Flashback
Twins ultrasound: Part One
I never saw myself pregnant at the late age of 17 years old. I always pictured myself, graduating, attending college with my friends, then getting engaged to the love of my life, marriage would definitely come next and then we would start our family. But being a Senior in high school, pregnant with twins and engaged to my boyfriend was not how the plan was supposed to go.
"Come on we have to get to the doctor's," Jarrod said as he pulled me from my thoughts and proceeded to open the front door for me,
I grabbed my bag from the sofa and walked towards him, "Jarrod, if we leave now, we are going to be an hour early and the hospital is just 15 minutes away."
I stop in front of him and place my hand on my little tummy. A big smile graced his glowing and excited face. There were two other times I ever saw Jarrod this happy, one was when I wore his jersey to his soccer games and the second was the day I told him that I was pregnant.
"Being early is just a bonus," he took my hand in his and pulled me out the door, locking it behind us, "besides, I want to see what my babies are!"
"Okay, okay," I follow him around the car to the passenger side since he is very adamant about me not doing anything until the babies get here. I told him I would be okay because I was only 14 weeks along but nope, you can't tell Jarrod nothing.
Once we arrived at the hospital, we signed it and was told to wait, seeing that our doctor, Roland, was with another patient.
We made ourself comfortable in the waiting room. Jarrod continued to rub and talk to my belly, completely oblivious to the other couples watching and smiling at us. I didn't mind because Jarrod was the only male that wasn't on his phone or reading a magazine; nope, he was interactive with our unborn children. He was in the middle of the ABC song when the nurse told us to follow her to the back.
I did the usual routine by hopping on the examining bed as Jarrod took stood in front of me.
"Alright," the doctor walked in, "did you want to make guesses before I tell you the genders?" he asked as he took a seat next to the machine, motioning for me to lay down.
I looked at at Jarrod and stuck my hand out for him to take. He took hold of it and answered Roland's question, "We don't have a preference, as long as they are healthy, we will be happy," Jarrod smiled down at me then moved his attention to the screen,
"Very well," Roland moved the wand around on my belly and kept his eyes trained to the screen. Roland was Lauren's gynecologist who gave me my first ultra sound and I have stuck with him for every appointment, "here is one. Let's see if they would move a little so I can see....ah, there we go," a big smile came across his face as he moved his eyes from the screen to Jarrod and I,
"Well?" Jarrod sounded impatient,
Roland chuckled and looked at me, "baby A is a girl."
A squeal filled the room and we quickly looked to see an overly excited Jarrod barely holding it together. I laugh and respond to Roland,
"What about baby B?" Deep down I was hoping for a baby boy. I would love to see Jarrod outside teaching our son how to play soccer,
Roland moved the wand to the other side of my stomach and began to coax the second baby, "flip for me baby, just a little twist would do."
In my peripheral vision, I could see Jarrod bouncing on his toes with his hands folded up in a praying position.
"Baby B is a boy," he said with some excitement in his voice, "congratulations, it seems like you get the best of both worlds here!"
Roland wrapped everything up and left us in the room alone so we could soak everything in. As I was pulling my shirt back down, I realized Jarrod was really quiet. So when I looked up, I saw him staring at me with admiration. I felt my face heat up out of receiving such an intimate look,
"What?" I ask breaking our eye contact, "do I have something on my face?"
He shook his head and chuckled, "you are so amazing and I am so happy to call you mine."
I hopped of the examining bed and he wrapped me in his arms, "I love you Jocelyn and I'm not going anywhere."
I wrap my arms around him and just held him tight.
Third child ultrasound: Part Two
Four months ago I told Jarrod I was pregnant and he basically started shutting me out immediately. He changed. He started to grow distant and not just with me but also with the twins. His dad even stopped calling to talk with me and their grandchildren but his mom was still very nice to me
So now I'm in sitting in the waiting room of our doctors office while my 3 year old twins were playing in the play area. My leg bounced as I was getting nervous since Jarrod still hasn't showed up for this check up. I thought he would show up since I gave him the date and time a few weeks ago, and then I reminded him this morning and he nodded so I thought that meant okay but I guess not.
For this second pregnancy, I decided to come back to Roland, since I was so comfortable with him before.
The twins were singing a song when the nurse came out and told us to follower her to the back. So as I sit on the examination table past memories hit me hard and I could feel the tears begin to pool in my eyes.
"Can you guys please sit down in that chair and wait until mommy is done," I was pleased as I watched, Jayden climb in the chair then help his sister climb up to sit next to him. I had the strongest feeling that they would be really close growing up.
"Hello there Jocelyn," Roland came and sat next to the machine, "are they the best of both worlds?"
I chuckle at his reference to what he told me 3 years ago, "Yes."
"Well, they have gotten so big," he smiled at them, "the last time I saw them was the day I checked on you after you gave birth."
I blushed a bit. Why am I blushing? I don't know.
"Where is Jarrod?"
"Uh, he's at work," I avoid eye contact and roll my shirt up
He paused for a minute and watched me but I acted like I didn't see it so he begin the process of the ultra sound. I knew he could tell I was lying but he let it go,
"Okay, give me a few minutes as I play hide and seek with the little baby," he smiled and put his focus back on the screen,
I begin to think of what life would be like if I never got pregnant or if I never met Jarrod. Where would I be right now? On a vacation with new college friends? Probably dating my third guy. Completing my internship in a funeral home? I sigh from the many what if's and turn to see the twins playing with their hands and I smile at the sight. Now that I have this, I wouldn't change it for the world.
Roland pulled me from my thoughts by announcing the gender.
"Congratulations, it's a boy." he looked at me and I smiled wide.
I don't know if Jarrod will love this news. I mean this would give him a second son to play sports with but he still hasn't made his feelings clear since I told him I was pregnant.
"Thank you Roland, Jarrod will be so happy."
I reach over and grab a napkin to wipe the gel off my stomach. Pulling my shirt down, I sit up and smile to my children as they watch me, "guess what."
"What mama?" Jaylen asked,
"Your going to have a baby brother,"
"Yes!" Jayden clapped his hands and Jaylen had the biggest smile on her face,
I heard laughter and turn to see Roland laughing at the twins response. His laugh was so deep and soothing... what the actual fuck!? I shook my head and stood up,
"Alright, come on, we have to go tell daddy the good news!"
I reach for their hands and lead them to the door. Once we were in the hallway, Roland walked in front of us and stopped us in our tracks,
"Hey, from the second I walked in, I knew something was off," it was very unprofessional what he was doing but at the same time I needed someone to talk to, "talk to me Jocelyn."
I look down at the two little humans who stood so close to me and the one that was still baking in my belly. I take a deep breath and face him, the second I was about to say something, a nurse walked up to us,
"Doctor Roland your next appointment is ready in room 5," with that she walked away and I snapped back to reality,
"I'm sorry Doctor Roland, I don't think that's very appropriate between a gynecologist and their patient."
He looked defeated, "well if you need someone to talk to outside the hospital, Roland Anderson, is here to listen."
I held back a smile and escort my children out of the building.
I wish Jarrod had stayed the loving and compassionate man he was before.
But hey, that is just wishful thinking right?