Stuck with me
I heard those ramblings,
I heard your complaints.
I saw you once,
I wish to see you again.
But these haunting memories of yours,
Torment and bring me pain.
I deny the truth,
I don't want to believe,
That I caused you any harm.
I didn't see your hardships,
Nor did I see your scars.
I've been ignorant,
And shamefully away from the world of yours.
One embracing the known fact,
The other suffering in denial about it all.
He understood her to an extent,
She didn't see a speck of his live behind the scene.
°°°°
She didn't understand what happened as she ran away from the light. She was trying her best but an invisible force seemed to be pulling her back.
She was able hear a familiar hum and soon it turned into a loud boom which blinded her as she was engulfed in the brightness.
Various whispers and numerous melodies played simultaneously along with different sizes of crowd screaming at top of their lungs.
She didn't understand what was going on when it all came to a halt and after an agonizing moment the music started.
She was on the stage.
There was a mic in her hand.
No... No.
This melody had helped her many times.
It can't be.
She had seen this before.
Please.
The words began to roll off her tongue with extreme precision. She did not want to believe it.
This can't be real! He- it... How can he be-
Her struggle made her lose focus on the situation but she came out of the trance when the crowd poured their heart out to say,
"We love you!"
That's when she paid attention to the words that were being said,
"I wish I could love myself."
Is this my punishment for making him suffer?
"We love you!"
For being such a bad mate and making a decision that's destroying him?
She can feel how he's feeling...
The love swelling in his chest and the pride for this act the ARMYs decide to bless him with and for showering him with love.
I can't get emotional now! This is beyond amazing! Don't start crying now Kim Namjoon!
She can feel how his heart was pounding, how his eyes brimmed with tears of joy. He ducked his head and brought up his hands to wipe them.
"I wish I could love myself."
She almost started crying too.
"We love you!"
He deserves better than a lousy mate...
~~~
He woke up with an extremely empty stomach which was churning in agony. He guessed that he went to sleep without eating dinner.
As he sat up, his neck called for his attention with its stiffness. He noticed that he had fallen asleep in a very uncomfortable position with little to no space for his body to stretch out.
It all washed down on him as he realized that the surroundings were familiar.
Is this a memory?
He tried to get up but soon understood that he guessed it right. He was experiencing her memory.
He vaguely heard her thoughts about how she stupidly fell asleep after crying over a normal occurrence.
I told her it was mandatory. I told her the day it was announced and now she's complaining how I didn't inform anything about it... She doesn't even have to pay for it... I was going to pay it from my savings
He can feel how her heart clenched and tears were almost about to appear when she remembered the hunger.
He felt how she flicked her distress away and went down to grab something to eat.
He soon realised that she had missed her practicals and nobody bothered to wake her up and ask what happened and why she fell asleep in the attic.
Fixing herself a glass of milk and stuffing her bag with a half eaten pack of cookies, she washed her face and switched her pajama pants with a pair of jeans.
He noticed how she had kept her phone on silent mode knowing her friend would call her in the morning to wake her up. He noticed how she shut everything out.
He felt bad for saying that her parents loved her in their own way because he understood how that thought might've pushed her to the decision she took.
He was being toxically positive, hollow and talking without knowing everything.
Why didn't I say that it's OK and she's been strong all along? Why didn't I console her that she's been through the times she thought she couldn't so she can get through this too...
He felt defeated as he felt how she tried to think of an excuse to tell her professor that she can't attend the field trip. How she broke down inside and tried not to burst into tears as she waited at the bus stop.
She desperately wanted to go not just because all of her friends were going but because it would give her an exposure to how things worked and how it would affect her career.
To think of all those miserable hours of being patient with the kids...
He sighed heavily as he heard this. He unwilling agreed that her tutor sessions didn't help her at all.
He also noticed how he had no memory if he ever heard these thoughts. This made him conclude that not all of her thoughts reached him.
How many of my thoughts would have been heard by her then? Which ones actually reached her?