Chapter 54: The Answer
“Let’s break up.” he said.
You know you’re hurt when your heart has a sudden stop and there’s a sudden shortness in breathe and you can feel it in your lungs. Most of all, your eyes fill with tears and you ask ‘why?’
My hands are trembling. I want to slap Mark but I can’t. I want to face Mark but I can’t. My body won’t listen to me. I’m frozen.
“We’ve been like this always. We fight then we make up. I’m tired of it Rhianne.” he said.
But still I didn’t answer.
“Let’s give each other some space to think about it.” he added.
I didn’t answer or any. I still stopped right on that position. Just because of a simple fight, he’s going to break up with me? Where’s that FOREVER AND ALWAYS? BECAUSE HE HATED ONE ATTITUDE, HE’S GOING TO BREAK UP WITH ME. MARK DIDN’T LOVE ME, RIGHT? HE JUST WANTED TO BE WITH SOMEONE SO HE ASKED ME TO BE HIS GIRLFRIEND. HE DIDN’T LOVE ME.
I wiped my tears. “For the last time, I’m asking you. Watch my performance on Simply KPOP. That’s going to be my reply with what you said right now.”
I started walking again and paused.
“By the way, thank you for the birthday gift. It’s the best gift I ever received.”
And I went out of the backstage and started walking to the dorms.
I thought we’re going to be strong Mark? I thought we’re going to be strong. But why are we like this? Why is this happening? Why are we breaking up?
Is it my entire fault? Am I the only one being selfish here? Is it wrong to be mad and be hurt?
I can’t feel my legs. It’s like I’m going to collapse. I can’t see anything. My eyes are covered with tears. Tell me this is just a dream. It’s not real, right? It’s not real? Rhianne, this is just a dream. Slap yourself! Wake up!
No, it’s real.
“Rhianne!”
It’s JB. I know it’s him. He’s the only one concerned. My legs collapse. I can’t walk anymore. I don’t feel anything.
“What happened, Rhianne? I’ll bring you to the hospital.” he said.
I held JB. “JB, tell me. Who should be blamed if a leaf falls from a tree? Is it the tree that let it fall or the leaf who got tired of holding?”
“What are you saying Rhianne?” JB said.
I stood up and started walking again.
“Rhianne, what happened?”
Today is one of those days when I wish I was a little girl and could climb into my mother’s lap and cry until the hurt goes away.
“Rhianne.” JB said.
“I’m tired JB. I wanted to take a rest.” I said as I entered the dorm.
Then Jimin and Yerin immediately approached me.
“How was your… What happened to you unnie? Why are you wet?” Yerin asked.
I didn’t answer them and I continue walking to my room. I immediately closed it and locked it. Then they were knocking.
“Unnie! What is happening to you? Unnie!”
I started crying again. I’m mad at myself. I’m so mad at myself.
“Waaaaahh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
All those gifts, I started to throw them away. I don’t need them. They won’t comfort me
“Unnie! What is happening?” they said as they were still knocking the door.
Why Mark? Why?
Dugdug. Dugdug.
My heart.
My hands are trembling. Where is my inhaler? I can’t breathe.
Breathe in, breathe out.
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JB’s POV
What is happening with Rhianne? Did something happen between her and Mark? I have to confront Mark.
Suddenly, I saw Mark going out of the backstage. He was like a zombie. He doesn’t care about anything around him. He’s just walking.
“Mark!” I shouted.
He just continue walking, ignoring me.
“I’m talking to you!” I said and I punched him.
But he just sat down. He didn’t fight.
“What happened?” I asked.
Mark just smiled. “She’s yours.” then he stared at me.
I can see in Mark’s eyes that he is also hurt. What happened?
Mark continued walking.
“Hyung!” Youngjae said. “Wendy noona is still waiting for you outside.”
Mark just smiled at Youngjae and continued walking. Then Youngjae approached me. “What happened hyung?”
“I don’t know too.”
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Mark’s POV
Did I just say that? Did I ask her to break up with me?
“Mark.” Wendy said. “Are you alright? What happened? I’ll talk to Rhianne.”
“Go home Wendy.” I said.
“What happened?” she asked.
“JUST GO HOME!” I shouted.
“So that’s your answer? Huh. I don’t understand you.” she said as she ran away.
I made another girl ran away.
Rhianne, she’s everything to me. I can’t live without her but I guess this is the answer to my question. I should choose… no. But I have chosen her instead of Rhianne. No, this is wrong.
I immediately ran to 15&’s dorm and knocked.
“Rhianne! Rhianne!” I said.
Yerin opened the door. “Where’s Rhianne?”
“Go out.” Yerin said.
But I continued entering their dorm and knocked at Rhianne’s room. “Rhianne! Rhianne!”
Then I felt someone held my hand then slapped me. “That’s for making Rhianne unnie cry.”
Then Yerin slapped me again. “That’s for leaving her in the rain.”
Then she slapped me again, “And that’s for knowing nothing! Now get out!”
“Yerin, calm down.” Jimin said.
They’re all mad at me. I immediately went to my room.
“What happened, Mark?” Jackson asked.
“I’m not on the mood Jackson. I’m sorry.” I said.
I cover my face with the pillow. I can’t show them I’m crying. No. I chose this. I need to bear with this. I’m sorry Rhianne, but it is I guess the best for us.
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SIMPLY KPOP
Rhianne’s POV
It’s been days since my birthday after Mark told me to break up with him. Right now, I have finally decided. I went out of the room and saw Mark outside their room.
“Rhianne,” he said.
I smiled at him, “Listen to the song I’m going to sing. It’s my answer.”
“Rhianne, let’s talk first.” he said as he grabbed my hand.
“Enough with the talking Mark, the damage has been done.” I said.
I removed my hands from him and I went to the studio.
At the studio, JB was there.
“Are you sure with it Rhianne?” JB asked.
“I’m just kind enough to give him what he wants. He wanted space? I’ll give him space.” I said.
Then I entered the stage.
(Author’s note: This is one of my favorite songs and it breaks my heart. This song is entitled, “Let Me Be The One” by Jimmy Bondoc)
Hello everyone! *screams* Today, I’m going to sing a very heartbreaking song. I met a girl just recently and she said her boyfriend broke up with her because of a friend. Her story was so touching that it made my heart cry too.
Then I heard some ‘Awwww’ from the audience.
So, I’d like to dedicate this song to the boyfriend. This is what she wanted to tell you.
The music started to play. It breaks my heart.
Somebody told me you were leavin’
I didn’t know
Somebody told me you’re unhappy
But it doesn’t show
Somebody told me that you don’t want me no more
So you’re walkin’ out the door
Nobody told me you’ve been cryin’
Every night
Nobody told me you’d been dyin’
But didn’t want to fight
Nobody told me that you fell out of love from me
So I’m settin’ you free
I took a deep breathe. This is my answer Mark. I hope you’re listening. This is what you wanted and this is what you’re asking. I love you so much that I wanted you to be happy even if it’s not with me.
Let me be the one to break it up
So you won’t have to make excuses
We don’t need to find a set up where
Someone wins and someone loses
We just have to say our love was true
But has now become a lie
So I’m tellin’ you I love you one last time
And goodbye
The moment I finished singing the song, I immediately went to the comfort room and locked myself there.
It hurts Mark. Until now, it hurts. I never thought we’re going to end this way. It was just a simple fight then you gave me up. You gave up.
All our memories started to flashback on my mind, the moment when he first kissed me,
*flashback*
I was about to enter the dorm when someone suddenly dragged me. It’s Mark.
“Yah, Mark. Let go of my hand.” I said but he still continues to pull me.
“Yah! Yah!” I continually said.
Mark’s not letting me go. He continued to hold my hand tighter and tighter and it hurts. We then entered the backstage. Finally he let me go. I think my wrist is going to break because Mark held it so tight. -_-
“What’s wrong with you?” I told him. He just looked at me.
“Aish.” I said. “Look, I’m tired right now. And we still have a flight tomorrow. We need to rest.”
I was about to go out when,
“Stay!” he said. I’m really pissed off. I went near him.
“And what? What am I going to do? Just stare at you? You know what; I’m really not on the mood right now to talk to you.” I said. “If you have something to say, just say it faster. I want to rest.”
He just stared at me. “You’ll not talk? Fine, I’m heading back to the dorm” I said.
I walked towards the exit. Suddenly he grabbed my hands…
*smack*
He kissed me on my lips.
*end of flashback*
The moment when he admitted he likes me,
*flashback*
“Unnie! Jr oppa is looking for you. Come out faster.” Jimin said.
I went out to see Jr. He immediately closed the door of the dorm then I saw Mark behind him. I can’t look at him, not now.
Dugdug. Dugdug.
I can feel my heart beating so fast again.
Dugdug. Dugdug.
Ahhh! It’s killing me. Jackson was there too then Jinyoung and Jackson pushed Mark.
“Hyung, faster. Say it.” Jinyoung said.
Is there something Mark wanted to tell?
“I…” Mark utterly said. “I…”
“Mark! Say it faster!” Jackson shouted.
“I like you Rhianne!” Mark said.
*end of flashback*
The moment that we became in a relationship,
*flashback*
“I know this is kinda fast but…” Mark said. “I really want to give you this.”
I took the box and opened it. I don’t know what to say.
Dugdug. Dugdug.
There’s a message there. “Will you be Peter Pan’s Wendy? Will you be my girlfriend?”
Then there’s our picture together there. I don’t know when this was taken. We were smiling really wide while looking at each other. I don’t know who took this too. Did I really smile like that while looking at Mark?
Suddenly, I looked at everyone in the room. It seems like they have planned it.
“You planned all of these?” I said.
“I don’t know anything regarding that.” Papa Tuan said. He’s pretending he’s innocent.
“Me too. I don’t know.” Joey said.
Then I looked at Mark. Then a tear fell from my eyes. This is the first time I have experienced it. This is the first time someone did this to me. This is the first time I experienced being loved by someone I love.
Mark suddenly wiped those tears, “I’ll always wipe those tears if you will allow me.”
I hugged Mark. Merry Christmas Mark.
“Yes. I’ll be Peter Pan’s Wendy.” I said.
And screams started to occur in the house.
“Woooh!!” they said.
Mark hugged me tighter then he whispered, “Thank you. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
*end of flashback*
But what struck me the most was the moment we first met. I should’ve not met you. I should’ve not come here. I wish I listened to my parents. Now, everything, I’m regretting everything. I’m regretting things that made me happy once. I guess things don’t really last. If things lasted forever, then coffee wouldn’t cool and cigarettes won’t end and feelings would stay the same and you would still love me. But the cold truth is nothing lasts forever. Life simply goes on, and I’m trying to figure out where to go from here.
Then suddenly one thing entered my mind, I want to go home.
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JYP Building
After my heartbreaking performance at Simply KPOP, I decided to go back to the dorm and lay down on my bed and sleep. But you know what? Up until now, I can’t sleep like before. I always have nightmares. I always wake up at 12 midnight hoping that everything is alright, that everything was just a dream. But it’s not.
I’ll fix my things. I want to go home.
Suddenly, I saw my music sheet. It’s the song I made for Mark. It made me cry even more.
“Mark.” I said. “I thought we’re going to change the ending of Peter Pan? But why is it like this? Why did we end like this?”
Tears started to flow from my eyes. I’m tired of crying but I can’t stop myself from crying. I wanted smile but I can’t pretend to be happy. It hurts so much that I can’t even fake a smile.
I have to talk to Mark. I have to end everything formally. I stood up and went out of my room and knocked at GOT7’s dorm.
My heart, it’s beating faster and faster as someone opened the door. I hope it’s not Mark.
“Rhianne.”
It’s him.
I faced him. “Let’s talk.”
I immediately turned my back from him and walked to a place where we can talk, just the two of us. He followed me.
I took a deep breathe.
My heart.
Dugdug.
Dugdug,
Not now please.
Dugdug.
Dugdug.
I took another deep breathe and smiled, “Heard my song?” I said while I’m holding my chest. It’s hard to breath.
“Rhianne.” he said. “Don’t cry.”
I was still looking down. I can’t face him right now.
I looked at him and asked him this question, “Do you still love me Mark? Oh wrong, scratch that, do you love me Mark, even once, did you love me?”
I just want to hear the word, ‘yes’.
“Rhianne," he said.
He didn’t answer.
I held his face with my trembling hand, trying not to cry. With a big smile and a teary eyed, I told him, “I’m letting you go.”
Then my tears started to flow.
“I told you not to cry.” he said.
“I’m sorry.”
I removed my hands from his face and smiled at him as my tears continue to drop. I walked away from him. Tears are still flowing as I walk away. Mark, I’m not running away from you. I walk slowly and it kills me that you don’t care enough to stop me.
And now, I’m finally outside. He didn’t even dare to stop me. Now it’s official, we’re over.
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Hours later…
Now, I finally know why people cry after breaking up. It’s really hard to give up something. I know now how it feels. I know now the feeling when Baldwin broke up with her girlfriend. I know now the feeling when Junel broke up with his girlfriend. I know the feeling.
“Unnie, are you alright?” Jimin and Yerin said as they are comforting me.
I think no more tears will go out from my eyes. I wanted to cry right now but no more tears come out so yeah, I’m just staring blankly into the space feeling my heart being broken into pieces.
“Unnie.” Yerin said.
Suddenly, Jimin gave me an ice cream.
“I eat ice cream when I’m depressed. Hope this can help.” she said.
I just stared at the ice cream. I wanted to eat but I can’t eat. My body is too frozen to move. My mind is malfunctioning right now.
“I need to talk to JYP.” I said. Then I stood up and immediately went out of the room without even hearing Jimin’s or Yerin’s answer.
I knocked at JYP’s office.
“Enter.” he said.
I entered, “Oh Rhianne, what do you need?” he said.
I sat down.
“Can I look at my schedule on the upcoming weeks?” I told JYP.
“Oh sure.” he said and gave me my schedule. “Why are your eyes like that? Did you cry?”
I didn’t answer and I just continue browsing my schedule. Almost all are just trainings. We won’t have a come back again.
“Can I ask you a favor?” I said.
“What is it Rhianne?” he asked.
I took a deep breathe.
“I want to take a 5-month leave.”
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Hi guys! Since you all asked for another update (and I guess the last one really made you cry and I'm sorry or that) here it is. It's now on chapter 54 meaning my next update will be the last one. Huhu. Anyway, thank you for everything guys! <3 If there are typo, sorry, I was not able to check it anymore. I just wrote this one right now. :)
MusicGirl3415