I might have been standing in that hallway for another five minutes trying to rationalize that kiss and what Gabe said to me, but the room has spun, and I realize I'm drunk. I guess it could have been that brush with death that caused me to ignore my usual drinking limits. And that little bombshell Gabe dropped on me has me wanting to unlearn what I now know.
How does Gabe know about vampires, and that Adam is one? My head is foggy, and I have too many unanswered questions floating around my brain at the moment.
I close and lock the door behind me as I walk into my condo carrying my shoes and handbag, my feet making a soft padded sound on the wood floor. I'm not surprised to see Adam standing at the patio doors, looking out into the night.
When I enter the room he doesn't turn from whatever it is he's watching. It's just as well. I probably shouldn't be looking at him right now. Especially when the room is swaying and I'm in need of a hug.
Tonight I feel the loss of my parents like a fresh wound. Just to hear their voices on the phone would have been enough to reassure me that everything will be all right. Tonight, I realize how alone I truly am. I could call Russell, but I don't want to risk dragging him into something that he knows nothing about. I wish I didn't know what I know. Would I rather be blissfully ignorant of these things? I don't have an answer to that question.
Instead of acknowledging Adam, I toss my shoes and purse on the floor by the closet and head to the kitchen to pour yet another glass of wine. I'm pretty sure the red liquid in this glass is the only reason I'm not a complete sobbing mess on the floor—yet.
Better to keep that Band-Aid on until sleep claims me. I'll deal with all my monsters better in the morning light.
With my liquid courage in hand, I walk over to the sofa and stretch out, setting my glass down on the coffee table carefully. This is me, not caring what I look like or who is around to see. I did almost die tonight. And according to Adam it would have been a slow, painful death at that. Chills crawl through my body, and I can't hide a shiver before curling into a ball on the couch.
Adam, as if sensing the change, pulls his gaze away from the darkness and walks over to me. He reaches past me for the throw that I keep on the sofa and covers me with it. I give him a weak smile, but, against my will, tears begin to fill my eyes. I hate crying, and I'm afraid he'll see it as weakness.
Adam reaches down and scoops me up as if I were light as a feather, and then sits with me cradled against his chest. My tears are silent as they roll down my face and land on his shirt. I don't resist him, and even wrap my arms around his back, as if he were a huge teddy bear.
Thinking of Adam as anything remotely harmless makes me giggle through my tears. He ignores this, and continues to stroke my hair and back in a soothing rhythm. There is an unspoken truce between us.
This physical contact is what I've needed ever since Zac laid his hands on me. Without words, Adam is telling me I'm safe in this moment. I'll take his comfort because I so desperately crave it right now.
After a few minutes of my sniffles and his silent comfort, I pull away and look at him shyly.
"Thanks for...that," I say as I untangle myself and crawl out of his arms.
It's hard to pull away, but I force myself to pick up the fragments of my dignity. He simply watches me, but says nothing.
This is uncharted territory for me. I think I'm more comfortable fighting with him than this. I don't know what this is, and it's starting to make me feel uncomfortable.
I walk to the bathroom to splash water on my face and blow my nose. When I return Adam is staring out into the night again. His back looks broad and strong. I can see the muscles in his shoulders and arms straining against his knit shirt.
Adam is the embodiment of all things male and he looks like a gift that needs to be unwrapped. I can't seem to keep my thoughts from going there.
Most of my carefully constructed walls have toppled over, and lay in ruins at my feet. I don't even care.
I make my way over to the coffee table and pick up my wine. Two large swallows and it's gone. Am I drinking for courage tonight? What am I doing here?
Adam turns his head, and catches me watching him. I'm not sure what he sees, but his eyes begin to glow with their unnatural blue light. This time I don't flinch or look away. I can barely stand, but in this moment he looks so incredibly sexy. What am I talking about? He's always looked this good. I'm the one who always has my guard up, keeping him at arm's length.
He isn't human, right? Do I care?
Not tonight.
I sway a little. This makes me giggle again. Adam hasn't moved, but he doesn't look away either. I'm thinking I look pretty good right now. Feeling the confidence and courage that too much wine provides, I walk over to him and slip my arms around his neck. His hands find my waist, but he isn't making any moves beyond that. I'm disappointed. I feel reckless, and somewhat determined.
I recognize passion burning in his eyes. Feeling encouraged, I raise up on my toes, and trail kisses along his neck as I slide my fingers into his hair. I think I've secretly wanted to do this since he first touched his lips to my neck that night.
His whole body tightens, and suddenly his lips are on my neck. I drop my head back and sigh as my lips part. I'm offering him full access to my neck, and the thought both thrills and scares me. I'm not completely sure of what I'm offering him. I'm not thinking for once—moving on instinct. I'm tired of over-thinking everything.
My mind is at war with my body. Even through my wine-induced haze, I know that I don't do one-night stands. Honestly, I haven't done anything this daring ever. I've had some pretty steamy make-out-sessions, but I'm probably the oldest virgin alive. After four glasses of wine I'm ready to throw it all on the table.
I'm not a prude, but I was raised to believe that sex was something special, and meant to be shared with the One who gives you their heart forever. Mom always said that if you hand it out to each guy you date then it's nothing special when the right man comes along. It's been a difficult rule to follow, but it always resonated with me. And guys tend to reveal their true selves when they hear that sex is not in the near future. The ones worth getting to know stick around.
Currently, I'm on the verge of "I don't care anymore." Adam's lips are on my neck, his hands are moving all over my back, and it feels exquisite. I melt against him, needing to be closer.
Adam growls deep in his chest and suddenly I'm falling because he's gone. I manage to catch myself on the arm of the chair before looking around, confused.
Adam is on the other side of the room, breathing hard and looking a bit savage. His hands are tight fists at his sides.
"What's wrong?" I ask breathlessly.
Without looking at me he says, "Not like this, Samantha. You're not thinking straight. I won't have you telling me that I took advantage of you when the morning comes." He's angry, and maybe trying to convince himself as much as me.
I feel like a fool. He has simply verbalized the thoughts in the back of my mind, the ones I'm refusing to listen to. I'm angry with myself, but I can't help but take it out on him.
"You're being awfully noble tonight. Didn't realize vampires had a conscience," I say, sitting in a chair and crossing my arms. He's looking at me now.
With barely controlled anger he says, "If I had no conscience I would have had my way with you and drained you dry that night on the street. But I have a conscience, and I've made it my life's mission to hunt and destroy vampires who live that way. However—don't have the relaxed notion that I'm human, Samantha. My very nature wants to take advantage of you in every...way...possible. Our actions are the only differentiating quality separating man from beast. We are all savage at our core. Your inner beast needed only wine to come out," he says, glaring at me. "Sometime, when you're sober, I'd like to meet your beast."
With that he walks out to the patio, beyond my line of sight. I fight the urge to run and see how he leaves the balcony. I wouldn't get far if I tried to run anywhere right now.
I feel like a total loser. I'm already thinking of the many regrets tomorrow will bring. I shouldn't have tried to hurt him like that. All he's done is save my life; and, it seems, guard my honor.
I'm the only monster left in the room. I lie down on the sofa, and close my eyes...
***
I am wandering through the endless hallways of the great mansion again. I feel like I know this place, as I would know my childhood home. Candelabras burn at seemingly random locations along the walls of the passage. Grey and black stone surrounds me on all sides: floor, walls—even the ceiling.
At the end I finally see a soft light, and I'm drawn to it like a moth. The light becomes brighter as I get closer. It comes from a roaring fire in an enormous great room. All the light in the room comes from the single fire. In front of the great fireplace is a brown bearskin rug. The bear must have been massive in life.
Standing beside the fireplace is Adam. His attire tells me we are nowhere near the twenty-first century. I should have paid more attention in history class.
He is staring into the fire with a bronze mug in his hand. He doesn't seem to notice me. As I watch a woman in a long flowing gown and a thick shawl covering her shoulders approaches Adam. She gently places a hand on his back, and he turns and kisses her softly in greeting. My gut tightens at their kiss but I try to ignore it. They both wear sadness on their faces. Why are their hearts so heavy, I wonder?
Adam turns back toward the fire, and she takes a seat in a nearby chair.
"He must be stopped. I cannot spare him. His madness is wreaking havoc through the countryside. People are suffering at his hands," Adam says.
This woman is lovely. Her beauty is as haunting as her sadness. Her long dark hair hangs down her back, with beads and jewels woven into the strands. She sits staring at her hands, clasped in her lap.
"I understand. I know how hard this is for you, and I share your pain. You must be cautious. He is brilliant in his madness. He will harm you if he can. He has always been jealous that I chose you. I know he will never forgive either of us for the love we've found. I could not live if harm came to you." She is staring into the fire now. "When will you leave?" she asks, rising from her chair.
"Before first light. He is weakest in the daylight hours. I will return to you. Don't worry for me, Katherine," Adam says as he moves to take her in his arms.
They share a quiet embrace and I feel the ugly surge of jealousy. This is a kinder, gentler Adam than the one I know. I'm not sure how I feel about this woman in his arms.
I'm a privileged audience, watching a moment in time being played out for me, I think. I move closer, and know this is true. Neither of them are aware of my presence.
The scene changes, and I see Adam riding away in the darkness before morning with a small army of men, all on horseback. I now see that the mansion is closer to a castle. Katherine watches from a tower window as Adam and his men ride away.
***
I wake from the dream that feels more like a memory. Where are these dreams coming from? I'm still lying on the sofa, my head is pounding, and my mouth feels like it has cotton balls in it. Last night's clothes are now wrinkled and stale. Wilbur is curled up on my stomach and looking annoyed that I'm starting to move.
Images from the evening before come flooding back, and I'm instantly disgusted with myself. Like a coward, I drank more than I should and behaved badly. Instead of facing my problems and fears, I jumped into a bottle looking for a temporary answer. My parents didn't raise me to hide from my problems.
Adam saved my life last night, and all I did in return was try to use him for my own comfort and then treated him badly because he didn't want to take advantage of me. The extra-large slice of humble pie tastes bitter this morning. I was faced with a difficult, albeit scary situation, and behaved badly. Just another reason I have a two-drink rule. Nothing good ever comes from putting yourself in a compromised state of mind.
Never again.
I don't plan to allow Zac to turn me into a sniveling scared shadow of myself. I'm going to figure out what I need to do to defend myself from him. Time to put your big girl pants on, Sam. Ibuprofen for breakfast, then a shower before I head down the hall to speak to Gabe about last night. I have a million questions for him.
After a large amount of water and sports drinks, I'm finally ready to talk to Gabe. I hope I can face him after that mind-blowing kiss last night. I'm not sure which I'm more excited about, Gabe knowing about vampires or that kiss. Knocking on his door but receiving no answer, I try the buzzer—nothing.
***
Later in the evening, I try his place again, and he's still not home. Finally, I break down and call his cell number. When I only get his voice mail, I hang up without leaving a message.
Adam doesn't come to see me, but I hope that he's close by. I feel badly about what I said to him, and want the chance to tell him I'm sorry. I sit on the balcony for a couple of hours, but there's no sign of him. Is he watching me?
I call Dayna and tell her about the date, but leave out the details about Adam and Zac. It pains me to leave her in the dark about these things, but I need to keep her safe, and this is the only way I know to do that.
I'll try to catch Gabe before he leaves in the morning. I have questions, and he may have answers for me.
I hope he's not avoiding me.