"What is there unreasonable in admitting the intervention of a supernatural power in the most ordinary circumstances of life?" - Jules Verne, French novelist, poet and playwrite.
I'm not sure if I got all of the details right because I'm not a doctor, nor am I educated enough to properly guess what they said if I heard them wrong. However, here is what I think I understand from what I was told: the doctor said that when Maggie was stabbed in the stomach she must have fallen hard, causing a traumatic head injury. That, on top of the fact that the knife was lodged in her kidney and tore up her abdominal cavity from the inside, it wasn't clean and caused her to get an infection. In other words, she needs a new organ.
I don't see how they can't get rid of the infection, they're doctors, they should be able to do anything. Can't they just go in and take it out or something? Sew up the part that was cut my the knife, give her some antibiotics, and release her? It should be that simple.
"I'll donate my kidney," I offer. I've heard people can live just fine with only one kidney so it's not like I really need it. I'd gladly give up any organ if it meant that Maggie got to live, whether it meant I survive or not.
"You need to be an exact match to her or else she could reject it," Dr. Lewis explained.
It turns out that I can't just immediately go into surgery and take out my kidney for her, there's a whole process they have to do before they even consider taking out my organ.
I learned once that people can accept organs from people that their body might reject if the patient is about to die as a last resort, so perhaps them not wanting to put me into surgery right away is a good sign. She's not dying yet, I gather.
They took my blood. I felt light-headed afterwards so Harper bought me a cookie. They told me they'd get back to me soon. Apparently soon didn't mean today because I've been here for hours and nothing has happened. It's boring and nerve-wracking at the same time and I hate it.
Around the seven-hour mark, I started to hear the voices.
"Norton wants to know how she is. Tell us, tell us, tell us!" I don't answer. I can't even see it. "You would want to know, too, if your little girl was stabbed. Don't keep quiet, speak to us."
"Shut up!" I scream at it. My head is pounding and I don't care who hears. I'm in the waiting room with Harper - it's just the two of us. Nobody could have heard have me, anyway.
"I didn't say anything," he states, looking at me skeptically. I feel bad for bringing him here - he hardly knows Maggie and now he probably thinks I'm hearing things in the hospital and having a mental break down.
I am.
Maybe he should know that.
"I know," I say. Of course, I know that he didn't say anything, I haven't completely lost my mind, only when it comes to insects.
"Who are you talking to?" He asks, his eyebrow raised.
"Bugs," I reveal. It came out loud and clear and for some reason I wasn't afraid to reveal it. I can trust him just as he trusted telling me about his mom. He's heard voices in the past, he's told me, so maybe he won't judge me. Maybe he'll understand.
"Bugs?" He gasps. This shouldn't shock him - it's not like I've been subtle about my relationship with insects. He knows about my dad, how I keep their dead bodies in a collection and kill them every chance I get. Is he dumb?
"I can hear bugs talk to me," I clarify.
"What are they saying?" He's so quiet I can barely hear him. He's trying to keep his voice down. I'm thankful.
"To tell them what's happening with Maggie so they can report to dad. He wants to know."
"Oh," he says curtly.
He doesn't say much else. I guess there's only so much talking to you can do before you have to stop because you're friend just revealed she can talk to insects... which is completely insane. He claims he's heard voices before, but I'm convinced that was just him hallucinating on recreational drugs.
We don't talk all that much after that and I'm grateful for the silence. It seems like everything in my world is loud right now and to get even a moment of peace seems to keep me just a little bit sane.
***
After the hospital, Harper and I go back to my place. I had seen Maggie attached to tubes, lying still on the bed, unconscious, and I couldn't stay there. I couldn't talk to her, hold her small hand in mine, or even bring myself to ask the doctor what her chances are of living. I was too distraught and the atmosphere of a small, shitty hospital didn't help.
Mom still isn't home... I wonder where she could be. Perhaps she ran away to join the circus and entertain people with her talent of disappearing. Perhaps she's with some guy, leaving her family for him and cheating on dad. She could have crashed her car, gotten kidnapped after work, or maybe she just decided to check into a hotel because she simply didn't want to come home anymore.
"Are you okay?" Harper asks, concern filling his voice. I check mom's room again just to make sure I wasn't missing her sleeping on the bed or anything. I'm not blind because after thoroughly looking she's still not there.
"I think my mom left," I state. I know she left, I just don't know where or why.
Well, I have a feeling as to why. She never liked us in the first place. Leaving was probably her lifelong dream.
"What do you mean?" He asks, though I'm sure he knows what I mean because my statement was very clear - my mother has left the house.
"I don't think she's coming back," I say slowly.
"Why not?" His nosiness is reminding me of Dallas. I quickly push that thought aside, though, not wanting to think of Harper's cousin... I don't need to think about a relationship that crashed and burned right before my eyes. Not right now, at least. I owe it to myself to think of something positive.
"It's Friday. She doesn't work on Friday. St. Kerry's doesn't accept visitors on Friday. She didn't come home yesterday - there's nowhere for her to be so what other option is there? She's left me."
She left both Maggie and I, and though it's a horrible thing to ever do to your kids, right now of all times is pretty shitty.
I owe it to myself to think of something positive but I can't seem to do that when my absent mother and dying sister are fresh on my mind.
"She'll be back," Harper hugs me. I didn't realize I was bawling until I was in his arms. I think crying might be a bad habit of mine that I've only recently been doing. I need to stop doing that, it's not healthy. "Her daughter is in the hospital, she's hurt, she can't just leave her."
"It's not like she was really here before the attack," I remark. I mentally smirk, almost finding my words amusing.
I know he heard me so I guess he's choosing to ignore my comment. He lets me go on, pats me on the back and sways us back and forth as if he's trying to comfort me.
"I hate that this happened to her," I tell him. "She's so young, so frail. I knew she was having problems, I just never thought that something like this could happen."
"Nobody suspected the guy would do that," he reaches for me again but I back away. I don't want him holding me right now, I just need a bit of space. "He's was arrested - the school said so. Rumour has it he's some psychopath who's abused at home... doesn't excuse anything but it might explain a bit."
It doesn't, it just raises more questions. Why didn't anyone say anything if he was a dangerous crazy person? If people knew he was being abused then why didn't anyone tell? The abuse, the psychopathic tendencies, they don't matter. It doesn't excuse anything and I refuse to feel pity for the boy who attempted to murder my own flesh and blood.
I have to change the subject. I'll spiral out of control right in front of Harper if I don't.
"Is the school still open?" I ask, desperately trying to keep my voice calm.
"Yeah, it reopens Monday. They're adding metal detectors - they want to know everyone is safe."
"They shouldn't reopen."
"They should at least give it a while, I agree."
My ears are ringing. Ringing is better than hearing bugs, I suppose.
"I feel like shit," I admit out of the blue.
"Do you want to do drugs?" Harper offers. "It will make you feel better."
I consider his offer. Maybe that would make me feel less dead inside.
Maybe that would make the pain go away.
Maybe if I take it just this one time then there will be no negative repercussions.
"Sure."