09 : stars are dead
first person.
VALERIE
PEOPLE IN THIS world all appear to be beautiful but when it comes to conversations with their souls, you discover the bitter truth and harsh reality about mankind.
Appearance is only a show. And off stage, the truth is like ice melted with salt.
It burns. Believing in someone. Trusting someone only to be stabbed in the back, countless of times, having no time to breathe and to tell them to stop. That's what trust is, a fantasy that breaks bonds.
Life is a walking nightmare.
There are many people who walk beside us and we won't ever realise whether or not they're good people.
When we become friends with people, we don't realise how deadly their betrayal could be. After all, the worst kind of betrayal is one that is laced with trust.
Knowing that Vincent almost lost his life because of Atlas and his friends makes me wonder, what kind of people are they? Are they the type of people to manipulate and deceive without caution? Or are they the type of people who don't mean any harm but seemed to have gotten into a disastrous situation?
I glance at the convenience store with a tired expression.
After that conversation with Silvia, I felt sick. People seem like innocent beings but once you get to know them you notice the devil that thrives in them. It's frightening how untrustworthy certain people can be.
My eyes fall on the same guy I met a day ago.
This time he had a hat on to cover his dreadful hair, but his face was still the same, drawn on facial hair and bright red cheeks.
I take a seat beside him, leaning my head up to look at the celestial sky. The soft breeze felt exhilarating, for once, I felt relaxed under the night sky.
"It's funny isn't it?" the boy beside me says, from the corner of my eyes I could notice him glancing at the sky too. "Everything looks so pretty when in reality they're not." his words were bitter.
"As you look closer with a telescope, you realise these pretty stars are dead," his tone grew soft and quiet, he seemed to be upset. "Supernova, a beautiful name for an explosion."
I glance at him with a frown. "A supernova can cause the formation of new stars. New pretty stars, not dead stars."
"A supernova could also cause a black hole, all pretty things eventually reach their end." he stands up, glancing at me with a shaded expression. "It's life, one day or another, we'll all lose meaning and wither away."
His words made me feel sad. He seemed to view life in such a different way, he spoke like his whole world is unfortunate and there's no way out.
"Wait!" I exclaim, the boy stops for a moment. I pull out the name tag he left the other day.
To prove my theory that this guy could possibly be Zenith is to return the name tag to the boy in front of me.
"You left this the other day," I hand him the name tag. All he does is show a rather empty smile before turning around. All I could see was his silhouette fading into the darkness.
Sometimes people need others they could rely on to heal.
Trust doesn't have to be involved, people come and go, it's life.
Nobody will ever remain permanent in my life because I don't think I want my life to be permanent.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
Just as I predicted. Zenith walks into the classroom with his name tag on. The guy I met yesterday was him but it frightened me how he purposely makes himself look bad. Although I don't know the reason, I found it sad how he spoke about being pretty as bad.
To be beautiful is to live an easy life. Pretty privilege exists as people find pretty people more approachable. When it comes to someone like me, it's difficult to make friends as people wouldn't want to be seen as public with me because I was too ugly.
I lay my head down on my desk as the philosophy teacher spoke. "Our life is what our thoughts make it, what do you think Aurelius means by this phrase?"
The teacher glances at me for a moment. "Valerie?"
I straighten my back. "The way we perceive or understand things impacts the way we live. For example if someone tells you that you're stupid and you believe it, you'll live your life thinking you're stupid but if you don't accept it. You'll challenge their opinion and live your life differently."
The teacher nods her head. "Aurelius' words could be seen as an opening for many but others blame that society is what makes our lives," she says, pointing towards the board. "People blame society but fail to realise that society is them, wouldn't that mean we're all blaming ourselves for thinking a certain way?"
We are society. Society is us.
If I think I'm not beautiful, is it really my fault for thinking that way? Do I think I'm ugly because I'm telling myself that I am?
But each time I try to think of myself as beautiful I feel insecure as I scroll through the numerous Instagram pages of other girls.
The bell rings and people jolt up immediately. Laughing at what the philosophy teacher said. "What a load of crap, philosophy is the worst subject ever, why are we paying the school for such a useless subject? What sort of degree will you get from learning it." a girl exclaims as she stuffed her Gucci bag with her class equipment.
I hate to admit it but the class made me think differently.
If I think that I'm ugly, I'll always remain ugly. But if I try to think about things I like about myself, will I feel beautiful? Will my life be better if I thought differently about myself?
"V! Do you like my hair? It's no longer shaped like a coconut."
Ben points at his hair. He styled it in a different way, he looked better, it perplexed me how someone could reach such a standard of beauty.
"Any reason why you changed your hairstyle?" I ask him as we both walk out of the classroom.
"I was having a live stream and people pointed out that my hair makes me look bad, the comments were filled with people saying change your haircut and I guess that's what prompted me to do it." his words make my heart burn. It hurt that he was forced to change because of others and not himself.
"Ben please don't change for anyone, you're perfect just the way you are." I murmur, patting his back.
Ben smiles. "I won't."
"Perfect?" it was Zenith. "You're far." he whispers harshly, moving past Ben.
All Ben does is look down at his wrist.
It took me a second to realise what he was solemnly glancing at.
Lines across his wrist, marking his sadness.
this chapter shows valerie's insecurities as well as zenith's. do you guys feel bad for ben?
sorry for the late update! but i'm so grateful for 3000 reads! this book is doing so well :) i hope you could vote, comment and share! it would mean so much to me.