Now he knew why Erwin had told him to leave his window open after delivering the letter.
"Hey," Levi hissed, but you were too ashamed to look at him. "What the hell is this? Huh?" He held up your letter, slightly crumpled in his hand. "You think that after everything, you can just write some lousy letter and then run away?"
Tears formed in your eyes, threatening to spill over. "I...I'm sorry," you whispered.
"Stop saying that!" In an instant, he closed the small gap between you, grabbed your chin in his hand, and forced your lips down to his.
It was the absolute last thing you expected, so you were unable to react in time to stop him. And once his mouth connected to yours, even though he was angry and rough, you couldn't make yourself pull away. Because beneath his forcefulness, there were things you didn't realize you had needed so desperately until this moment.
Forgiveness. Understanding. Love.
Levi pulled back and held your gaze. "Listen up, brat. First of all, I want you to stop apologizing, because you haven't done anything wrong. You can't help being a ghoul, and that doesn't inherently make you evil. You're good, (f/n). And I know that because I've known you for years. Sure, I didn't know you were a ghoul, but I know you. You've risked your life time and time again to save people. You've never hurt anyone, and you never would.
"And that brings me to my second point," he said a little more gently. "I want you to stop avoiding me, because you're not going to hurt me. In fact, avoiding me is the only way you could hurt me. (F/n), I don't care that you're a ghoul. I love you, and I want you to stay by my side."
Tears slipped slowly down your cheeks as his words began to heal the broken pieces of your heart. But even with his acceptance, you loved him too much to put him in danger. "I can't..." you breathed, trying to squirm away from him.
"Walls, what's it going to take?" Levi growled. He gripped your hair, and though you tried to pull away, he somehow had strength to rival a ghoul's. He pushed your face into his neck and said, "If you're so certain it's inevitable, then get it over with."
You flinched, trying to put distance between you and him, but you couldn't budge. You stayed there, lips pressed against his throat, inhaling his exquisite scent. All it would take was one bite...
Except...you didn't want to, not at all. Your instincts weren't roaring at you to eat him. Instead, they encouraged you to do something else.
You pressed a kiss to his bare skin, feeling Levi shiver at your touch – not out of fear, but of desire. He really did want this, too.
So you kissed him again, and again, until you found that certain spot that made him moan. You twined your fingers through his silky black hair, tilting his head for better access as you caressed that spot over and over – first with your lips, then your tongue, then your teeth. Your bites didn't break his skin, but they were enough to leave marks as you nipped and sucked your way down his throat.
You pulled back to gaze at his piercing eyes, his flushed face. And you knew with every fiber of your being, both human and ghoul, that you would protect this gorgeous creature with your life. He was yours. And you were his.
"I take it you've decided, then?" Levi murmured as he stared back at you. You didn't miss the hint of relief in his eyes. Relief that you were alive. Relief that you had come back to him.
A blush of your own graced your cheeks. "Yes," you breathed, entranced by his beautiful, grey-blue orbs. "I'll never hurt you, Levi. I...I love you."
"Good," he said flatly. "You'll be staying with me from now on, got it? I won't let anyone touch you."
Even though you were a ghoul and could therefore defend yourself against any human, Levi's proclamation still managed to soothe you. Somehow, the raven-haired man always made you feel safe, regardless of the circumstances.
You nodded, and the corner of your mouth twitched up in gratitude.
Just for a moment, Levi smiled softly back at you. Then, before you knew what was happening, he had picked you up bridal-style and was carrying you into his bedroom.
"Levi!" you gasped, your shock making you cling to him on instinct. "What are you doing?"
Levi kicked the door shut and dropped you on his bed, climbing on top. His smile turned into a smirk. "You had your turn, brat," he purred, tilting his head to show off the marks you left on his skin. "Now, it's mine."