~~Birthdays~~
When Aaliyah closed her locker door she was met face to face with Jacks' dreamy smile and sparkling blue eyes. He leaned his head against the neighboring locker, with a balloon in his hand. "Happy birthday, baby."
Aaliyah took in the sight of him a little impressed and very blown away by his smile alone. She flushed unable to help it. "You remembered," She said softly taking the huge pink balloon with the number eighteen printed in a floral font, "Thank you."
"You're all over social media, Aaliyah, thanks to Blair. And of course, I remembered, you're my girl. It's my job," Jacks replied, his blue eyes softening considerably, though his smile never dropped, "It's also exactly three months since I got off my ass to ask you're beautiful self out."
That explains all the birthday wishes she's been receiving since she left the house this morning. "Right the twenty-first," She said nodding pulling the balloon down so it was at her height and she smiled at it before looking over to Jacks with a cocked brow, "Does that mean we get to celebrate us too, because if so, I think I should get two presents?"
"If we're also celebrating us, I deserve a present too," Jacks argued with a pout. Aaliyah laughed then his face changed from dejection to mischief, an impish grin toying around his mouth. He took her in his arms, hands low on her hips, surprising a yelp from her before he gently pushed her back against her locker. He lowered his head, his floppy hair brushing the top of her forehead, and she shuddered at the sight of his full mouth hovering over hers filling her vision. She loosened her grip on the balloon string a little, as her chest rose as she took in a deep breath so that they were almost touching, "But I think I have an idea." And then he captured her mouth in his, teasing her mouth open with his tongue running over the seam of her lips, prying a moan from deep in her throat.
She lifted her arms up to twine them around his neck twirling her fingers around his soft hair gripping on the string of the balloon tightly. She tugged gently on his locks making him groan softly, nipping on her bottom lip gently. His hair was much different to Xavier's, which was soft but in a thick afro type of way—
"God, I love you," Jacks groaned against her mouth, his hands resting on her bare hips over the hemline of her skirt under her woolen coat. Somehow she managed to let Blair convince her into wearing a tennis skirt and a Boondocks T-shirt knotted just above her navel in forty-degree weather. Though she didn't think that, that was the reason for the sudden rush of coldness through her veins.
"Ugh, guys!" Exclaimed a voice, taking their attention away from each other. Jacks let go of her hips as he turned his head to look at Sol and Christian heading up to the pair of them. Christian looked amused, but Solana only looked disgusted, "Haven't you heard of excessive PDA? You looked like you were a minute away from tearing each other's clothes off in the middle of the hallway."
"That's like free porn!" Christian chimed in with a wicked grin, "I honestly don't see a problem in it."
Jacks chuckled looking back to Aaliyah as he ran a hand through his hair. Aaliyah tried not to look away from him slightly flustered and she tried for a smile. Maybe if she pretended that she didn't hear him before, they could ignore what just happened, "I live to please," He replied still looking meaningfully at Aaliyah, who flushed darkly, looking away from him.
"I think Aaliyah should be worried about gossip sights getting pictures of you two swapping spit," Solana said glancing at the passing teenagers in the hall giggling at their phones before hurrying away like they hadn't just been filming them kissing. Aaliyah suddenly felt incredibly self-conscious as she watched them disappear down the hall. How long would it be before those pictures would be circulating around the school and maybe the whole of New York? She really didn't think she ever wanted to be confronted with memories of this moment, "People are still buzzing about the whole love triangle thing between you, Jacks, and Xavier Adams. This will probably only fuel the fires."
"If I happened to be caught on video saying both their names in the same sentence, I'd somehow manage to fuel those fires," Aaliyah said rolling her eyes sliding out from between Jacks and her locker adjusting her bag strap as she did, "Anyway, I've got to get to practice. The showcase is tomorrow, and Mrs. Brodeur is going crazy making sure everything is going perfectly. So I'll see you guys at lunch." She said starting down the hall, Sol stopped her before she could go any further.
"You want me to get work from Munroe for you today?"
She smiled graciously at Sol. "Please," She said doing as best she could to avoid Jacks' searching gaze, "Thanks."
"Happy birthday, baby!" Christian called out to her as she started again down the hall, and Aaliyah couldn't help but fight her grin, ducking her head.
"Whoa," Blair blew out over the phone, making Aaliyah bite down on her bottom lip anxiously, sitting on the toilet seat of the disabled bathroom. She felt bad about it of course, but she doubted she would get any privacy in the other bathroom where anyone could walk in, "What did you say back?"
"I didn't," Aaliyah hissed into the speaker, "I was so freaked, what could I say? And Sol and Chris just showed up, so I didn't even get the chance to reply."
"You can't avoid it forever, Aaliyah," Blair replied in a knowing voice, "No point in hiding from him forever, you share almost all your classes and he's coming over to the house tonight for your birthday remember. I mean, I don't think he's going to try and bring it up again. He'll probably just wait for you to say it back or something to avoid embarrassment."
Aaliyah shifted uncomfortably in her seat, frowning at the locked toilet door, scrutinizing the vulgar graffiti all over it. "What makes you think I'll embarrass him?"
"Well you don't feel that way about him, do you? Otherwise, we'd be having a different conversation right now. And you wouldn't be hiding in the bathroom."
Aaliyah groaned tilting her head up in exasperation. "Why is dating so hard?"
"Because it involves people, and people are hard," Blair paused for a moment before she snickered, "Wow that sounded a lot worse than I anticipated."
Aaliyah wished she could laugh at the irony since she was staring at a creatively drawn penis, but she was too stressed to laugh. "Blair!" She exclaimed hopelessly, "Help me."
"It's a simple solution really," Blair said, "Just tell him you don't feel the same way. I'm sure he'll understand, it's not like he's loved anyone else before. He knows how falling in love is no easy feat."
Aaliyah facepalmed herself, "This is his first?" She asked wearily, "Are you fucking kidding me? How humiliated is he going to be if I tell him that his first love wasn't reciprocated?"
"You might as well rip the Band-Aid off. And it's not like the possibility of being in love with him is just never going to happen— unless," She said, and Aaliyah leaned forward, as though about ready to jump out of her skin, itching with anticipation and anxiety. "Is this about that sex dream you had about Xavier a couple of nights ago?"
Aaliyah thought she was going to scream. "It wasn't a sex dream," She hissed defensively, wrapping her arms around herself tightly, her skin crawling, as she glowered. She wished Blair could feel her glare through the phone, "We didn't have sex. We just made out, it's not that deep. It's not like I like him."
"You said that you guys were in his studio. That's like a physical representation of your bond. Maybe your sex dream is like a manifestation of your attraction to Xavier. People do have a thing for the aloof, emotionally unavailable type. You know the 'wanting what you can't have' trope. It's like the plot for almost every romance novel. Maybe you're not immune like I thought you were—"
"Since when did you have a degree in psychiatry?" Aaliyah interrupted in a teasing voice, though she couldn't be rid of the anxious edge to her voice, everything she was saying kept seeping into her brain, stirring her thoughts making her feel crazy.
The last few days all she could think about was his hot hands on her body, his chasing lips as he pushed her down onto the sofa, planting kisses all over her body as he slid his hands up her thighs, his thumb gliding over her bundle of nerves making her arch her back, yielding to his higher power. He was so dominant—
Blair laughed shaking her out of her dirty thoughts and she flushed darkly closing her eyes tightly biting down on her lips. "I'm self-taught, baby," She drawled with a snort, "Look, it's not terrible that you're attracted to someone that you're close with, especially when you both bond over something incredibly special to both of you. It happens to the best of us. Do you still like Jacks?"
"Of course I do—"
"Then it's not a problem," Blair said interrupting her, "Just tell Jacks that you're not there yet with him. The sex dream was just a one-off, no one else needs to know about it." She reassured somehow managing to put Aaliyah's mind to rest, for only a moment though.
Aaliyah sighed running a hand over her jeans. "Okay," She breathed exhausted, "Maybe you're right, I'll talk to him tonight."
"Or you could talk to him now. It is lunch," Blair offered as though that was probably the better decision, "Rip the Band-Aid, remember?"
Aaliyah found her hand at her chain again and shook her head. "I'd rather not, I haven't got the nerve."
"Fine," Blair breathed out, "I'll slip some LSD into your soda, give you some artificial courage."
"Blair!" She hissed appalled, and she heard her cackle the sound of other people's chatter and laughter suddenly coming into focus.
"I'm joking," She said, but Aaliyah could hear the smirk in her voice, "I'll spike it with vodka."
Aaliyah rolled her eyes. "The brown liquor is so much better," She said before clicking off and then bowing her head into her arms resting on her legs.
How could Aaliyah manage to achieve so much in her career, but be felled by the little mundane things like dating?
As soon as Aaliyah stepped out of the elevator, Blair came up behind her and covered her eyes with her hands making her yelp in surprise. "Blair, what are you doing? You weirdo," She exclaimed halting outside the elevator, frowning as she tried to turn her head to escape Blair's hands, but it was as though she was immovable.
"It's about time you both got here," Said another voice growing louder as though they were moving closer. Aaliyah frowned, Malcolm? He shouldn't be here yet, he didn't get back home until at least nine in the evening, but it was only after four in the afternoon, "Jenny's very impatient."
"Sorry, dad!" Blair yelled over Aaliyah's head, "It was hard trying to escape Aaliyah's Fanclub back at school and we stopped for a celebratory ice cream."
"Malcolm?" Aaliyah questioned blindly unable to help her frown, "What are you doing here?" She asked as Blair started walking her towards the ceiling to floor windows she suspected.
"What?" Malcolm replied, and Aaliyah thought she could hear his grin in his voice, "You didn't think I would miss your birthday, did you? I pawned off the rest of my work to Uriah in return for a bigger Christmas bonus."
"Now come on, you slowpokes. Everyone gets here in two hours and you haven't even seen your present yet, come on!" It was Jenny sounding as impatient as Malcolm had said and Aaliyah couldn't fight her grin as she was pushed gently up the stairs and down the hallway.
When she heard a door open and she was pushed into a room, her vision suddenly coming back to her she found herself back in her room. Her gaze was instantly drawn to the new poster above her bed where the old square shadow had faded into the wall. The constant reminder that though she may live here, she didn't really belong here. This room wasn't hers. It was Malcolm's eldest son. The one she hadn't ever met but always felt staring at her like an intruder in the living room from the oil painting of the whole family. Blair had told her that William was wonderful. He was so full of life and kindness and he always had Blair's back in everything, so she knew that he probably wouldn't look at her like his mother did, but still.
But now, that shadow was covered by a huge poster. Her breath was hitched in her throat, a mixture of surprise and overwhelming joy filling her chest as she stared at the beautiful collage of her favorite female artists, from Erykah Badu and Lauryn Hill to Amy Winehouse, Aretha Franklin, Whitney Houston, and Tina Turner to even artists like Beyoncé and SZA, and Summer Walker and H.E.R, and Selena and Ari Lennox, all of them were cut out photos from iconic moments in their history and then bang in the middle of all of the photos was Aaliyah, a picture of her from her first performance at The Sound of Bachata, the photo was of her caught mid-song, her head was tilted upwards into the mic in her hand, her mouth wide as she sang and Aaliyah didn't realize just how at home and happy she was on that stage that night. How beautiful she looked, she didn't realize it.
"Oh my God, Aaliyah, are you crying?" It was Blair, surprising her out of her wits, and she hadn't realized that her eyes had started to sting, her vision blurring with fresh tears about to spill and she brought the heels of her hands to her eyes rubbing them quickly to keep her tears from spilling, "Oh wow, dad I think we broke her."
Aaliyah couldn't help but let out a choked laugh as she shook her head still unable to take her eyes off the poster. "Aaliyah," It was Malcolm, she made a noise, letting him know that she was listening, but she couldn't take her eyes off the poster, her gaze roaming through all the stars she dreamed of being one day, Beyoncé from Coachella 2018, Selena in her purple jumpsuit at the astrodome, Lauryn Hill's album cover for The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill, there was so much beauty and so much she aspired to be it was overwhelming. It looked like what she imagined her shrine to all of her inspirations would look like back in San Diego if she could have hidden it well enough. Malcolm stepped into her line of vision and she finally took her gaze away from it, locking her eyes on Malcolm's who's dark shining eyes stared down at her with a soft smile and she realized with a start that it was the same smile he shared with his daughters, and her heart stuttered, "I hope you realize what this means."
Aaliyah couldn't even speak. Her heart was in her throat, she could barely breathe as she stared up at Malcolm. His smile only widened as she stared up at him. "I know that your time here has not been the easiest all things considered and I know that you may not entirely have felt welcome here or felt like you belonged—"
"You always made me feel like I belonged here," Aaliyah interrupted, shaking her head fiercely, before looking to Blair who was looking at her with a grin, and then at Jenny who stood beside her staring at her with wide eyes, "You all made me feel like I belonged. Maybe not everyone felt the same way about me as you did, but I don't care because you've all made me feel like I had a family to fall back on,"
Malcolm's smile softened, and Aaliyah tried not to let more tears spring to her eyes. "I'm glad you feel that way because it has always felt to all of us that you were a part of our family here," He replied kindly, "And I'm sure you're aware of the certain prejudices some people hold against you particularly because of the circumstances of you arriving. There have been rumors, absurd rumors that have no business in any workplace especially about a child and I assure you that they have been dealt with, but it's a shame that you can set as many rules or consequences as you want but they wouldn't change the hearts and minds of your people."
"I think you should say it like it is," Blair interrupted with narrowed eyes, "Aaliyah works for a bunch of bigots that don't think she deserves what she's earned."
Aaliyah nodded soberly, thinking about the board, and the hushed whispers hurrying about before she entered the room and it's like you could hear a pin drop. The rumors Madison made, the fact no one felt inclined to believe they weren't true. It was horrible, but there's not much she could do about it, except to shoulder the burdens and move on. "It's just the way things are. The best I can do is live a life I can be proud of."
"It shouldn't have to be this way though, and I'm sure you know that."
"Of course," Aaliyah nodded, closing her hands into tight fists, "Of course it shouldn't be this way, and I don't accept it either, I never will. But people are stubborn and hateful and will continue to be hateful and will defend it, and I can be angry and scream at their injustice, but some people won't understand us unless they actually want to listen. I'd rather thrive and be successful in the face of the odds they put in front of me and watch them choke on it. It's much less energy."
There was a long silence that passed before a smile broke out across Malcolm's mouth and she felt herself relax. Aaliyah had never really spoken out about these things before. She had tried for the most part to ignore it when someone threw a misogynistic or racist offhand comment at her on her social media, or school, or in her board meetings. And more times than not she found herself wanting to go off on some random classmate that couldn't hear what they were saying to her in her predominately white school. She hadn't even really openly discussed it with Xavier who she knew would understand it more than she ever would, but she realized that just being able to talk about it without flowering it with pretty lyrics and beating around the bush felt like a relief. She was glad that Malcolm hadn't looked at her like she was crazy or that she was being overdramatic.
"And that is why I had this made for you," He said in a gentle voice, "To inspire you, and to remind you that you are here for a reason and that it has nothing to do with anyone else but you. And to show that all of us here, and everyone coming tonight is here because they support and believe in you. They all believe that one day you'll be one of the greats that look like you up on that wall," He said gesturing to the poster behind him and when she looked at it over his shoulders, she couldn't help but look at herself again surrounded by all those artists who had left their mark on this world that would forever be left here. She thought it was a nice thought, that the people she loved believed that she could be one of those people.
"Of course, Jen and I helped pitch in with the collage," Blair chimed in standing by her side to hug her by the waist and Aaliyah laughed leaning into her as Jen joined in on the hugs.
"Don't forget Xavier," Jen added, and Aaliyah raised a brow looking down at her bemused, and at her look Jen shared a secret grin with Blair that made her feel even more anxious, "Xavier was the one that chose all the stars to use in the collage. He even told us which photos to use, like the Selena jumpsuit one and The Miseducation."
Aaliyah felt very dubious. She could barely recall ever mentioning that she loved these artists to him before, maybe she slid it into conversation once or twice but she doubted enough that it would be cemented into his brain. Aaliyah didn't even think he was listening to her half the time. Maybe he was, "Really?" She questioned dubiously.
"He did seem very invested in the project," Malcolm confirmed and Aaliyah couldn't help but feel her cheeks flush, as she glanced at Blair shooting a look in her direction, wiggling her brows. She could see his dark, dark eyes peeking up from the bottom of her skirt on his sofa in the Red Room, and a devious smirk across his lips that had her flushing even more, "Well invested by his standards anyway."
Blair stopped shooting her suggestive looks long enough to reply to her father's reply. "Xavier showing even vague interest in anything is a feat of the highest proportions," She agreed with a laugh, before looking at Aaliyah dropping a wink, "You must have really done a number on America's notorious sweetheart."
Aaliyah snorted rolling her eyes. "Yeah, right," She said before glancing at the poster again feeling her smile creeping up along her lips, "But seriously, this is probably the best thing anyone has ever done for me. I love you all for this, really."
Malcolm's eyes lit up like Christmas at his words before his smile softened again. "We all love you too," He replied standing up straighter, "You have been such a blessing to our family in just a few months to all of us. In some ways, you've brought us closer and I'm sure you wouldn't be able to tell the difference, but you have. It's only fair we repay you with this small favor."
Aaliyah felt her eyes sting again with tears and she looked to Jenny and Blair, who were staring at her with the same shine in his eyes as Malcolm and she bit down hard on her bottom lip. "You've already done so much for me, just by letting me into your home, giving me this opportunity, giving me a family, you've given me the world. Thank you." She said, squeezing Blair and Jen to her sides, "You guys are the best."
Aaliyah sat in her bathroom wondering why she needed a costume change into a white strapless sundress with cutouts at her hips, but most times when it came to fashion she didn't try to argue with Blair and tried for a smile, as she brushed mascara over her lashes when her phone started vibrating on the vanity.
She grabbed out blindly for it and answered the call not looking at the caller ID when she spoke. "Hello," She said putting down the mascara tube so she could hold her phone to her ear.
"My, my," Drawled a familiar voice making Aaliyah pause a frown furrowing between her brows, "You haven't forgotten about me already, have you? I know we haven't talked in a while but I thought that I'd made a bigger impact in your life."
Aaliyah felt her heart swell. "Lauryn?" She called a wide smile pulling across her lips before she slouched into her seat that she had dragged from her computer desk in her room, "Nah, not yet. I'd give it another week."
She heard Lauryn's laugh across the line and she sighed suddenly missing the sound of Lauryn's voice greatly. So much had been going on over the last two months that Aaliyah barely had the chance to call Lauryn. The most they had actually spoken was when she texted her about her debut release, and Aaliyah was in between interviews and only had time to shoot a few heart emojis her way. She hadn't realized how much she had missed her since. "Well, I suppose my birthday wishes to you would mean nothing to you then."
Aaliyah laughed. "I think I remember you enough to remember our annual birthday tradition," She said with a smirk, "I made Blair stop at this ice cream shop so we could eat our favorite; butter pecan swirl."
"Drenched in sprinkles and chocolate sauce," Lauryn groaned, "I'm sitting on my sofa now gorging on it."
"I'm so glad that almost six thousand miles didn't mean we would forget the things that mattered," Aaliyah replied softly staring back at herself in the mirror.
Lauryn snorted. "You mean things like the synthesis of amines?"
Aaliyah couldn't help but roll her eyes even if her old tutor couldn't see her. "I certainly don't miss your incredibly annoying tendency to throw knowledge my way at all times."
"You loved it."
She sighed, letting a smile pull across her mouth. "Well I definitely prefer it to public education teachers," She replied, "You were right. Public schools are hell. I almost wish I was back in San Diego with you as my tutor again."
"Why almost?"
Aaliyah thought back to Malcolm and Blair and Jenny and Jacks and Solana and Chris and maybe even Xavier. She loved all of them. Her life here was certainly far from what she dreamed it would be, it wasn't perfect but she had a family here now, people she loved and trusted. She didn't think she would trade them for anything. "I think I found a family here," She breathed out hoping she didn't hurt Lauryn, "And you're definitely family to me Lauryn, I swear but I—"
"You can have more than one family Aaliyah," She said in a soft voice and Aaliyah thought she could see her smile, and she was instantly filled with the warmth she had when Lauryn would come over to the house for their lessons and Aaliyah would be in a mad mood for one reason or another, "And I certainly understand why coming back home would be hard for you. You don't have to explain that to me."
Aaliyah wished she could tell Lauryn how she felt about San Diego. That at no point did she ever consider that place home. Home was somewhere you knew inside out and felt safe, but Aaliyah was barely able to go further than her neighborhood without supervision from Lauryn, and even then it was rare when Lauryn felt like she needed a break. That wasn't a place she ever really wanted to return to any time soon, and though she knew that Lauryn would understand, she didn't want to hurt her.
By the silence though, she supposed that Lauryn could have already assumed that. "Anyway, I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday," She said her change in tone making Aaliyah relax considerably and she let her smile fall back onto her lips, "And for you to give me another update on everything going on. Last time we talked you were on your way to a Senior Bonfire and it's almost Christmas now."
"Oh my God, it's been insane then, trying to get hidden recorded and released and then having to go from talk show to radio show to promote it. I even did a magazine cover, I'm not sure if you've seen it since it was exclusively New York. And now the label's pushing for Xavier and I to release a new song before the New Year, though I'm not sure if that's going to happen, considering New year's literally only ten days away and everyone's going away for the holidays and stuff—"
"Tell me more about Xavier," Lauryn cut in and Aaliyah paused squinting her eyes suspiciously before she continued, "And I'm not asking because I'm a fan of his work, as a thirty-something year old I choose to have more respect for myself than to obsess over a nineteen-year-old, though I will not lie, he is an incredibly attractive piece of—"
"You know for someone who said they don't want to obsess over him, you certainly sound like you've been waiting to bring this up to me," Aaliyah said making a face, though it was less out of lack of interest for Xavier than out of annoyance that swelled in her chest when she heard someone talk about Xavier like that. It had become a more common feeling whenever she scrolled through her feed seeing fans tweet about her relationship with Xavier Adams saying how lucky she was to be working with someone so drop-dead gorgeous, or just obsessing over the shade of Xavier's eyes, or the number of tattoos he had. She couldn't lie she felt uncomfortable reading through those. She read one to Xavier once, but he could only snort and even had the nerve to ask for the girl's account because she was "hot." She had done so, but she wasn't really all that happy about it. They hadn't talked much outside of the embellishing Four walls for the rest of the session.
"I've actually been waiting to bring it up to you because I noticed you never really had much to say about him," Lauryn replied in a cool voice, laughing a little, "I found it weird, considering I remember how you used to obsess over his last album like a reincarnated fangirl. Is he not what you thought he would be?"
Aaliyah wanted to talk, to explain herself maybe, maybe just to spill out everything she's been holding in since the night of The Bonfire, but it was like the words couldn't reach her throat. "I—"
Aaliyah was cut off by the rap on her bathroom door followed by Blair's voice. "Aaliyah! Everyone's waiting for you!"
She sighed before yelling to Blair that she would be out in a moment. "I better not piss Blair off," She said, assuming that Lauryn heard her yell, "I'll call you later. I miss you and tell Mr. Gonzalez I said hi."
"Of course I will, he also wishes you a happy birthday," Lauryn said, "And Aaliyah?"
Aaliyah raised a brow, "Yes?"
"Don't be cursing like I didn't teach you better," She said before clicking off leaving Aaliyah speechless as she started laughing. Lauryn will never change, though Aaliyah wasn't sure she ever wanted her to.
She got out of her seat and stepped back out into her bedroom where Blair stood. Her auburn waves had grown past her shoulders over the last few months, her copper highlights retouched bringing out the freckles on her arms more too. She was dressed in a long-fitted orange skirt with tassels on the hemline and a white round-necked crop top with even her makeup done. Aaliyah had only settled with mascara and eyeliner and just fixed her curls back into their usual bun. She didn't even have shoes on, but Blair had nude strappy sandals on.
Blair looked her up and down scrutinizingly before sighing and lifting her legs to take her sandals off. "I don't want to outshine the birthday girl," She replied in a dry voice, "And I doubt there's any convincing you to put some stupid shoes on, huh?" Aaliyah could only laugh as Blair rolled her eyes, "So who were you on the phone too? Someone from San Diego?"
Aaliyah nodded with a close-lipped smile. "Yep, just my old tutor wishing me a happy birthday and stuff," She answered before she started heading to her bedroom door, "Are you ready?"
"Just wait for me to take out my earrings," She replied, and Aaliyah pulled a smile, unable to help it, "You know, you never talk about her. You seem to be close."
"She's been my tutor since middle school," Aaliyah explained with a shrug, "So I guess we are."
"You don't talk much about your time in San Diego," Blair pointed out, "How come?"
Aaliyah laughed hoping it didn't come out as strained as she felt turning around to face her. "My life back there wasn't all that interesting," She said rolling her eyes, "There's nothing really to talk about."
Blair shot her an unsure look, but she chose not to say anything, thankfully. Aaliyah didn't feel like having this conversation, to be honest, she didn't feel like she wanted to have this conversation ever. She turned around to put her earrings down by Aaliyah's nightstand before she turned back to smile at Aaliyah. "Sure," She said with a shrug, "So whenever you're ready we can go downstairs."
Malcolm gained the attention of the room when he clinked his glass with a fork. Aaliyah turned from a conversation between Zenith and Blair to look at him with a raised brow. "So of course, tonight is not about me. It's about the birthday girl, Aaliyah," He said gesturing to Aaliyah so that everyone cheered clapping for her, and Aaliyah couldn't help but blush as she raised her soda can up in appreciation, "I won't say anything more than to thank you for coming into all our lives because clearly, it appears you've touched a lot of people."
Aaliyah felt her cheeks flush as she looked around the living room, from the Waters' and Zenith and Chris and Sol and Marcus and Maverick, Eunice and West, to Xavier, who she was avoiding passionately. When she had finally gotten downstairs she had been welcomed with Stevie Wonder's Happy Birthday that made her laugh as everyone came up to her to hug, some people she hadn't seen in a while like West and some of Light 'em Up, but she had stayed in contact profusely with people like Zenith and Rick and of course Christian and they texted almost all the time. At one point she texted Marcus a lot too, but Jacks didn't seem to like how much she talked with Marcus, so she tried to stop that. She did miss his joking nature though and was low-key happy to see him, but now it seemed like he was avoiding her. She was glad to have seen them after such a long time, almost two months actually.
Everyone was here. Except for Jacks.
An hour had passed and Aaliyah had started to grow concerned, maybe she was a little anxious about seeing him especially after this morning, but she was hoping to talk to him about it here. She had asked Blair and Chris about where he was, but neither of them seemed to have much of a clue and it only seemed to work on her nerves some more, even though she tried to cover it up with her laughs and smiles pretending like she was into the conversation when half of her mind was wherever Jacks was, lost.
She shrugged innocently trying to hide her awkwardness. "If any of you know me, you know that I'm not really one for a lot of words—"
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure this is the first time I'm hearing you talk," Maverick called out over his soda can with a teasing smirk, his dark eyes glinting behind his inky black hair.
Aaliyah rolled her eyes laughing at him. "Ah whatever," She muttered throwing a hand at him causing the whole room to erupt in laughter except for Willa, who seemed to stare at her with a tight smirk, her eyes shining surreptitiously as though she knew something she didn't. Her irrational side was trying to convince her that she knew something about Jacks' absence, but she squashed that theory quickly. Jacks was Blair's best friend, she wouldn't want to do anything to hurt her daughter. "I'll just say thanks for pulling up for me, and I didn't realize that there were so many people that cared about my eighteenth like this. So thanks."
Everyone clapped before the music started playing again, and just as the intro started, Zenith's squeal came up into her ear, and Aaliyah and Blair turned to look at her as though she had grown a second head. But Zenith seemed way too excited to even notice. "Z, are you good?" Blair asked after clearing her throat, her expression uncertain, "You're not having a panic attack, are you?"
"It's Kai Baker," Christian grumbled sliding into their conversation smoothly, and Aaliyah raised a brow the name sounding familiar to her a little. When she looked to Blair who thinned her lips in understanding before looking back to the speakers playing the rather long intro to the song before a smooth low voice started singing, his voice rumbling through Aaliyah's soul, "AKA the asshole of our generation."
Aaliyah wanted to say that, she thought that title was already reserved for Xavier, but she held her tongue. She looked around the room quickly, realizing that she didn't actually see Xavier anymore. He must have slipped out after her half-ass speech, probably bored out of his mind, none of his people were here. Though Stella found herself wondering if Xavier actually had any people.
Zenith glowered at Chris, "You're only saying that because I said he would be on my list," She shot back venomously before pulling another dreamy smile, her long golden faux locs falling into her face from its bun she had kept in, "Would you just listen to his voice? It's amazing."
Blair snorted, a smile along her lips. "I mean if you ignore the fact that he inadvertently humiliated Orla's older sister at her birthday party, you're not wrong, but I think that if anyone has the best voice, it's Xavier," She replied.
Zenith shot her a look. "Well that goes without saying," She barrelled on, "But I've already met Xavier, and he didn't even look in my direction when I did. So I guess you could say that my fangirling days over the drop fucking dead gorgeous Xavier Adams are over."
Aaliyah raised another brow at Zenith. "First of all what's "your list" about?" She asked curiously and then everyone looked at her like she was crazy, and she felt the urge to shrink into herself at their looks.
It was Christian who spoke first with a laugh as he brought Aaliyah into a hug by her waist and she looked to him through accusatory squinted eyes. "Ah, you sometimes forget that behind all your snark and bitchiness that there's so much innocence," He said and with that, she elbowed him in the ribs, making him double down in pain, "Fuck." He swore.
"The list is just the five people you're allowed to cheat on your partner with," Blair explained with a dismissive hand, "I feel as though Zenith is being very small-minded with her list. Like what if you meet someone like Michael B. Jordan or better yet The Rock?"
Zenith shot her a perturbed look. "I hope that The Rock isn't actually on your list. You're like a hundred and twenty pounds, he would crush you," She said frankly and Aaliyah bit back her laugh at Blair's embarrassed cheeks flushing red, "And Michael B. Jordan is number two on my list, after Lakeith Stanfield or J. Cole, I haven't finalized my list yet."
"Why J. Cole, he's at best a six?" Blair asked.
"First don't insult me," Zenith said giving Blair a look before a wicked grin spread across her lips, "Jermaine's at least a seven-point-five, and once I rock his world so hard he'll have to write a song about me."
Blair threw her head back with a cackle and Aaliyah couldn't help but snort as she laughed, glancing at Christian who was just recovering from the blow Aaliyah had given him seemed more angry than impressed. "Girls are actually a lot hornier than we give you credit for," He muttered shooting Zenith a look.
"Don't you have a list, Chris?" Blair said rolling her eyes at him.
Christian shot her a glare to which she returned with a grin before Aaliyah raised a brow at him. "Oh and second of all, now that I know what this list is, why would Chris be so upset about Kairo Baker on your list?" She asked with a raised brow in Zenith's direction who had started to flush on her brown cheeks looking away.
"So no one's told her then," She asked in a low voice looking from Blair to Chris.
Chris looked to Blair pointedly. "I thought you would have since you've seen her the most, ever since she suddenly became the label's puppet once Blair became her manager," He snapped as though upset that the topic was even brought up.
Marcus let out an excessively loud laugh from where he was talking with Eunice and Rick. Aaliyah frowned at his words and then glared at him. "Hey!"
Blair punched Chris's arm and he winced. "Don't be an ass, Chris," She snapped at him, and then she looked at Aaliyah apologetically opening her mouth to speak when Solana joined them.
"Chris is only upset because he doesn't want to be reminded of the one time he was ever rejected by another girl," She explained with a smirk casting Christian a mocking look as he started to flush, "Zenith and Chris slept together a couple of weeks ago, and Zenith doesn't want to again."
Aaliyah blinked once and then twice in surprise a little unsure of how to respond to what she was just told. Solana looked as though she was a moment from laughing, Zenith and Christian were both flushed dark red with embarrassment and Blair just looked on curiously at everyone, and then she heard a familiar voice that made her stiffen.
"Lia?"
Her eyes widened some more and at Zenith's bug-eyed stare above her head, to Christian and Solana's cocked brow and Blair's mocking smirk and she realized that her suspicions were right and she squinted her face before turning around to face him and tried for a smile. "Hey Xavier," She said her voice a few octaves higher as she met his gaze, his dark coffee-colored eyes shining like they had, peaking over her skirt, his smirk devious and digging under her skin reminding her of just how easy it was for him to weave his way through her soul.
"Can I talk to you for a minute?" He asked looking about her friends behind her, and she heard the part she supposed no one else was supposed to hear, alone.
Aaliyah tried not to frown as she nodded, wondering what he could possibly have to say to her. Especially as they tried not to talk much outside of their work time, even if they were on better terms than they had been at the beginning.
When they had gotten to a more separate part of the living room where she could hear Kai Baker's voice a little less distinctly and the sound of her friends' chatter had dulled down to murmurs, she looked to Xavier with a concerned brow raised. "Is everything okay? I mean I know we've already told the board that we're not going to be able to release Four Walls in time, but is there anything else I'm missing?"
Xavier's smile widened. "For once our problem isn't actually about work," He replied and Aaliyah sighed in relief, and then she frowned.
"But we have a problem?"
Xavier took his eyes away from hers, and Aaliyah suddenly felt more curious wanting to probe him but before she could even say anything more, Xavier had changed the subject. "I didn't realize you had this many friends," He said in a low voice looking around the room with a raised brow before looking back to Aaliyah.
Aaliyah sighed looking around as well. "If I'm being honest, I didn't realize I did either," She replied warily, "But then I've never had actual friends before coming here, so I guess I wouldn't really know."
Xavier blew out a breath, "If I'm being honest, being around this many people gives me a headache. I only really came because of you," Aaliyah stared at him with wide eyes at his words, as he looked away again, and Aaliyah thought with disbelief for a moment that maybe Xavier was embarrassed, "Well aside from wanting to wish you a happy birthday, I—"
"Oh about that," She said and she flushed ducking her head, before trying for a smile, "I heard that you helped with the poster currently hanging over my bed right now for today. So thank you. I'm kind of surprised you even knew which artists I loved."
Xavier waved her off. "That was easy, I followed your Spotify account and went through your playlists. It was kind of hard to figure out your favorites, but I've heard you talk about music, some of them were just remembering that."
"I didn't realize you cared that much," She murmured in a soft voice meeting his gaze again, and she was remembering the day she first met him, his charmingly awkward smile and his pretty dark eyes that half-teased her with its reflective appearance. She remembered thinking that he was probably the most beautiful person she'd ever met, and he still was, despite knowing all of his shortcomings, though she still wasn't entirely sure if she really knew anything about him, but maybe that was why she always felt so drawn to him. Because he wasn't the only one no one knew anything about. No one really knew anything about her.
Xavier's smile was soft and made her heart stutter in her chest. "I'll take my thanks in you not being distracted all the time at work anymore. You're probably the reason why we weren't able to finish recording Four Walls."
Aaliyah rolled her eyes, unable to help it. "Is that all then?"
"No," Xavier said, flashing a charming smile, "I wanted to give you another present."
Aaliyah stared at him with a cocked brow, a little dubious. She raised her gaze to Xavier's, searching his expression to look for any insincerity, as though unsure if he was being serious about this gift or not. "Are you serious?"
Xavier frowned, a little annoyed. "Why wouldn't I be serious?"
Aaliyah squinted her eyes, not entirely sure how to respond to that. She didn't say anything, and he took the chance to turn around. "Um, well thank you, I guess," She said stammering a little, "Remind me to get you something for your birthday then."
"Shut up," Xavier said turning around holding up a skateboard with a red silk ribbon wrapped around it. Aaliyah's eyes widened, the sight of the skateboard taking her breath away like someone socked her in the throat. She raised her gaze to Xavier's again, unsure of what she was even truly looking at until she met Xavier's eyes, and his smile, "Surprise."
"You got me a skateboard?" She asked dumbly.
Xavier cocked a brow. "No, I got you a turtle," He replied in a dry voice, and he handed it to her, making her reach out to hold it. It was light in her hands, and familiar, the plywood smooth on one side and the grip tape on the other, reminded her of evenings in San Diego that she rode downtown, nothing but the warm breeze and the noise of the wheels against the concrete keeping her company, "You should turn it over."
Numbly, Aaliyah turned it over, suddenly aware of her heart loud in her ears like a drum, and as she took a look at the explosion of color her heart slammed right into a wall. It was beautiful, blasts of fiery oranges, hot pinks, and deep blues covering the entirety of the board and in a dripping Graffiti font had written in the center of the board 'FEEL ALIVE AGAIN.'
She sucked in a breath feeling the backs of her eyes burn at how beautiful it looked. She was sure the board had to be expensive, she ran her fingers over the lettering, it looked custom made. "This looks so beautiful," She said, her voice barely above a whisper, "Feel alive again?" She asked lifting her eyes to his.
Xavier nodded slowly, meeting her gaze intently. She thought he looked a little surprised by her reaction, she wondered what he thought it would be. "I thought you should have something to remember your first album. You said you wanted to name it Feel Again, and I think that's a cool album name, but I think the word 'alive' is the part we don't hear. To feel alive, to feel connected to the world, to understand your place in the world, that's what your music is about," He said, he straightened shoving his hands in his pockets, raising his shoulders as he looked away, "but anyway, everyone has a memento for their first album. I thought why not it be something from your life back in San Diego. You said once that you had a skateboard. I thought you might have missed riding."
Aaliyah pressed her lips together nodding tightly, looking back at the skateboard. It wasn't often that she let herself think back to her old life, it wasn't the fondest place in her mind, but it meant that she also pushed away some of the good parts of that life as well, Lauryn and Mr. Gonzalez of course, but there was also her skateboard. It gave her peace the way her music did too, it centered her in a life that made her feel so off-balanced, a life that didn't want her. It was only now, that she was staring at the words, through her blurry eyes that she realized how much she had missed that feeling. How much she had missed riding her skateboard.
She had only mentioned it to Xavier once, months ago, and he remembered. Half the time when she spoke, she didn't think he was listening. She didn't think he cared. But to get her something so thoughtful... "You shouldn't have," She breathed out.
Xavier must have noticed her fresh tears, as she set the board down by the wall beside Xavier, stretching her fingers out trying to keep herself composed so she didn't draw any attention to herself. Last thing she needed was for anyone here to see her crying. "It's your birthday," Xavier pointed out, "You deserved it."
Aaliyah stepped closer to him, unsure of what she was planning. She wanted to hug him, though she was sure that had never happened before, something about this gesture made her want to be closer to him. There was no one, who knew her enough to get her something like this, she realized, no one who knew how much she needed a gift like this. A gift that reminded her of where she came from, and even though her beginning wasn't perfect, it was a part of what made her who she was, what gave her, her drive to be great. Even Aaliyah herself didn't realize how much she needed this until now.
Her relationship with Xavier was so strange, but she was sure she definitely liked the person she was when she was with him, and she liked the person he was too.
She stepped forward again, lifting her arms up, and then was abruptly interrupted when the ding of the elevator rang through the hallway behind them. Aaliyah turned confused, shaken out of her thoughts, to see Jacks stepping out, almost forgetting that Xavier was behind her. Her smile widening, as she wiped her tears, and relief bloomed in her chest. Glad he was here, and safe. He started to smile as well before it fell when he looked over her head at Xavier.
Aaliyah frowned looking back at Xavier, who was expressionless, looking at Jacks with a twitch in his jaw. Aaliyah wondered what he was thinking before he looked back at her for a moment.
He nodded slowly in her direction before slinking off back into the main part of the party. She opened her mouth to say something, to call him back maybe, but no words came out. Instead, she watched him with a frown. He seemed to be warding off all human life with just his aura, even Jenny, who was smiling at him kindly.
"Why were you and Xavier off here talking alone?" Aaliyah jumped when she turned to look at Jacks, who was standing in front of her all of a sudden, his blue eyes blazing with what looked like frustration.
Aaliyah waved him off, dismissively. "He was giving me a birthday gift," She said distantly, still looking back at him, her shock wearing off slowly, as she gestured to her skateboard, "It's a skateboard."
"I'm not stupid, I can tell," Jacks replied in a cold voice, crossing his arms over his chest, "Why would he get you something like this? It looks expensive."
"It's not like he doesn't have the cash to burn," Aaliyah replied in a slow voice, lowering the hand and wrapping her arms about herself for protection, frowning at him, unsure of why he was sounding so cold, "Are you okay? Where were you? You're so late."
"You know, I don't trust that guy, Aaliyah," He replied looking at her again his eyes almost glaring at her, "And you guys spend way too much time together, and now he's buying you gifts, it's almost suspicious."
Aaliyah frowned at him. "Suspicious? Jacks, we're partners, of course, we're going to spend a lot of time together, and you know we're always working on some kind of deadline," She said turning her head to the side in confusion before taking him by the arm, "Jacks, you seem kind of tense, are you sure you're okay?"
"Aaliyah." He snapped in a cold voice making her jump releasing his hand in shock as she stared at him like he wasn't recognizable, "Don't patronize me. I'm not crazy."
"I never said you were," She breathed out bewildered by his unsettled behavior, "But you're all wound up. Where were you? What's wrong? Just tell me so that I can help you."
"There was a late practice," He said quickly waving her off, "I'm sorry."
Aaliyah paused and pursed her lips looking at the crowd of people huddling around and talking, Jacks followed her gaze and realized what he said sagging his shoulders, dejected. "Jacks," She started in a soft voice, "Why are you lying to me? What's going on?"
"Nothing," He snapped in a frosty voice, looking to her eyes blazing, and Aaliyah just realized how unkempt he seemed, his brown hair fluffy and all over the place, his skin pale and drawn and a small cut at his lip, and she frowned. She stepped closer to him reaching out to touch his cut.
"Jacks, you're bleeding," She breathed out, but before she could touch him, he had grabbed her by the wrist holding her tightly, so that her skin burned where he touched her, his eyes a piercing blue, blazing with anger and fear. She looked at him like he was crazy, "Are you fucking insane? Let go of me," She hissed ripping her wrist out of his grip, rubbing her arm to rid herself of the burn, as she looked up to him trying to contain her anger as she looked at his shocked expression.
A look crossed Jacks expression before it disappeared and his glare returned. "Aaliyah, let me be. Stop obsessing over me."
Aaliyah blanched. "Jacks, but—"
"I know you probably just feel bad because you don't love me back," Jacks muttered looking away from her and Aaliyah felt her heart be wrenched out of her chest, and she wished she could reach out to touch him, but fear held her back, "But I don't want your pity."
"Jacks I, I wanted to talk to you about that here—"
Jacks stopped her before she could say anymore, holding up a hand to her. "I honestly don't think I want to hear it," He said making her mouth dry up in anxiety and sadness, having no clue of what to say back, "I would rather that you didn't try flaunting that in my face by throwing yourself at guys that clearly are interested in you though." He said rolling his eyes gesturing to Xavier across the room, and Aaliyah felt as though she was soccer punched.
This was the second time he was saying something like this to her and she didn't understand why. She could only swallow the bile in her throat stiffening her shoulders before looking at him, head-on. "I will leave you alone for now and let you cool off, and when you're ready to talk like a decent human, let me know." And with that, she snatched the record back and started into the crowd and pretend like she was in the mood for all these people she didn't even realize were friends.