November 1991
Pune
The sun had set behind the Sahyadri mountains, highlighting a thick grey layer of smog over the city. Within a few minutes, the city was sparkling with millions of lights as if someone had thrown buckets full of glitter all over it in a few blinks of an eye. Pune, the beautiful city of history, arts and literature, buzzed and shimmered in the lap of mountains. The constant flow of vehicles on the roads, especially during the peak hours, ensured a continuous supply of layers of dust and smoke to the cloud of smog above them.
The abundance of vehicles on the road also meant that getting a slot free for off-street parking on the high street at this time of the evening was next to impossible.
Khushi cursed the owner of the vehicle as she struggled to wriggle Jhumri out from between two two-wheelers parked side by side, almost trapping her and making it difficult to pull it out of the parking slot. A couple of futile attempts later, she lost her patience and decided to push the bike next to hers out of her way, and make some space for herself.
The moment she touched the bike next to her, she heard its owner rush towards her. She was about to explode on the owner for the irresponsible way in which he had parked his bike next to hers when a surprise registered on her face.
"Aman! What are you doing here?"
"Shit! I am so sorry! There was no place to park, and I was in a hurry. It was supposed to be a two-minute job to buy a pack of guitar strings. I thought I would be back in a jiffy. Sorry, Khushi!" Aman smiled awkwardly as he moved his bike away to make some space for Khushi to pull out her's.
The moment he pulled his bike out, he threw her a cursory glance and smiled "Alright then. I'll see you later, Khushi."
Khushi stood staring at him. "Stop! Why are you running away from me like this, Aman? What is going on?"
Aman stood staring at her tentatively like he was in some kind of dilemma. But his stance changed and it was apparent to her that he had decided to choose the easier way out.
"Look, I really got to go." Aman pleaded, glancing around while he mounted his bike and kicked started it to life.
"Have I done something? Now I think -- why else --I am sorry. I won't ask again. I promise." A film of tears blurred her vision as she turned around to hop on her bike.
"Khushi! No!" Aman sighed as he switched off the engine and got off his bike. He walked towards her and smiled at her. "You haven't done anything."
"It's okay, Aman. It's your call. It's just that I would have liked to know the reason, and I thought you were one of those who would care enough to provide one." She pressed the ignition button and was about to ride off when Aman held her hand and asked her to stop.
"No. It's not you, Khushi. It never was, never can be. Look, I don't know what to say." He looked away to stare at his bike.
Khushi huffed out a laugh. "Oh come on Aman, how bad can it be? Just spill it out!"
"Arnav warned me to stay away from you Khushi."
Khushi's eyes widened the moment Arnav's name was mentioned. For a moment she thought she had heard it wrong. A part of her brain refused to believe it. Then she presumed Aman had misunderstood Arnav, which was quite understandable given how strongly Arnav had come on to him that day. But Arnav did not mean to ask Aman to stay away from her! Perhaps, he had misunderstood the conversation because of the way Arnav had spoken to him.
"No! No Aman, you got him all wrong." She smiled. "He is not the kind of guy who would do something like this. He was just protective. The gig talk wasn't something that he--"
"Kabir had walked with me to the South Gate parking where my bike was parked that day." Aman cut in smoothly. "This happened after you left the college building that day, of course. He chatted quite nicely with me and then casually asked me where I lived. Next thing I know, they both stop by my house in the evening and --" He held back the words looking at the shocked expression on her face.
Khushi couldn't believe her ears. Why would Arnav do this? It was so unlike him, so out of character! And how dare he! Sudden anger penetrated through the haze of confusion in mind and got worse with every passing second. At some point in time in those few seconds, standing in front of Aman, absolutely mortified by what he was telling her, Khushi was on the verge of a meltdown.
Aman moved closer to her and held her hand in his. "Only a foolish man would not like you, Khushi." Aman smiled "But honestly boloon? I have just moved into this city a few months ago from Delhi. I don't know anyone here other than the music group I hang out with day and night. I didn't want to get into any trouble with these boys. I know you, but I don't know them. I don't know to what extent they might go if they really wanted to get messy. My parents are old. I just didn't want things to escalate into something serious. Had this happened in Delhi --"
Her eyes and heart softened at his honesty. She felt responsible for what had happened to him and vowed to sort it out with Arnav and Kabir as soon as she could. "Aman, I am sorry. I apologise on their behalf. They are good boys, and this is so unlike them! Honestly, I am lost! Rather, I am shocked!"
Aman smiled. "It's okay, why are you apologising? Don't. I feel better after telling you. I should have done this earlier, I guess. It's just that I didn't want to get into-- oh, never mind."
Khushi was feeling horrible. She couldn't figure out how she felt. Never in her life had she faced a situation like this one. Her hand closed over his unknowingly.
"I am sorry, Aman. I really am." Her eyes lowered in guilt.
To her absolute horror, within the next few seconds, a hand struck Aman's shoulder like a bolt of lightning and shoved him away from her. Aman staggered backwards in shock in an attempt to regain his balance. By the time he figured out what was happening, his eyes were staring at the menacing face of Arnav.
"Son of a bitch! I asked you to stay away from her!" Arnav bellowed, his eyes blazing fire, his breath coming in gasps because of the dash he had made towards him in a matter of seconds.
"Arnav! What the hell are you doing!" Khushi shrieked in shock as she ran towards him and pulled him away from Aman.
"What the fuck is going on here Khush, and what the hell is he doing here with you --your hand--like this?" He demanded, staring at her and her hand intermittently.
She stood stunned and kept staring at Arnav. A million thoughts raced through her head as she wondered how on earth had he turned up there at that precise moment. "What are you doing here, Arnav?" She asked, utterly rattled by his unexpected presence.
"I was on my way back home when I saw you, on the roadside, holding his hand and--" His teeth clenched, "--What is he doing here, Khush? What are you doing here, with your hands in his?" Arnav yelled once again, his entire body shaking in a fury.
"You will have to lower your voice when you speak to me or else I will leave, Arnav" Khushi spoke in a cold tone, making every possible attempt to reign in her anger.
"Yes! I think you should leave, and leave me alone with this son of a--"
"Arnav! Not a word more!" Khushi roared and looked at Aman with apologetic eyes.
Aman took a few steps away from the two. "Khushi, I'll get going. Clearly, this man is out of his mind. Don't waste your time on all this. Not worth it. I'll see you in college." He spoke carefully while straightening his shirt and tucking it into his black trousers. He picked up his guitar case quickly, hung it across his shoulder and with one kick of his bike, rode off before Arnav or Khushi could say anything to him.
Arnav was breathing heavily with anger evident in his eyes when he finally glanced at her. "You are meeting him without telling anyone of us?" He said accusingly.
"You threatened him!" She fizzed like a firecracker as she stared back at him.
"You don't know him! He--"
"And you do?" She yelled with all her might this time. She was beyond furious.
Arnav frowned, watching her turn into a blazing fire in front of his eyes. "Khush, you don't understand--"
"No! I do. I think it's you who doesn't understand it. I don't need your approval to choose my friends, okay? I never come in your way when you make friends with whoever you want to or even when you get together with any bimbo that walks in front of your eyes. I don't interfere in your life, and I would appreciate it if you don't interfere with mine. I am not a baby anymore, Arnav! I am eighteen years old! So, for the love of God, stop babysitting me! Just let me be, okay? Stay the hell out of my life! And you know what---"
The traffic sound muted in his ears as Arnav stared at her while she kept talking to him. The light from the street lamps dimmed and his vision blurred. He felt a chill run up his spine, and his brain came to a standstill.
Just let me be, okay? Stay the hell out of my life.
Her words felled him. Suddenly, there was only one loud sound he could hear. Of his racing heartbeat. He never thought she would fight him for someone else. He never thought there would be a day where she would be standing against him, screaming at him defending someone else. The feeling shook him. He never imagined her to not be with him, on his side. This wasn't the girl he knew. No, she wasn't.
The words she used had hit home and wounded him. When had she grown up so much to say all these things to him? What the hell had just happened?
He looked at her properly this time, trying to find his Khush in the woman who seemed to be a stranger to his eyes. And suddenly something inside him flipped. He saw her for what she was for the first time in his life. A confident girl who stood up for what she believed in. A girl who had no qualms about calling a spade, a spade. A girl who was not intimidated by anyone or anything.
She was talking, but he couldn't hear a single word. He observed her lips moving as she carried on with her tirade.
Her lips.
He noticed them for the first time in his life. The luscious petals that opened and closed like a fish as she spoke. A few wispy locks blew in the warm evening air, teasing her eyes and cheeks as she talked, unfazed by them. One of the locks got caught in the loop of her earring in her left ear, losing its freedom to fly. She released it immediately with her long and slender fingers while she kept talking. Her cheeks were flushed pink, like always when she got furious. Her eyes danced with fire in them with their usual warmth missing, the light brown orbs changing colour whenever she changed the tone of her speech. The kohl in them felt more pronounced whenever her eyes widened. Her pink dupatta flew in the air giving him a glimpse of her slender neck, and her chest heaved as she played with anger in her own mesmerising ways.
Arnav found himself drowning somewhere in between those two perfect lines of kohl in each eye. She looked breathtakingly beautiful to him at that moment, and he was hypnotised. How had he not noticed all this before? His heart skipped a beat and then slowly picked up speed. An unknown heady feeling engulfed him rendering him speechless for a few very long moments.
Stay the hell out of my life.
Her words came back to strike him like a rude reminder, and it didn't stop there. The image came back too. An image of her holding Aman's hand and it disturbed him a lot. Words flew out of his mouth without a thought. "Why were you holding his hand, Khush?" He asked, his face pinched together in a frown as he struggled to regulate his breathing.
"Sorry?" Khushi stopped abruptly when she realised Arnav had not heard a word of what she had said so far.
"Are you seeing Aman?" He asked softly, as though nothing had happened a few minutes ago.
"Are you even listening to me?" She asked him incredulously.
"Yes. But I just want to know. Are you with Aman now?"
"You know what? I don't need this right now. It's best you and I don't talk to each other for a few days. I don't wish to see your face. Just stay away from me!" She cried, utterly exasperated by his lack of sensitivity and exhausted by the turn of events of the evening.
She hopped onto her bike and left immediately without talking to him or looking back. Arnav stood there, staring at the place that was left empty by her bike. Jhumri... he thought and smiled. He then turned around and watched her ride away until she was swallowed by the evening traffic.
***
Arnav had turned into a mad man at the end of the second day. Khushi had successfully avoided him for two full days after the incident. Those two days made him realise that she affected him on levels he didn't quite understand and he had been completely oblivious to the fact. She hadn't spoken a word to him. They hadn't run into each other even once, and this behaviour was unlike her. The Khush he knew, would eventually come around and call a truce, even if it was his fault at times. But this time, she seemed like she didn't care, and that hurt.
Later that evening, he saw her going alone upstairs to the terrace of their building. He waited for a few minutes and then followed her. He knew he had to talk to her for his sanity. This couldn't go on.
Arnav found her humming a song while gathering the pillow covers and bedsheets that were hung on the clothesline for drying since morning.
"Mmmhmm mhmmmmmm
Kabhi tum suno...
Ke maine tumhe ...yeh dil de diyaaaa
mmhmmmm mmmmhmmmm"
"Lamhe?" Arnav asked carefully, recognising the tune of the new favourite number in town instantly.
Khushi stilled for a moment and let out a big sigh. "Yes. Beautiful song. They finally made a song of the vintage tune, and I am so glad they did." She pulled off the last sheet on the line and began folding all of them.
"What do you mean?" Arnav asked her, joining her to help her fold them into a neat pile.
"Just this line, 'Kabhi main kahoon', the tune for it has been a continuous background piece for many romantic moments in all Yash Chopra movies of late, especially Chandni." She explained with a smile on her face.
"How do you-- Nah. Don't answer that. I keep forgetting that I am talking to a chalta phirta Bollywood khazana!" He chuckled.
She smiled as they finished folding all the bed linen. She then walked over to the parapet and sat down on the tiled floor, resting her back against it. A minute later, he joined her. A comfortable silence settled in between them as he sat down next to her.
"We've had our nasty fights, but you've never avoided me like this. This is so not you, Khush."
"You have been angry before, but you've never threatened somebody physically. That is so not you, Arnav." She quipped back.
"Touché!" He smiled as he pulled out a pack of salted peanuts from his pocket and handed it over to her. She grabbed it in an instant and smiled.
"You need to find a different way of apologising Arnav. This one is getting old now."
"Khush, I was out of line, way out of line and I'm sorry" He looked at her, and his eyes apologised sincerely.
She glanced at him and then back at the peanut bag in her hand. "I thought I would never see this day. You manhandling a guy, fistfight and all that." She chuckled, shaking her head.
"I have apologised." He said sheepishly. "Now, you have to be all sweet about it and say all is forgiven." He smirked glancing at her, his dimples flashing cheekily.
"Not a chance. I'm still quite angry with you."
Arnav rested his head against the parapet and sighed. "The stars are not in my favour. I fought with you two days ago, and I broke up with Mehr yesterday."
"I knew it wouldn't last." She deadpanned.
Her instant response took him by surprise. The way she said it so confidently almost made him laugh.
"Why? Because she is a --what did you call her -- a bimbo?" He asked her, amusement written all over his face.
"She was too selfish, Arnav." She turned to face him, her face grim. "It's difficult for her kind to be in a relationship. I've watched her on many occasions, where she has been self-obsessed and uncaring about what a certain situation or a thing would mean or do to you. She cared only about herself, never much about you. I am surprised you never noticed." She said earnestly.
He looked at her in amazement. "Wow! You noticed all this and never told me?"
"I thought you would realise it. But seems like, I gave you way too much credit for--" She giggled.
"Are you pulling my leg? You know the consequences!!"
"Na! I won't dare!"
Arnav smiled at her fondly. "And you would just let me be with anyone I want, even if she is not right for me?"
"Wrong and right is all subjective, Arnav." She said, offering him a peanut. "We all might not agree on the same thing, but as friends, we will be there for you if you need us. You get to decide. That is how it is supposed to be, right?" She asked as she popped a peanut into her mouth.
"True." He studied the pensive way she was sitting next to him. "Okay, so remind me of one occasion, which I might pause and look back at differently, of her being selfish, self-obsessed."
Khushi didn't spend a lot of time thinking about it. It seemed to him as though there were way too many of them.
"The first time she came to our hill? Remember?"
He nodded.
"When you guys had slipped, you had got hurt too Arnav. Your left elbow was bleeding, and you had an ugly graze on it. I was surprised she didn't even bother asking you if you were okay. I had noticed it, but couldn't do anything then because I thought she would have another reason to hold a grudge against me."
Arnav felt his heart thudding inside his chest as he kept staring at her face. For some reason, he felt every nerve in his body beginning to tingle.
"One more." He whispered to her.
"Hmm?"
"One more incident. Please." His voice was hoarse, and Khushi looked into his eyes for a moment and looked away immediately.
"Okay. Remember the day she had to go shopping last week? When we all were waiting at the restaurant for you to join us after your swim at the club?" She huffed out a breath. "You came over, and she wanted to leave immediately. How could she? We all had eaten, but you had had nothing since morning. It didn't even strike her once that you might be hungry and might want to have something to eat! And when I ordered for you, she was upset with me. Weirdo." Khushi had a frown on her face as she recollected that incident.
His heart was galloping as he heard her narrate the events. Did anyone else know him as much as she did? Did anyone else care as much? How had he not realised it before? What he didn't want to tell her, was the fact that no one else had noticed these things about him except her. It was very evident that she cared, cared beyond what a friend would. The feeling overwhelmed him and took his breath away. A sense of peacefulness settled in his heart.
"These are silly examples, Arnav." She continued. "But indicative. And then there were many many more serious ones too. She didn't seem like the kind who would give her everything to her man, to the relationship, and value it as much."
"And you?" He asked as he looked into her eyes.
"Me?"
"You would do that for your man?" He asked as every cell in his body thrummed in anticipation of her reply.
"In a heartbeat. How else do you do it, Arnav?" She smiled, and he felt his heart flip inside his chest.
"Saiyaan yeh baiyaan zara thaam le tu..
Munh se kisi cheez ka naam le tu..
Tere kadmon mein saara jahaan rakh doon..
Aa meri jaan ...main tujh mein apni jaan rakh doon..
Aa meri jaan.."
She giggled as she sang it. "This is Yash Chopra telling you what love is! You don't question the authority!"
She laughed, but he sat there, stunned, mesmerised after she sang lines of her favourite song. She was a different girl for him tonight. Or was it this slow blooming realisation inside him that the girl sitting next to him was a man's dream come true and how he, of all the people in the world, had completely missed it.
"What if the man, the meri jaan you sing about, is an ass of the highest order?"
"As long as he is not a badass.." She bit her lip as her eyes twinkled in the moonlight.
They laughed together, and then she smiled. His heart skipped a beat once again.
"Okay, truth time? One question each, like always?" He asked because he needed to know, and there was no other way of finding out.
She nodded as she turned towards him. He looked at her, his face set grimly. "Are you in love with Aman, Khush?" The moment the words were out, he felt his breath stuck in his chest.
"Nahi re. But I think I am attracted to him." She smiled coyly and coloured slightly.
Her response hit the core of his heart like a bullet, and he couldn't exhale the breath he had held in for so long. He looked away immediately, hoping to conceal his feelings that were overwhelming him at the moment.
"He is a nice guy Arnav. Funny, witty! You know the kind who--"
"--Would you -- do you want to be with him? I mean, go out with him?" Those were the most difficult words Arnav had ever uttered from his mouth. It felt like someone stabbed his heart with a sharp knife and twisted it inside.
Khushi sighed. "Maybe? Honestly, I don't know. But I don't think it matters because he won't come near me after what happened." She chuckled and then smiled wistfully.
His heart skipped another beat. Another wave of intense emotion hit his brain and heart. It was her wistful smile. He felt responsible for it. That smile made him want her to have whatever the hell she ever wanted in life, even if it meant going all the way to hell and back for it. The feeling was so powerful that he wanted to meet Aman right then and fix things between them before the day ended. He just wanted her to smile like she always did when she was happy.
"I am so sorry, Khush. I will come to your college tomorrow and apologise to him. I promise. I was way out of line, and I know how to apologise when it is my mistake." It hurt when he said that, but he knew it had to be done.
"That would be nice Arnav. I never want him or anyone else to think bad about you." She smiled, and this time it was a happy smile.
His heart felt lighter. Her smile was back, and he thought he was standing on top of the world. This girl was driving him crazy. What was happening to him, what was she doing to him?
"My turn now." She asked looking straight into his eyes. "So, why did you do it? Why did you warn him to stay away from me?"
"Felt fiercely protective Khush." He looked away as he replied. Liar. Big fucking liar!
"Aman is harmless, Arnav. He is not a Prem Chopra or a Shakti Kapoor, you know!" She chuckled, finding his explanation very absurd. "Why would he harm me?"
"That my lady is the second question on truth time! If I answer that, I am allowed one more too, alright?"
She nodded again.
"Aman is a man, Khush. A man! And I know what they want because I am one of them." His jaw clenched. "Was just not sure if you were ready for it, that's all." He said to her, cursing himself in his head. Brilliantly done Arnav, you deserve an award for this.
"Next time, please ask me before you do anything as silly as that. I never want all this to happen again. Okay?" Khushi smiled as she got up to leave.
"Done." He took a deep breath and asked, "Now, my turn?"
She nodded as she gathered all the folded bed linen in her arms.
"Have you ever been -- I mean, has Aman ever --I mean.."
"Close to me?"
His breath came out in a whoosh when she uttered those words. He fidgeted and got to his feet suddenly. His heart turned and twisted into knots he thought he could never undo in his entire life.
"No. Don't answer that." He forced a smile on his lips. "Allow me to carry that downstairs for you." He said hesitantly, as he took the pile of linen from her hands. Coward. You big fucking coward!
"You don't want me to answer the question?" She asked surprised for she knew, he would never let go of an opportunity like that!
"No. I am good."
She smiled. "Yes. You are."
"Are we good, Khush?" He held her gaze. His heart started thudding again, and this time he was sure he would suffer a stroke.
"Yes. Always were. Always are. Always will be!"
She smiled, and every single cell in his being fought for control when his heart expressed a desire to hold her close to him. To his heart. To himself. Just for himself. This had never happened before with her. His heart had never felt this way for her. He never experienced anything so overwhelming for any other girl before.
Arnav watched her walk away from him. "Khush?"
She stopped midway and turned back to face him. "Yes?"
"Kuchh nahin." He smiled, cursing himself.
She smiled and turned around to leave.
"Achcha suno.." He stopped her again.
"Kaho?"
"Lamhe dekhni hain?"
Her eyes widened in surprise. "Hell yes! But West End mein. With a promise of sandwiches from Marzorin?" She looked at him expectantly.
"Done." He smiled, feeling lighter than he had felt in years.
"Sab ko poochhoon?" She asked, happiness dancing in her eyes
"Sab?" He asked, confusion written all over his face.
"I mean Pi, Akky and the gang?"
"Oh! Haan haan...of course! Yes, I will check with them too."
"Thank you!" She gave him a blinding smile. "Let me know if you get the tickets! Good night, Arnav!" She squealed almost childlike.
Dear God, he had forgotten that they would be going out with the group, not just the two of them! What the hell was happening to him? What was he going to do? Where was he supposed to go from here? What was going on in his head and heart, he wondered. Everything he had ever felt for Khushi clashed with what he was feeling for her right now, and it left his mind all muddled up.
She was not the Khush he knew for all these years. Had he changed? Or had something changed between them? He had no clue. All he knew was that things would never be the same between them again. Maybe she had changed everything.