Chapter 7
While running under the umbrella in the pouring rain, walang nagsasalita sa amin. Sinusundan ko ang yapak ni Sir Nico palabas and I don't really know where we are headed. But when I saw the Black Vios meters away, ay napag-alaman kong sasakay kami sa kanyang kotse.
The rain poured still, droplets of it found its way to the car's side window. The awkward atmosphere filled the air and us silence enveloped us slowly. I tried my best to strike a conversation. Sitting on the passenger's seat and gawking outside, I realized that I am not fond of silence. But before I am about to speak, nilingon ko siya at nakitang inabot niya sa akin ang kanyang iPod.
"You can tune in some music." He said.
I am actually lost for words. Tumikhim ako at kinuha ang kanyang iPod upang magbrowse ng songs. My brows furrowed at his playlist, most of them were from chill and relaxing artists. Salungat sa akin na mahilig sa metal and pop-punk songs. Although I like this kind too, just not really my favortite. But one song caught my attention, and I instantly played it.
We were humming to The 1975's somebody else before he finally spoke.
"You seemed broken." He uttered, fixing his eyes on the road. I laughed shortly at his remark. Well, we don't like all songs because it depicts our moods, sometimes we just feel good listening to it no matter how damaging it says.
"Hindi po, Sir. Slight lang. Mapanakit po kasi iyong crush ko, Sir." I answered and laughed shortly again. Sobrang awkward ng sitwasyon kaya kailangan kong tumawa.
"And what do you mean by that?"
"Mapanakit ka po, Sir." I answered confidently bago tumawa.It felt like I was slowly breaking the wall the stood in between us when his lips rose to a small smile. Na kahit maliit lamang ang ngiti ay kita ko ang pagkamangha sa kanyang mata.
Nakalimot na rin ako sa katagang, uncrush.
Bago pa man siya magsalita ay nagpatuloy ako. "I'm just joking, Sir. Unless you want to make it real, I am very much fine with it." Sa bagong salita ay muli akong tumawa. He looked at me with a grin on his face and he chuckled softly before fixing his eyes on the road.
"I hope you're joking. Bad start for you to admire me tapos nanakit na agad ako sa'yo." He answered that gave me more reason to laugh.
Oo na, ang babaw ko na. But small interactions like this always feels so surreal for me, nagbibigay oras para makalimot ka kahit sa sandaling panahon lamang.
"And please, drop the Sir. You are not my student."
Sa sinabi niya'y halos napanganga ako. I call him Sir to give the both of us boundaries. Para hindi ko malimutan kung ano ba dapat ang iasta ko sa kanya kahit na minsan ay nawawala iyon sa lugar. Clearly, removing his title sure means nothing but he wants friendship between us. I smiled widely at that.
I went out of the car with my ACU pants, boots and white shirt. Nang makalapit sa akin si Sir – na hindi ko alam kung mananatiling ganoon pa rin ba ang dapat kong itawag – our height difference is clearer. I was tall enough for a normal girl, but he still towered over me. My line of vision reached only his lips.
We headed to the hypermarket first dahil iyon ang pinakamalapit mula sa entrance. I gripped the push cart pero lumapit siya sa akin and he gripped it on the other side too. Binitawan ko iyon para siya na ang magmaniubra mag-isa.
Minsan pa naman ay may sariling paa ang mga push cart dito.
Pinuno ko ang cart ng iba't ibang kakailanganin namin. From toiletries , down to veggies, seasonings and such at ang panghuli, sa sweets.
I was fishing chocolates, candies and cookies. Pinili ko ay iyong nasa maliliit na wrapper.
"You like sweets?" he asked, holding out a fruit flavored gum and some chocolates. Umiling ako bilang kasagutan.
"Not for me, for Aly. Do you know her?" I asked. He nodded and went on putting some sweets in the cart. Aly is very much famous in LSU. Kaya hindi na ako magtataka kapag kilala ng pamangkin ng isa sa mga stockholder ng LSU, ang anak ng may-ari nito.
Aly really loves sweet, when I say really, I meant she always have her bag of sweets. Hindi siya nawawalan nito kahit saan pumunta. Pinipili ko iyong maliliit para mamonitor niya na marami na siyang nakain, too much of something will always be dangerous.
Dire-diretso ang aking lakad, I was about to utter something nang paglingon ko ay wala si Sir. And just when I am to find him, may naramdaman akong kumalabit sa akin.
I looked down on a tiny little girl in her pink dress. May malaki rin siyang ribbon sa ulo and I tell you, she is very cute. Mukhang nasa 2-3 years old pa lamang.
"Are you a soldier?" she asked. I crouched to level her vision and smiled. Ngumiti rin siya sa akin bago ipagpatuloy. "My Dad is a soldier and soldiers are the best people in the world. They fight bad guys." Pagpapatuloy niya. Kahit hirap bigkasin ang bawat salita ay nakuha ko pa rin nang buo ang nais niyang iparating.
Kung sasabihin ko mang hindi ako sundalo ay baka masira ko pa ang mood niya. So I nodded in agreement. Kakaunti lamang ang mga taong nakaka-appreciate ng mga sundalong ama. And I am very much pleased with her words. I pat her head and smiled more at her.
"Yes, soldiers are the best people in the world." I mouthed softly, almost like a whisper.
Nang dumating ang kanyang inang may marahang ngiti ay mabilis akong tumayo at kumaway sa bata. The child's words felt like a dart pin. Ang pagtarak nito hindi lamang sa bull's eye kundi sa double bull's eye, it made me tremble a bit. There are things that give us different views because of someone's words.
I was bullied for years because my father was not always home. He was a soldier, part of the AFP. Goes to war and fights for the betterment of the country. I was bullied not because my father was solely a soldier with morality, but because my mom left us due to the fact that she can't contain living alone, with 3 daughters on her shelter while my father fights for war.
When she left, everybody knew it. Most of my classmates pitied me first, but after knowing that I wanted to become a soldier too, laughter is all I got to receive.
They said that maybe, I never really cared for my mother's choices and heartbreak because I still wanted to be part of an army. Maybe, people loathe my dream because I am a woman. And they have doubted every inch of me. Na hindi ko kakaiyanin iyon, dahil isa lamang akong hamak na babae. At hindi pa ako nadala sa pag-iwan sa amin ng aking ina.
I was never a sucker for anyone's approval but hearing those words affected me that up until now, I told no one about my dream of being a soldier. I buried it deep within my heart and never spoke about it again.
"You still gonna buy a bottom?" Sir Nico's voice echoed. Nakalabas na kami sa hypermarket. Sir nico paid kahit anong pilit ko na ako na ang magbabayad. Kaya't ngayon ay naglalabas kami sa kalakihan ng mall para bumili ng backpack. I can still see the wrecked LV backpack at the back of my head.
Umiling ako at nagsimulang maglakad. When I heard the child's words I while ago, my forsaken dream was again remembered, but only a bit. Ang katotohanang kaya ayaw kong gamitin ang aking ACU dahil madalas akong dapuan ng mga mata kapag suot ko ito. They must've though that it is ridiculous for a girl to be wearing these kinds of things.
Nang makarating kami sa dept store ay hinila ako ni Sir. His soft palms rested on my forearm and his gentle touch almost feel like a light feather. My stomach stiffened and it almost felt like I was floating. Is this what they call the 'butterflies in your stomach'- feeling? Cause if yes, I surely need to get all of them out. Nakakapanghina.
But when we reached the store with branded names on the outside ay nagsalubong ang kilay ko. No. He won't waste so many dimes just for this!
"I heard your bag was ruined. I wanted to make up for it." Marahang bigkas niya. Umiling ako nang paulit ulit bilang pagtanggi. Heck, that bag was so much precious to me because my father gave it. Nagalit pa ako dahil sa kamahalan nito! But looking at his pleading eyes, muntik na akong um-oo. No, AC. Issa prank and a trap.
At kanino niya nalaman ang nasira kong backpack?
Pumasok siya sa loob kaya't wala akong choice upang sumunod. The saleslady bowed and smiled widely at sir. Nang dumapo ang tingin niya sa akin ay nawala ang kanyang ngiti. Wow.
I began to scan the whole store. Iba't ibang brands ang naruruon and I even saw my sister's own LV bag with same design. Tatlo kaming magkakapatid ang niregaluhan ni Papa with different colors and design. Mine was always the basic- black and almost plain.
When my eyes landed on the soft, pink LV Moon backpack ay lumapit ako roon. In no way that I am going to use pink. Allergic ata ako roon. Pero tiningnan ko lamang ang disenyo at umiling.
In no way, again, I am going to let this man beside me buy me that fortune-cost backpack. Ipapaayos ko na lamang siguro ang regalo ni Papa sa akin.
Quickly, I glanced at Sir Nico who was watching my every move. Ngumiti ako nang marahan sa kanya at umiling. His mouth went agape and I quickly left the store. Naramdaman kong sumunod sa akin si Sir at bahagya siyang nagscratch ng kanyang ulo. He always does that.
"I'm sorry. I..." He lost words and I took that opportunity to counter.
"Don't feel indebted to me, Sir." Bahagya akong ngumiti.
"Let's just dine then. I won't take a no." He quickly muttered. We entered a restaurant at ang mga mata'y napadako sa akin. I don't think the idea of not changing into a regular bottoms and shirt is a good decision pero nang maramdaman ko ang giya sa akin ni Sir Nico papasok ay wala na akong nagawa.
"I'm very sorry for not even thanking you." paninimula niya matapos kaming umorder. This whole idea of going out was actually for me to hear his side. Ang side ko lang naman ay nasira ang LV bag ko, shoes, hindi nakatulog sa kama, at-
"I didn't get to even thank you because I saw you sleeping, and I was very late. Thesis defense namin noong araw na iyon." He continued, iniwas ko ang aking paningin at nagkunwaring nililibot ito sa kabuuan ng restaurant. I am not a fan of serious conversations.
"And I can't text you because my doctor told me I can't face things with high radiation for a week. I am truly sorry. I hope I could make it up to you." He sincerely said, looking for my vision. When my eyes landed on his, I smiled.
"It's okay Sir. Hindi niyo naman po kailangang mag-explain. I'm not your girlfriend." I said trying to lighten the mood. Nang Makita ko ang gulat sa kanyang mata ay mas lalo akong ngumiti. "Unless you are planning to. Charot." I continued and laughed it all out. The way out of an awkward conversation is by cracking a joke.
Umiling siya ngunit nangingiti. Surely, I needed his reasons and explanations, but I don't want him to feel that he is responsible in telling me that. I helped him, and I do not expect of anything in return from him. Tinulungan ko siya dahil pakiramdam ko 'yon ang nararapat. Nasaktuhan lamang na ako ang nakakita sa kanya, but if it were other people they would've done the same thing too. I think.
When the food was served, we talked about things. The reason why he was hugging his backpack tightly that night was because, naroon ang kanyang laptop. And his laptop contains the thesis he worked really hard of. Muntik na akong matawa. The way he looked really helpless habang binubugbog siya ay naaalala ko pa rin.
Randomness filled our table, aside from the food served in front of us, we also shared stories of ourselves. At hindi matigil ang mahinhin niyang tawa kapag nagkukuwento ako. Knowing how I share stories, kahit hindi naman nakakatawa ay matatawa ka talaga.
He majored in Politics and will go to a Law school after passing the LET. I am in awe of how he plans and sort his future out. Makes me wanna do the same thing for myself, but I shrugged it off.
"Tapos noong nakalapit ako, ipagtatanggol ko na sana siya, pero bigla ba naman niyang inangat ang kamay niya para bang pinipigilan pa ako." I hissed. I was telling him a story of how my sister, Karl threw a fist in one of her bullies. Inangat ko pa kamay ko, trying to mimic what I saw that day.
" 'No ate. Filthy peasants don't deserve efforts. After all, they are the ones who extract most of it. Pathetic I must say. Serve me you now you bitch.' " Panggagaya ko, with matching seriousness sa mukha at boses ni KC. "To think na she's just about to turn 7 that time!" I hissed. Naiiling na tumatawa si Sir Nico sa mga kwento ko, until we didn't notice kung anong oras na.
Habang nasa kotse pauwi ako sa Condo ay tuned in some music. You can't really go wrong with The 1975, every song is a must heard. Kaya't kahit malungkot ang lyrics, I am very much enjoying at kumakanta pa nga.
Nang malapag ni Sir Nico ang groceries sa kitchen ay mabilis siyang nagpaalam para makauwi na. I was all smiles, nang bumalik sa kitchen to fix what we bought. At pagkatapos ay naligo muna ako at dumiretso na sa kama.
I checked my phone only to see a message from an anonymous.
Unknown Number:
Thank you for today. Rest well and have a good night. ;)
Hala si Sir, ang landi ng wink emoticon.
Dala ng pagod ay hindi ko na magawang magreply sa kanya. I just know that I saved his number without thinking much of contact info because I named it -
'Crushie'
With that I dozed off and rested my whole tired body.