BLAZE
The heart wrenching, four year anniversary of my family's death is fast approaching. The inevitable day making fear and guilt bubble up inside of me. The overwhelming feelings making me want to drown everything out. The whole world, my life, my head. I wish everything could stop. I wish I could be myself, even though deep down I know that can never happen.
The whole Christmas Eve morning was in eventful. All I did was watch cliche Christmas films with Cori, who cried after every single one. The sniffling lasted for an hour before the crying started up again after another had finished, it was a never ending cycle of tears for him. I would've punched him but it's the holidays and I have to be nice.
I was hoping for snow so I could leave him and go out in that, but it still hasn't happened. It hasn't snowed for nearly four years, so it's disheartening seeing the sun still shining. The last snowfall I was dragged outside by my little brother, building snowmen for hours on end. I miss the ice cold feeling of my tongue after a snowflake landed on it, becoming paralysed by the sensation. I miss my brother dearly during this time of year, his excitement and warmth he used to radiate to everyone he met.
"Blay, Blay, there's snow outside!" Finley jumps upon my bed, bouncing up in the air.
"Really?" I jolted up, making a beeline for the window, Finley toddling behind me.
Crisp fluffy snow covered the back garden, no ounce of colour in sight. Finley's eyes gleamed up at me, a hopeful smile on his face. Rolling my eyes I nod, already knowing what he was going to ask.
After hurrying to get dressed, we scurry down the stairs, hand in hand, out the door. The crunching of snow filled my ears, the six inch snow making it difficult to walk.
Giggling filled the street, the two of us making the only noise. Flashing fairy lights illuminated their smiling faces.
"Wow wow wow, Blay, this snowman is going to be so amazing." Applying the last touch to the snowman, I step back, Finley following.
"Thank you for doing this with me Blay." He smiled, tugging me down to his height.
Wrapping his small arms around me, I stroked his head. The softness of his beanie tickling my fingers.
"My pleasure Fin." Kissing his forehead, earning a kiss on the cheek, we walk hand and hand back inside, making a beeline for hot chocolate.
Thinking of my brother made me really need a release. Need someone to talk to during this desperate attempt to push all thoughts of him away. River is not here though, he has sadly gone away to New York for the holidays, but is coming back on the 27th. He's still sending me little texts here and there to see how I am. He also thanked me for his gift, the watch and a new leather jacket since I've still got his.
I wish he was here right now, but I have to hold on until he's back. I can't let the overpowering feelings take over. Not now. Not after how far I've come.
Sitting in front of the blazing fire, I watch as the fire thrashes about, the heat warming my hands. In a peaceful silence, I let my mind wonder, trying to calm my nerves for the upcoming days. Only Jake and I were home, so I could have time for myself, Jake's not one to hover over people, he gives them the space that they need.
The door rattling broke me away from my thoughts. Taking cautious steps towards the window, I glance out seeing Bentley, wobbly on his feet.
"Who is it Blaze?" Jake asks, poking his head out the kitchen.
"Bentley." I mutter, proceeding to open the door.
"...oh my, Blaze? You- you're here." He slurs, reaching out to my face, stroking it.
"Come on Bentz, get in." I tell him, stepping back. In his hand was a bottle of half drunk whiskey, something I couldn't tear my eyes away from. Sauntering inside, Bentley passes me the bottle, stumbling through the doors to the living room.
Grasping the bottle, I glimpse down at it, wishing I could take a swig. With my heart beating rapidly, I lift the bottle to my lips, not yet taking a swig. My eyes drift to the mirror in front of me. My green eyes darken as I gaze at myself. Like I'm looking at a shadow of myself, the old, unrecognisable me that has zero self control.
"BLA—, BLAZE," Bentley sings.
"Coming B." I groan, wondering how on earth I'm going deal with my best friend in, not only his state, but mine too.
"Can I have my bottle? Please....." he laughs, leaning back into the sofa he was sprawled out on.
"I think you've had enough buddy, how about a nice big glass of water?"
"Hmm, I suppose." Running to hide the bottle, I grab a glass filling it with ice cubes and water.
"Is he okay?" Jake asks, pointing to the direction of Bentley.
"I'm not sure," I glance out at Bentley, his head in his hands, sniffling lightly.
Making my way towards him, his sniffles get louder, sniffling turns into sobbing in an instant. I've never seen him in a state like this before, he's always hid behind a facade of being a tough guy, forever hiding his pain from the world. I always try and tell him it's not wrong for him to show emotion, though I'm a hypocritical on that one.
"Bentley? What's going on?"
"T-They k-kicked me out." He chokes, wiping away the never ending tears. His usually stunning hazel eyes now red and puffy.
"Oh Bentley." I embrace him, Bentley burying his head in my neck. Weaving my fingers through his disheveled hair.
"Why me? Why is it always me?" Standing up, he begins to pace, pulling at stands of hair. Sadness turning to fustration in seconds.
"Hey, it's going to be okay B, I promise. Just tell me what happened." I comfort, grasping at his shoulders, wanting him to do nothing more than to listen to me.
"It's not! Everything's fucked up. I'm fucked up." He repeats, pushing me away sauntering towards the door. Following him, Cori bumps into us along with Nicola, visibly concerned by Bentley's state. "I have good mind to just drive and never look back." he then says, fumbling for his keys.
"NO!" Cori gasps, snatching the keys from Bentley. Helping me usher Bentley back into the living room, Cori passes me the keys with a nod.
"B, what happened? Talk to us." Cori says, rubbing his back. Bentley sat with his head in his hands, a loud sigh escaping his lips.
"They kicked me out, my parents. I got in a row with them about Blake, even though he's been gone for years now, they still won't let it go." At the mention of Bentley's brother Blake, I knew exactly why he was acting the way he was. "They still blame me." Bentley's lips starts to quiver, his sobs filling the room once again.
"You can stay here. I'm not having you go back there B. You're moving in with us." I tell him, gripping his hands, rubbing soothing circles on his palms. Nodding he leans his body into me, I feel him relax, his shoulders slumping, his chin falling on my shoulders.
"Why do they hate me?" He says after a few seconds, his voice shaky from crying.
"I don't know. But you listen to me Bentley Harrison, you deserve so much more than what you've got. You deserve the world. You are incredible and loved. You are the strongest person I know and you will get through this, I promise you." Touching his cheek, I wipe his tears with my thumb.
"She's right Bentz. You really are incredible. We are so lucky to have you as our best friend." Cori spoke, putting his hand on Bentley's shoulder.
Nodding Bentley stands up,
"Can we go to bed now?" he asks, his red cheeks prominent.
Laughing lightly I stand up, Cori following, making our way uo the stairs and into Cori's room. Entering Cori's room I'm met with a red and white striped wallpapered wall, a large king size bed in the middle of the room. The three of us plop down on the bed, staring at the cream coloured cieling, a peaceful silence falling upon us.
"Thank you Blaze." I heard Bentley mutter, getting comfotable in the fluffy covers of the bed.
Not responding I cuddle into him, wanting to let him know that I'm here and that I will never leave him.
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unedited
what did you think of bentley after this one?