The sound of pens and pencils frantically scratching in notebooks filled every study room, the library, and classrooms over the next few weeks. I'd never seen my classmates look so stressed, and we were only in the preparatory stages.
We had a huge build-up of revision sessions before the half term break and the ensuing school trip. Once that was over, the really hard work began. That was when we were doomed to sit our exams and have pompous strangers in suits decide just how smart we really were, and we'd find out if the fortune our parents had spent on our educations had been worth it.
I was hardly behind in my classes and even I felt like my head was going to explode if I had to memorise one more line of information. Fortunately, Lisa had mellowed out on the whole Gideon-is-mine front of things and I didn't have to deal with that on top of everything else. I hadn't dared to ask why she wasn't still throwing accusations at me of some illicit affair with our teacher, just in case it dragged everything back up. I was content to enjoy the peace and quiet and hoped that she'd thought better of her crush on him.
Gideon hadn't pressed me for more music lessons. I was happy that he'd gotten the message and now understood that we weren't ever going to be best friends. Still, I missed the lessons themselves and was more dedicated than ever to making up for it by practicing in my spare time, of which there was remarkably little. Most nights after dinner we all collapsed face down on our beds and succumbed to sleep. It was no wonder the school thought we might need a break overseas to cope with everything.
After one particularly gruelling day in the library, I lay on my bed, my guitar resting on my stomach where I plucked idly at the strings. My mind had wandered off into a land of blissful nothingness. Meg was engrossed in her latest audiobook and had paid no attention to my return. The sound of twanging cords didn't appear to bother her. Not that she'd have said anything if they were. I was glad to have a rare moment of peace and relaxation.
'Hey,' Jenny said as she came through the door, disrupting said peace with her arrival, 'aren't you packing?'
'What?' I snapped back to horrible reality with a jolt and sat up so suddenly that the instrument almost found its way to the floor.
Jenny nodded towards the other cases in the room. Chrissy and Lisa had been fretting over what they should wear in Italy and had filled three cases each. I hadn't done anything. My empty case was still under my bed, my clothes split between the nearby dresser and a pile on the floor. I was just going to take back my laundry and whatever else I could cram in with it without giving it any real thought. It didn't seem like the sort of thing that I should panic over. After all, I was just going to be hanging out above the garage and at the beach until half term was over.
'Oh. Right. Yeah, I'll do it later.'
I heard Lisa and Chrissy giggling together before I saw them. They stopped in the doorway, whispered something to each other, and then entered the room in almost total silence. If that wasn't suspicious, I didn't know what was. Something was going on, but I didn't know if I was brave enough to ask what.
Instead, I opted for a safer course of conversation. 'Do you guys know what you're going to do in Italy?'
'Shop,' Lisa said, cutting off whatever Chrissy had been about to say. 'I'm going to get all the best things while I'm there. The latest fashions, a new necklace, a few pairs of shoes...'
'Yeah, me too,' Chrissy said evasively. Rather than elaborate further, she became extremely interested in folding everything she owned perfectly and stowing it neatly in her case.
I raised a brow at Jenny, and she just shrugged in reply. The pair had always been strange when they were together and had their own private secrets and conversations, but they seemed to be even more elusive with us as Italy approached. It could have simply been the excitement of a holiday. I knew if I was going to Italy, I wouldn't be able to hide how happy I was. It was the one place I desperately wanted to visit.
I'd always promised myself that, should I ever be able to afford a gap-year from university, I would spend it trekking across Europe and bring my journey to an end in Italy.
If I did, I might never come back.
Jenny threw a t-shirt at me. It fell short and landed on the floor. Sports had never been a talent of hers. I looked down at it, and then back up at her, as if asking what exactly the point had been. She came to collect it and dropped it on my head. 'You need to pack, too. What time's your cab in the morning?'
'Seven. Train's at eight. I've got loads of time.'
'Want me to help?' she offered.
'Definitely.'
I put Chrissy and Lisa out of my head. After all the years we'd spent together, I still didn't fully understand them. I didn't think I ever would. While I cared about them both, I knew that I wasn't going to be as close to them as I was to Jenny. Meg was in her own little bubble, too. I loved her, but she didn't need any of us to do well in life. At least, that's how I saw it. I might have been wrong. I'd proven I wasn't the best at reading people. Otherwise, I'd have figured out Gideon's true nature earlier, instead of being strung along by him like every other girl.
I shuffled over and made space for Jenny to join me on my bed. She started folding the clothes I'd piled up at the foot of it. Without saying a word, I leaned in and pressed my forehead between her shoulder blades. She looked back at me over her shoulder and asked, 'Are you going to miss me?'
'Shut up.'
'I'll bring you back something nice,' she said. 'I promise.'
'Just take a lot of pictures and tell me how things smell and taste.'
'Smell?'
'You know,' I sat up, 'like if the markets smell like spices, or more like fresh flowers. That kind of thing.'
She closed her fingers over my hand. 'I'll do my best. I'm sorry you can't come with us.'
So was I.
Dreams didn't have expiry dates. Mine could wait a little while longer, so long as I kept in mind that it had to happen for me. The next morning, while everyone else who could afford it was loaded into a coach bound for the airport, I got into the back of my lonely cab and bade the school farewell yet again.
I never tried to let the fact that I was poorer than the others get me down, but as we drove away, it was difficult not to.
They were going to be living the high life in Italy, and I would be in Cornwall.
My break was going to be so boring without them.