Every Flight Counts

By zaaaxy

1.9M 94.2K 42K

SIS (Social Issue Series) #3: Gender Inequality Men and women in the 21st Century still aren't able to totall... More

Every Flight Counts
Prologue
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Epilogue

91.5K 4.2K 2.3K
By zaaaxy

Fly



"Let me talk to the little one," 


I'm almost sounding desperate because of too much concern.


I heard Ellie sighing from the other line.


"We'll be safe, Zaid. I promise. Please don't worry to much.." she softly said in a sweet voice.


I nodded even though she cannot see me. "I know.. but atleast let me talk to the little bud down there,"


She lightly breathed out. "Okay, I'll put you on speakers."


I didn't hear her voice for a while. There was just a quick beep sound.


"The phone's now on my tummy, Zaid." I heard her signal me in the background.


I shifted on my feet. 


"Baby.." I gently started. "Please don't give your Mom a hard time, alright? Wag ka munang makulit habang nagco-control si Mommy ng plane. No kickings and moving too."


I exhaled.


"If you behave, I promise I'll cook a really good meal for you once you get back home with Mommy,"


I stopped talking there and Ellie might have sensed it so she turned off the loud speaker option and may have placed the phone near her ears again as she talk.


I was welcomed by her breathing. "Promise, Zaid magma-maternity leave na talaga 'ko pag nag-five months yung  tyan ko.." she said to convince me.


I smiled. "Can't we cut that down to three months or less?"


"What? Grabe naman, Zaid! Yung iba nga hanggang one month before due nagta-trabaho pa rin eh. Okay na  yung five! Gusto ko pang.. magpalipad,"


I chuckled. "I'm kidding.. I'm okay with five too. With your skills, I know nothing would go wrong anyway.." marahang sabi ko.


I heard her touched reaction from the other line. We talked more for a bit until it's time for their boarding so we have to say goodbye.


"I'll fetch you at the airport.." I reminded. "I love you,"


"I'm sure you will. See you," she lengthily answered. "And I love you too,"


My heart hammered in my chest as her sweet voice utter the words. Fuck. There's just no getting used to it. 


I sighed as I brought down the phone. I miss my wife so much. My very pregnant wife. She's just a month through her pregnancy but I couldn't be prouder of how she's handling things so far. This is just her second flight as a mother so I can't help but get a little bit anxious. Atleast on her first one, I was able to stay by her side in the airport before their boarding. But now that she's in a far away land and in a different country, I can't be there for her.


Nevertheless I know my wife well. She's a fighter. And that's enough to calm my nerves.


How did I even get so lucky?


A smile slowly appeared on my face as I remembered the very first time I saw her.


Was it during the opening convocation? 


No.


The campus tour?


No.


Anwhere around PCAST?


No.


It wasn't in any of that. 


Rather, it was in a bus.


That one particular morning is still vivid in my memory. 


My day started out so bad. I was on my way for the first day of school when I decided to go out of the car just so I could quickly grab something to eat for breakfast. But when I went back to where I left and parked my car, it wasn't there anymore. My car was fucking towed. What a time to be alive. It's not even like I really want to go to the Academy. 


I was shaking my head while waiting for a taxi. I suddenly regreted why I deleted the ride-booking app I used to have. I thought I won't be needing it again now that I have my own car.


Hindi na rin talaga siguro ganun kauso ang taxi dahil wala akong masyadong nakikitang dumaan. Kung meron man ay may pasahero na iyon. Napaayos ako ng tayo nang matanaw ang isang papalapit na bus. May placard iyon ng PCAST at mukhang may espasyo pa naman. Hindi ko na pinalampas ang pagkakataon at napiling sumakay na lang doon. Wala naman sigurong mawawala. Malapit na rin naman ang Academy rito kaya't saglit na byahe na lang iyon.


I was wrong when I thought there's still some vacant space though. It was literally very full inside. I shrugged and just went on with my choice though. It's not like I have any other option now that I'm already inside.


Nakatayo ako gaya ng karamihan doon. Natigilan ako nang magsimulang magsalita ang isang babae na nakatayo rin. Sunod-sunod ang pagbibitaw niya ng mga salita at tila nagpaparinig sa lalaking nasa harap niya.


"Hay nako, hindi na talaga uso ang gentleman," mariing sabi niya.


"Kalalaking tao, di na nahiya, may babaeng nakatayo sa tapat niya," 


I can't help but get petrified at how the lady's eyes are getting wider every minute.


"Ano ba naman yung ipaubaya niya na lang yung upuan niya-"


"Ate, pwede ba?" my eyes flew to where the new distinctive voice is coming from.


My brow automatically arched when I saw a pretty face. It was very bare and natural. You can tell just by a single look that there was no traces of make-up on her face. It was glowing in its purest form. She looks ethereal and somehow even.. angelic.


"Tao lang tayong lahat dito, pare-parehong napapagod sa buhay. Kahit lalaki yan si Kuya may karapatan yang umupo at magpahinga kung gusto niya."


My lips parted. 


If she looks like an angel to me earlier, now she still looks like an angel to me but a sexy one. A really sexy angel. I can't believe I'm even imagining her in an angel suit already. An image flashed in my mind but not the typical divine and holy angel with a floppy white dress. In my mind, she was wearing a white pair of sexy revealing and teasing outfit with her white wings. 


Napapikit ako. Damn.


"Oh, umupo ka rito kung gusto mo. Tutal malapit naman na kong bumaba,"


Fuck, she's feisty. It almost made my lips curve. 


I was already internally grinning at this entertaning scenario. But shit, her sexy angel image just won't get out of my mind.


My mouth almost went agape when she stood up and I was able to scan her body. Aside from the fact that she was wearing the same uniform as mine, the most notable thing I noticed is that she got all the curves on the right places.


That body is.. to die for.


"Miss, dito ka na lang umupo."


Her beauty also didn't fail to mesmerize the other guys in here. I can tell it just by looking at them. It was evident in the way they gaze at her. A part of my brain was telling me that I probably just look at her the same way they do but I chose to brush away that thought.


I almost chuckled sarcastically when almost all the men seating are suddenly offering their seats for the gorgeous young lady.


Lol, look at these dimwits instantly turning into gentle dogs just because a girl who looks so fine is in need. You are never gonna get commended for just choosing who you respect based on looks, bastards. I hate it. I suddenly hate the scene.


Or maybe you hate the situation because you have no seat to offer for her.


I clenched my jaw at the thought. Well.. yeah. Maybe.. that too.


"Oh, PCAST, PCAST, may bababa ba?"


I bulge when I heard the baritone voice. I was about to take a step when a sweet voice made me stop.


"Meron po, Kuya!" 


I suddenly stiffened on my feet. She's going to pass by here. I can choose to get out of the bus first since I am somewhere near the door but something's preventing me to do it. I wanna feel her presence. To be just inches apart from her. To be close to her. And if lucky enough, to feel some tiny skinship too.


My heart thumped inside my chest as I secretly watch her get near my position.


And she did.


My breathing hitched at that split of a second.


I wasn't that fortunate to feel her seemingly soft skin but damn.. she smells so lovely.


I don't know why the fuck I am suddenly catching my breath. Just what the fuck. This is crazy.


"Oh Springfield, Springfield, meron ba?"


I was brought back from daze when I heard the same voice of a man.


"Huh?" I whispered to myself. 


Napamura ako nang mapagtantong hindi ako nakababa at tuluyan na palang lumampas ang bus. I went down from the vehicle feeling so stupid.


That same day, I was amazed when I found out that she actually topped the qualifying exam. Wow, this girl. She's a top-material, huh.


We even belong to the same block section. I thought I'd really despise going somewhere I don't really want to be in but in all fairness, things aren't going that bad for me.


"Nice prints though,"


I wasn't on my right mind when I approached her. It just feels like I was.. yearning for a moment with her. I just want her to.. somehow think of me too before she sleeps because that will surely be the case for me.


Each day in the Academy, she never fails to amuse the hell out of me. I found myself getting drawn. Her confidence, bravery and guts seem out of this world.


But.. she just won't look at me. I hate that she doesn't seem to give a fuck about me. It looks like she has zero interest on me.


And so I found myself doing silly and irrational things just so she would recognize my presence. I didn't even realize what I was doing at first. Everyday, I made sure that I was able to do something that would annoy or irritate her. Because that's the only time she gives her attention to me.


"Crush mo si Spencer?" I unbelievably teased her.


I found the scenario amusing. She couldn't possibly be, right? I was laughing at the hilarious thought while mentally shaking my head.


"Oo. Ano naman ngayon?"


That made me stop from chuckling. 


Wait, what?


That moment haunted me. I hated it so much. I don't even know why. I just found myself proposing some help for her. It's not like I really want to help her with Spencer. I was just.. craving for more moments with her.


It was too late when I realized that I've put myself into a seemingly suicide mission.


Para ko na ring binaon sa hukay ang isang paa ko.


Lalo na nang  matukoy ko kung ano talaga 'tong nararamdaman ko sa kanya.


Nagtataka pa 'ko nung una kung bakit minsan ay bigla akong napapatulala sa kanya habang iniisip na siya ang gusto kong makasama habang buhay. Na siya yung gusto kong iharap sa altar. Na siya yung gusto kong maging Nanay ng mga anak ko. Na siya yung gusto kong makasamang bumuo ng pamilya.


Kaya pala. Kaya pala hindi siya mawala sa isip ko. Kaya pala manghang-mangha ako sa lahat ng ginagawa niya. Kaya pala lumiliwanag ang paligid ko tuwing kasama ko siya. Kaya pala.


Kasi mahal ko na siya.


"Don't fall in love with Ellie." I grimly said.


Spencer boredly raised his brow at me. "What?"


"I said don't fall in love with her," I put emphasis on my every word.


He shot up a look on me. "Why?"


I clenched my jaw. "Basta."


The fucker smirked. "You can't even own up to your own feelings,"


Kinuyom ko ang palad ko.


"I.. love her," I said throught gritted teeth.


Now he turned his full attention on me. He suddenly looks interested.


He teasingly arched his brow. "I thought you said you just found her amusing,"


I wasn't able to speak up for another word when he started shaking his head absurdly with a small grin on his lips and went back to what he was doing.


I glared at him. I looked at him very sharply but he just continued with his business as if he was done with the conversation already.


I hate it. I hate that I can't even do anything about it. I hate that things are out of my control already. Dahil sa huli, ang mahalaga pa rin naman ay kung sino ang gusto ni Ellie. At.. hindi ako 'yun.


Araw-araw ay parang may nakabara sa lalamunan ko tuwing iniisip na may iba siyang gusto. Mabigat at hindi ko malunok. May ibang nilalaman ang puso niya at hindi ako yun.


Sa kabila ng paghihirap ay hindi ko maipagkakailang ang mga oras na kasama 'ko siya ang mga pinakamasayang pagkakataon sa buhay ko. Hindi ko mapigilang umasa. Na baka pwede. Na baka posible. Na baka may pag-asa. Baka sakali.


Pero.. wala. 


Iniwan niya pa rin ako.


Each day without her is awful. It was tragic and distressing. I feel like I'm barely living.


"Now what, son? Ngayong binibigyan na kita ng pagkakataon ay ayaw mo naman umalis. You've been telling me for months that you're just waiting for the right moment but when will that ever be?"


Damn, yes. Back then during that day she told me to fight for my dreams, I did. I faced my Dad and fucking speaked up for my thoughts. It didn't took him long enough to reflect about the things I said. It was just a week after that when he called me and told me that he would let me study culinary abroad.


But suddenly, I feel like I can't leave just yet. Not when I haven't sucessfully won Ellie's heart yet. Not when she's still in love with someone else. Not now. I can't lose my chance with her. So all those times, I was telling my Dad to wait a little longer.


Pero ngayong umalis na nga siya, ano pa bang hinihintay ko? The chance I've been hoping for is now totally gone. I wasn't even able to really grasp the chance yet but it already disappeared like a bubble.


"What, Pierce? Will you be going or what?" my Dad strictly asked.


I sighed. "Just.. give me a week. One last week."


And that same week, I book an urgent flight to United Kingdom without anyone knowing. 


I'm flying for you, my love. Nagtatampo pa ko pero ayokong umalis nang walang paalam. I want you to be the first person that will know about my decision. I know the distance apart from you would be unbearable and sorrowful. But what more if I would leave without a word from you?


My heart was hammering from my chest. I missed you already, my love. Just two weeks without you and I'm already feeling grievous. I was tightly holding my phone that has the address of where they are staying which I got from the school official. Kinailangan ko pang magmakaawa dahil halos hindi nila ibigay sa akin iyon.


"It's this building already," the driver of the cab instructed.


"Thank you," I remarked before getting off the car.


I was clenching my fist in anticipation. My every step feels light. My gaze are directed up infront of me. My lips can't help but lift at the thought that I'll be seeing her anytime soon.


But suddenly, I stopped from walking. Despite the dark surroundings in front of the high towers, the figure of two people seems lucid in my view. I tried to take few more steps as I blink and look at them better.


My lips parted as I confirmed my hunch. Recognition finally registered in my mind. It was Ellie and Spencer who seem like having an intimate talk.


Something tugged in my heart which made it throbbed. Ellie was all smiles while speaking and eating the ice cream on her hand. And Spencer fucking Donovan was even smiling too. That asshole rarely smiles like that so this could have really mean something. He just really doesn't smile like that. Ever.


Sumikip ang dibdib ko. Bumigat ang bawat paghinga ko. Nanghihinang nakaladlad na lang ang mga braso ko sa magkabilang gilid ng katawan ko habang pinapanood sila. Hindi ko alam kung bakit hindi ko pa rin iniiwas ang mata ko gayung nararamdaman ko na ang unti-unting paghapdi nito.


Should I go near them? Should I approach her? Should I talk to her? Damn, my sudden presence right now would really shock her. She may realize how whipped I am for her. My madness over her might scare her. Fuck. I'm suddenly chickening out after what I saw. What would I even say? What if she doesn't even give a fuck about what I'm about to say? What if she doesn't even care about me cause she have Spencer and he's the only one that mattters to her?


My feet automatically took a single step back. Especially when I saw her raising the ice cream cone, offering it to Spencer, and pushing it near his mouth. Shit. I couldn't take it. I turned my back from them. Feeling how my heart is painfully wanting to get out of me right now.


Baby, I thought you only share your ice cream with me. I thought that moment belongs to us. I thought we owned THAT moment.


I returned home with such a heavy heart. I flew back in the Philippines just to fly next to Italy. To reach for my other dream. Cause the other one seems unreachable now.


Or so I thought.


Cause here I am now, driving home my better half. With the newest addition to our family in her stomach.


I keep on stealing glances at her tired and sleeping state. I can't help but grin from ear to ear. I feel best when I'm with her. I feel best when I'm with them.


Indeed, nothing is impossible. A lot has happened but it still lead us to where we intend to be. The dream I thought was already nearly impossible before is now what I am coming home for.


It was a peaceful drive and the sleeping Ellie didn't even flinch a bit. We reached home and she was still sleeping so soundly. Kinalas ko ang seatbelt ko at bumaba. I opened the car door on his side, removed her seatbelt, and carefully scooped her by my arms. Carrying her very gently. She must have kind of felt it cause she slightly moved and her eyes opened a bit.


"Sshh.." I mildly muttered.


It was amazing how she went back to sleeping at that. I can't help but smile so wide.


I kicked the car door quietly. Our maid have made it easier for me to enter the house. Both my wife and my child are on my arms right now. I feel like the strongest man alive. I was walking meticulously as I stepped on the stairs.


My precise and mindful movements paid off since she didn't wake up until we reached our dark room. I wasn't able to open the lights yet since I don't have any free hands with me right now so I placed her very carefully on the bed first and then I just turned on the lamp. Giving us the perfect yellow dim.


A fulfilled and satisfied smile broke onto my face as I stared at her. My gaze went down to the lower part of her body and noticed how she was still wearing her shoes.


Umupo ako sa gilid ng kama malapit sa paanan niya para tanggalin ang sapatos niya. Maingat ang bawat galaw ko. 


"Hmm.." a soft sound came out from her.


Tumaas ang tingin ko sa kanya at nakita siyang bahagya nang dinidilat ang mga inaantok na mata niya.


Nang matagumpay na matanggal ang mga sapatos niya ay marahan ko namang minasahe ang mga paa niya. These could have gotten tired too.


"Zaid.." I heard her gently saying. I looked at her. "Thank you.. I'm sorry tinulugan na kita.. Ayoko lang sanang mapuyat masyado para kay baby,"


Tila may humaplos sa puso ko. 


"Thank you rin kasi.." she continued. "..hinahayaan mo pa rin akong gawin yung gusto ko. I know how much you're worried but you still let me take flights until I feel like doing it.." malambing na sabi niya.


Ang mapupungay na mata niya ay direktang nakatitig lang sakin. Sa kabila ng antok ay umaapaw pa rin ang intensidad na nanggagaling doon.


The soft stuff that keeps on pleasurably tugging at my heart just won't stop. I gave my wife a warm smile.


"I thought I already saw you at your bravest form, Ellie. But you keep proving me wrong everyday. You're at your bravest right now, my love. Each day you courageously carry our child, you are the bravest in my eyes."


My eyes were filled with tender and love as I look at her. They can't help but blink peacefully at this serene view.


"I'll never stop you from going after your passion too. Cause I know how much it means to you. Your every fly matters, Ellie. Your every flight counts."




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