I stared blankly at the corpse laid across the old wooden table in the dusty living room of an abandoned cabin in Southern Wyoming.
I was sat at one of the table's matching wooden chairs and I felt like a statue. I had been sitting here for three days.
I sat there silently when Dean sobbed. I sat there silently when he screamed and threw old furniture around. I sat there silently while he threw his fist through the old window, shattering the glass around him. I sat there silently while he let the blood drip from his fingertips and I didn't move an inch to try to stop it.
I was lost as I stared at Sam's pale face. Nothing I did would help Dean at this time. I left him alone when he kicked through the door and slammed it behind him and I hadn't called even though he'd been gone for hours.
Bobby was gone. He let Dean grieve for the first day but by the second morning, Bobby suggested we give Sam a hunter's funeral and get back to trying to save the world.
Dean shoved Bobby and screamed, "Let it burn." Bobby knew there was nothing he would be able to say to pull Dean out of this. He also knew that the Devil's Gate had to remain closed.
Bobby offered me to go with him, to continue the fight but I shook my head no. I wasn't stupid, I knew we had to continue the fight but I also knew I couldn't leave Dean alone like he was. He wasn't himself and I didn't know what he was capable of doing.
I felt a single tear fall down my face as I continued to watch over Sam. Dean was still gone and the pain I felt was unbearable. I wanted to put him to rest so badly. Seeing him rot there on a table in the middle of nowhere was tearing me apart but it wasn't my place to make the decision.
It was Dean's and until he decided to come to his senses, this was how it had to be. I could accept that. I had to.
My fingers twitched and my heart ached but I knew what I truly wanted wasn't a cigarette. I couldn't think of the proper words to say but I knew I wanted to soothe and comfort Sam, and I only knew one way how.
I quickly got up and ran to my truck. My heart pounded as I pulled the dusty six-string wooden acoustic from the back. I slowly walked back to the cabin and sat back in the seat.
Effortlessly, my fingers ran over the strings in strict patterns while my thumb plucked at them rhythmically. I cleared my throat as I began to sing,
"She never mentions the word addiction
In certain company.
Yes, she'll tell you she's an orphan
After you meet her family.
She paints her eyes as black as night now.
Pulls those shades down tight.
Yeah, she gives me a smile when the pain comes.
The pain gonna make everything alright.
Says she talks to angels.
They call her out by her name.
Oh yeah, she talks to angels.
Says they call her out by her name.
She keeps a lock of hair in her pocket.
She wears a cross around her neck.
Yes, the hair is from a little boy,
And the cross from someone she has not met, well, not yet.
She don't know no lover,
None that I ever seen.
Yeah, to her that ain't nothing
But to me, it means, means everything.
Says she talks to angels.
Says they call her out by her name.
Oh yeah, angels
Call her out by her name
Call her out,
Don't you know that they call her out by her name"
When I finished, tears were running down my face and I was shivering as sobs escaped my body.
I was startled when a hand clasped down on my shoulder from behind me. The guitar fell from my hands and crashed to the ground as I whipped around.
I came face-to-face with Dean who had a single tear falling down his cheek. He pulled me into his chest and hugged me. I felt a sense of urgency as he did but I couldn't figure out why.
He leaned back and looked me in my eyes before he pressed his lips against my forehead.
"I know what I have to do now," he whispered and with that, he turned and left.
The pit in my stomach was back and over the past week, I had learned not to ignore it. I quickly fished my cell phone out of my pocket and dialed Bobby's number.
"Bobby," I breathed once he answered. "I need help. Dean left and I think somethings wrong. I think he's going to do something stupid."
"River, you better find the nearest crossroads as fast as you can."
✡️✡️✡️
My truck tires spun to a stop when the headlights illuminated Dean on an old dirt road, in the middle of an intersection.
He was with a woman who's eyes glowed a deep red. I jumped out of the car and heard him say, "I'll do it. I get one year and you bring Sam back."
He leaned in to kiss her and I started running, screaming "no" at the top of my lungs.
He turned away from her but he was angry. "River, get the fuck out of here!" He growled.
"I'm not going to let you do this!" I shrieked and tried to pull him away from the crossroads demon.
Dean pulled his arm from my grip. "Yes, you are! Get in your truck and get out of here, now!"
"No!"
Tears were flowing down my face and I knew he wasn't going to listen. Dean was going to sacrifice his soul to bring Sam back from the dead. Sam would be back and in just one year, Dean would be slaughtered and dragged to Hell.
Nothing I said was going to change it. I knew Dean too well. This was his only plan and he was going with it, hell or high water.
I knew I couldn't live without him. The pain I felt as I pictured my life without Dean while I knew he was burning in Hell was unbearable. As stupid as it was considering I had spent nine years completely on my own, needing no one, I relied on Dean to keep me whole. If I had to go back to life without him, I knew I wouldn't survive it.
I knew what I had to do.
I turned to face the crossroads demon, who looked bored as she waited for us to finish arguing about the deal.
"Take me instead," I said.
"What?" Dean shouted. "Are you crazy? No!"
I turned to face him again and he was outraged. It didn't matter because as stubborn as Dean Winchester was, I was just as bad.
I quickly unclasped the hook of my charm bracelet and fastened it around his wrist instead. It gave me the sense of security that he would be protected while going to battle. I needed that.
"I know who I can't live without..." I started. "I also know who you can't live without and it's not me." I couldn't help the sadness that escaped with the words. My tears profusely streamed as I continued. "You need Sammy and that's okay. You two need to go on and fight this war without me."
Dean started to object but I stretched on the tips of my toes and kissed him instead. I knew why Dean's hug scared me in the cabin. I realized now that the hug felt like a goodbye and the kiss I gave him now felt the same.
"I love you, Dean Winchester. You can do this."
I turned to the demon and she was grinning. "Why would I want you?"
"I'm River Colt," I stated proudly and I saw a flicker of excitement in the demon's eyes. "I'm the last of the infamous Colt bloodline. Take me and it's completely eradicated, just as you set out to do in the first place. All you got to do is bring Sam back and you can take me now."
"Deal," the demon agreed before grabbing me and sealing it with a kiss.
"No!" Dean shouted and tried to pull me away but the woman used demonic forces to hold him back.
The last thing I saw was Dean pinned to the ground with tears falling from his eyes as he watched what was happening in horror. He struggled against the force holding him in place but it was useless and there was no way he could stop what was happening.
I turned and smiled at Dean through my tears just as the hellhounds pounced and tore me to shreds.
✡️✡️✡️
Sounds of screams echoed around me. The heat was unbearable. Where there wasn't fire, there was blood.
I wanted to run but giant iron hooks held me in place as they pierced through my flesh and muscles, pulling me so that my body was straightened out and stretched.
I screamed in pure agony as the hooks tore the muscles from my bones and the flames caused my skin to bubble and blister so that it started to sizzle and slough. I could feel my tendons letting go one by one. Snap. Snap. Snap.
I thought a vampire breaking my leg was unbearable but I would take that now and thank the damn thing. It would feel like the lick of a kitten compared to the excruciating pain I was in now.
I was in a burning room filled with dead, brutalized bodies. I turned to my right and was shocked when what I saw was familiar.
The flesh of the face was literally hanging on by mere threads and was brutalized so bad it was almost unrecognizable. But as I looked into the damned soul's eyes, I recognized my brother staring back at me.
I quickly turned to my left and saw my mother who had tears running down what was left of her facing, mixing with the blood. Next to her was my father, Sidney Colt, and although it was obscured by sizzling flesh, I could see him smiling at me.
I felt a break in the pain as my nerve endings were severed. I threw my head back and laughed. As fucked up as it was, it was like my own little happily ever after.
I don't know why I thought my fucked up story would end any other way.