Trigger Warning: this chapter includes self harm. (I will mark a section.)
My eyes felt sealed shut, but the gentle rocking lulled me back into sleep. That is until I heard voices.
"She's cuddling you." Someone chuckled from beside me. I felt the warmth I was rested against rumble. My eyes snapped open to see the man that was holding me look down at me.
"You cold, baby?" He asked sweetly. Fear filled my eyes again, and I tried to scramble out of his hold on me. He was just holding me too close, too warmly. His arms held mine in as he carried me away from the truck. Tingles filled my body, he was just so warm. Too warm.
"Let me go." I gritted out through my teeth.
"No." He said simply. His warm words turned cold and he held me closer to him.
"Yes." I said back just as firmly. He made eye contact, but I refused to look away. He didn't control me. I heard a deep sigh come from him before he let up on his hold.
"Fine, but you have to stand next to me." He placed my feet gently on the ground and made quick work of taking my smaller hand in his. He placed his jacket over my shoulders, and instantly the smell of him filled my nose. It calmed my anxiety better than any medicine I had taken. I looked over my shoulder to see Zeke walking with Bebe behind us. He tugged her along with a leash in his hand causing me to growl in his direction. Where did that come from?
"Let her off the leash!" I yelled loudly making a run for her. Alpha quickly wrapped his arms around me and pulled me back into his chest. He's so warm.
"Yes, Luna." He said and bowed his head to me. I stood there shocked. He said yes to me and didn't even put up a fight, and he called me Luna?
"Zeke don't." Alpha demanded.
"Yes, Alpha." Zeke said and retreated from his previous demands. A frown etched its way onto my face.
"Let go of her!" I yelled once more. A power I didn't know I had overtook me, and Zeke once again reached down to take Bebe off the leash.
"Zeke, take the dog up to my mate's room." Alpha instructed. I pouted as Alpha lifted me back into his arms. Zeke scurried by us and into the giant house we arrived at.
"Alpha, put me down." I tested my luck of people listening to me, but Alpha just laughed.
"Baby, my name isn't Alpha, but no." He smiled softly at me before continuing our journey to the house.
"What is your name?" I questioned. Why did I care?
"My name is Wilder." He continued to stare down at me with a smile. I nodded in acknowledgment, but confusion still filled my eyes.
"I'll explain later baby." He finalized the conversation as he walked into the house, but I wasn't done with him.
"Put me down, Wilder." I demanded of him. He growled out sending a shiver up my spine. His eyes met my gaze, but now his eyes had turned into a deep black color. I started to shake in fear as he adjusted me on him pushing either of my legs around his waist. I wrapped my shaking arm around his neck out of fear of falling. He quickly spun around and pushed my back up against the recently closed door.
"Mine. You listen to me." He said surprisingly calm. His head ducked down into my neck and he inhaled so hard that I felt the hair on my neck move to his call. Chills ran up and down my back, but the shaking never stopped. He stood there for about three minutes before finally, he continued into the house.
At this point I didn't dare open my mouth. He seemed like a nut case. I didn't want to mess with him, I'll just find a way to escape on my own.
"Do you like the house?" Wilder once again made eye contact with me causing a bit of discomfort.
"Mhm." I hummed in agreement, not daring to open my mouth. Wilder smiled down at me, I'm assuming because I responded to him. The sweet smile on his lips didn't last long, because Zeke came bounding down the stairs.
"Zeke go get her things and put them in her room as well." Wilder said coldly. Zeke nodded and retreated to the truck. He seemed so cold towards Zeke, but I knew that I could earn Zeke's help if I showed him the kindness Wilder didn't.
"Are you hungry, baby?" His voice softened, but it still terrified me. My body still shook as I rested against him.
"No." I said quietly. A sigh escaped him but he didn't give up, he carried me into the kitchen and placed me down on the counter. It was also cold, and my shaking continued to increase. Wilder sighed once more, but our eye contact was broken when his eyes seemed to go blank. He was still looking at me, but he wasn't... I waved my arm in front of his face, but he didn't move. The expression on his face stayed the same but only a few moments later his hand jolted from his side and took my wrist in between his thumb and index finger. I squealed in surprise, but he only smiled down at me. It made me slightly uncomfortable, but I didn't dare move.
'What does he want with me. When women get kidnapped aren't they usually treated horribly. Maybe he's going to sell us.' My mind raced on. I looked away from him unable to look him in the eyes. He was going to sell me.
"Are you going to sell me?" I asked. If he hadn't hurt me yet, odds were in my favor of him not hurting me. A growl escaped from deep inside his chest causing me to shy away from him.
"I'd never hurt you, babygirl." He placed his finger under my chin and lightly lifted my head. My eyes met him, but this time they shined with honesty. I quickly became lost in his eyes. They entranced me making me want more of him. Suddenly, he ripped his eyes away from mine breaking the contact and leaving me feeling cold and empty. The nervous shaking started again, but now slightly subsided. I looked in the same direction as Wilder to see Zeke entering the house.
"Here, Alpha." He handed Wilder Sammy's blanket. I jumped off the counter and ran to them trying to take my blanket back. Wilder didn't like my sudden movement, because he turned from Zeke and lifted me back onto the counter.
"Stay put." He instructed with narrowed eyes. The warmth I had seen was nowhere to be found. He turned back to Zeke and practically ripped the blanket from his grasp. Zeke nodded and continued back up the stairs with the suitcases full of my things.
"Here, baby." All the warmth had returned to Wilders eyes. His mood swings were going to give me whiplash. He smiled down at me and lifted my arms around his neck. From there he lifted my body from the counter with one arm around my knees. He placed the blanket around me and put me back on the counter. I reached for the ends of the blanket and wrapped it around me. It smelt like home.
"You're so cute." Wilder chuckled. "What do you want to eat?"
"I'm not really hungry." I said quietly, but my body had other plans as my stomach rumbled angrily. Typically I had a small breakfast or no breakfast, depending on my work shift, and a quick lunch at the parlor. I didn't usually eat dinner, but if I did I could only force a little food before falling asleep. Considering it was currently 2 in the morning, I see my bodies confusion.
"You need to eat." Wilder demanded. His voice could command anyone to do anything. He held some sort of power in it, and honestly, I didn't trust it. I didn't want to eat anything he made.
'He's going to sell us.' My thoughts continued to remind me.
"Look how about you just eat a piece of fruit." He sensed my hesitancy, but at the thought of food my stomach rumbled.
"You need to eat. I get it, you don't trust me, but you will eat." He growled. I shook at his forceful words. My eyes darted for an escape, but instead landed on a pretty red apple sitting on the counter. His eyes followed my line of sight, and he sighed.
"Do you want an apple?" He asked, moving towards it. I nodded my head slightly causing a small smile to appear.
"Okay, let me cut it for you." He said. He placed the apple on the counter and pulled out a knife. My breathing sped up, and I felt the anxiety rising. I placed my hands down beside me to help stabilize me, but nothing seemed to work.
"What's wrong?" I heard Wilder's panicked voice, before I completely blanked.
"Mrs. what's that?" My small hand reached up to touch the pot sitting on top of the stove. I had been placed in the foster home after the cops found my daddy they took me away to find me someone new. My new 'mom' wasn't very nice. She had three kids, and they didn't like me either.
"Water." She states simply enough. She continued chopping up various vegetables.
"I want to help." I said with a smile. This would get her to like me. Before she could even turn around I touched the metal pot sitting on the stove. Screams erupted from me as the burning sensation ignited my hand.
"Fucking bitch!" My new foster mom screamed. I continued to cry as she turned around with the knife still in her hand.
"So fucking stupid!" She continued to scream at me. "I'll teach you." She said a little calmer. She scared me. Before I could run she grabbed me by my hips and lifted me onto the counter next to the stove. She grabbed my wrist and dipped my hand into the boiling water.
"Stop please! Mom, it hurts!" I cried in desperation, but she only became angrier.
"I am not your mother." She said just as calmly as before. She allowed me to retract my hand from inside the pot, but instead of letting me go she lifted the knife and slid it across my thigh just below the shorts I was wearing. My 9 year old mind couldn't comprehend the pain, but the blood freaked me out. She kept me around for 3 more years filled with punishment and pain.
I felt a hand touch my arm, but I couldn't move. My eyes snapped back to reality, and my body stopped shaking. I looked up to see Wilder attempting to remove the hand that I had locked in my hair. The roots of my hair didn't stand a chance against my PTSD episodes, but he brought me back.
"Let go, baby." He comforted. I started sobbing, but listened to him. I loosened my grip on my roots and he removed my hands from my hair.
"You're okay now, you're with me." He cooed. As if that was comforting. His touch seemed to slow my heart. He continued to whisper sweet words to me until I was sufficiently calmed.
"Here's your apple, baby. Do you want to go see the house?" He asked softly while handing me the apple. I nodded slightly and took it from him. He scooped me up and locked my legs around his waist. His hands rested on my upper thighs keeping me up while I ate the apple. He walked throughout the house showing me all the different rooms. From what I had seen of both the upstairs and downstairs, the large library was by far my favorite. Bookshelves lined each wall except for one which was more of a window. The large glass wall allowed sunlight in all day long. It was truly exceptional. By the end of the tour I was consistently yawning every 2 minutes. He chuckled at the little noises I made, but never commented on them.
"Let's get you to bed." He smiled down at me. I had leaned over to rest my head on his chest, but I still nodded. He walked a hallway or two away from the library, before settling on what I assumed to be my room. I pulled away from him to get down, but once again, he wasn't letting go. He grabbed the door knob and opened it. I gasped at the beauty of the room. A large canopy bed filled a lot of the space, but there was still room for a small couch with all my bags and a nightstand. Beside the bed was a door to which I assumed was the bathroom.
Bebe was laying on the bed, but as soon as we made eye contact she started to wag her tail. Wilder walked to the bed and set me down softly. She clawed over to me trying to sit closer. Wilder left a hand resting on my hip, but it was quickly removed as Bebe tried to clamp her jaws down on it. I smiled at her and moved my hands to pet her softly.
"Your dog really hates me." He said looking at Bebe.
"Yeah, I guess she doesn't like being kidnapped," I said. The duvet was a deep blue almost black as well as the pillowcases and sheets. He pulled back the duvet and sheets and helped me in. I wouldn't let go of Sammy's blanket so I kept it with me.
"Are you okay?" Wilder asked me.
"No, but I'm never okay." I tell him whiles pretending to go to sleep.
"There is a bathroom right there if you need." He sighed. I could see the tiredness in his eyes too. I nodded wordlessly, leaving him to sigh and turn back to the door.
"Goodnight, babygirl." He said before leaving and shutting the door behind him. As soon as he left the bad thoughts started to fill my mind.
'He's trying to gain your trust so he can use you.'
'He's like Noah, he's tricking you!'
'There's only one way to get away from him without him catching you.'
'Do you want to suffer more from this life. No one has wanted you why would he. His nice words are fake, you know they are.'
My feet quickly jumped to action as I got out of bed and moved to my suitcases. I pulled out my envelopes my fingers dug around until I found the sharp object I was looking for. It pricked my fingers allowing a sigh of relief to escape my lips. I ran into the bathroom and quickly ran the shower. I didn't want Wilder busting in here.
(continue with caution)
I lifted the shirt and looked at the many scars already littering my stomach. No remorse. I lifted the small blade to a recently healed area and applied pressure. It dug its way under my skin, but wasn't enough. I slid the small razor across my skin causing a small line to rise. Blood began to spill from the small cut, but it wasn't enough. I continued to mark my skin with lines upon lines of blood.
(If you need help please reach out. Continue reading.)
'Finally, you can breathe again.' I sighed in relief, but it didn't last long. A hard knock was heard from the other side of the door.
"Adi, I have some towels out here for you." I heard Wilder's voice call through the door. Relief filled me, he just had towels for me.
"Wait, do I smell blood?" His voice became less calm and more panicked.
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Hey everyone! Welcome to chapter 5! I would like to quickly say that if you are struggling or need help please reach out. I write most of my work from experience, although I haven't experienced everything I write about, I have a lot of it. Please feel free to talk to me. I will listen and help you to the best of my ability. If you need help that is serious know you are not alone. Seek help please.
National suicide prevention hotline:
1-800-273-8255 or 1-800-273-TALK
National domestic violence hotline:
1-800-799-7233
The Trevor project- LGBTQ specific hotline
1-866-488-7386
We are here for you. I love you so much. Stay alive and stay safe.
Have a good one peeps!
Love
-B
6/18/20