"so, how are you holding up?"
kim, who's lying on the couch, hears jane's voice who sits behind her.
"better. i can no longer hear the voices."
"that's nice. do you remember when exactly the voices stopped?"
kim's eyes darts left and right before she settles looking straight ahead. "they seem to disappear when..."
"go ahead," says jane encouragingly. "it's better if you tell me everything with no filters, kim."
"okay." kim breathes in. "the voices seem to stop whenever pie is around me." she pauses, waiting for jane to speak. but the doctor stays silent. "they will still come back but the reoccurrence lessens, and it keeps decreasing until they go away permanently."
jane hums. "what do you think pie is doing that silences these voices?"
kim takes a bit of time to respond. "can't say. but i think it's because i've always seen her as home--my home--when we were still together. maybe that impression stayed with me even after we broke up, a reason i feel calm and at ease whenever she's around--like i can finally relax from a long and tiring day."
"hmm. do you see katie in the same way?"
kim remembers overhearing pie's conversation with jane last night. "katie brings me a different feeling, like whenever i see her all i wanted to do is protect her, make her happy, and make sure she's loved and taken cared for."
"mmm-mmm. with the things you mentioned about katie, do you remember feeling something like that towards another person?"
"well, it's almost the same with my affection towards pie, but it's different in a way. it's like..." she clicks her tongue, unsure of what to say.
"it's like the affection of a parent towards an offspring," says jane. "is that what you wanted to say?"
kim wants to glance at jane from behind her but her cast won't allow her to do so. "yeah. i guess you're right. it's like how pie is to katie."
jane taps her pen on her notebook. "so, how do you feel about pie doing these things for you?"
"happy," says kim in a blink. but another feeling replaced it. "and scared."
"what are you scared of?"
"i'm scared because i know she's trying to build me up again like what she did before; fix me slowly, piece by piece, until i become whole again. but i know she won't be staying, jane. and i don't know what will happen to me again after all of this is over."
her statement hangs in the air and kim could feel jane is thinking this thoroughly.
"i'm curious," jane speaks again. "have you had these attacks before when you broke up?"
that makes kim think. "i was depressed but i don't think i've had attacks like these because i was busy with sau operations." she tilts her head to the side. "i'm still busy now with a lot of work stuff before this happened so i'm not sure what caused it..."
jane stays silent as she keeps tapping her pen on her notebook. "i think i know what's missing in you..."
"please tell me it's not love life."
jane chuckles. "it's somehow related to that but much bigger than that." she walks over to the couch and taps kim's forehead with her pen. "you're lacking a purpose, kim. a purpose."
kim creases her forehead. "a purpose?"
"yup, a purpose." jane sits on the sofa across kim. "a reason to live. a flame to keep you burning. a drive to keep you going. you don't have that anymore after you were dismissed from sau. your current work--these endorsements and business investments--it gives you money, but it doesn't give you any sense of accomplishment because of your lack of purpose."
kim's body relaxes. "come to think of it, i think you're right..."
"thank you for agreeing." jane crosses her legs. "that's the reason katie has this effect on you because she gives you a sense of purpose like you wanted to protect her. you were used to doing that for years. saving people has been your life goal. and now that evens are gone and the entirety of aef is dissolved, your purpose is gone."
"so, i need to find a new purpose..." said kim thoughtfully. "but how?"
"that's tough because a purpose is subjective to a person," says jane. "a doctor's purpose is to cure his or her patient. a parent's purpose is to provide for his or her family. a lover's purpose is to make his or her lover happy. an artist's purpose is to inspire people with his or her works. the list goes on."
kim stays silent, thinking deeply.
"don't force it. it may not come to you right away. but you can always start with the little things."
kim glances at her friend. "little things like?"
"like finding a girlfriend."
"ugh." kim rolls her eyes. "like i can do that in my current state."
jane laughs. "or get a pet. those fluffy creatures can give love expecting nothing in return. and they give you purpose too."
kim nods. taking it all in. "getting a pet sounds good."
"this is just a phase." jane smiles warmly. "whatever you're feeling now, it's just a phase. everyone goes through something like that in different intensity. what's important is for you to not give up. it'll be okay. trust me, everything will be okay."
kim can feel something inside her gets ignited by those words.
"you're right, jane. it'll be all right."
---
"pie says they'll be here any minute now. not sure if katie's with them but peter will be here."
kim scratches her head. "do you really have to leave me alone with them?"
"believe me, i'd be here if it weren't for my appointment with another patient."
kim sighs in defeat. "just go now or i'll tie you up inside," she says and jane laughs. "thanks for the visit and the lunch."
"anytime. i'll go now, okay? take care."
"you too."
kim watches jane walk down to the parking lot below and enter her car. not having much to do, kim spaces out watching the parking lot again until the door to her neighbour opens.
"oh, hey, kim..." dee steps out of her room in a black skirt and red striped blouse.
"hey..."
"what are you doing outside alone again?"
"just looking..." she gestures to the parking lot, didn't notice that a new car arrived. "a friend came by and she just left."
"oh. cool. so, you're all alone again?"
"not in a little while. someone's coming over."
"wow. lots of visitors, huh." dee fixes the bag on her shoulder. "do you live here alone?"
"yup. but my friends are checking on me all the time while i recover. you?"
"yeah, i live alone as well," says dee in a little awkward way. kim can tell there's something behind that tightlipped expression. "anyway, since we both live alone, maybe we could hang out sometime? if you don't have visitors?"
"yeah. sure. i'd love to. would be better tho once i've recovered."
"don't worry, you'll be back in no time." dee trails the cast on kim's arm with her finger. "i can even give you a massage once this cast has been removed, to restore your arm's mobility."
"oh, really? you can do that?"
dee nods before her eyes catches two people in the hallway. "i guess your friends are here."
kim turns and sees pie walking with peter hand in hand. she clears her throat.
"hey, kim," peter greets, smiling. "it's nice to see you looking better now."
"yeah. thanks." she briefly glances at pie who had a neutral expression before gesturing to dee. "but the way, this is dee, she lives next door. and dee, this is peter and pie."
dee shakes hands with the couple. "it's nice to meet you."
"i'm curious. by any chance, are you a therapist by profession? we happen to hear you offered kim a massage," peter asks.
"yes, i'm a licensed physical therapist, specialising in orthopaedic and neurological therapy," says dee. "i also took courses under massage therapy."
pie and peter look surprised. "wow. it must be nice to have a family member who knows stuff like that, huh?" says peter.
dee smiles but kim didn't miss the awkwardness behind that.
"maybe you can help kim here once she's recovered?" peter turns to his wife. "what do you think, babe?"
"y-yeah, sure. if kim likes her." pie nods hesitantly. "i meant, if kim prefers her, then it's fine instead of hiring another therapist, right?"
"sure. it'll be my pleasure." dee's smile grows wider. "by the way, i really should go now. i'll see you guys around. and don't hesitate to knock on my door if you need something," she tells kim.
they say their thank-yous and goodbyes and dee leaves them after.
"so, she's a therapist after all," murmurs peter, turning to his wife. "a licensed therapist to be exact. that's totally different from a masseuse, babe."
"well, the landlady says she's bringing a lot of clients home, which i think caused the misconception," says pie.
"she did say she took massage therapy courses tho. never mind." peter turns to kim. "why don't we go inside for now? my orthopaedist friend will come over in a bit to check on you."
kim is glad someone's coming over to ease the tension between them.
---
"so, do you like it here?" peter asks, his eyes observing the apartment.
kim nods. "yes. it's comfy. thank you for having me around."
"this is the only thing we can do after all the things you've done for my kid, myself, and my wife." he glances at pie who's seated beside him. "we haven't got the chance to talk after what happened in jeoswa two years ago, and i'd like to take this opportunity to thank you, with my whole heart, for risking your life to save us. we're forever grateful for that."
"it is always my pleasure to help," says kim. "as what i've told pie here, you don't owe me anything. but still, thank you for the support you're giving."
peter bites his lower lip and turns to his wife. "what do you think about hiring a private nurse for kim? she needs to be with someone all day."
"there's no need for that if i can go here daily before and after work to check on her," says pie. "i can even bring katie here every afternoon so they can play together."
"you know kim can't do that activities yet, babe."
"they will not play like that," says pie. "they can draw together, or watch tv together. you know how much your daughter wants to be with kim. we'll just go home before her bedtime."
peter sighs, looks at kim, then smiles. "you know the saying 'a happy wife means a happy life'?"
kim fakes a chuckle and looks down.
yeah. right.
"i hope everything's okay with you, kim; to have me here, my wife, and katie." peter hesitates. "i mean, i don't want to avoid the elephant in the room. i am completely aware of what you and pie shared in the past. but we're not kids anymore; we're adults and should act mature about this. i want you to know that i trust you and pie."
kim meets pie's eyes and she can tell the other woman is feeling awkward with the topic.
"pie's mom told us of what katie told you in the forest the day she got lost," says peter. "i just want to clarify that i am not mad at you. i was just being an unreasonable man at that time. maybe i miss my family that much as was being immature. don't worry. pie surely knocked some senses to me after."
kim fakes another smile, unsure of what to say.
gosh. she doesn't want to imagine how pie knocked some senses to him.
because pie tends to be too sweet and sensual before whenever they are fighting and she's trying to apologise.
kim blinks a few times, trying to shake the idea off her head.
"i understand. thank you for the trust," she says instead. "whatever happened between me and pie before, that was a long time ago now. we're different people now. it won't affect us or what you have in any way."
she can feel pie is staring intently at her.
"thanks." peter smiles warmly. "i always wanted to be friends with the kim buranaphan, you know." he chuckles. "and i don't want your past with my wife to hinder that." he offers his hand. "so, friends?"
a knock on the door interrupts them before kim can even shake peter's hand.
"ahh. i think that's her." peter stands up. "excuse me. i'll get that."
there is a little awkward moment once kim and pie are alone. but the velvet voice coming from the person behind the door makes kim look.
and boy, it is a sight is to behold.
kim stares, her mouth hangs open. she can't believe there are doctors who are this beautiful.
peter leads the long-haired woman in a simple white dress inside. kim and pie stands up as a courtesy.
"you've already met my wife before," says peter. "kim, this is doctor gconan, my orthopaedist friend i was talking about earlier. she's the one who took care of you after the accident."
"thank you, doctor," says kim, bowing a bit, feeling rather shy of how beautiful the doctor is.
"just call me gconan," says the doctor. "it feels awkward to hear kim buranaphan address me so formally."
"she's a fan of yours," peter whispers to kim, thumb pointing at gconan. "she is totally excited to go here today."
"yah. peter."
"don't deny it. i know you have a crush on kim even when we were interns." peter chuckles.
"yah! peter!"
kim blushes and looks down.
pie clears her throat. "please stop with the teasing, babe. can we proceed with the check-up now since we still have to pick up katie from school in a bit?"
peter clears his throat and composes himself. "yeah. right. totally forgot about that." he turns to gconan. "please start now, doctor gconan."
gconan smirks. "sure, doctor peter."
it still hurt kim to hear pie address her husband in that way. but the sight of the pretty doctor in front of her somehow helps ease the pain.
she smiles a bit, thinking the crazy situation she's in.
if getting injured and agreeing to pie's wishes meant meeting beautiful girls like dee and gconan, then maybe, just maybe, kim made the right decision.
---
"i knew i should have dragged you with us when we were about to leave the island for our honeymoon," says conan, stretching her long legs on the coffee table.
"that's selfish. who would have saved katie if i wasn't there?" kim grunts.
"i'm sure the staff would have found her first." conan spreads her arms on the couch this time. "and just so you know, the kid would have not run away from her parents if she didn't see them fighting, which was because of you."
"are you saying it's my fault i got injured?"
"not really. but i told you to stay away from them, remember?"
"not that easy. we were at your wedding. and tell me, how can i even ignore katie, huh?"
conan shifts her position, bringing her feet down and resting her elbows on her knees.
"hey. i know you're worried," says kim. "i don't know why these things are happening too. but pie and i were civil towards each other. we haven't done... anything. and she even told me herself she doesn't have plans of leaving her husband for me nor anyone."
"ouch." conan looks at her friend, worried.
"i'm fine. i'm fine." kim waves a hand quickly. "at least she made it clear, right? no expectations."
"yeah... and are you all right with that?"
"i'm getting used to it." kim glances at the painting. "and the more i see them together the more i feel numb. maybe that's what i need, to see them together and happy until this stubborn brain of mine feels too much pain it'll just reject all pie-related thoughts."
"maybe this is what you need after all? you said it makes you feel numb, right? is it really helping?"
"i think so. i won't claim i'm not affected at all. but i'm getting used to it."
"if you say so. just remember, i'm always here, okay? hongyok and i are here for you. call us anytime."
"yeah. i would call you even if you're having sex and i wouldn't care."
a pillow hits kim's face after.