Enter Player Name: Riley
How the fuck did I get here?
Time stretched endlessly in front of me. Seconds turned to minutes, minutes to hours, and the hours disappeared into nothingness. Pain shot through my feet as I dragged them against the floor, struggling to keep moving forward. How much easier it would be to let my legs give out.
Why was I trapped here?
I bit into my nails and my guts twisted into tight knots at the sight around me.
There were boxes everywhere — tall as mountains. Their corners stretched, casting dark, pointed shadows in the shape of sharp spears. But unlike real mountains, these weren't stable. I felt it starting in my bones, a deep and slow rumble. The boxes at the bottom were caving in. The thick woven cardboard bent under the pressure from above. It was only a matter of time... before it would all come tumbling down.
I walked and ran, but no matter how many turns I took, there were always more boxes. Boxes preventing me from escaping. Boxes keeping me trapped.
"Riley!" screams permeated throughout the air. I recognized the cries; it was Mom and Dad.
Their echos bounced from box to box, Riley
Riley
Riley
Help us
Riley
Riley, wrapping me in a disorienting vortex — there was no up — no down — no left or right — just the nauseating cycle of my name, Riley
Riley come find us
Riley, I wanted to collapse — to close my ears and shut everything out— but I needed to reach them — I began running, forcing my feet to carry me faster than they humanly could — but no matter which direction I ran, the voices never got closer — or farther away
Riley
"Riley!" My parents' voices thundered. Louder. Shattering the sky. The sound shook the ground beneath my feet. Every box grumbled, vibrating in unison. A poorly choreographed dance.
"Sis, wake up!" A new voice exclaimed.
The walls of boxes broke into pieces. The sky fell and an avalanche swallowed me, trapping me in complete darkness. All alone.
I screamed, "Nooo!"
_________________________
"Noooo!" I snapped up from the bed. My forehead slammed into my five-year-old brother's teeth.
Mikey kneeled next to me, wrapped in an iron-man onesie, tiny fingers buried deep into the mossy green sheets beneath us. My heart softened at the sight of his puffy cheeks. His lower lip quivered, and tears built at the corner of his hazel eyes. His hair, as chocolate as mine, tumbled messily around his face.
I smiled, ignoring the tendrils of fear that lingered from my dream and the heart quenching loneliness threatening to consume me.
My arms wrapped around his shaking body. I pulled him tightly into my arms and rained wet kisses over his chubby cheeks. His scared face morphed into a smile. I laughed, watching his belly jiggle with every giggle drawn out.
His happiness shined light over the darkness of my nightmare. My nose wrinkled as I smiled, this time true.
"Hahahh Sto... stop, sis," he protested. He twisted in my arms, trying to slither out.
Happy tears welled in the corner of his eyes and streamed down his jolly face. It was a blessing being that young. To only be concerned with playing and having fun — the good times. I moved my attack to his ribs and he lost it in a mixture of cries of joy and pain.
"That's what you get for waking me up on my day off." I placed one final big kiss on the heaving cheek and ended his torture. His tiny limbs scrambled quickly out of my reach.
Mikey breathed heavily, catching his breath. "Buh" — he gasped — "we have to call Mom and Dad!" His voice pitched high, choking down the lingering laughs.
"That's not until the afternoon."
I scooted out of bed and slipped my feet into a pair of warm fuzzy slippers. I walked into my bathroom and faced myself in the mirror. Dark eye bags stared back at me. My gaze fell to the sink as I brushed my teeth, avoiding the scarecrow woman in the mirror. Momentarily, I considered how nice it would be to spend the day in bed. From the looks of it, I really needed it. I was starting to look like a member of the Adams. But Jay... and Mikey... And everything else.
It didn't take long for Mikey's tiny feet to follow me in. "I wanna tell them about my first day of school!"
I washed my mouth and face one last time before taking his hand in mine. "Let's go give them a call." I walked towards my bedroom door, taking Mikey and my laptop with me.
Once in the living room, my eyes scanned over the apartment. Jay sat on the couch, yelling at the large TV screen with a Switch controller in his hands. No surprise there. He wore some workout shorts and a simple red t-shirt.
I made mental notes of all the chores that needed to be done for the day.
The apartment was a hot mess when we first moved in. The previous goblin tenant did quite a number on the walls; full of scratches, holes, and stains. A blessing in disguise, really. The landlord struggled to rent it and was low on cash when we found the place. It worked out perfectly since I could rent it for real cheap, under the agreement that I would fix certain things myself, of course. Today, the apartment was unrecognizable.
With the help of my brothers, the holes were filled and the walls were painted dark navy. It contrasted beautifully with the pastel-colored furniture. The light ambiance from the living room flowed into the kitchen, partially separated by a half wall.
"Ughh," I grunted at the pile of dishes that still polluted the kitchen sink. I needed to remember to scold Jay about that later. At the very least, give him a good ear tug or wet willy.
I walked over to the light grey couch— the centerpiece of the living room. Once next to Jay, I flopped onto the sofa and pulled Mikey into my lap.
"We should call Mom and Dad," I said, slightly distracted by the TV screen.
Jay was making his way through one of the boss fights in Breath Of The Wild. Well, struggling through, ha! I bit my lip not to scream out, 'That's not how you beat Waterblight Ganon!' But at the moment, there were more important things than reminding my brother I could kick his ass in video games. I'll pin that for later.
"Jayyyyyyyyyy!" I obnoxiously sang into his right ear.
Jay glared back, narrowing his dark brown eyes at me, before reluctantly pausing the game.
Running through the usual routine, I set up the computer at the center of the coffee table, pulled up Skype, and tapped my feet to the beat of the melody. The three of us sat there, in awkward silence, waiting. That fucking ringtone scrapped against my inner ear. One day... one freaking day, I would never have to hear it again. I hoped.
The faces of my mom and dad flashed onto the screen. Their hair started different colors, but now both shared a faded grey. Their faces wrinkled slowly over time, but since they left, since they were taken from us, they aged more in a year than in their entire lifetime.
It left a bitter taste on my tongue to see them there. As I was growing up, I only met my grandma through a computer screen. Her background always was a badly painted cement wall. It was jarring to see my mom and dad now be the ones in front of that backdrop.
"Mis niños hermosos como estan?!" my mom asked.
"We are doing well, Mom, you know, same old," I said.
"Is everything okay? You are calling us earlier than usual, mi hija." My mom's cheery words juxtaposed with my dad's uncomfortable demeanor. His lips permanently were glued downwards, pulled down further by his sagging cheeks. And his eyes, the image of a black hole — cold and lonely in outer space.
"Mikey really wanted to tell you about his first day of school." I gave him a big kiss on his messy hair for emphasis.
"Yahhh, Mom, guess what?! I made so many new friends in school. There was Mika, Jessi, Tate, and Daisy." He rambled on, almost jumping out of my hands and into the monitor.
My mother smiled, but her eyes remained still. "That's wonderful, mi hijo."
Her attempt to match his enthusiasm was admirable. With every passing day, the separation took a bigger toll on her. My dad, apparently, no longer tried to hide it. With his crossed arms and anger in his black eyes, he wanted the world to drown in his unhappiness.
"Yeah! And Tate's mom invited us all to a family play date. So I told her I'd have to ask if you would be back by next week," he said, utterly oblivious to the situation.
A blanket of awkward silence draped over the room. Jay looked at me, light-lipped. His gaze asked, 'What do we do?'
My mom's lower lip trembled. Her mouth opened, but all her words caught in her throat. Her wrinkled hands tightened and nails dug into her skin as she tried to force her mouth to open.
My dad's jaw tensed at my mom's watering eyes. He finally spoke. "Mi hijo, you know it's not that simple." His hand made circular patterns on my mom's back, soothing the pressure on her shoulders.
"B...but Riley told me that she was gonna talk to this guy lawyer a.an...and that you would be able to come home after that."
I knew how dangerous false hope was, so why did I constantly try to give it to my brothers? Clearly, even after a year, Mikey still didn't understand the complexity of the situation. "Mikey," I said, "next time, why don't you tell them your big sister will take you to the playdate?"
"But their moms and dads will be there. Why can't my mom and dad be there for me?" His eyes searched mine for the logic to this madness.
There was no way I could provide him with that. I had trouble wrapping my own head around it. Twenty-three years, two degrees, and complex understanding of discrete math did nothing in helping.
"Don't you want to hang out with your big sis? I promise you we will have so much fun!" I tried to breathe some excitement back into this conversation, but my fake joy sounded like nails scratching against a blackboard.
"I guess." He retracted into my arms, becoming smaller than he was.
We continued to talk about more common pleasantries. About if we had eaten and such. But the previous topic loomed over the entire conversation like a dark cloud. The longer the conversation lasted, the more I felt my heart tighten.
The weight of my meeting with the lawyer came down on me, like the wind at the edge of a cliff.
I felt like one of those boxes at the bottom of the pile in my dream. I wondered how long it would take before it all came crumbling down.
_____________________
Patron and pineapple juice.
It was the first drink that I shared with my father when I turned twenty-one. My first drink as far as he knew. Ever since, it became my favorite. Every time I drank it, I was swept into the past and brought back to that moment of happiness.... Just my dad and me, sharing a drink.
Currently, I sat in the same chair I did three years ago, enjoying my favorite drink, but this time without my father.
I came here when I felt like I couldn't handle life, and watched the stars. The alcohol soothed my raging emotions, dulling them until I could pretend everything was okay. The night sky on the other hand, made all my problems insignificant. Compared to the vastness and grandeur of the universe, no problem was too big.
I took another sip and ice smacked into my teeth. I grunted and got up from my seat, set on getting another. The world spinned and I grabbed the chair for a second. With my best 'I am not drunk' walk, I swayed my way to the bartender.
The people in the background, nothing but black figures against the brown walls.
"Can I get another Patron with pineapple, please?" I asked.
I sat on the stool and surveyed the bar. The events of my meeting with the lawyer replayed over and over in my head.
"Hello Ms. Diaz, please come in," Mr. Swayney said from behind his large mahogany desk.
His office was the definition of pristine. There were books and file cabinets everywhere, supplementing the high scholar atmosphere of the room. The space was alloyed with various rare items. I always wondered how he obtained them. I guess it made sense he could afford such a luxurious office with how much he charged me.
I walked in and sat in front of the exaggeratedly large desk. "Hello Mr. Swayney, you said you received the answer to my parents' appeal."
My heart dropped to the bottom of my stomach and constricted from the uncomfortable expression on his face.
"Yes, Ms. Diaz. I'm afraid the appeal was denied."
His mouth continued to move, but my dazed mind could not make sense of his words.
"Miss Diaz."
"Miss Diaz, did you understand what I said?"
"Huh?"
"I'm afraid the appeal was denied, but that doesn't mean we can't try again."
Just hold it in. "Umm, did they give any reason?"
"They determined that there is no urgent need for them to return as your underaged siblings are under the care of a capable family relative." The implication of his words struck me. Broke me.
What the fucking fuck? Was I seriously being punished for properly caring for my younger brothers?
"So what? I have to be a crappy sister for my parents to be able to come back?" My words came out venomous.
"Look Miss Diaz, I am going to level with you. We can try to apply again and hope we get a nicer judge. But to be frank, unless we make the situation of your younger siblings appear more dire, it will most likely be denied" He paused, contemplating his next words "but doing so would be a dangerous road, it could attract the eyes of CPS, which could put your custody of your younger brothers at risk."
A scream choked me from within.
"So? What should I do?"
I felt lost.
"I can't tell you what to do Miss. Diaz, I can only advise you. I know that the thought of caring for your brothers for the next nine years is daunting. I also know that losing your brothers would not be the outcome you would want. I think you should take some time. We don't have to decide on the appeal now. You should consider all the outcomes and decide how much you want to risk."
"Riley, your drink is ready." The bartender's voice snapped me out of my daze.
My eyes focused on Noah.
He sat across the bar, a concerned look decorating his handsome face. There were two girls in front of him; one attempted to regain his attention by essentially trying to smother him with her balloons.
I quickly turned back around, happy to see the bartender holding my drink.
"Hey Riley, are you okay?" he asked. His concerned look confused me.
"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"
He pointed to my face. Following the direction of his fingers, I placed my fingertips against my cheek and met something wet. When did I start to cry? I rubbed my face, clearing it of any trace of tears.
"Oh yes, just some allergies. See you later, Jones."
I slid a $20 bill across the counter, grabbed my drink, and rushed back out to the balcony. Luckily the cold kept almost everyone inside, giving me a quiet place to compose myself.
I sat down on the same chair as before and let myself gaze at the stars once more.
"Do you mind if I join you?" came a deep and calm voice from behind me.