.tanaka.
"i'm sorry i yelled at you and called you a shitty friend," i said after a long silence.
we were currently walking in the general direction of both our homes.
"no, i'm sorry. i should've been there for you to talk to instead of having my head up my own ass."
i shook my head.
"nah. i kind of did exactly what you warned me against. i kept my feelings bottled up to an extent and didn't try hard enough to talk to you about it. i don't think i would've been as mad if we could've talked."
"how about we agree that we're both at fault here?"
i nodded, and went to speak, but noya had started talking again.
"but i'm more at fault because i should've been there for you. this problem wouldn't even exist if i hadn't brought it up, then i left you all alone, even when i know how hard it is to question your sexuality, and i just shouldn't have done it. i can't take back what i did, but i'm gonna try to make it better and actually listen to you now and try to give you advice instead of expecting you to give me advice all the time."
i hesitated, processing and thinking about his words.
"i think that sounds good. it's just... it has been really hard for me recently. and of course i had my sister to talk to, and i even talked to kiyoko and yacchan about it, and ennoshita sorta, just leaving out the big details of course... but i really missed you. and... you weren't there to help me when i needed you most."
my voice started faltering at the end of my statement, and i cleared my throat to try to get rid of that pesky about-to-cry feeling.
"ryū..."
i looked at him to see him blinking rapidly and briefly wondered if he felt like crying too, before he got closer and i felt his arms around me.
i hugged him back as tightly as i could, and felt his hands curling tightly around the material of my jacket.
i'm not sure how long we stood there, just hugging, but it felt like forever. and yet... at the same time, not long enough.
eventually we pulled away with sniffles and wiping our eyes.
"let's never fight again," noya suggested, attempting a lighthearted laugh.
i nodded.
"agreed. i know it was less than twenty four hours, but i hated not talking to you, and being mad at you for even just a few days felt weird and gross."
"alright, so are we all good now?"
"all good," i confirmed.
"so... ennoshita?"
i blushed remembering our encounter in the park last night.
"bro, i'm seriously starting to think i might like him. s- something happened last night..."
he raised an eyebrow.
"oh? do tell."
"how about we head to sakonoshita and get some meat buns and i'll tell you there?"
"sounds like a plan."
luckily we weren't too far from the store, so we got there quickly and got some meat buns, sitting on a bench outside with the bag sitting between us.
"okay, we have our food, now spill the tea. did you have sex with him?"
i spluttered, my face heating up.
"why is that the first place your mind went?!"
he laughed.
"to be fair, after i told you my talk with... wait, i'm not sure if i should bring that up now..."
"it's fine to mention one thing as long as you don't make it all about you again."
he nodded.
"alright. but yeah, after i said my talk with asahi was weird, the first thing you asked was if we had sex."
i made a face.
"i guess. anyway, no, we didn't have sex, you pervert."
"but you-!"
"shh. do you want the tea or not?"
"okay, i'm quiet now. for once."
i nodded.
"so i was really upset after yelling at you and ran to the park and i called him because my sister wouldn't pick up, and i was like, 'you don't have to come to the park to talk to me,' and he was like, 'it's too late, i'm coming to the park to talk to you,' and i was like, 'okay, i guess that's fine.' and anyway, he showed up at the park and we had a bit of a heart to heart moment and i was all emotionally vulnerable and shit, and i swear, i think i was about to kiss him. but then he was like, 'what are you doing??' and i was like, 'oh shit,' so i hugged him instead. ugh, it was kind of embarrassing though, what if he knew what i was about to do?"
"whaaaat?! bro, are you for real?!"
"yeah, dude, no cap!"
"bruh, i can't believe this. actually maybe we should fight more often if it leads to you making a move on ennoshita."
i looked at him pointedly and he held up his hands defensively.
"jeez, sorry, sorry, that was a joke. tough crowd."
i rolled my eyes and smiled endearingly.
"yeah, whatever. are you gonna eat this last-?"
"nah, you can have it, i'm all good."
"thanks, bro."
as i ate the last meat bun, noya spoke up again.
"alright, given how mad you were, i figure that can't be all you wanted to talk about. especially given that it didn't happen until after you've got mad, so say absolutely everything you want to, even if we end up talking here for an hour, and i'll try to bestow my gay wisdom upon you."
i swallowed the last bite and smiled.
"thanks, bro. i don't really think it'll take hours or anything, but it might take a while. can we go to your house to talk?"
he jumped up.
"absolutely, let's go right now."
i got up as well, chuckling and throwing the empty food bag in the trash as we began walking.
///
"the tea. now," noya demanded.
we were in his room; he was lying on the bed, and i was pacing around.
"okay, so it all started on saturday night, when you first brought up the whole 'ennoshita's been looking awfully cute recently' thing."
"haha, right, i remember that."
"whoa, i wasn't done talking. i'll tell you when you can talk."
"oop, sorry, bro, okay."
"so anyway, that was the moment i had to start reevaluating every single interaction between me and him, and it all went downhill from there. i mean, at first you gave me some advice, i remember you talked about how it took you a long time to figure out your sexuality, and i was like, 'bruh what,' cuz i don't wanna take years to figure this out or whatever, just a few days is stressful enough, you know? and then you were like, 'yo, we can talk about it any time,' and i was like, 'phew, i'm glad i have a good friend like you,' and then we kissed? that was kind of weird. was that weird for you?"
"i mean, a little bit. like, i guess i would do it again if you wanted to, but i wouldn't do it out of nowhere. like, i didn't necessarily enjoy it but i also didn't hate it, you know?"
"yeah, makes sense. anyway, after that you kinda got sad about asahi again after we watched that movie, and i was like, 'oh no, i don't want you to be sad,' and then it was all good, and for most of sunday since you were at my house, i was pretty distracted, but when you went home, i kinda couldn't sleep. i mean, that was the first time since you brought it up that i was alone to think about it and it was super scary, man, i think i might've lowkey had an anxiety attack there for a sec. but yeah, after going back monday, interacting with chikara felt weird and i was scared he would somehow know what had happened over the weekend and be freaked out by me, but he was acting normal which was almost worse? and i was like, 'oh shoot, how did i never realize how attractive he is before?' but then i was wondering if i actually thought that or if i was just thinking that since you had planted the idea in my head, you know?"
i paused to take a deep breath, and noya nodded.
"yeah, i get that. in situations like that it can be a little extra confusing."
"so anyways, from that point on it was like all i could think about. and monday night i was talking to saeko on the phone about it which was nice, but it just didn't hit as different as talking to you, ya know? and anyway, i was talking about how i might like him, but i couldn't picture myself with any other guys, so i probably wasn't bi or anything, and what did it all mean? what if i was faking? and then she brought up a term i hadn't heard before called heteroflexible, and i was like, 'yo, that sounds kinda like me,' cuz i mainly like girls, but ennoshita is just-"
i paused to press my lips to my fingers and made a 'mwah' sound as i released them.
"-chef's kiss. so yeah, i was like, 'dang, imma have to think about that though.' and after that i complained about you not being there for me a bit, and we just talked about random stuff, then i went to go shower and i was really tired, but you called me so i had to answer. and you were going on your big rant and i gave you advice and i was thinking, 'this is some kind of advice exchange, so while i've got you here-' but then you were all sad and i felt bad and you hung up anyway, and that was that. so i was kinda stewing away in negative emotions again without saying anything, which was Not Good. oh yeah, while i'm doing a Big Feelings Release Honesty Time, i was kinda pissed that you told asahi we kissed. i mean, i know you were having your Big Feelings Release Honesty Time, but it would've been nice if you had at least asked me about that first."
he grimaced.
"yeah, sorry about that, i wasn't thinking. i just wanted to be completely honest and let him know the whole situation."
"eh, i'm over it now, it doesn't really matter. but yeah, after you hung up i went to write in my journal about all the confusion which i guess helped a bit, but it still took a little while to fall asleep, thinking about everything that was going on."
"sexual fantasies about you and chikara?"
he ducked and laughed as i threw a pillow at him.
"shut the fuck up, bro," i said, but i was laughing too.
"okay, sorry, sorry, continue," he said with a giant grin.
"so yeah, tuesday came around and you had your asahi drama again, but you also promised that we could talk about my ennoshita drama and i was like, 'heck yeah, it's finally happening!' and then... well... you know. it didn't happen. and that's when i got all angry and yelled at you after you tried to hang up on me. anyway, that's when i ran to the park and chikara and i had a Moment. like, this is some type of story book, cliché shit right here."
"alright, so then i assume nothing big happened today, which takes us up to now, right?"
"right."
"alright, now that we've got our time line out of the way, i want you to go in depth about every single emotion you've had over these past four days, whether it be horny or hungry or constipated; happy, angry, sad, whatever. we're best friends so nothing is too much information."
i nodded.
"alright, so every single feeling..."
a/n: bonus cursed(?) image that i spent way too long making + the source material