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c h a p t e r t h i r t y t h r e e
{Beginning of the End}
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Skylar's POV
Jayden let me know he was heading to the bar with Dylan after his walk so I didn't freak out. I'm glad he is with a friend. Marlee offered me her company, but I wanted to spend some time alone since I haven't had the opportunity in a while.
So I pour myself an oh-so-generous amount of wine and run a bath with extra bubbles. Before I settle in the calming water, I press play on my phone, and Bon Iver echos through the dimly lit bathroom.
A smile pulls at my lips. This is exactly what I needed.
I remember the day I sat in this bathtub for the first time. Jayden and I were just getting comfortable with each other. But maybe we were a little too comfortable that night. I remember him letting me be the first to take a bath here. Then he let me borrow a tee-shirt for bed. Little did I know, I'd be borrowing many more t-shirts over the following months.
It feels like an eternity ago.
I bring the wineglass to my mouth and take a hefty sip. My mouth waters from the sweetness.
I hope Jayden is taking it easy with the alcohol tonight, but I'm preparing myself for the worst. Jayden and I are a lot alike, you never know what we could do or how we'd cope.
Speaking of coping, I still haven't reached out to my father. To be honest, I don't think working out my daddy issues right now would be beneficial for anyone. It's going to take a lot of energy to fix things, and I'm running a little dry.
The truth is, I don't know if I want to fix things. I like how my life is, mostly.
The weight of the past couple of days makes my eyes weary, and I instantly feel myself drifting. An overwhelming urge to climb into bed washes over me, so I give myself fifteen more minutes in the warm water before I get out and get ready for bed.
After rinsing off and brushing my teeth, I get cozy in my pajamas and nestle under the cool sheets. I don't want to fall asleep just yet; I want to wait for Jayden, but I don't know when he'll be back. I check my phone and see that it's ten till eleven and I still don't have any texts from him.
'He's with Dylan, he's safe, he's fine.' I reassure myself. To kill time and minimize my thoughts, I grab a book, but I barely make it twenty pages before my eyes shut completely.
I feel a hand on my torso, pulling me in and cradling me, while another brushes hair away from my face. Cool lips press against my hot neck and then a soothing voice whispers, "Hi baby."
Unable to hide my smile, I turn over and face Jayden who just got home. He doesn't hesitate to kiss my forehead. I tuck my nose into his chest, inhaling deeply. His smell completely eases all tension I had.
"Hello," I mumble back sleepily. It takes a moment for my eyes to adjust in the dark, but his features slowly come into view. He doesn't smell of alcohol, in fact, he seems sober. It sounds absurd, but I can almost feel calmness emitting from him.
"How was the bar?"
"Actually, we ended up going to a restaurant."
That catches my attention. "Oh? How was that?"
"Good actually," He goes quiet, "I'm sorry I left you earlier."
"Don't apologize for needing space, I understand."
His warm hands cup my cheek in response. Silence consumes us, and just as I think he has fallen asleep, he speaks. "I took your advice. I reached out to the adoptive parents. Dylan helped."
As if I was jump-started, my entire brain wakes up and I blink, taken aback by this news. I wasn't expecting any of this, at least this soon. "You did? How'd you get their contact information?"
"Some guys at the office. But I sent them an email asking if they'd like to meet."
I shift out of his grasp and reach for the light. "What made you change your mind suddenly?"
We both sit up facing each other. I search his face for answers, but I find little, so I wait for him to speak. He takes his time, fumbling with the sheets, and avoiding eye contact. I take his hands in mine so he stops fidgeting. His entire body relaxes.
"What other choice do I have?" His response is barely audible. "You are right, I'm not gonna get Ellie back."
"Jayden, I didn't mean—" He holds his hand up to stop me from continuing.
"No, it's true. I talked to Dylan, I talked to Addy, they agreed too. My chances of getting custody are little to none if I tried having another hearing. When I was walking, I kept thinking about this entire situation and honestly, Sky, I kept wondering how my life turned out like this. I didn't expect to be this sad all the time, I didn't expect to love someone as much as I love you, and I most certainly didn't expect to have a child."
He abruptly gets out of bed and walks toward the window, facing away from me. "I want this to stop, you know? I want to enjoy these moments, I keep wishing away, and I don't want to constantly feel like if I stumbled, I'd shatter into a million pieces."
My lip trembles. Tears are itching to spill out, but I keep myself together. He turns back around and sits on the lip of the windowsill.
"I think I've always known this was going to be the outcome. But adrenaline and excitement blindsided me, and the thought I'd be more in life than just Jayden, I'd be a dad. Now, I'd rather have a relationship with Ellie than nothing at all... even if that means I don't get custody."
My feet are moving before I even realize. I kneel in front of him and take his hands. He releases a pent up breath and joins me on the floor, resting his forehead against mine. I can't find the right words to say, instead my face inches closer and closer until my lips are on his.
I expected it to be sweet and subtle, but he surprises me, pouncing like a tiger on its prey.
He stands, I stand with him but am quickly lifted off the floor. I furl my fingers in his hair; he pulls me closer until he's crushing me against his chest, but we still can't seem to get close enough.
Our clothes come off feverishly and we slip under the covers. I smile against his mouth and I feel him smile back. I'm lucky to have him.
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I snuck out of bed this morning to get to work earlier than usual. Jayden still had a half-hour till he had to wake up and definitely needed it. When I kissed his cheek, he didn't stir or flinch. His lips remained pressed against his pillow, his hair disheveled, his breathing steady, and it made me smile.
I had enough time to stop and get coffee for Anaya and I. When I brought it into her office, her face illuminated and she mouthed 'thank you' because she was on a call.
But my day was nothing but ordinary. I didn't meet with any clients, instead, I did paperwork until my hand was ready to fall off. Although, I didn't mind because I knew I was going over Ravens after work for a much-needed visit.
I knock once, and the door swings open, revealing Raven with a beaming smile. She engulfs me in a hug, mumbling how happy she is to see me. "Wyatt is still at work so it is going to be a girls' evening," she says.
"Yeah, Jayden texted me, he is stuck at the office, so this works out perfect." We both perch ourselves on the couch and I release a hefty sigh. "The place is coming along great."
We look around the studio apartment, which Raven has decorated beautifully. I always say, if she hadn't gone into the psychology field, she should've gone for interior design.
"Yeah, I'm pleased with how it turned out. Wyatt let me do whatever I wanted."
"Speaking of Wyatt, any updates?"
She shakes her head no. "Small conversation here and there, but I haven't brought up that annoying eight-letter word yet, and neither has he. I don't want to talk about it though." She waves her hands dismissively. "How are things with Jayden? Is he holding up?"
"Things got a little heated yesterday, but we ended up having had a great talk last night." I try my best to explain the gist of the conversation without divulging too much of Jayden's personal feelings or information. Raven completely understands.
"That was bold of him to give up fighting for custody."
I lay back against her cushions. "I know. He said emotions clouded him the entire time and didn't think logically, I feel like that too right now. I can't separate my personal feelings and thoughts from my social worker's feelings and thoughts. And if I'm this confused, I can't imagine how he feels."
She puts a hand on my shoulder reassuringly. "I completely understand. But if you want my advice, go with your social worker thoughts and feelings. You have that degree for a reason. If you can avoid putting you and Jayden under any more unnecessary stress, do it. Anyway, I know this is off-topic, but I'm glad you found someone like him."
The image of him instantly filters through my mind, and I smile. "I am lucky."
"Do you think this is it? That he's the one?"
The one... the question rings in my head. I was never one to fantasize about marriage. I never saw a benefit. Maybe that's because of my parents, or maybe that's just my personality talking. Every man I've been with never satisfied me emotionally enough to want to spend the rest of my life with until Jayden.
Our relationship is more than hearts and flowers. We both connect on a deeper level, a level words cannot describe. And when I'm with him, I feel as if he's another half of me.
But marriage terrifies me. What if it doesn't work out once we say I do? I'd like to believe the universe brought us together for a reason, but if that's the case, it can tear us apart just as easily.
"Well, I did tell him I want to move in," I say.
Her eyes grow three sizes wider. "You're kidding..."
I shake my head no, feeling shy suddenly. "I talked to the tenant and got out of my lease early, we should be going to my apartment to pack up any day now."
Her mouth hands ajar, then she quickly clamps it shut. "I'm happy for you."
Before she can ask me anymore questions, my phone's vibration catches me off guard and I fish it out of my pocket. "Speaking of the devil, it's Jayden." I signal to my ringing phone. "I'm going to take this."
Raven excuses herself and heads into the kitchen to make us a coffee.
"Skylar!" Jayden's voice booms through the speaker the second I answer.
"Hi," I chuckle at his enthusiasm. "What's up?"
"They agreed, Ellie's adoptive parents agreed to meet us."
I feel my blood race with anticipation. For a moment, I almost feel like I could cry. "Are you serious?"
"Yes, this weekend we can meet them halfway at a restaurant since they're in Virginia. It's just us four, we decided on no lawyers, and they aren't comfortable bringing Ellie yet."
I tell him I'll be home shortly so he can tell me everything in more detail, and we hang up. I stay and finish my coffee with Raven and let her know that this is the beginning of the end. We're finally getting somewhere.
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I hope everyone is staying safe. If you ever need to chat or vent about what is going on I'm here for you. #Blacklivesmatter
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Thanks for reading, xoxo Anna :)