Carmen
Two weeks later and I'm still hiding. I can't deal with confrontation, even if if I should. My past has weakened me.
Flashback
Everyday around this time I was allowed to go outside and play. I'm not very playful so I like to draw things on my drawing pad.
I sat on the last step and placed my pencil box beside me. I proceeded to draw whatever was on my mind. I was so caught up by the black lines that I didn't notice that things were hitting me. I glanced through my dark bangs to see Joanna and Kevin throwing rocks.
They're the twins that live next door. I think they're a year or so older than I am. Problems with them started two months back when I was placed in the care of Tina and Jennifer Kelly.
Jennifer and Tina
Their family and most families in this town hate the Kellys. Mainly because Tina and Jennifer are lesbians which is already frowned upon. To make it worse, they're an interracial lesbian couple. I didn't have a problem with it but being in the most racist, homophobic, sexist and prejudice place in Virginia makes it hard for us to live here peacfully.
I like being with them though. They're calm and there's rarely any violence. When violence occurs it's usually by the hands of Tina's older stepbrother, John. He hates their relationship as much as the neighbors but he has no job and has been kicked out by his parents so he deals with it.
John
He came to visit Tina during my first week with them. Wherever I went he was close by, I didn't like that. No one seemed to notice. He always leered at me, never spoke just stared. There were times when he rubbed against me or tried to push me near him. Tina and Jennifer weren't always around so it seem believable to them.
That was something I understood because almost everything that happens is my fault.
The biggest problem we faced was with Joanna and Kevin's dad. He could tell that I wasn't fully white especially with my tan. He let his kids do whatever they wanted to me because of that.
Something inside snapped and I tackled Kevin to the ground. I'm not sure how, considering I haven't even hit ninety five pounds yet and Kevin looks as if he's ate ninety five people. He's been in fifth grade a few times so he's way taller than I am.
Too weak for a punch to hurt, I settled for smashing his face into the concrete.
Joanna picked me up tossed me to the side. She helped her brother up and walked him down the way to their house. His nose was bleeding badly but well.. Things happen.
When the Kellys came home we ate dinner and watched tv. Later that night they went to an office party. I was tucked in and left in my room by 10:30pm. I slept peacefully while I stayed with them, which was something I wasn't use to.
Today was different though. I didn't feel comfortable at all and I didn't know why.
By 2:39am I heard my bed creak. It was dark but I could make out feature with the moonlight.
John.
Like always he didn't say anything he just stared. Knowing that's what he did I didn't moved. I just waited for him to leave.
But he didn't.
Just as I opened my mouth his hand covered it and he growled. He pulled my sheet off and pulled at my clothes. I kicked and flailed but he smiled and kissed my neck. I cringed everytime I felt his hot breath in my hair. I kicked harder and made contact with his face. His hand wrapped around my neck and he forcefully tore my underwear. His knee was holding on of my legs down and it was becoming numb. I couldn't breath from the grip he had on my neck so i didn't worry about it. I heard his pants being unzipped just as he hovered over me but I couldn't fight hard enough. He leaned over me and I felt something poke my private area but the sound of glass breaking stopped him. John jumped up and ran down stairs. I was stuck. Numb all over although I fekt everything. Like I was wide awake but my body was asleep. I was sore and physically exhausted. I got enough energy to sit up and get off the puddle of blood pooling in my shredded underwear. I shifted once and the pain all came at once and my body shut down.
***
I woke up to a scream that I found out was from Tina. Another scream came from Jennifer seconds later. I was too out of it I guess to respond when they called my name. I couldn't feel anything but it felt like I was soaked in something, but I couldn't tell. But I do remember hearing the doors of an ambulance close. It was something that I was use to.
***
I woke up in the hospital, not long after I arrived I guess. The nurse asked me questions that I couldn't understand and the doctor told me things that were equally confusing. I was told to recall everything that happened in the last 12 hours. I managed to do that until the medicine kicked in.
The moment I woke up I saw Tina and Jennifer staring down at me. It was quiet for a while until Tina spoke.
"The house is gone." I raised my eyebrows and Jennifer did too. "What do you mean it's gone?"
"The windows were broken and John was beaten and left in the basement. When I went back the house was in flames and they were getting John out." Tina cried with a small smile. "He's in the er with 3rd degree burns."
Jennifer smiled too and sighed. "I'm so sorry that we couldn't have prevented this."
I nodded a little in understanding. It's just me, I just deserve these things.
Tina looked down and sighed. "But we can't keep you.."
"Why?" I whispered and they looked at eachother and silently left.
I nodded to myself and tried to keep it in but once that one tear fell, I couldn't stop the rest.
End of Flashback
At the point I was at I really didn't care about how anybody felt about it. I knew Fiona would bombard me with questions whenever she saw me but I'll deal with that when the time comes.
More importantly I'm disappointed in myself, as well as my lack of self control. I can't excuse my behavior, I've dealt with people like her my whole life. I never fought them back then do I shouldn't start now.
I'm stronger than I was back then but I couldn't risk swinging and missing so I pushed her away. There's only so many threats I can take at a close distance. She was practically in my poor choice of a dress. I didn't mean to hurt her but she and her friends threw the first punches. I left with a swollen bruised face and a few scars. The girl left with maybe a small bruise from when her head hit the sink. I managed to leave while her friends were tending for her. From what I've heard, she's more upset about the blood on her dress than the actual altercation. It's not like it's hers.
Hours later my twitter mentions were filled with threats and people were tagging me in articles about it. I only had Twitter for work related purposes so I only checked in once a week. It was very peaceful, no drama at all. I was comfortable with my five thousand followers and the occasional interaction.
Now since some overdramatic spoiled brat has joined the rest of the world in hating me, I have endless messages and things. I don't like the attention I'm getting at all. Especially if it's negative.
"@CarmenGigi Watch your back bitch"
I turned off the notifications and pulled my blanket over my head. It's Thursday morning so I decided to sleep for another day. I can tackle work tomorrow.
Or next year.
Tremaine
I tuned out Nicole's nagging ass. She's been complaining and whining for the last two weeks about the club incident. To shut her up I said I'll look at the security tape. When I saw what happened I left her there.
She left the bathroom the way she went in only with blood on her dress. A $7,000 dress but that's still not a reason to drag Carmen's name in the mud and play victim.
I feel like it's more of my fault than Nicole's. I knew how Nicole was, I should have kept my distance. I fucked her life up once, I don't want to do it again. But I think it's too late 'cause she disappeared that night. Fiona says she's probably alright but she doesn't know that for sure.
My biggest worry is that she thinks this was because of Chris, Allen, and I. I know she only knows us from what we use to do but we're different people now. At least Allen and I are.
!Beyond this point has yet to be edited!
We sat in the studio listening to Fiona's tracks this morning. I could tell she wasn't in it like she could be. She mentioned feeling guilty about dragging Carmen out. After that she pretty quiet.
Chris was half hangover and Wale was on his phone. Allen and Nicki were working with Fiona and her song. I was looking on at shit on twitter.
Everything was about Nicole and her bullshit. I was going to let it go but I saw her sending threats. She's crazy but she's not that crazy, I hope.
I looked to Fiona and she was doing what I did. We looked at everything from her computer and the screen said there was a new tweet on Carmen's page. Fiona clicked on it and it said "2:22 the beginning of the end" and she looked back at me. We looked at the clock and saw it was 2:21pm.
Fiona covered her mouth and looked at me. "I knew I should have checked on her."
"Why"
The clock ticked louder than usual.
2:22pm
"I think she killed herself."
_____
Tina Kelly- Laurel Holloman
Jennifer Kelly- Jennifer Beals
The Kelly's were a couple on The L Word.
John Lee- Jimmy Smits
Minor changes.
Thanks for reading!