Billie stared at her mother, watching her with slightly widened eyes in surprise. Maggie looked exhausted. There were bags under her eyes and her face was kind of pale.
Maggie cleared her throat, her voice sounding a little hoarse. "What are you doing here?"
"I came to pick up something that you didn't bring." Billie replied, hugging her jacket a little tighter around her. She didn't want her mother casting any other negative glares at Bean.
"Oh." Maggie replied, stepping aside to let her in.
Billie walked past her to go get the portrait in the bedroom in the back. As she walked into the living room, she was entirely surprised that there was nothing Christmas-y about the home in the least. No decorations hanging crookedly from the ceiling. No smell of cookies, no scent of bitter hot chocolate permeating the air. The TV was on, but the channel was set on some scientific channel and not on the Christmas specials. And Finneas clearly wasn't there so he must have gone to Claudia's.
As Billie walked toward the hallway, she noticed the pile of tissues on the floor near the couch and realised her mother probably had a cold. Usually when she got a cold, Billie and her father would nurse her back to health. Had Maggie been trying to take care of it on her own? Where was her dad? Or the steaming honey tea with lemon?
"You have a cold?"
"It's just a little one" Maggie croaked a little sharply, sitting back down on the couch and staring at the TV.
Billie wanted to say something, but she held herself back, shaking her head.
She wouldn't get sentimental.
She couldn't forget that her either of her parents didn't want her. And since that was the case, then Billie wanted nothing to do with them either.
Billie walked down the hallway and headed to her parents room, pushing open the door. It looked like she hadn't used it in a while. The bed was perfectly made with the blankets tucked in and there was a thin, growing layer of dust on the wooden headboard. Had her mother been pulling extra shifts so she wouldn't come home or something? And if so why wasn't it being used by her dad?
A little concerned, despite the fact she tried to tell herself she shouldn't care. Billie crouched under the bed and reached her hand around until she found the wooden frame of the portrait. She tugged it out slowly and held it up in front of her, smiling to herself that it was still in perfect condition, save for a few specks of dust here and there. Drew was going to love it. She tucked it inside her tote, making sure it was comfortably arranged so it wouldn't be damaged in transport.
As she left her parent's room, her eyes drifted to her own room door, slightly ajar. Morbid curiosity gripped her and she wondered, for some strange reason, what her room looked like. She knew most of her stuff was in Drew's room at this point. But she honestly was wondering what her room looked like now that there wasn't any life in it.
She padded over to the door and poked her head inside, glancing around. She had been right. Her room was fairly and oddly bare and untouched.
Except for her bed.
The sheets and covers were frumpy and ruffled and folded over themselves like someone had recently slept in them. Even the writing on her wall had been exposed from the lack of sheet covering it, just sitting there waiting for her personal thoughts to be completely exposed..And there was an open book resting on the pillow. Confused, she walked further in to take a look at the book. She was met with various random images of a blue eyed, blonde haired baby girl crawling on a fuzzy white carpet and crying and smeared food on her face and being given a bath. Some with another young boy, some not.
It was her baby album.
Her fucking baby album.
"No..."
Billie inhaled unsteadily and spun around immediately, trying hard not to think about the implication of her baby pictures resting on her clearly used bed. She walked right out of her room and down the hall to the living room.
As she came out in the living room, her eyes immediately went to her mother, still sitting stiffly on the couch, her back to Billie. She then noticed that under Maggie was a blanket and a pillow. Like someone had been sleeping on that couch. Maybe her father? Why would he be sleeping on the couch. Had this whole pregnancy thing put a strain on their relationship? Her parents had always had such a strong relationship how could it be crumbly so easily.
"Where's dad?"
Maggie kept her eyes on the TV, twiddling her thumbs. "He said he had to see someone."
"Today? On Christmas? Without you? Well is he coming back?" Billie asked worryingly.
"I don't know." Maggie's voice was so quiet, Billie could barely hear it.
Something tugged in Billie's chest, and she swallowed thickly, knowing her anger at her mother had pretty much disappeared. Three weeks of anger. Evaporated so unbelievably fast. Billie wondered if she was ever actually angry with Maggie's rejection to begin with. Because looking at her, the only thing Billie could think about was how much she wished she could have been sitting on that couch with her.
"I'm gonna go now."
Maggie didn't respond.
Billie's words evaporated into thin air as if they had never existed.
Billie put her hand on the doorknob, almost leaving, but her hand stilled.
"You know... You're welcome to come to Drew's to celebrate with us."
Billie looked over her shoulder and she saw her mother was watching her from the side, something like regret passing through her eyes once again.
"I..." Maggie started, turning back around to face the TV with a frown. She shook her head slowly. "I think you better go."
And Billie's throat tightened dangerously. She knew her eyes were watering.
But not because she was sad for herself.
There was something absolutely heart wrenching about seeing her mother sitting by herself on Christmas day by herself waiting for her husband to come home. They always spent Christmas as a family. Well, at least until Billie had to fuck up everything and get pregnant. What had happened to them? They used to be so close and now, it was like there was a whole mountain between them, and it hurt. It honestly, truly hurt Billie to see that the the whole families relationship had been torn to pieces to the point where they couldn't even be in the same room.
Billie spun around, walking around the couch to where her mother was sitting.
"Mom. I can stay with you today you know?" Billie said earnestly, almost begging, "I can stay with you just for today. We always stick together for Christmas."
Maggie closed her eyes momentarily, her head turned slightly away from Billie, fists bunching the material of her dress. After letting out a deep breath, she stood up firmly, her expression displeased and closed off. Seeing her up close again, Billie wondered if her mother had always been that thin, that tired, and looking worn down. There was no vibrancy in her expression, no happiness in her eyes. How come Billie had never noticed it until now?
"I'd rather you didn't. Go Billie." Maggie said firmly, her fists still tightly clenching her dress.
Maggie was putting on airs. Billie could see it in her demeanor, like she wanted to say yes but she wouldn't. Why didn't she just say yes? Why didn't she just let Billie back into her life? They were supposed to be together forever. They were suppose to be each other's support and reliance, but Maggie wouldn't let Billie in at all, and it was tearing her apart. It was tearing her whole family apart.
Billie nodded, tears starting to pool on her lower lashes. "Alright...I-I understand."
And then Billie opened her bag and rummaged through it. She pulled out a ribboned box of her mother's favourite vegan chocolates she had bought the day before. The box of chocolates she had been planning to just ignore until Christmas passed.
"I didn't think I was going to give this to you. But I bought it anyway." Billie handed it to her, tears trailing down her cheek. "They're your favourites."
Maggie took the box silently, her hands shaking as she stared at it.
Billie smiled slightly and then turned around, walking briskly to the door. As she opened it to leave, part of her desperately wanted to turn around and glance back at her mother. But the other part won out and she forced herself to remain resolute and not look back once because the noise Maggie made as Billie walked out of the doorway sounded suspiciously like a sniffle, and Billie knew if she turned around, she herself would break down.
Billie walked away from the house, roughly wiping her eyes with her sleeve. She couldn't let this affect her like that.
Maggie still didn't want her around. So Billie would put this behind her and would keep her distance until she did.
...If she ever did.
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Billie walked into Drew's house feeling a little drained. It was like all her cheerfulness from finding out Jellybean was a girl was suck out of her from her interaction with her mother. Was this the way it was going to be from now on? Everything having to do with Maggie would dishearten her.
She took off her jacket with a sigh and set it on the rack beside the door before shutting it. The rest of the family didn't seem to have arrived from their places around wherever yet. Sarah was hurriedly bustling in the kitchen, checking the food in the oven and mixing things at the pot, but when she heard the door close, she turned to Billie.
"Billie, you're back?"
Billie nodded, "I'm having a girl."
Sarah smiled, "Jellybean is a girl? Congratulations Billie."
"Thanks. Where is everyone?"
"Well, most of the extended family are still on the road. Derek left a while ago. Said he had to run an 'errand', though I have no doubt, he forgot to buy me a present..." she grumbled, stirring the lumpy gravy in the pot. "Drew went out to go put Christmas cards in our neighbours' mailboxes."
Billie didn't say anything in response, just sitting dejectedly at the table and Sarah turned around, concern on her face.
"Billie? You're a little pale. You want something to eat?"
"I'm not really hungry." Billie said, tracing the little scratch marks on the table.
Sarah turned around back to Billie and set her hand on her forehead, checking to see if she might have been running a fever.
"You don't seem to be running hot" Sarah said, worry on her face, "Do you feel sick? Come on, let's have you lie down for a bit okay?"
Sarah cut off the stove and then helped Billie as she stood. They walked to Drew's room. Billie set her bag down and climbed on the bed, lying on her side as Sarah rubbed her back.
"Billie, what's wrong? You look a little down."
"My mom" Billie said, starting out the window. "I went back home to pick something up."
"Are you okay."
"Well yes. And no. She seems kind of lonely...And it just makes me feel like I should be there with her, even if we're not on the best terms right now. But she still didn't want me there." Billie's vision blurred with tears. "And my dad wasn't there and she didn't know where he was and it looked like he had been sleeping on the couch."
"Oh Billie..." Sarah sighed.
"I just wish she would open up to me" Billie glanced down at her tummy. "Open up to us...The way things are now, it seems like she won't ever want to know Jellybean. And that hurts.."
They stayed there in silence for a bit, Billie using her palms to wipe away the tears in her eyes.
"Shit..." she said, sniffling heavily, "I thought I was over what happened weeks ago, but I'm not. My mom really doesn't want me."
"You can't say that." Sarah said, stroking her back soothingly. "If she really didn't want you at all, don't you think she would have completely and totally rejected you? Not even talked to you?"
Or have been looking at my baby pictures...
"I just don't know what to do..."
"There's nothing you can do but give her time." Sarah said softly. "Until then, you can only hope she'll come around eventually and let you back in."
Drew's door opened, and Derek walked in with a wide smile.
And then in tow, Patrick walked in behind him.
Billie eyes widened in shock. This was the last person she was expecting to see on this very day.
"D-dad?"
"Hey Billie. How have you been?"
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I did not like this chapter.
Also keep them baby names coming, nothing too crazy because she is not a celebrity in this.