Everyone in the Lookout had gone to sleep and every light was out. Rocky silently slipped out the spare room and into the night air. He padded past the pup houses along the base of the tower as quietly as he could. A minute later, he reached the line of trees he planned to leave through at the edge of the yard. Well... this is it, the mix thought with one final glance back at the Lookout. Just as he was about to disappear into the trees, he remembered something he nearly forgot. Oh no... I left my photo in the room! I was in a hurry to leave but how could I almost leave the one valuable thing I own behind?
A quiet sigh of annoyance and Rocky was turning around, tracing his pawsteps along the same route back to the room. He entered to grab it and was just about to leave when a dreadfully familiar voice stopped him from behind.
"Wocky?..."
The gray pup's heart dropped, realizing the one pup he wanted to avoid most somehow woke up. He turned around hesitantly to face Zuma in the doorway. "W-why aren't you asleep, Zuma? I was just, um, taking a trip to use the bathroom."
The lab squinted questioningly. "I'm a light sleeper... You woke me up, dude." His eyes slowly traced over Rocky's nervous features before drifting down towards the object sitting beside his paws. Zuma didn't know what was inside, but he remembered it was extremely important to the mixed breed. "Why'd you bwing your box..."
Zuma's jaw suddenly dropped in shock. "Wait... Wocky, where were you weally going? Were you going to... leave?"
He didn't get a response, which only confirmed what he asked. Rocky stared back, his face void of any anger or sadness.
"No... no no you can't leave, Wocky. I thought you said this was your new home-"
"I've made my mind up, Zuma. You said it was my new home but I never completely agreed. It's for the best anyways," the mix whispered just loud enough for the lab to hear. The brown pup stepped further into the room, only a few feet away but blocking Rocky's way out.
"Dude...you said you thought this was gonna work out! Aren't you tiwed of always wunning? Please... stay." Before Rocky could respond, Zuma had closed the gap and was now only inches away, clouding his senses with the same scent he'd grown so familiar to.
"I can't keep repeating the same mistake. I have to, Zuma. It's better for everyone," Rocky whispered.
"Is that supposed to make me feel okay with this?" Zuma growled. "Is that your tewwible attempt to bwush me off and walk away like your time here never even happened?" Rocky winced and his stone cold face fell for only a split second, but Zuma still noticed.
"Wocky..." he said as he inched closer. "Deep down you know this is where you belong. This is your home! The rest of the pups are your family and I'm-" Zuma brought his paw up to stroke Rocky's cheek. "I'm whatever you need me to be..."
Rocky grabbed the brown paw brushing his face and yanked it away. "Stop trying to change my mind," he said through clenched teeth, trying to ignore the tingles still dancing across his cheek where he had been touched. He could feel his determination beginning to weaken as the lab broke through. "Zuma, I can't be here anymore. You don't need me anyway! Everyone I've grown close to is DEAD! I'm not taking that chance with you! It's happened too many times already and just yesterday it almost got someone else killed!"
Zuma's blood began to boil with rage. He wasn't sure if he wanted to scream at Rocky for the way he was thinking or if he wanted to break down in tears of desperation. The gray pup stepped to the side trying to get around him, but Zuma reached out and grabbed him roughly before pulling him in. Rocky tried to yell in protest, but was silenced by the pair of lips capturing his.
Zuma forced his lips on Rocky's even harder, as if it would physically keep him from leaving. "You'we not leaving, Wocky!" the lab growled possessively in between kissing. "You belong to this family and I'm not letting you go off on your own after all you've been thwough."
Rocky moaned into the kiss, surprised by its force yet conflicted about whether he wanted it or not. "Mmph- Zuma, s-stop~" Rocky managed to get out, gasping for breath as he tried to break free. His struggling only made Zuma push back harder. The lab let out a deep growl before tackling the mixed breed to the ground. Rocky's body felt like it was in Heaven, but his mind thought otherwise.
Zuma broke the kiss abruptly before leaning down to lick at Rocky's neck, causing him to squirm.
"Ahh~ Z-Zuma, please..."
Rocky didn't know if he was begging for him to keep going or if he was asking for him to get off. The lab smirked at the reaction he got before coming back up to slam his lips on Rocky's.
How can something that I know is wrong feel so...good? Part of me can't help but like this, but he needs to stop. I can't do this to him, I'm leaving no matter what. Even if we did have something together, it wouldn't work! I don't know what all these feelings are lately but it scares me. The one thing I know is that death follows me everywhere and I can't be in a world where he gets hurt or dies. But... I still want to stay... I wanna see his smile and feel his touch again. I just...I can't.
Rocky struggled even more under the weight of the pup on top of him. "Okay, seriously, Zuma! Let me up, I'm doing this whether you like it or not," Rocky growled as he shoved and scratched to get free. The pleasure he felt seconds before was now replaced with anger and determination flowing through him.
"NO WOCKY! You can't just walk out on this! I won't let you!"
"Stop making this harder than it has to be, Zuma!" Rocky yelled. "This was never gonna work out! It's not you, I'm just not meant for this life of friendship and love and happiness and all that sappy shit," the mix spat. "I learned that a long time ago and nothing's gonna change."
"You aren't leaving, Wocky! You can't..." the lab inhaled a shaky sigh. "We need you here... I need you here!"
"DAMNIT, ZUMA, stop saying that! Don't make me hurt you, just let me go!"
But Zuma refused to give up. He looked down fearfully at Rocky's enraged expression knowing full well the mix could overpower him if he wanted.
Memories of an all too similar situation came flooding back into Rocky's mind. He could vividly see and feel everything from it: the painful weight of another pup on top of him, the cold ground beneath him, someone he cared about screaming in his face trying to control and manipulate him. When Rocky looked back up, he didn't see Zuma staring back, he saw someone else in his mind: his brother. You're no different from Axel, Rocky seethed with anger. Well I'm not getting beaten down again. I'm making my own choices now.
"GET OFF ME!"
With an enraged snarl, Rocky dug his hind paws into Zuma's soft belly, rolling onto his back and launching the brown pup off him. The surprised Labrador let out a disheveled yelp as he sailed through the air. A harsh cry escaped him as his back slammed into the steel wall behind them with a loud thud before sliding down the wall. Instead of jumping up to fight back, he just laid in his spot on the floor with his face scrunched up in pain and defeat. Zuma felt the back of his eyes burn like fire as tears began to build up. He... he hurt me. How could he? No no no... don't. Don't let him see you cry, he thought as his nose began to sting.
Rocky was on his paws in a flash, facing the other pup in horror. "Zuma, I'm so sorry! I-I didn't mean to throw you into the wall! I was just trying to get you to-"
"I don't fweaking cawe, just please...don't leave me, W-wocky." Zuma was choking through his sobs, hardly able to form words. Rocky's face softened, but he wasn't changing his mind. "You may not understand, but please just trust me."
"You lie to yourself thinking you can just waltz in and out of people's lives without feeling or caring! You tell yourself you'we some tough, hardened, loner don't you? Wocky, I feel something with you I've never felt with anyone else! I know you feel it too. Please don't take that away fwom me...fwom yourself."
The lab hurled every thought rushing through his brain at Rocky without making a move to even stand up. He held the gray pup's gaze, bearing into those golden eyes in one final attempt to make him stay.
"You kissed me back, Wocky. Don't you DARE say you don't feel the same. You have a family and food and fwiends now! Are they not enough for you?" Zuma's eyes began to well up again. "Am... I...not enough?"
Everything inside Rocky wanted to scream out how wrong Zuma was. You're more than I could ever ask for or deserve... You're perfect and don't you dare think otherwise, Zuma. Too perfect to risk losing because of my selfishness.
Rocky could feel himself slipping into sympathy, realizing how wrong he might be- how years of messed up situations had ruined his judgement but that he couldn't help it. But with a shake of his head, his doubts were pushed down by his determination.
"I don't know if I felt the same or not, Zuma. But that doesn't matter now. This was never going to work out for me. The longer I stay, the harder it'll be when I leave."
"You just won't stop huwting me, will you?" Zuma whimpered through uneven breaths. "You'we just gonna bweak my heawt and abandon your new family after you've had enough of them even after all they did for you."
"OPEN YOUR EYES, Zuma! It's not that I was using them, it's that this was never in the cards for me! For a while I genuinely enjoyed being here with you guys! I thought maybe, just MAYBE things would change for the better! I stupidly thought I belonged here but that mission I ruined made me wake up. I've been living in fantasy land thinking I could just leave all my dark shit behind and start fresh with the Paw Patrol. At first I thought I'd make a decent member but I'd only ruin more missions with all my problems! I thought I could make a difference, but I'm clearly not cut out for all this. Ryder and the team don't need that so I'm DONE PLAYING PRETEND!"
Zuma stayed silent. No screams or shouts came out. Rocky stood panting and out of breath from yelling. Seeing that Zuma was done arguing, he decided it was time to go for good.
He made for the door, turning back to take one last look at the pup he once thought he could have a life with. The pup slumped in the corner where he had been violently thrown who was staring at the ground completely broken. Zuma made a weak effort to sit up, barely supporting himself from collapsing.
"You walk out that door... and it's over, Wocky."
The mix closed his eyes and drew in a deep breath.
"I know it is, Zuma... I know."
Rocky didn't wait a second longer to leave. With a swift step, he slipped out the doorway, feeling every emotion imaginable rushing through his heart as the door shut behind him. The metallic clank of it couldn't silence the deafening "WOOCCCKKKKYYYYYY" that ripped its way out of Zuma's hoarse throat from the other side. The agonizing wails tore into Rocky's ears causing him to audibly whimper out in pain as he kept walking. Pain for himself. Pain for what he was doing to Zuma. Pain for giving up yet another chance at living a better life. Every piece of him screamed out to not take another step and to stop the cycle of self guilt and worry of being a burden. Yet... he couldn't.
"We all do what we think is best" the mix muttered to himself in an attempt to self soothe. "It's all anyone can do... even when it hurts the most."