Painful Poem depression

Eternally Alone

where can I go?
how can I begin. 
At 20 I'm still depressed
I tried taking my life at ten
I began hurting so long ago
I thought id be numb by now
but it gets worse. it feels
like  salted wounds on the inside.
I cry out to no help!
my family isn't there for me and 
neither are any friends. I cry out
Oh God yet the silence never ends.
why? what have I done?
Oh Lord I take it back starting from day one.
why can't I be loved, why cant I be touched.
am I jinxed? am I vexed? am I cursed? 
I long to die, but they say its wrong
ill go to hell!! so I bleed. I bleed hate, I bleed confusion
I bleed eternal despair. 
I have been abandoned and used. 
I have been hated and abused. 
No father, no friends. no one to depend. 
hated my childhood cause I was always alone. 
I was shown little affection even now that I'm grown. 
I want things to change I don't know how, 
ill die if something doesn't happen now.
where is my hero? 
I need saving from this isolation
will it happen or will I be eternally alone?