Chapter 16:
Lou and Daddy changed the boys back into comfy clothes: hoodies and sweatpants. Then they carried them up to the playroom, where much to Aaron's pleasure, a square blue play-mat had been set. Miniature stars and planets hung down the arch placed above it, like a solar system on strings.
Aaron groaned from his place on Lou's hip, dreading every second of his life as he was slowly lowered down onto the floor. "Look, baby," Lou said. He tapped one planet and sent it swinging back and forth. Aaron's eyes followed it. "Let's lie down and play with it."
Lou gently pushed Aaron down until he was laying flat on his back on the rug just beneath the arch. Aaron grimaced, his face set into the most uninterested and disgusted expression he'd ever pulled off. "Can't I just have another nap instead?" he asked as he brought his fist up to rub his eyes, groaning quietly when that only seemed to singe them even more. If he had to do something babyish, then he'd rather do something beneficial: something that at least would give him some space, some alone time.
Lou looked startled at the request, almost like it had been the most unexpected thing ever. He quickly brought himself out of the trance, but a concerned frown remained present. "Why do you want another nap, love? Are you still tired?"
"I just like to sleep." Or at least do something less stupid than lie on a play mat, Aaron thought.
Lou smiled, like that somehow reassured him. "Oh. No, you sleepyhead. You can't have another nap. You won't be able to sleep at night that way," he chided with a playful frown, one hand reaching out to ruffle his hair affectionately. "Now be a good boy, alright? I have to go."
Aaron watched as Lou pulled himself to his feet, and he felt vaguely alarmed by that. He propped himself on one elbow, peeking at him nervously. "Wait, you're going?"
"And she's staying." Lou cocked his head towards the door just as Mommy set foot past the threshold, emerging into the room with a wide, admiring smile. Lou shot Aaron an encouraging smile then made his way out along with Daddy, leaving both the boys with Mommy.
Aaron groaned miserably. Now he was stuck with the creepy, touchy one. Couldn't Lou have just stayed?
His elbow slipped from beneath him, the sudden loss of support making him bang his head against the floor but it was cushioned to lesser pain with the softness of the rug. Squinting, Aaron cradled the side of his head with one hand as a throb pulsated along his skull. But then, just like what'd happened in the living room, the pain brought back the memory—this time clearer and less disorienting.
Aaron froze, pouring all his focus to strain on grasping more of it. Something in his brain flicked, as if a light had been turned on and it illuminated the darkness enough for him to see a bigger part of the recollection; it was a fight—definitely a fight—between him and his father, but then what happened next flew by him, the memory disappearing just a fast as it had appeared.
Aaron wasn't surprised at that; it wasn't foreign. He'd always had fights with his father. But he wanted to know what happened next.
Mommy crouched down next to her baby, worried eyes watching the tense expression on his face. She wondered what the problem was, what had him so focused all of a sudden. "Baby?" she said, her fingers reaching down to rub the side of his head where she noticed he'd banged. Aaron's eyes shot open. He instinctively moved away from her, the proximity ringing an alarm in his brain. "Everything alright, love?"
Aaron nodded, waiting patiently for her to leave his side. And she did; she gradually moved away and settled on the beanbag. He stayed in silence for a few seconds, but then he was distracted when Leo scooted closer, leaning his upper body against the arch, one hand pointing at the sun that hung down motionlessly. "Lamp." He grinned.
"No. Star," Aaron said, but then he was graced with another of Leo's confused looks: head tilted like a puppy, brows furrowed. "Forget about it. You're right. The sun is a lamp."
"Told you."
Aaron frowned for a second, but then he found himself chuckling at Leo's attitude. He angled his chin upwards slightly until he had a covert look at Mommy; she was sitting on the beanbag, leafing through a book. His eyes sprang back to Leo, then he patted the space beside him.
Leo smiled and crawled closer, sprawling beside Aaron just beneath the arch, his hand quickly reaching up to fiddle with one of the planets.
Aaron leant closer to Leo's ear. "Why were you sad? Before the nap," he asked. When Leo shrugged, he frowned. "Was the punishment too bad?"
"Daddy wouldn't hurt me, Aar," Leo said, turning to sprawl on his side so that he could face Aaron fully. Aaron tried to search for a crack, for a hint of fear, of contradiction between the state of his eyes and the words—but he could see nothing except genuine emotion. Genuine trust. How was that even possible? "He loves me. And you, too."
"Yeah, sure," Aaron mumbled, sighing. He wanted to explain to Leo that abuse didn't only come in the form of physical assaults, that it could also come as mental torture. But if he were brainwashed, how would he even understand all of that? He shook his head alone like a lunatic to rid himself of the thoughts, focusing again on Leo. "You love them, right? Mommy and Daddy and Uncle Lou?"
Leo nodded vehemently, an ecstatic smile tugging at the edges of his mouth. But then his expression fell, and he glanced at Aaron with urgency, like he'd almost forgotten something important. "And you too, Aar."
Aaron stared at Leo for a moment. Then he smiled a little and focused on the planets and stars again. He fiddled with them, purposely allowing a few minutes of silence to pass before speaking, "Do you trust me, Leo?"
It didn't take a second for Leo to nod at him, his eyes wide and trusting. Aaron felt like Leo's eyes spoke the truth more than the his words ever did, but still, he couldn't be fully sure—a slight sense of worry looming over the fact that nothing completely assured how honest he was being. Aaron hoped that Leo actually trusted him. That was important. Very important.
Aaron remained like that for a while: laying, occasionally messing with the toys hanging above him pointlessly, mostly staring at nothing and lost in thought. A rattling sound suddenly echoed, and it caught his attention enough for him to bother turning around, frowning as he repositioned himself for a better view of Mommy—where he'd heard the sound come from. Now he lay on his stomach, dark brows raised and jaw slack with disgusted incredulity as he took in the sight of a rattle held in Mommy's hand, the contents jiggling each time she shook it.
Great, Aaron thought. Just great.
Mommy smiled when she realized she'd caught his attention. "Come here, baby. Show me how you can crawl."
Aaron froze in his position, unsure if his dignity allowed him to listen to her or not, if he could bring himself to crawl over to her like an infant. But the moment of hesitance was quick to evaporate into thin air, his decision settling on obedience as he remembered how much he needed to put up an act for the sake of his and Leo's freedom. He sighed: a full, long breath of air before he set himself into position, crawling straight towards her on his knees and hands.
It was physically painful, his palms and knees throbbing as the broken shards of his shattered dignity that spread across the floor pierced into them, slicing and burning his skin with searing pain relentlessly. The continuous sound of the rattle rattled through his skull, an annoying dull sound, and he gritted his teeth desperately for tolerance as he approached.
When he was just by her feet, she clapped then gripped his underarms, gesturing him to lift himself along with her.
Aaron did, but then he frowned unsurely when she tried pushing him onto her lap. Could she tolerate his weight? Sure, he was relatively light and skinny, but he still weighed. He sat, and to his surprise, her thighs beneath him didn't feel meaty and fleshy; instead, they felt sturdy, averagely muscular. She was able to tolerate his weight on her lap but she thankfully couldn't bounce him like Daddy usually did—or at least she didn't try to.
"Baby, do you know how much Mommy loves you?" Mommy asked, one hand sliding to hold the back of Aaron's head, gently pushing him forwards until their foreheads were against each other, noses just an inch apart. She looked straight through his eyes and smiled, then tilted her head down and pressed her lips against his nose briefly.
As soon as she pulled back, space floated between them again and Aaron couldn't have been more relieved, his lungs deflating with a quivering breath he didn't even realize he'd been holding in. The muscles of his face slowly relaxed again.
"Come here, Leo."
Leo crawled to the two, then scrambled over the edge of the couch and sat next to Mommy, facing Aaron with a smile. Mommy leaned towards him and kissed the side of his head, then Aaron's.
"Look at my beautiful little boys." Mommy exchanged admiring looks between the two. But suddenly, her soft expression hardened slightly with vague urgency, and her eyes cradled a faint sense of concern. "You're brothers, and do you know what brothers do? They love each other. Care about each other. Protect each other. Always. And you should keep doing that."
Leo listened. Then, slowly, a smile curved his lips like he found what she'd said amusing. He turned to look at Aaron again, his face shining with the utmost of innocence. "I'll protect you, Aar."
Aaron didn't understand why but the words shoved him into a momentary trance. He stared at Leo for a moment, trying to decode the glow of his eyes. Even with his unmatched openness, with the raw honesty his expressions screamed of, Aaron couldn't understand him. And he didn't think he'd ever be able to.
"I'll protect you, Leo," Aaron said. "Trust me, I'll protect you."
*_*_*_*_*_*_*
They stayed in the playroom for at least a couple of hours until it was time to eat, and Aaron was graced with the horrendous procedure he'd almost become accustomed to.
Highchair. Bib. Sippy cup. Food.
Lunch passed by like a blur; it wasn't too significant, except that Aaron made progress with the remembrance of the memory, having come closer to the events but still not quite there. He knew that he needed just a prod to remember the full thing. He felt the proximity, he could feel it pass through his mind within a fraction of a second like a sped-up tape playing so fast it turned into disorienting blurriness, taunting him with part acknowledgment.
Mommy suddenly decided to announce how she wanted more time with Aaron, how she'd barely had any. And so, Aaron found himself in the living room on the couch, seated sideways on Mommy's lap, his feet propped up against the cushions and his head laid in the crook of her arm.
"How about warm milk, baby?" Mommy asked.
Aaron knew it wasn't an option as he watched her grab the bottle from Daddy. He wanted to groan, to scream even (just for the heck of it), but all he dared was a small, half repressed sigh. Mommy brought the teat of the bottle to his face, and he latched his lips around it, hesitance long-forgotten with the horror of Daddy glaring at him from where he stood right beside the couch.
Aaron wasn't sure why, but that angle was a lot more terrifying. Looking up at Daddy made him seem stronger, larger. Capable of doing anything if not obeyed. Which didn't make sense because his size was constant. What varied was only perspective, the lenses of moods through which he saw him.
Aaron tried to focus on something other than Daddy as he slowly drank the milk, but looking at Mommy's creepy stare wasn't any better. Worse, even. He could see himself in the reflection of her eyes, their green hue shiny and intense with admiration. When the bottle was just about empty, she held his hand with her free one and raised it to her mouth, pressing her lips against the tip of each finger, lingering with motherly enjoyment at the essence of her baby's warm skin.
Aaron closed his eyes, tried to imagine that it wasn't happening, to ignore the horrible feeling. But in vain. Each second with her lips against his finger felt like a lifetime. The soft smile, the twinkles littering her eyes, the admiration springing from the creases and edges of her face—he found it all disgusting, sickening, and he just wanted to get away from her. Maybe even punch her in the face. The disapproval in his head messed the function of his brain, and the next he knew he was choking on the last drops of milk, coughing helplessly as he felt the liquid go down the wrong track, droplets spluttering out with ragged breaths.
Mommy quickly removed the bottle and threw it aside, pulling Aaron from the crook of her arm to sit with his back straight, her eyes wide with shock. "Oh my goodness. I'm so sorry baby. So so sorry. What did I do?" she rambled on, her words almost indistinct with concerned haste.
Aaron recovered on his own before he ever needed a pat on his back, his chest still lifting and dropping visibly with relieved breaths. Mommy combed her hand through his hair as she watched him, then gradually relaxed when she realized he was all fine. She wiped his mouth then connected her lips to his temple as she mumbled frantic apologies over and over, her arm trying to urge him closer.
Aaron looked at her, then he fought all his instincts, battled the disapproval of his brain, and moved against the will of his own muscles, wadding through a roiling river opposing the current. He forced his arm to curl around her neck from the front and leant his torso against hers, laying his head on her shoulder. He needed to test how her behavior changed with an act; he'd seen how it affected Daddy, and knew that Lou was a pushover, which left him only with her to experiment on.
Acting was his only lifeline. He needed to stick to his plan. Act, gain trust, flee.
Mommy hadn't expected her baby to be actually responsive, but she couldn't help but love it; his warmth against her, the weight of his head on her shoulder, the heat of his breaths tickling her neck. Smiling, she curled her arms around him, pulled him closer to her—this time confidently—and pressed her face into his hair.
Aaron was hers, all hers. The idea was comforting to her.
Aaron remained still and ignored the urge to gag, trying to focus instead on remembering exactly what had happened after the fight. He closed his eyes, calmed the storm in his brain to silence, and brought the jumble of annoyance and discomfort to the back of his mind, away from the front where it had been blocking out his focus with murky thoughts. His head cleared; now a vast field ready to embrace full memory of what had happened.
Focus. Focus. Focus.
A stressful minute of strained attempts for remembrance passed by pointlessly, but then a single chord of lightening struck his brain, shimmery whiteness exploding along, and it was like the electricity somehow turned on the tape and allowed it to play in his head; colored images, distinct voices, and precise recollections came flooding through his mind, a full set of events clicking back into place in the puzzle of his memory.
And suddenly, Aaron remembered exactly how he'd gotten kidnapped.
*_*_*_*_*
get ready for a flashback!
tysm for reading/voting/commenting ❤️ also, unedited chapter. sorry for the shitload of typos lol.