Chapter Four.
Anastasia's Point of View:
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I let out a deep sigh once my head meets the pillow to my bed for the next couple of days, ready for this day to be over and extremely exhausted from the emotional rollercoaster I have been feeling today— but I made it and that's what is important. As much as I was driven by so much fear and anxiety, I got through it all and gave it the best that I could. Me and Harry were able to have good conversations and not completely avoid one another, me and my parents are still having a stable relationship, and now I just got to work on me and Alice.
I sent Zayn a goodnight text and told him the sleeping arrangements, which he wasn't happy about one bit, but he very much knew he could have been here to change all that. It still frustrates me that he drowns himself in work and because he doesn't see his family much and he doesn't get that I am his family too. I don't want to argue with him nor do I want us to go through that drought again so I just keep my mouth shut.
"Hey," Harry nods at me when he walks through the doors to our shared room and I look over at him.
"Hello," I say back.
I watch him as he slips into the bed across from me, now in a plain gray shirt and black sweats.
"I like your new haircut and your new style." I compliment him, forgetting to do that earlier.
"Thank you, I like your new style too." He smiles before turning around so his back was not facing me.
I stare at his back for a moment, taking me back to the time that I once watched him in his sleep the day before everything fell apart. It strange to me that at one point that man was the man that I felt so determined I was going to end up with. It is strange that at one point it didn't feel strange to kiss him or to touch him or to love him. I know I'll always love Harry, it is a given when my heart once felt like home in his hands, but I am with Zayn now.
My eyes flutter shut moments later and I find my subconscious drifting off to his green eyes unwantingly.
After tossing and turning all night I decided around 7 in the morning to just wake up and get the day started. Everyone else was still sleeping so I decided to take advantage and take my time with my morning routine in the bathroom with showering and doing my skin care and hair. Today was Christmas and it's suppose to be filled with joy and happiness but I just didn't feel that way today. It seems like every year that goes by the Christmas spirit becomes more dull.
"Goodmorning," I jump when I open the bathroom door to see a sleepy Harry.
His curly hair was tangled and frizzy, his pupils dilated from sleep and his voice more groggy and deep than usual. He manage to make waking up from sleep look like he's ready to go to a photoshoot.
"Goodmorning," I nod.
"How long have been awake?" He inquires as his eyes rake down my body.
I was currently in a pair of mom style jeans with rips at the knees that hung down and stoped at my ankles with a light brown shirt tucked into it with a black belt and matching black high heels. I didn't want to dress in my Christmas outfit just yet since my parents planned a party for this evening. We usually do our Christmas after 12 on Christmas because my parents believe we should enjoy family and love on Christmas Day and the presents should come last so we don't sit around thinking it's all about that. Even though me and Alice still thought about the presents the entire time anyways.
"An hour or so," I speak up after I realize I got lost in thought.
"Your style has changed so much. You use to hide your body and now look at you," He smiles, his eyes glistening.
My cheeks start to grow hot and I hate myself for feeling so validated by his compliment. "Thank you, being with Zayn taught me that if I wanted to enjoy his hobbies with him I couldn't dress like a hobo anymore."
I notice his smile lesson that the mention of my boyfriend. "You never dressed like a hobo, I adore you still then just as much as I do now."
Oh, Harry.
My eyes flicker off of his and towards Alice who was watching us by her door. I clear my throat and place my hand on his shoulder, giving him a smile and a small squeeze before I walk away from him. Alice turns around to walk further in her room but leaves her door open for me, making me smile a bit. As much as she was angry with me, she still wanted to see me and that meant so much to me.
"Goodmorning," I speak up once I walk to her room.
She sat by the chair next to her window and her room was decorated in the colors light pink, white, and gray. Her room was filled with so much more life than mine did.
"Morning," She nods.
"I am sorry for hurting you. As much as this doesn't make sense I really didn't do it to hurt you. You guys were a past of mine that I was too scared to face and I had hidden anger towards for you guys wanting to leave me in the beginning, but I know you guys did it with good intentions." I say gently, hoping this will lead us to a getting back on track.
Her blue eyes glisten. "I don't even think I am really mad at you, I am just mad in general."
My heart tightens. "Why?"
"Because life sucks." She dryly chuckles.
"No, it doesn't." I shake my head.
"I am twenty one years old and still leaving with my parents, with no true goals anymore, the love of my life broke my heart, and I just feel so stuck." She sighs, sliding her hands through her hair.
My lips purse at how much her beautiful light has dimmed. Alice was the sunlight to this family, just as my father was the moon, and my mother was the stars, and I was the darkness of the sky. To see that she didn't shine like she use to with exhilaration and purpose, it breaks me. I know how it feels the feel angry at everything and lost and I don't wish that on anyone, especially Alice.
"Alice you're twenty one and still have so much to figure out. You are going to change so much throughout your entire life and so are the people in your life, we're not meant to every stay in one place. If you don't have anymore true goals than search for new ones and the love of your life is still out there." I assure her softly.
"I hear what you're saying and I know you're right but I just don't have the motivation to feel it." She says honestly.
"I understand." I nod. "You're the only one who can stand up and want to change. You're the only one that can truly push yourself and get up and do it. So, whenever you're ready I'll be here for you. I know what you're going through and you're not alone ever."
"I missed you so much." She gives me a small smile.
"I missed you." I smile back.
"It baffles me how you always thought of yourself as the dark cloud in our lives when really you were more of the anchor for us. We all were so focused on you and so when you left we had to face ourselves and that place that was missing that only you can fill. You were so much more to us than you know."
I feel my throat tighten. "It shouldn't have been you guys focused on solely me. You have your lives to live too. But thank you so much."
There was a knock on the door moments later and I turn around to meet Harry's emeralds. He was now in a light brown shirt with a rose design on it that hugged his muscles on the sleeves with tan pants and black shoes. His choice of colors matched mine and I raise an eyebrow.
"I thought we could all dress in those colors, I like it." He shrugs.
"I can't rock light brown like you guys," Alice pouts.
"You know you can," Harry chuckles.
"Would you like to come with me to run some errands for your parents? This was your fathers request for me to ask. He said you need to see what you missed around town." He looks at me, his fingers tapping on either side of the rim of the door way.
I bite my lip, thinking. My father was being so persistent on me and Harry getting alone time together and if he thought his tricks were going unnoticed he was wrong. The thought of being alone with Harry made me excited for all the wrong reason yet when I opened my mouth I say,
"Yes,"
Damnit.
"Glad to see you two are still in love with one another," Alice giggles.
I choke on my own saliva and Harry trips over his feet but catches himself. We both send Alice a glare who just stares at us with a smirk on her face, standing up from her chair.
"I suddenly feel so much better," She smiles before skipping out of her room.
Harry looks at me in panic. "I am not in-"
"Let's just drop it and go." I interject before I can hear him say it and give him my best smile to act like everything was still okay.
"Okay," He nods before turning around and I follow him out.
[PLEASE VOTE AND COMMENT THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING!!!]
i'm so sorry for the late update guys. i planned on updating like two/ three days ago and it didn't go as planned. but it's here now and i am gonna try to update again this week. how are you guys doing? i miss you. did you like this chapter? i hope you did.
thank you so much.
have a beautiful day and God bless you!