Chapter 8
Our dinner was nice. Nothing overly fancy, but nice. I was beyond glad to have Anakin and Padme back. My Master would be incredibly disappointed to know how strong my attachments to the two of them have become. Right now, however, I didn't care.
We spent the evening simply talking and laughing. For the first time in my life, I felt like I had genuine friends who I could rely on. Sure, I could count on the other Jedi but it simply wasn't the same. I couldn't go to them about anything personal.
I felt incredibly thankful to be given the opportunity to go on this mission. Padme and I got off on the wrong foot, but now I know I could trust her with anything. Anakin, on the other hand, is the boy I have loved since we were 12 years old. He didn't have to return that love, I was just happy to have him back in my life.
It was fairly late when we finally decided to go to sleep. I would have stayed up talking to them all night if given the chance.
After only a couple of hours of restless sleep, I am brought back to consciousness by an immense feeling of distress. It isn't my own, but Anakin's. I could feel every awful emotion he was feeling in the nightmare he was undoubtedly having. I sit on the bed for a few minutes debating what I should do. It was not my place to see him at such a vulnerable moment, but I couldn't just leave him in pain. Disregarding the fact that I am in nightwear with my hair out, I leave the room I am staying in and walk toward Anakin's.
The fear and grief coming from him gets stronger with each step I take to the point where it becomes excruciating. It was unlike any physical pain I have ever felt. My heart breaks for him, these nightmares must be unbearable.
I reach his door and briefly press my ear to it. I can hear his agonising cries for his mother.
"Anakin?" I knock lightly on his door, hoping that may be enough to wake him.
No such luck.
Knowing I cannot just leave him in pain, I begin to slowly open his door.
"Please don't be naked. Please don't be naked." I whisper to myself as I walk inside.
I cover my eyes as I walk in and slightly peak through a gap between my fingers. To my relief he is not completely naked, however he is shirtless. I have to mentally remind myself that now is not the time to admire his appearance.
The slight glint of moonlight reflects off of the sweat covering his skin. His body tosses and turns in distress.
"Anakin," I whisper, gently shaking his arm.
He doesn't wake up.
"Anakin!" I say louder.
My voice clearly startles him more than I wanted it to. Forgetting where he is, he summons his lightsaber to his hand and ignites it. The blue blade shines against my unafraid face. I can feel the heat of the weapon against my skin but I do not fear him. I know Anakin. He would never hurt me.
"(Y/N)?" He gasps, realising that he had practically just threatened my life. He continues to pant out of fear as he slowly steadies his breathing.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you." I say with a clear voice, my eyes continuing to stare at the ignited blade before me.
He follows my line of sight and realises he hasn't yet deactivated the saber. He quickly does so and places it on the nightstand beside him. To add some more light to the room, he turns on a lamp.
"You're sorry? I could've killed you." His voice breaks.
"But you didn't." I quickly counter. It wasn't his fault that I caught him off guard.
He sits up on the bed and moves to the side, signalling for me to sit beside him. I do so without any hesitation. It is still warm from where his body was only moments prior.
"You had another nightmare." I point out, hoping he will elaborate.
He pulls his knees to his chest and begins to sob. I place a comforting arm around him and pull him close to me. He rests his head on my shoulder. Knowing that he's been dealing with this alone makes my heart break even more.
"Was it about your mother?" I ask, hoping I'm not pushing any boundaries by doing so.
"Yes," He takes a deep breath. "I don't know what to do anymore, (Y/N). I know she's in pain. I know something has happened to her."
I think about what he's saying for a while. Unfortunately, I don't doubt that something has happened to his mother. Anakin is stronger with the force than anyone so he'd definitely be able to sense it. My heart longed to be able to get on a ship with him right now and travel to Tatooine, but we couldn't. Not tonight at least.
"We'll work it out in the morning, I promise." I tell him.
"Thank you, (Y/N). I can't tell you how grateful I am to have you in my life. I'm not used to the support." He says truthfully. My heart flutters at his words.
"Well get used to it because I'm not going anywhere." I say and I mean every word. No matter what happens, I will always be here for him. Friend or otherwise.
He pulls himself away from my grip and just stares at me. His eyes are filled with...love? A platonic type of love I'm sure. I know he doesn't share my feelings.
"Your hair looks nice like that." He reaches a hand out and tucks a strand behind my ear.
I simply smile at a loss for words and can feel myself blushing uncontrollably. Hopefully the darkness of the room will hide it. I move myself away from him and sit at the edge of the bed.
"I should go back to my room now so you can sleep." I explain as I begin to get up.
His hand reaches out to grab my arm. Again I am greeted with that familiar rush of energy I receive when we touch.
"Please don't," he pleads.
I looked into his eyes that are still so full of pain.
"You want me to sleep with you?" I quickly realise how my words sounded. "Not sleep with you but sleep–"
"Sleep next to me." He laughs as he cuts off my frantic rambling. "And yes I do. Would that be okay?"
I couldn't leave him alone. Not after this. He needed support, and that's exactly what I was going to give him.
"Of course it would be." I smile soothingly at him. A smile he gratefully returns.
He moves further over on the bed to give me plenty of space. Although I feel a little awkward about it, I willingly climb into the bed. I relax beside him and he turns off the lamp. There is just enough moonlight left in the room for me to make out his facial features.
"How are you feeling?" I whisper.
"Better, thank you." He still looks just as handsome in the pale moonlight.
"Try to get some rest now. Wake me up if you need me, okay?" I say mid-yawn. He laughs softly.
"I will, I promise."
It takes every ounce of strength I have to not lean in and kiss him right then and there. To control my urges a little better, I roll to my side and close my eyes, hoping to let sleep overcome me. It never does.
Maybe an hour passes before I roll back over to face Anakin. His eyes are closed and he seems to be sleeping peacefully. The fact that he is calm makes me smile. I become overwhelmed by the desire to be closer. Selfishly, I scoot my body nearer to him, resting my head close to his bare, chiseled chest.
I decide to forget about the Jedi Code for a little while and instead relish in the immense amount of love I have in my heart for him. I'm sure I'm not the first Jedi to fall in love with someone, even if that love is unrequited. I just want to be close to him, to make sure he is safe.
Just as I am about to fall asleep, Anakin places an arm over me and holds my tightly to him. He didn't freak out about me being so close but instead wanted me even closer. I couldn't help the smile forming on my lips. I readjust my head to rest against his chest, feeling the smooth surface that is his skin against my cheek. I never wanted this moment to end. The moment when everything was perfect.