A/N- Just a warning, there will be multiple arguments in this chapter so it will be longer than the rest. Those who don't care about the length, enjoy! Plus, we are up to 500 reads now. Thank you so much!
Ethan and Simon broke apart, and it was seeing Simon's gleeful face that made Ethan realise he had made a huge mistake. His emotions were now levelling, his head was now clear and he now knew that he had given Simon a substantial amount of false hope, and he felt guiltier than he ever had before.
"Simon, we need to talk when we get back to the Institute," Ethan whispered to him, "alone"
Alec looked away as Simon nodded at Ethan. He felt torn, and couldn't bring himself to look at Ethan and Simon. He knew that there was something there between them, something underlying that he couldn't quite figure out. But now it was there in the open, and he didn't like seeing it. As if imagining it happening wasn't bad enough.
Ethan saw the look on Alec's face and he sighed, walking over to the raven haired Shadowhunter.
"I didn't feel anything you know," he said to him, "it was a mistake. A mistake that has probably cost me the best friend I ever made"
The Shadowhunter group began walking back to the Institute. Alec took a while before replying to Ethan.
"So... you seriously didn't feel a thing when you kissed him? Nothing at all?"
Ethan gave Alec an inscrutable look "I didn't kiss him, he kissed me. And I suppose, I was so relieved that he was safe, that my emotions were out of balance. As soon as it had ended, I felt guilty"
Alec sighed and ran a hand through his hair, trying to hide how relieved he was that Ethan didn't feel anything for the mundane.
"So... what are you going to do?" Alec asked, as the new Shadowhunter proceeded to look even guiltier than before.
Ethan sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I have to talk to him and tell him it was a mistake. He's not going to like it, and no doubt I might lose him as a friend, but he needs to know. God, why did I do it?"
Ethan turned and punched a nearby wall in frustration, then howled in pain.
"Fuck!" he yelled, "Why the hell did I think I'd feel better after that?"
The rest of the Shadowhunters turned around at the yell, and Simon came over to Ethan and wrapped an arm around him.
"Why did you do that?" Simon asked, as he ran his fingers lightly over Ethan's knuckles.
"Frustration," Ethan mumbled, dragging his hand out of Simon's grasp.
Simon sighed and turned Ethan around to face him.
"I know the party was a dead end, but we can still find your mom. I'm here for you, Ethan, through everything. I promise, we will find her in the end"
Despite the guilt, Ethan smiled at Simon gratefully. He knew that, no matter what he did, he would have his best friend back in the end, after an awkward patch (which was inevitable after the kiss).
"Thank you, Simon, I don't know what I'd do without you"
Simon smiled back at Ethan and kissed his head lightly, then wandered off to join Clary.
Ethan sighed and turned to Alec. "I just made it worse didn't I?"
Alec nodded, the corners of his mouth threatening to curl up into a smile. He felt no sympathy for the mundane and what he would go through later.
"You did indeed, Ethan"
.................................................
The group reached the Institute not long after. Standing in the hallway as they entered, was Hodge. And he did not look happy.
"Do you have any idea how worried I was when I found Jace's note? Not only did you leave without physically telling me, but you went against the Clave's wishes to investigate something that is bigger than you or me?"
Ethan stepped closer to Alec for support, just as Alec stepped closer to Ethan to comfort him. The two bumped into each other and blushed at the contact, looking anywhere but at each other. They were completely unaware of Izzy's smirk or Simon glaring daggers at Alec.
"We just saved you a job! We can't get their memories back so we have to find another way to find the cup" Jace argued.
Hodge sighed "Just... go. It isn't worth having this conversation again"
As the Shadowhunters moved to walk past him, Ethan grabbed Simon and pulled him into the closest room, which just so happened to be the Infirmary.
"E?" Simon said, as Ethan locked the door, "What are you doing?"
"Simon, I'm sorry" Ethan started, sighing.
Simon looked down at the floor. "That kiss was a mistake, wasn't it?"
As Simon met Ethan's gaze again, Ethan nodded, the guilt pooling in his stomach now being shown freely on his face.
"I'm so sorry, Si-" Ethan started, but he was cut of by Simon laughing bitterly.
"You know, I've been in love with you for years. The moment I met you, when Clary brought me round to the flat for the first time, and you walked into Clary's room asking to borrow some pencils, I thought ' This is it. This is the person you have been waiting to meet.' You were the one who made me realise that I was gay, for Christ's sake, Ethan!"
"Simon..." Ethan started, but was cut off by Simon holding his hand up.
"I'm not finished yet, Ethan," he said, getting more worked up now, "what I don't get is: why did you do it? Why did you kiss me back if you didn't mean it? You have led me on, and it feels shit!"
Ethan was crying now, tears rolling down his cheeks. "I never meant to do this, Simon, I promise. I was just so relieved that you were safe, I guess my emotions were out of whack"
Simon, also crying, scoffed and shook his head "Clary said this would happen. She said to me: 'One day, Ethan is going to break your heart, and I'd rather not see this happen'. I never believed her, never. Until now"
"Simon," Ethan said, his voice breaking, "I never meant to hurt you, I promise. I am so sorry"
"You're sounding like a broken record now. I don't belong here, and clearly you are having too much fun with Mr Intimidating to care how I feel, so I'm leaving. I hope you're happy, Ethan"
And with that, Simon moved to leave, but not before turning around to speak to Ethan again.
"I may be so incredibly mad at you now, but text me if you find out anything about your mom. I care about her too"
As Simon left, Ethan sank down onto his knees and cried, over losing the best friend he has ever made.
...........................................................
Whilst Simon and Ethan were arguing in the Infirmary, Alec had chased after Clary in the hopes of conveying something very important.
"What do you want, Alec?" Clary said, glaring at the Shadowhunter who had given her not so pleasant welcome.
"I think you should leave. Go home" he said, looking rather uncomfortable as he did so.
"I don't have a home to go to, or did that slip your mind?" Clary said, starting to walk off, "And anyway, why aren't you having this conversation with Ethan too?"
Alec walked after her, desperate for her to see things from his point of view. "You must have some other relatives or something that you could go and stay with? You've put all of us in danger, Ethan and Simon included. You're reckless and this world is too dangerous for you"
Clary stopped suddenly and whirled round to face Alec, fury on her face. "How dare you? Ethan is old enough to make his own decisions. I didn't force him to go to the vampire lair"
"Yeah, well, you shamed him into it by saying he didn't care about Simon. You are selfish, Clarissa Fairchild" Alec hit back.
"Well you can rant about selflessness and honesty and trust, and how mundanes don't possess these qualities, but at the end of the day if you were actually honest, you would admit that this is a tantrum. Defending my brother just because you fancy him and-"
Clary didn't get to finish her rant, because Alec shoved her back into the wall behind her, rage darkening his face and making him even more intimidating. He whispered now, scaring Clary a lot more than if he'd have yelled.
"Don't you ever say anything to him about it, or I will make you regret it. And, by the Angel, that's a promise"
And with that Alec walked off. you could practically see steam radiating off him he was that angry.
Clary sighed, knowing that she had angered Alec even more, and walked in the direction of the Infirmary. There, she bumped into Simon, who was leaving. Clary saw the tears streaming down his face and immediately went into protective-best-friend mode.
"Simon? What happened? What's wrong?" she asked, hugging her best friend from behind.
Simon turned to her, with glistening eyes. "I'm sorry, Clary, I have to leave. I don't belong here"
Clary was shocked "Simon, please don't go. Why are you leaving?"
Simon shook his head and looked at the floor. "You were right. You know when you said Ethan would break my heart one day. He did"
Simon grabbed his coat then and walked out of the Institute without another word.
Clary's face hardened and she stormed into the Infirmary, seeing Ethan sat on the floor, sobbing and gasping.
"What the hell have you done to Simon?" she asked, hands on hips.
Ethan looked up to meet Clary's gaze. "The kiss in the Hotel Dumort was a mistake. And I told him that"
Clary looked at him, disgusted. "Did you not know about Simon's crush on you? What the hell were you thinking, that he just wouldn't care? Why the hell would you build him up with false hope? No wonder he's upset, he's crushed! You really are a dick, Ethan. "
Ethan shook his head "Don't you think I already know that, Clary? Simon's never going to forgive me"
Clary glared at him "And neither will I. I was right about one other thing: you really don't care about Simon"
At this statement, Ethan felt his tears suddenly dry, and he managed to catch his breath once again. He stood up and wandered over to Clary, in a similar way that Alec had done only moments ago. It was only when he was stood a few inches away from Clary that he spoke, looming over her menacingly and his voice as cold as ice.
"Don't you ever suggest that I don't care about Simon. I may not love him in the way he wants me to, but I love him with all of my heart, and I will do anything to protect him"
Clary's eyes filled with tears as Ethan stepped back, but still felt the need to carry the argument on, deciding to be petty.
"All of your heart? Where's the room for Mom? Or me?"
Ethan yelled in frustration "Get a clue, Clarissa! Not everything is about you!"
" Do not use that name as a weapon against me! This does involve me, because you have hurt my best friend and I will never forgive you for that! Simon is like the brother I never had!"
Then she stopped, realising what she had just said. Ethan scoffed loudly, fresh tears appearing in the corners of her eyes.
"Glad to know how you feel about me, Clare-bear" he said, bitterly, before walking to his room.
Once he was inside, he lay on his bed and cried. He cried for Simon, he cried for his mom, he cried for Clary. But most of all, he cried, wishing he was back in the past, before knowing about this world.