Felix's POV
Suddenly, his expression changed from anger, to something more...calm. He only needed to set those eyes on me, so I could start to calm down myself too.
I think I kind of get what Jonah was saying now. That Eric is way too obvious in his expressions. But...not really. That still didn't help, because most of the time I didn't even know what he wanted. His whole aura could may be something easy to understand. Maybe in that moment, but other moments it wasn't nothing like that. Other moments his eyes could go immediate stone cold, it felt like what he did earlier was just part of my imagination, and that whole thing confused me. It made me think that I was indeed going crazy.
Some days he talks to me, some days he doesn't, some days he hates me, and some days he gets in my room in the middle of the night and fucks me. And now, he says I'm a whore, and that I go fucking around for money, and then he kisses me and gets angry if I reject him.
What? What was happening through his brain that made him think this attitude made complete sense? I felt the anger and uncertainties building up inside me, until I finally snapped.
- What's wrong with you?! – I yelled, crying.
He separated himself a little from me to show me his pissed face. He was getting mad because I yelled at him, but seriously, I couldn't give less of a fuck if he was pissed, because I can say for sure that I was way more pissed than him in that moment.
- You think you can just... - I stopped for a minute, to gather all of the courage I had accumulated throughout the times I spend with him. – Say I'm a whore, and insult me like that, and then... k-kiss me, and I'll just... kiss you back? Like you didn't just say that? Like nothing ever happened?! Are you out of your mind?!
- Don't fucking yell at me. – He snapped.
- Really?! That's all you pick up from what I just said to you?! – I kept yelling. – What IS wrong with you?! I can't keep doing this anymore! I can't stand it!
- What are you talking about? – He said, threatening.
- Your sudden changes of humor! It drives me fucking crazy, Eric!!
I pushed him harder this time, and even though he didn't move that much either, this time it gave me enough space so I could squeeze in between him and the wall. I started walking around the living room, and I could feel him following my every step. The desperation building up in my system kept getting difficult to hold back.
- If you yell at me one more time. – He grabbed my arm forcefully, so I turned around and looked at him. Seeing his angry expression made me want to return it back. – I'm going to fucking kick you out, you hear me?!
...Of course.
Was he seriously thinking of kicking me out because I got angry and yelled at him? And with all my right to do so?! That got me even angrier. I slapped his hand away and started walking with heavy footsteps towards my room.
- Well don't waste your breath! – I snapped, grabbing one of my moving bags. I could hear his footsteps following me closely. – Because I'm kicking me out myself!
I started throwing all the clothes that could fit in, without even trying to fold it. I could feel his intense gaze coming from the door, still following my every move.
He suddenly, started walking towards me with a voracious speed, getting closer in less than a second, and grabbed me by the arm again in a painful manner.
- It hurts... - I barely managed to whisper. I didn't know if I was referring to his grasp, or me inside. – Let me go. – I could feel his eyes on me, but I wouldn't look at him back.
- No. – I looked at him desperately.
- Let me go. – I said, louder.
- No. – The desperation started building up more and more.
- Let me go! Now! – I snapped.
He pushed me and cornered me in the closest wall he could find. Now pinned against the wall he whispered in front of my lips.
- No. – And kissed me.
Or at least tried to, because I kept avoiding his lips. Every one of his tries, I avoided successfully, until he grabbed me by the jaw forcefully, so I wouldn't move.
He pressed his lips on to mines, but still unsuccessful, he growled again. My lips sealed shut, and my jaw not letting one single thing come through it.
- Open your disgusting mouth. – He snapped.
That comment hurt deep inside, but managed to take out the boldness in me, so I grabbed the wrist of the hand he had grabbing my jaw and looked at him dead in the eyes.
- If it's so fucking disgusting, why you wanna kiss it? Hm? – I said, still not opening my jaw completely.
All of a sudden, he didn't look so angry anymore.
It felt like what I said made him realize what he was doing. And so, his expression disappeared, and I couldn't see what he was thinking anymore. The grab in my jaw loosened, and his hand dropped towards the floor.
Now, it was just him and me, staring directly at each other. Now, nothing else existed, or mattered. That's what he does to me. He makes me feel like there's nothing in this world that can bring me happiness if he's not the center of it.
Then, for a moment, I started seeing his hesitation again. The one he had the first time we kissed. He wants to get closer, but he doesn't. He backs down, and then starts to get closer again. Like he's debating in his mind if there's even a point in trying.
I loved that. Not because I would feel like I had some sort of power over him. I loved that, because it meant something inside of him desired me, or at least desired to kiss me.
And that same desire that would glow in his eyes, would just do things to me that I, myself, can't even comprehend.
...Then it stopped. His hesitation. And he just looked at me, empty, and I got scared.
I wasn't scared of him, or what he would do to me, like other times. This time, I was scared because I didn't see no desire anymore. It was gone. No longer. Poof. Disappeared.
And then, a painful and scary thought invade my mind. If he didn't desire me anymore, would I disappear out of his life like that too? Gone? No longer? Poof?
He had already said he could kick me out, so it's not like he did had THAT desire like I did. They seemed two completely different things.
So, I thought: If I kiss him, would his desire appear again? Would his eyes tell me everything I need to know?
There was only one way to find out.
I grabbed him by the neck and pulled him towards me. The first thing we did was let our lips touch, but it soon became a war. Our tongues battling against each other, and our breathing deciding who would be the winner?
It was so heated, and painful, but tender, and delicious. His hands grabbed my ass quickly, and I surrounded my leg around his waist, while feeling myself being pushed even deeper against the wall. My right hand traveled on its own directly to his crotch without neither hesitation, nor shame. He didn't need to say anything or make any sound. He still hissed, and I loved it, but the whole idea of his boner growing with each singular touch of mine, let me know what I needed to know. That he loved it too.
My left hand quickly found their rightful place in his neck when his tongue started moving from my mouth to my left mastoid area. He knew I just adored it there. It drives me crazy. I was soon a moaning disaster.
Out of nowhere, he backed up, taking me out of my zone.
- You stink. – He spit, and I felt disgusted with myself.
- Sorry...I...haven't showered. – I replied, embarrassed. – I'm all s-sweaty, and I forgot to put on deo-
- No. Not like that. You stink. Of him. – He interrupted me.
- Huh?
That's all I could managed to reply before I was dragged from my room towards the bathroom.
His grasp around my wrist, and our clothes still on, he pulled the curtain, and turned on the shower with us inside.
Our clothes and shoes soon started to get wet, but I didn't even have a chance of complaining, because soon he was kissing me again, and taking out both our shirts after being already drained in water.
He threw out my white shirt and his turtleneck sweater on the floor, and pulled down both our pants just enough, so we could start touching each other.
And I soon felt like I was in heaven.